D
Deaf258
Guest
Here I am on the computer, chatting away with Kootchie when my brother sent me an IM with a link to an online article about Olestra. I thought it was nasty and funny! I didn't know which forum to put this, in the Foods or the Humor.. I'll go ahead and post it here and leave a redirect in the Foods forum! Enjoy Olestra! Yeehaw!
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¡Olé Olestra!
by John Hargrave, with graphics by the comely Al Natanagara
Have you heard about this fat substitute called Olestra? Here's the deal: foods cooked in Olestra taste exactly like foods cooked in oil, but Olestra is chemically modified so that your body cannot properly break it down. The result is that it goes through your pipes intact, like that penny you swallowed in first grade. You get the pleasure of eating your favorite greasy snack foods, but none of the fat.
Sound too good to be true? Well, it is. When Olestra was tested on humans, a few wee side effects were found, including loose stools, abdominal cramping, and -- how can I put this delicately -- "anal leakage."
That was the scientific term, anyway. Olestra test subjects described "underwear spotting," "liquid diarrhea," and "golden yellow neon stool." My favorite quote: "There was a film on top of my loose stools, and the diarrhea was staining my clothes."
Regardless, the FDA approved it. But the only company brave enough to actually try to get people to eat it is Frito-Lay, which has come out with Olestra-enhanced versions of its popular snack foods called WOW! Chips, available at your favorite supermarket. "WOW!" is a great name, because it conveys shock and apprehension: "WOW! Check out my underpants!" or "WOW! What the hell just landed in the toilet?!"
Because I care about my fellow Americans, I decided to give Olestra a try. At the time of this experiment, however, it wasn't easy: Frito-Lay was test-marketing the snacks at only one store in the country, so I had to have them shipped from Iowa. At that point, they were called "Max Chips," and since "Max" sounds like an overweight trucker who already has stains in his underwear, I thought that was even more fitting.
The stage was set: I would subsist on nothing but artificially-greased snacks for a full week. Bags upon bags of snacking goodness, dripping with wholesome Olestra.
(continued..)
--------------------------
¡Olé Olestra!
by John Hargrave, with graphics by the comely Al Natanagara
Have you heard about this fat substitute called Olestra? Here's the deal: foods cooked in Olestra taste exactly like foods cooked in oil, but Olestra is chemically modified so that your body cannot properly break it down. The result is that it goes through your pipes intact, like that penny you swallowed in first grade. You get the pleasure of eating your favorite greasy snack foods, but none of the fat.
Sound too good to be true? Well, it is. When Olestra was tested on humans, a few wee side effects were found, including loose stools, abdominal cramping, and -- how can I put this delicately -- "anal leakage."
That was the scientific term, anyway. Olestra test subjects described "underwear spotting," "liquid diarrhea," and "golden yellow neon stool." My favorite quote: "There was a film on top of my loose stools, and the diarrhea was staining my clothes."
Regardless, the FDA approved it. But the only company brave enough to actually try to get people to eat it is Frito-Lay, which has come out with Olestra-enhanced versions of its popular snack foods called WOW! Chips, available at your favorite supermarket. "WOW!" is a great name, because it conveys shock and apprehension: "WOW! Check out my underpants!" or "WOW! What the hell just landed in the toilet?!"
Because I care about my fellow Americans, I decided to give Olestra a try. At the time of this experiment, however, it wasn't easy: Frito-Lay was test-marketing the snacks at only one store in the country, so I had to have them shipped from Iowa. At that point, they were called "Max Chips," and since "Max" sounds like an overweight trucker who already has stains in his underwear, I thought that was even more fitting.
The stage was set: I would subsist on nothing but artificially-greased snacks for a full week. Bags upon bags of snacking goodness, dripping with wholesome Olestra.
(continued..)
