shel90

My impression from that post is that person is frustrated and wants some help from his family with communication or at least understand his frustrations instead of questioning him.

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

Deafness

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Daredevel7

True, but it still doesn't change my question. Should they stop inviting you because it frustrates you?

shel90

I dont tell my family what to do based on how I feel. I can always reject any invites. If they stop inviting me, then oh well but I know my mom too well..she wouldnt allow it.

However, I know that my cousins do get together with each other and never invited me once. The only people who invite me to family gatherings are my parents or siblings. Never my extended family.

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

Belliosto

Hello Ms. Devel, family can be funny when Deaf question about using sign. The mature ones know that it is a problem, but they tend to represent themselves on this issue. Our hearing family members (ones that actually care) have said it is too much to expect. Then the situation remains the same. Deaf have to lip read and communicate orally. Hearing have said that the Deaf family members are being somewhat arrogant because the Deaf want to be more involved with communication. Most hearing family talk with hearing all day at a gathering. A few members will set a time out to converse with the Deaf. Then Deaf with Deaf most of the time. For example: A Deaf aunt is hardly talked with by her hearing nieces, but the hearing aunt is more appreciated by her nieces because it is less trouble to communicate.

Since it is dysfunctional, hearing family have said it is our right to talk and avoid Deaf. This is repeated at the Deaf house gathering. Hearing members feel comfortable talking with each other. So, Deaf continue talk with each other too. It doesn't matter where the gathering is. Hearing avoid Deaf and Deaf orally communicate with hearing. It is the hearing that are shunning the Deaf and say it is unfair that Deaf complain about it.

It is true that the members that use sign language, like a son or daughter, make the situation a little better. But it is expected that they too are to separate themselves from Deaf and join the fun. Now what? Use sign language every time that you converse at this kind of gathering? Even with hearing? The answer is yes. That is my position. I'm trying to do this as often as I can, but still need more work. This is part of the reason I asked the original question, Should Deaf oral Communicate?

I genuinely enjoy company of Deaf and am closer the Deaf than hearing, but I love my hearing family too. So, I actually prefer the company of Deaf. My father has said that I am on the wrong side because I can hear. He is being comedic. My mother wants me to use sign more often when I communicate with hearing. This is a reasonable request to me. Now you all know a little about me.

Buffalo

Who's Ms. Devel?

My former interpreter told me that her deaf son (in his teens) once refuse to speak for a whole year because he was so fed up with his family (not his mom) who don't know sign language. I wish I had thought of that when I was young.

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It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem.
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inmate23

ok i come from a hh family thats oral. And refuses sign and I ended up in foster care cos my abitliy to speechread is so low I cant.hh/deaf people should sign family and friends need to get over themselves.

Buffalo

Ok, is that a fact that you ended up in a foster home just because you are lousy at lipreading? What if the real reason is not that but something else???

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It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem.
- Gilbert Chesterton

darkage

I hate bring up subject about oral. I grew up from oral school. Went to deaf school. Big change my life. I prefer sign over oral.

Yesterday, we had wedding party. My wife and I had hard time to understand from lip read. They still can't understand what my wife speak in english (her first language is italian - she is excellent speak and read in italian better than english). So, we use paper and pen for communication.

I seem that most alldeaf members support CI, oral and mainstream school. I lost interest on this alldeaf forum.

Lighthouse77

i just make them get on the computer. it's a win win situation.

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Good thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.

shel90

I don't support oralism and prefer Deaf schools over mainstreaming if a Deaf school is nearby.

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

Buffalo

I don't support CI in babies/kids. I don't like Oralism and I prefer BI-BI education.

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It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem.
- Gilbert Chesterton

dreama

Same here.

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LDNanna

hmmm, I might append my opinion a bit. Yeah, sometimes, it's not necessary to communicate orally or manually. Sometimes, it is enough to "just be". If you are good friends (hey, some family can be your friend) no communication is necessary. It's enough to "bask" in each other's presence. Just sit together, knit, read, or just stare into the ozone... zenlike.
BUT - like Shel90, to miss out on those wonderful stories that happened in the gathering she spoke of in post # 24 - well - that was heartbreaking.

pek1

I'm pretty sure I stated my position on this before. Although I support the deaf's right to use asl with each other, when they are out in the community, they need to be able to be oral. Picture the grunting (deaf speak) and the other sounds deaf use to communicate. Now, picture a guy who openly says he's gay to people who are hostile towards gays.

Not everyone we meet are open and nice to everyone else. Would we all agree with this? We all have family members that are jerks and wave us off when we ask what was said. We can live with it by ignoring those people in the future. We, as deaf people (no matter how deaf we all are), need to rise to the occasion and be nice to them as much as possible. That's not to say that we allow these people to hit us or speak unkind to us . . . no, no, no, that's not what I'm saying. When that occurs, I fully support the deaf person wronged to either walk away or to sign back to that person, all the while keeping a very pleasant face, even though the deaf person is using words that one would not use in public.

I've thought often of what shel has said and don't have a ready solution. What she could do is take her two fingers and poke the aunt in both eyes (gently) and ask both in asl and orally what was said.

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Pete

shel90

What;s your solution to those who were unable to develop oral skills no matter how much speech therapy they had?

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

Bottesini

I think he believes that the only deaf people allowed to exist, should technically be HOH so they have an advantage of picking up speech skills.

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Alldeaf Rah!

shel90

I know some HOH people who dont have good speech skills either. If that's what u mean by HOH picking up speech skills.

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

webexplorer

A long time ago, my deaf friend's speech was so good because he spent more time with his hearing family and his hearing friends. He got older and found a permanent job, and he has been working for a company for 15 years. His speech declined, and most hearing people didn't understand him at all. I am not sure about his employees. His old friends understand him, and I couldn't figure it out how they really can understand him. My other two hearing friends told me that his voice is almost like a soft duck. I didn't want to say anything about it. It just pissed me off how his friends understood him like that. That's impossible!

For my family, I just get to used it. Some of them tell me what was going on. Then, you know, they keep talking something else. They forgot to tell me again. My father is a "terrible interpreter" because he didn't tell me the whole story especially some gossips were not in the conversation. Do you have the same thing with your father?

When I finished my college degree, an agent from a company called my mother on the phone, but we were not at home, and my father answered it very short and plain conversation. That's it. I found out that the company wanted to know more about me before I get a job. It was a bad luck that he was on the phone. My mother would be the best so that the company would have hired me quickly. I can't figure it out what was the problem with my father. I didn't get the best job. Now, I have my own email and a videophone so that they would ask me any questions. I guess that many companies are not interested in hiring deaf people unless it's the last resort.

damienmommy

I have hearing family..I am only one deaf. But some of them willing learn ASL for me. But I am not gonna learn oral for them. I don't want to because I can't hear or understand the sound if I use hearing aids. I might speak weird voice without know it and in people's mind like "umm melissa's talking funny." or something.. I think oral is harder than learn ASL for my opinion.

Hearing learn ASL then we both can understand eachother, easier to communication. If oral, they can understand me but I won't understand them, dues can't tell what's the different sound.

deafannieboo

ohhh yeah. being told nevermind is the one thing that makes me blood boiling mad. that and whatever. ill tell someone i didnt understand them and they say whatever..... omg i will blow a gasket!

shel90

Last night, I was hanging out with 2 of my neighbors, my hearing husband and deaf brother. One of my neighbors said somthing to me and I didnt catch it first so he said "Nevermind." I told him, "No, pls repeat what you said..I will make you repeat until I understand you, understand?" We all laughed so he repeated himself and I was able to understand what he said and we were able to proceed with the conversation. I used to be so passive about accepting those "Neverminds" or "I will tell you laters" but not anymore and so far it has been working. Even if the hearing person gets frustrated, I wont let up. I will get them to repeat themselves until they are exhausted!

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

webexplorer

I bet that they won't come near you again.

shel90

If they don't want to come near me again because of that, then at least I know that they aren't really my true friends.

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

souggy

* Deaf applause *

Regarding the original topic. I don't go to family functions anymore. If I go to public places, I usually pick places that force 1-on-1 conversations to occur, which make it an equal playing field for me.

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Warning! Contains skewed comments & inane ramblings. May cause spontaneous human combustion

Cheri

If I don't go to large family gathers, I get judged for being a stuck up. *sigh* They just do not understand how hard it is to me to follow fast-pace voices communication. I get lost between conversations that everyone is talking about. How does it make me feel included when I have to be the one watching everyone and not having them sign anything to me. It's unfair and cruel. How would they feel being in a room full of deaf signers and not being included? It's the same thing.

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God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow and sun without rain, But God did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way.

webexplorer

You got that right. You are not alone. I don't trust my neighbors at all for many reasons. They are making a lot of money than I earn. A 28 years old neighbor (a son) cut down some of my trees in my backyard for free so he needed them for his fireplace every winter. Now, he wants my money for cutting down trees whenever he needs. He is a full of jerk. He has two jobs (works at a town hall and his own cutting grass business). He buys a new big pickup truck every 1 1/2 years - I am serious not kidding. (Recently, he went to his neighbor to take out the trees last week.)

You won't believe this one. I emailed to a company to request a price for a videophone which is not part of the deaf service. I had to tell him that I am hearing impaired. Guess what? He never replied me because it is so easy to scare him away from deaf people, or maybe he thinks that a deaf is just a low class family.

shel90

I am sorry that you cant trust your neighbors. My neighbors whom I hang out often are awesome and great to my brother and I. One of them is learning ASL for us.

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

faire_jour

CI doesn't not equal oralism. There are 3 kids in Miss Kat's bi-bi classroom with CI's. Another 2 in the grade above her.

SerendipityG3A

I think all hearing should have their auditory nerve cut at birth, then everybody will learn ASL and we will get first class media, all technology originally designed for deaf, and this issue would not exist!

My sister and mother fill me in on what going on sometimes, but a lot of times, they say to me, "I tell you later," but they almost never tell me later. I wish I lived in a deaf world, but I will never can afford to move, and not want to offend my family, even though they offend me, but they don't mean to offend me.

Bottesini

But CI kids, like Kat did , often move to oral classrooms.

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Alldeaf Rah!