FadedRose

The title says it all. I am Deaf, raised oral only. Took speech therapy from the time I was 3 years old up until I was 19 and as a result my lip reading skills and speaking skills are quite good for the degree of hearing loss I have which is Severe to Profound. I do wear hearing aids but they only amplify what little hearing I have left which isn't enough to classify me as a HOH person. I even asked my audiologist if I was Deaf considering my hearing test and she said yep. Said I was functionally Deaf as well...whatever that means.

Here's the issue...I literally have to convince people that I am Deaf. Because I speak so well it's as if my hearing to them is better than what it actually is. This irritates me on many levels. Not only do I have to explain how I can talk, I get asked most often " how can you talk if you're Deaf?, How can you wear hearing aids if you're Deaf?"

I am a prime canidiate for the C.I but have refused the surgery for personal reasons. The funny thing is that people tend to take the C.I more serious, or as a " gee, she must be Deaf " vs. she wears hearing aids and speaks well so she's not Deaf.

I'm even asked how can I understand speech from behind me-it depends on who you are. If I know you I know your pattern of speech, how you typically approach me, what you almost always say first. If you're a stranger forget it.
But once I know a person either at work or in my personal life I already know your habits and your speech habits-this I had to learn and was taught. As a result of this I'm not seen as Deaf by those who don't know me well and as a result my needs as far as communication are often times forgotten and when that happens I'm literally left out in the cold when it comes to vital information I need to know be it at work or from family.

Do any of you regret your oralism training? To some extent I do because of these issues. I sometimes feel that if I just quit speaking and just sign that it'd be better. There would be no confusion then, no need to explain how I can talk or why-because to most people, ignorant ones this is what a Deaf person "looks" like to them.

When someone like me comes along that challenges the stereotype it's-you're not that Deaf attitude that I encounter. I've even been asked-you write so well, your vocabulary is very advanced for a Deaf person, are you really Deaf?

YES.

what to do? Its either you must be really bright or really stupid depending on the hearing person I'm speaking to. I had to see a Doctor for some stupid medical issue and he had graduated from Harvard medical school and even wrote a book, and did teach some college classes, professor level. He looked at me right in the eye as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing this Deaf person in front if him appearing to be hearing but wasn't...and said to me " You are very intelligent, I can tell how you pay attention to everything and lip read too, wow, how do you do it?, you're speech is wonderful for the degree of loss you have". Not only was this akward for me I was kind of insulted by that as well. This isn't the first M.D that has made that comment to me. Although I appreciate that it appears that the intelligent hearies "get" me. I do not appreciate them verbalizing it...its...annoying. I remember in middle school I had to write a paper on what I forget. When I turned it in I was accused of cheating, copying because " someone like you is unable to write a paper like this, this is too advanced for someone like you" those were the words said to me as a kid by a teacher...I'll never forget them. My parents were even called to address the " cheating " and they stood by me and I remember my father saying that he saw me write the paper himself and that I was a good writer and always have been and have always had a large vocabulary but because I was in her opinion Deaf I wasn't bright enough to do so?

Going back inbetween these extremes really...it's a complex feeling to describe. It's either you're not Deaf, Deaf enough, too Deaf to be "bright" or people just flat out refuse to believe that I am as Deaf as I really am until I take out my hearing aids to prove to them just how little I can hear which is nil without the aids.

for those wondering-the teacher was fired I was placed in advanced classes upon entering high school but was below average in the math department. Not that it's served me any good, employment has been difficult not that I don't have a job but being promoted, trained is out of the question and I know many of you here have this same issue because of being Deaf. Life in general....LOL-could be a little better but I hoping with age will come acceptance among the hearing group. I'm 29...so not all hope is lost just yet.

sound familar to anyone? do you regret being Oral Deaf for similar reasons? If not, why, if so why and what did you do about it, go voice off? learn ASL, refuse to wear any hearing device at all ( I've taken out my HA's for day's on end even at work just to get away from all the noise).

thanks to everyone who plans to reply!

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KristinaB

Well - I was also raised orally. I only a moderate loss that slowly got worse. By my senior year in high school it was severe-profound. Now, I am off the charts and the audiologist terms me as total deaf, others, profoundly deaf, either way, I don't hear nothing except the little sound in my head.HA's will not help and I am not a candidate for a CI. I was never given the opportunity to learn ASL and now at age 47, I am struggling to learn ASL. It is a very slow process given the lack of time I can devote to it.

I have had my struggles and then my triumphs. I have been told that the whole process of losing your hearing is like a death and you go through the stages of grief. Not all people do.

I have very clear speech for the most part. It is thanks mostly to my mother who had taken "diction" with her voice lesson for singing. She really worked with all 3 of her children to have very clear speech. I am the only one with a hearing loss. What I find now is that the longer I go without any hearing, the more I forget how to pronounce some words. You know, the ones you don't use on a regular basis, like kleptomaniac, or lackadaisical.

deafdyke

I got teased about my voice a lot when I was a little kid. As a result I am super self conscious abt my voice. I like having oral skills.......but at the same time.....arughhhhhh............I can't even count the number of times that some dumbass has thought I'm not exactly bright b/c of the way I talk, or being yelled at in the library b/c i can't modualte my voice etc.
I've gotten more into the ASL, and use it...........I wish I'd been able to take advantage of Deaf Ed when I was still in school, so i would have a full toolbox.

ssaemblog

I am a hard of hearing person. Nearly completely deaf in my right ear, I have about half left in my left ear. And... being on that border is really frustrating. To the point that I wish I was just one or the other, thinking it'd be a little less confusing to some people.

I can hear~ pretty well for the most part, but it often sounds like people I am not familiar with are talking to me in a different language that is not English or the little Chinese and German I know|understand. But y'know, I still have my moments of just flat out not hearing somebody! I remember in high school people would be behind me and calling out my name, but I wouldn't hear them. So they would come up to me with "What, are you deaf or something?" I don't wear hearing aids, FYI. Money|I didn't want to. Although sometimes I wish I did. And no knowledge in ASL really, but I want to learn.

No, kid. It's not like I didn't tell you last freakin' week or something, hah. Especially if I've known you for years.

I've also gotten comments on YouTube asking how deaf people learn to write. I mean, really? REALLY?

Le sigh.

Oh, I get the voice thing too. Majority of hate comments on my channel are "your voice is so annoying" and blah blah blah. "You're so pretty BUTYOURVOICEISSOANNOYING."

You know those moments you wanna stick your arms in the screen and smack someone?
Yeah, that's how I feel, hahaha.

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AJWSmith

I am similar to you Jaspheth in that I'm an oral deafie with very good speech and writing skills. I was born with severe to profound hearing loss (HL) in both ears, but it has increased to profound HL now.

The experiences you describe are things that I have experienced as well including the "You have great speech considering the degree of your HL". In answer to your question about oralism training - "No, I don't regret the oral skills I have as they are useful." But I do regret the oralism mindset that meant my focus was 100% on trying to be a pretend-hearing person. At no point was I encouraged to meet other people like myself. This meant that everyday I was surrounded my hearing people who didn't understand how I experienced the world. I was isolated. And human beings have a strong need to belong to a group and to be understood. If my HL wasn't so bad, I could have functioned as an almost-hearing person (or HOH), just missing a few things here and there. But as my HL is greater, I means that I just hear a few things here and there and have to fill in the gaps much more. I'm much more aware of how different I am from hearing people.

Hearing people don't understand how either the oral deaf or signing Deaf experience life, but the advantage of the signing Deaf is that they part of a small community with other Deaf people who have similar and shared experiences along with a shared language. An oral deaf person is usually on their own. Oral deafies share a language with hearing people, but don't have all the shared experiences that hearing people share with each other. The irony is that a person with mild HL may not feel very different from hearing people and so even they may not understand what life is like for a person with a more severe HL.

Speaking personally, I have been helped enormously by joining AllDeaf.com and finding other deaf people who have similar experiences to myself, such as on this thread. I don't feel so isolated now. I'm beginning to learn sign language as well. Now that's a skill I wish I had been taught alongside my oral skills, and I strongly regret this.

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Speedy Hawk

I have seen some oral deaf find it hard to convice people they are really deaf not just HOH. It mainly hearing people trying to "catch" them out "pretending" to be deaf.

Also some Deaf told oral deaf that they are deaf not Deaf unless they sign and well can become Deaf later.

It very easy to get confused cos so many labels and names with different and similar meanings and it also depends on how well other people understand and what labels/names they know too.

jillio

An audi can determine if you are deaf. They cannot determine if you are Deaf. It is not dependent upon an audiogram, or level of loss.

drphil

From my very direct experience-one doesn't need an audi/ENT doctor to tell YOU if hear NOTHING. Silence-not hard to determine.

Bilateral deaf since December 20, 2006.

Implanted A B Harmony activated Aug/07

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deafbajagal

There are two views.

From the view of a hearing world: You are deaf because you cannot hear. If you speak, you are a functional deaf person. Hard of hearing means you have some degree of hearing loss (usually less than severe). Some of us call this view the medical model. To be oral usually gets a lot of praises for trying to assimilate in the 'hearing world.'

From the view of a deaf world: You are deaf if you cannot hear but do not sign (preferably in ASL (if you're in the U.S.) )...you are Deaf if you cannot hear and sign in ASL...you are also considered as culturally Deaf. You are hard of hearing if you use speech as your primary mode of communication or indicate that you can hear on the phone, etc. Degrees of hearing loss isn't discussed...for example, some Deaf people may have only moderate hearing loss but are considered culturally Deaf while someone else who may have profound hearing loss in both ears might be considered hard of hearing because he speaks or makes efforts. Oral deaf people, generally, are not accepted well in the deaf community because they are not trying to assimilate in the deaf world. You may hear this view referred to as the cultural model.

Read the book "Voices from a Culture" by Tom Humphries and Carol Paddon...it's really interesting and it explains in great detail about the differences of what "hard of hearing" means in both models.

deafbajagal

To be honest with you, you are going through an identity crisis...it's not a bad thing, but it's one of those things where people like us (yes, I'm like you- profoundly deaf, speech skills could be passed as "hearing," good grades (I'm even weak in Math, too!), etc...it's really confusing when we work so hard to assimilate when we know that it shouldn't be too much work to try to fit in. We learned how to work the system, you and I. But sometimes, it is nice to let our hair down and just be deaf...as in, be ourselves.

Embrace your deafness, and you will embrace yourself. It's corny, I know...but it's true.

jillio

Still don't get it. Deaf has nothing to do with hearing levels.

deafbajagal

There are many accounts of deaf people who never knew they were d/Deaf until someone told them...if you have never heard sounds, how do you know there's absence of sounds. Hmm.

KristinaB

I had to have an Audi/ENT to tell me and make a written notation of that fact for the courthouse when I was called for jury duty. They don't take your word for it if you have no visible amplification (HA's or CI's).

I recently got called again and let them know what my needs would be. They again asked for proof. Went to the Deaf Service Center again, got the proof and then the courthouse said again, we are not equipped for what you will need, you are excused and we will take your name off the rolls.

jillio

Exactly. When requesting accommodation in many areas, it is useful to have an audi's statement verifying your disability. That is why so many places say that you may receive accommodation if you have a documented disability.

Try filing for SSI without documentation.

Cheetah

I feel fortunate, I served twice and both times I was provide with an ASL interpreter. All I had to do was call (used the relay) and inform them that I would require an Interpreter. When I arrived, an interpreter was there waiting for me. It was a positive experience both times. This was in Baltimore County, Maryland.

LoveBlue

KristinaB is learning ASL (or trying to ) and therefore an interpreter would not have been an accomodation she could use.

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deafbajagal

Wirelessly posted

I would be livid if the court told me they couldn't accommodate me ...my question would be -"Why?"

CSign

Jaspheth- do you find that when you explain that you take the time to explain it to them they still don't get it?

My son has a bilateral severe hearing loss, and like you he has very good speech and articulation. I have found myself explaining to people over and over that there is a difference between expressive and receptive language. That just because he can speak doesn't mean he hears everything that's said.

His teacher one year made the comment to me that, " he does so well that I often forget he has a hearing loss". I responded to her that's both good and bad, because while he may be doing well, he still misses out on things if they are only expressed auditory.

What's your take? Do you feel that people start to understand once you explain it to them?

I think a lot if people just have this idea in their head of what "deaf" means, and often times they haven't met anyone who is deaf.

Be proud of who you are; and continue advocating, educating, and squashing the stereotypical perceptions of what deaf is. Being d/Deaf can mean many different things, and you should continue on your path to greatness.

I can understand how frustrating it is, but just think after each encounter you have forever given the person a picture of what it's like. They come out of it with a better understanding of what deaf means. Perhaps making it easier on the next person who comes along, because they were educated on the fact that just because one can speak doesn't make them hearing. That they need to take care that the receptive understanding is addressed in order to have clear lines of communication.

BTW- what a stupid teacher you had! I'm glad she got fired- she deserved it.

DeafCaroline

I've had hearing people ask me what do I mean by "hearing people"?

You're right that speaking well confuses the hearing in that they equate how well you speak with how well you hear.

so, to help the hearing understand my hearing levels better, I tell them I can hear vowels but not consonants which is why I need to read their lips. then they understand right away.

Cheetah

You make a good point LoveBlue!

faire_jour

Wirelessly posted

wait a second....jillio, are you saying that deafness is a disability in this post???

AlleyCat

In the eyes of the law, it is considered it a disability. Whether we, as d/Deaf persons, consider it a disability is another story altogether.

Jiro

shoo shoo. be gone, gnat. take it to PM land if you're still butt-hurt about you-know-what.

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AlleyCat

I almost felt (because I didn't hear) that "pounce!" at 1:12 pm.

posts from hell

I saw it as it appeared then decided she was not worthy of my response

CSign

I think it makes it easier for people to understand when it's put in concrete or more tangible terms. The way you describe it seems to be in a way that people can understand and try to relate to.

Jiro

ah you're 1 hour behind from my time zone

does this mean you're from future?

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AlleyCat

Hmm .. Does the 1:12 that I'm referring to say 2:12 on your end?

And actually, that means I'm from your past

Jiro

oh yea.. I guess it's either you're my past or I'm your future

when you typed this post - it says 2:25pm from my end.

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jillio

Where exactly did I say anything of the kind? Seriously, your English comprehension is horrible. Is that why you didn't manage to go back to school to become a TOD as you told us all you were going to awhile back?