Should Deaf communicate oral with hearing family and friends? - Page 3

**Bottesini** · 09-11-2009, 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SerendipityG3A

I think all hearing should have their auditory nerve cut at birth, then everybody will learn ASL and we will get first class media, all technology originally designed for deaf, and this issue would not exist!

My sister and mother fill me in on what going on sometimes, but a lot of times, they say to me, "I tell you later," but they almost never tell me later. I wish I lived in a deaf world, but I will never can afford to move, and not want to offend my family, even though they offend me, but they don't mean to offend me.

Lucky I guess you were not born with something like phocomelia, then life would be really inconvenient for everyone if they followed your scenario.

CJB · 09-11-2009, 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

I don't support oralism and prefer Deaf schools over mainstreaming if a Deaf school is nearby.

Same.

CJB · 09-11-2009, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafannieboo

ohhh yeah. being told nevermind is the one thing that makes me blood boiling mad. that and whatever. ill tell someone i didnt understand them and they say whatever..... omg i will blow a gasket!

Couldn't agree more. "Nevermind" and "I'll tell you later" are infuriating.

CJB · 09-11-2009, 11:42 PM

I make an effort to follow conversation and expect family to make an effort to speak clearly. Luckily I have one other HOH family member (he is in denial but asks things to repeated all the time too). However it can be really isolating when I don't know what's going on visually and can't follow the conversation. If there isn't someone willing to keep me in the loop or even just repeat what they say, then I'm done. I go back to my computer and communicate online where it's easier.

SerendipityG3A · 09-11-2009, 11:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

Lucky I guess you were not born with something like phocomelia, then life would be really inconvenient for everyone if they followed your scenario.

I was just saying it for fun, though that would be a great world for me .. but just to play along, maybe we would improve prosthetic limb technology so much that people with phocomelia would elect limb alteration and get high-tech prosthetic arms so advanced, they could sign with them same as average person with real arms and hands (and fluent ASL).

**Bottesini** · 09-11-2009, 11:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SerendipityG3A

I was just saying it for fun, though that would be a great world for me .. but just to play along, maybe we would improve prosthetic limb technology so much that people with phocomelia would elect limb alteration and get high-tech prosthetic arms so advanced, they could sign with them same as average person with real arms and hands (and fluent ASL).

:rofl2:

SerendipityG3A · 09-11-2009, 11:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CJB

I make an effort to follow conversation and expect family to make an effort to speak clearly. Luckily I have one other HOH family member (he is in denial but asks things to repeated all the time too). However it can be really isolating when I don't know what's going on visually and can't follow the conversation. If there isn't someone willing to keep me in the loop or even just repeat what they say, then I'm done. I go back to my computer and communicate online where it's easier.

I have a family member like that too. He does have HA, but I don't think helping him. I cannot understand anything he ever says. I try to tell him learn sign, but he don't hear me. My speech skills are poor though.

CJB · 09-11-2009, 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SerendipityG3A

I have a family member like that too. He does have HA, but I don't think helping him. I cannot understand anything he ever says. I try to tell him learn sign, but he don't hear me. My speech skills are poor though.

My family member doesn't have HA's and is in total denial about his HOH status.

**sallylou** · 09-12-2009, 06:05 PM

I don't hang out with family much. I attend the obligatory holiday gatherings. It's not that I dislike my family. I don't have much in common with them. I'm also busy rearing my own family. They don't really talk to me and haven't really acknowledged my hearing loss. Kind of weird, actually. I usually read or just hang out.

I figure that my real friends will be patient with me. I tend to put out about the same amount of effort that someone puts out for me. If the person is not patient and helpful, then I don't make an effort to be their friend. Lots of people will only use you when it's convenient for them, and I'm not interested in that kind of relationship.

**shel90** · 09-12-2009, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sallylou

I don't hang out with family much. I attend the obligatory holiday gatherings. It's not that I dislike my family. I don't have much in common with them. I'm also busy rearing my own family. They don't really talk to me and haven't really acknowledged my hearing loss. Kind of weird, actually. I usually read or just hang out.

I figure that my real friends will be patient with me. I tend to put out about the same amount of effort that someone puts out for me. If the person is not patient and helpful, then I don't make an effort to be their friend. Lots of people will only use you when it's convenient for them, and I'm not interested in that kind of relationship.

You sound like someone I would love to hang out with!

**sallylou** · 09-12-2009, 06:19 PM

Dang it, you're far away from me. Want to be my virtual friend?

souggy · 09-12-2009, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sallylou

Dang it, you're far away from me. Want to be my virtual friend?

Wait, there's a virtual friendship?

Where's the waiting list?

**sallylou** · 09-12-2009, 06:23 PM

I think that you just have to send a friend request to the person. I haven't quite figured out how to work that part of the forum. Send me a friend request and I'll be your virtual friend.

souggy · 09-12-2009, 06:28 PM

Go to a person's profile, and under their "friend list" there should be a text saying "befriend (username)"

herewego · 01-10-2010, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dixie

It would be nice if my family were more considerate of my hearing loss and instead of taking advantage of it to leave me out of conversations on purpose, they should be aware that I do have feelings even if I don't hear. Even a simple conversation over a meal is difficult sometimes.

This amazes me I know a man who's a deaf blind and honestly his family from what I can tell know's no sign. He can speak but, I talked to him after only practicing sign for maybe 3 months and we did fine. Plus it's nice from a hearing person's perspective if a deaf person speaks as well. Although I have to laugh today. Pastor of my church was signing to me asking if I would User next week for church and she said it was "men's day" next week. However I kind of slipped up and first and thought she meant father's day like she was reminding me of farther's day which I wouldn't even know anyway so it was good (ha ha). Well anyway she kind of repeated it a few times and I was like in my mind oh ok men's day and we are all going out to eat after nice! Gotta love the food, anyway off topic but if she spoke could have just spoke and signed and i would have got it first time. However in the same since I understand that speaking is either just really unnecessary or rude in deaf culture even with hard of hearing people as well. Than again I could be wrong.

evil_queen_lisa · 01-16-2010, 10:05 PM

I think family should make an effort to learn sign, but i would not expect them to be fluent. I mean, if you had a relative who was blind come over you wouldn't just leave them sitting in a chair in the hallway, you would make sure to clean up junk off the floor so that they could get around safely and be with everyone else.
I think no matter what HOH/D/deaf people are going to be excluded in a room full of hearing people, but what counts is that someone makes the effort. Perhaps not ASL as the grammar is hard, but compromise, SEE or PSE, using English grammar, mouthing and ASL signs?
Just my 2 cents
*EQL*

CJB · 01-16-2010, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by evil_queen_lisa

I think family should make an effort to learn sign, but i would not expect them to be fluent. I mean, if you had a relative who was blind come over you wouldn't just leave them sitting in a chair in the hallway, you would make sure to clean up junk off the floor so that they could get around safely and be with everyone else.

A lot of people would, and do. Again and again and again.

evil_queen_lisa · 01-16-2010, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

But CI kids, like Kat did , often move to oral classrooms.

At Sick Kids in Toronto, it is a requirement for education to be oral-focused for a child to qualify for CI. "The child must have access to a school and therapy program with a strong auditory emphasis" from: Criteria for implantation

*EQL*

Buffalo · 01-16-2010, 10:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sallylou

I don't hang out with family much. I attend the obligatory holiday gatherings. It's not that I dislike my family. I don't have much in common with them. I'm also busy rearing my own family. They don't really talk to me and haven't really acknowledged my hearing loss. Kind of weird, actually. I usually read or just hang out.

I figure that my real friends will be patient with me. I tend to put out about the same amount of effort that someone puts out for me. If the person is not patient and helpful, then I don't make an effort to be their friend. Lots of people will only use you when it's convenient for them, and I'm not interested in that kind of relationship.

Ditto!

Frisky Feline · 01-12-2012, 05:11 AM

*bump*

BecLak · 01-15-2012, 07:41 AM

I think it is wrong for hearing people to expect us to be oral, regardless of how good or bad our speech may be. Turn the tables, and sign. Let them put the same effort into understanding you with sign language as you do/have with being oral. If people really want to take interest in you and what you are communicating, they will take the time to figure it out, even if it is just to get the gist of what you are signing. Believe me, sign language is so much easier to grasp that spoken language. It is said that 80% of our communication in general society is non-spoken anyway.

bbaseballboy123 · 01-15-2012, 10:43 AM

since i been learning more and more sign each day (still very slow and rusty), i been using it a little more each day in front of my family. But it can get frustrating because they just ask what did i just say lol.

For me, I'm always oral with both sides of my family, besides my aunt who knows sign very well cause her son is Deaf.

Frisky Feline · 01-15-2012, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bbaseballboy123

since i been learning more and more sign each day (still very slow and rusty), i been using it a little more each day in front of my family. But it can get frustrating because they just ask what did i just say lol.

For me, I'm always oral with both sides of my family, besides my aunt who knows sign very well cause her son is Deaf.

cool. so does that mean he is your cousin. have you chat with him by signing?

bbaseballboy123 · 01-15-2012, 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frisky Feline

cool. so does that mean he is your cousin. have you chat with him by signing?

I mean great aunt, so hes my parent's cousin. But No i rarely ever talk to him because he lives a thousand miles away. So its kinda like talking to a stranger since I only met him once in my life

Frisky Feline · 01-15-2012, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bbaseballboy123

I mean great aunt, so hes my parent's cousin. But No i rarely ever talk to him because he lives a thousand miles away. So its kinda like talking to a stranger since I only met him once in my life

I understand. maybe one day you and him will have to meet again under the strange situation.

keep signing if you want to.

JanatheShort · 01-21-2012, 12:44 AM

Interesting. I will give my perspective on languages in general, because I have been on both sides of a language barrier. I can speak Spanish, because I had a very good friend who was learning English, and so we learned the languages together. When I invited her to an event, I tried to translate everything for her because she was like my sister, and I wanted her to understand everything. It was hard, and it was complicated... but she was happy and so I was happy.

I also tried to learn Arabic... ended up being invited to a lot of parties with Arabic friends, but when we all got together they would forget that I was there... one time I left when my friend and I invited another Arabic person to sit with us... and then those two talked in Arabic for 30 minutes and literally forgot I was with them! I made and excuse and went home. I considered it really insensitive, because I remembered trying to make sure my Mexican friend felt comfortable and understood things... but maybe other people don't think it's important to include others? I just don't understand. To me I'm not happy if someone else is left out.

09-12-2009, 06:05 PM	#69 (permalink)
sallylou Potterhead and Janeite Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: My own private Idaho Posts: 6,653	I don't hang out with family much. I attend the obligatory holiday gatherings. It's not that I dislike my family. I don't have much in common with them. I'm also busy rearing my own family. They don't really talk to me and haven't really acknowledged my hearing loss. Kind of weird, actually. I usually read or just hang out. I figure that my real friends will be patient with me. I tend to put out about the same amount of effort that someone puts out for me. If the person is not patient and helpful, then I don't make an effort to be their friend. Lots of people will only use you when it's convenient for them, and I'm not interested in that kind of relationship. BecLak likes this.

09-12-2009, 06:28 PM	#74 (permalink)
souggy Registered User Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Pacific Northwest Posts: 9,541	Go to a person's profile, and under their "friend list" there should be a text saying "befriend (username)" __________________ "It is my task to convince you not to turn away because you don’t understand it." - Richard Freynman

01-15-2012, 07:41 AM	#81 (permalink)
BecLak Registered User Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Australia Posts: 2,116	I think it is wrong for hearing people to expect us to be oral, regardless of how good or bad our speech may be. Turn the tables, and sign. Let them put the same effort into understanding you with sign language as you do/have with being oral. If people really want to take interest in you and what you are communicating, they will take the time to figure it out, even if it is just to get the gist of what you are signing. Believe me, sign language is so much easier to grasp that spoken language. It is said that 80% of our communication in general society is non-spoken anyway. DeafRaptor likes this. __________________ Severely deaf from birth. Deaf with a Purpose. God designed me this way so I do everything by God's Grace. Exodus 4:11 Ignorance is no longer bliss. Be Educated. KEEP IN STEP WITH ME: Sign Text Email Pen and Paper

01-15-2012, 10:43 AM	#82 (permalink)
bbaseballboy123 Registered User Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Connecticut, US Posts: 513	since i been learning more and more sign each day (still very slow and rusty), i been using it a little more each day in front of my family. But it can get frustrating because they just ask what did i just say lol. For me, I'm always oral with both sides of my family, besides my aunt who knows sign very well cause her son is Deaf. __________________ Deaf and Smart. Business Major at RIT. Have Bi-lateral cochlear implants. But know ASL as well. Working on a new project that will benefit deaf peeps

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09-11-2009, 11:42 PM	#64 (permalink)
CJB Registered User Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: U.S. Posts: 2,767	I make an effort to follow conversation and expect family to make an effort to speak clearly. Luckily I have one other HOH family member (he is in denial but asks things to repeated all the time too). However it can be really isolating when I don't know what's going on visually and can't follow the conversation. If there isn't someone willing to keep me in the loop or even just repeat what they say, then I'm done. I go back to my computer and communicate online where it's easier.

09-12-2009, 06:19 PM	#71 (permalink)
sallylou Potterhead and Janeite Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: My own private Idaho Posts: 6,653	Dang it, you're far away from me. Want to be my virtual friend?

09-12-2009, 06:23 PM	#73 (permalink)
sallylou Potterhead and Janeite Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: My own private Idaho Posts: 6,653	I think that you just have to send a friend request to the person. I haven't quite figured out how to work that part of the forum. Send me a friend request and I'll be your virtual friend.

01-16-2010, 10:05 PM	#76 (permalink)
evil_queen_lisa Registered User Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 591	I think family should make an effort to learn sign, but i would not expect them to be fluent. I mean, if you had a relative who was blind come over you wouldn't just leave them sitting in a chair in the hallway, you would make sure to clean up junk off the floor so that they could get around safely and be with everyone else. I think no matter what HOH/D/deaf people are going to be excluded in a room full of hearing people, but what counts is that someone makes the effort. Perhaps not ASL as the grammar is hard, but compromise, SEE or PSE, using English grammar, mouthing and ASL signs? Just my 2 cents EQL

01-12-2012, 05:11 AM	#80 (permalink)
Frisky Feline Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 20,239	bump

01-21-2012, 12:44 AM	#86 (permalink)
JanatheShort Registered User Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Indiana, USA Posts: 358	Interesting. I will give my perspective on languages in general, because I have been on both sides of a language barrier. I can speak Spanish, because I had a very good friend who was learning English, and so we learned the languages together. When I invited her to an event, I tried to translate everything for her because she was like my sister, and I wanted her to understand everything. It was hard, and it was complicated... but she was happy and so I was happy. I also tried to learn Arabic... ended up being invited to a lot of parties with Arabic friends, but when we all got together they would forget that I was there... one time I left when my friend and I invited another Arabic person to sit with us... and then those two talked in Arabic for 30 minutes and literally forgot I was with them! I made and excuse and went home. I considered it really insensitive, because I remembered trying to make sure my Mexican friend felt comfortable and understood things... but maybe other people don't think it's important to include others? I just don't understand. To me I'm not happy if someone else is left out.