ladysolitary85
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- Joined
- Nov 8, 2010
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DEAF MAFIA:
A Mafia gang takes on a deaf man to run their deliveries, feeling it would be safer having someone unable to overhear conversations. However, one day when he is to deliver a large sum of money, he never shows up with it. The mobsters track him down, but don't find the money on him. As none of them are able to use sign language, they bring in an interpreter.
Mobster: "Where'd you hide the money?" (Interpreter signs the question.)
The bag man signs his reply. The interpreter says, "He says he had to ditch it in the river because the cops were onto him."
Mobster: "I'm not fooling around! You better tell me where that money is!" (Interpreter again signs.)
The bag man signs his reply, and the interpreter relays, "He swears he is telling the truth. He had to get rid of it."
The mobster pulls out a revolver and points it between the deaf man's eyes. "Tell me where that money is, or I'll kill you right now!" (Interpreter signs his statement.)
The bag man, sweating profusely, signs, "It's inside a shoebox under a loose floorboard in my bedroom closet."
The interpreter says, "He says he doesn't know where it is and he doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger."
LIPREADING:
Researchers tell us that only about 25 percent of what is said can be understood by lipreading.
For example:
woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon,
You and I need to clean this place up
Your stuff is lying all over on the floor
and you'll have no clothes to wear tomorrow
unless we do the laundry right now!"
Her lipreading husband will get:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
, NO CLOTHES blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW
NEW HEARING AID:
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
HARD OF HEARING WIFE
An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair. He spoke softly to her, "Honey, can you hear me?" There was no response. He moved a little closer and said again, "Honey, can you hear me?" Still, there was no response. Finally he moved right behind her and said, "Honey, can you hear me?" She replied, "For the third time, Yes!
DON'T HAVE TO YELL:
I noticed a deaf couple in the library talking to each other, evidently in a heated argument. The wife was getting more upset, using large signs, her husband could see that she was upset. Finally, he took both her hands in his, and signed, "Honey, you don't have to yell, I am not blind!"
SOAP: If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
STUDENT:
The community college where my wife teaches is next door to a School for the Deaf. One day she entered the computer lab and noticed a hearing-impaired student signing away animatedly but, it seemed, to no one in particular.
She asked his interpreter if the student was okay.
"Oh, he's fine," said the interpreter. "He's just swearing at his computer."
A Mafia gang takes on a deaf man to run their deliveries, feeling it would be safer having someone unable to overhear conversations. However, one day when he is to deliver a large sum of money, he never shows up with it. The mobsters track him down, but don't find the money on him. As none of them are able to use sign language, they bring in an interpreter.
Mobster: "Where'd you hide the money?" (Interpreter signs the question.)
The bag man signs his reply. The interpreter says, "He says he had to ditch it in the river because the cops were onto him."
Mobster: "I'm not fooling around! You better tell me where that money is!" (Interpreter again signs.)
The bag man signs his reply, and the interpreter relays, "He swears he is telling the truth. He had to get rid of it."
The mobster pulls out a revolver and points it between the deaf man's eyes. "Tell me where that money is, or I'll kill you right now!" (Interpreter signs his statement.)
The bag man, sweating profusely, signs, "It's inside a shoebox under a loose floorboard in my bedroom closet."
The interpreter says, "He says he doesn't know where it is and he doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger."
LIPREADING:
Researchers tell us that only about 25 percent of what is said can be understood by lipreading.
For example:
woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon,
You and I need to clean this place up
Your stuff is lying all over on the floor
and you'll have no clothes to wear tomorrow
unless we do the laundry right now!"
Her lipreading husband will get:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
, NO CLOTHES blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW
NEW HEARING AID:
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
HARD OF HEARING WIFE
An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair. He spoke softly to her, "Honey, can you hear me?" There was no response. He moved a little closer and said again, "Honey, can you hear me?" Still, there was no response. Finally he moved right behind her and said, "Honey, can you hear me?" She replied, "For the third time, Yes!
DON'T HAVE TO YELL:
I noticed a deaf couple in the library talking to each other, evidently in a heated argument. The wife was getting more upset, using large signs, her husband could see that she was upset. Finally, he took both her hands in his, and signed, "Honey, you don't have to yell, I am not blind!"
SOAP: If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
STUDENT:
The community college where my wife teaches is next door to a School for the Deaf. One day she entered the computer lab and noticed a hearing-impaired student signing away animatedly but, it seemed, to no one in particular.
She asked his interpreter if the student was okay.
"Oh, he's fine," said the interpreter. "He's just swearing at his computer."
lmao these were good