A little advice?

Oliver

Active Member
#1
Hey, so I was not to sure whether to put this in the relationship thread or lgbt thread but, here I am.

As most of you know by now I'm transgender ftm. Well the guy I'm with is very kind but if I come out to him that'll be it of our relationship. He says I can't be trans because of his homophobic family. I understand that. I have tried compromising with that saying he can call me by my female name and pronouns and that his family won't have to know for now. (I am Pre-T and due to homophobic family will have to wait a great but of time till I can be on T)

He said no and basically closed the discussion. For a while he's been really distant and puts me down a lot. Because of this I've kinda just spaced myself from him and over the past few months I've started to like someone else who was straight. He has started to like me as well. He respects the fact I'm in a relationship and said that if I'm happy that's what matters. (I'm not happy). He says that if me and my boyfriend ever do break up that he will be there for me and that maybe once I get better from the breakup we could be together. I told him I was trans and that I do plan in being on hormones in the future and do plan on surgery. He was silent for a moment and said "So? That doesn't change the way I feel. The only problem is my family, but if you are okay with being called by female pronouns around them until we graduate nothing would be wrong with it. I just will come out to them once I leave their house. I said I was straight but I like you and gender doesn't matter."

I'm very conflicted as to what I should do, anyone can tell me what I should do? Am I wrong for this? I just i don't know..
 

Reba

Retired Terp
Premium Member
#2
I would recommend not getting into any relationships until you have a more stable life for yourself. Finish high school, then either go away to college or move out of your family's house and get a job. Then, you can live as you choose, and the people you socialize with will be able to take you "as is" without family influences.

I think you can see already that trying to establish a relationship now is way too complicated and confusing to you. Just focus on school for now. Get your own life settled before you worry about other people's situations.
 

DeafNerdMommy

Well-Known Member
#3
My spouse is a male to female trans. Her family on her dad's side didn't approve at all! So for the last 5 years she has been a he. Off of hormones even grew out a beard. We both knew she was still a woman. So she flips 360. Went to a specialist started hormones and dressing like a woman. Don't let people hold you back.
The hardest part for me was being a straight female dating another female (with extra parts) I don't identify as lesbian, yet that is how people see me. It make me feel like I am lying to people of I said I was lesbian. So just keep that in mind with any guy you date, straight, bi, or gay. Also it is easy to say you are fine with something, and then be scared or worried later down the road.
 
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#4
BE YOURSELF! Don't let others steer you to be something you're not happy being. If you're a guy who wants to be with guys, find you a cute gay man that will accept you for who you are no matter what. Also, being transgender takes a lot out of you so focus on yourself first and foremost.
 

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