serena1986

when are hard of heard and deaf,and you are the only one.

Deafness

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Bottesini

Not really. Although a lot of people do, as you can find if you read many of the threads already here on this subject.

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It's a joke Nathan!

missywinks

i am one of the lucky ones because many of my family members including relatives sign, so our communication with each other is great. however, it is different in a larger group setting where the majority don't know sign language and i need to ask them what is happening and that is kinda annoying. sometimes, i just sit there quiet, help out in the kitchen or when i am in the mood, i would start games and get some people involved.

missywinks

this reminds me of a poem i did when i was in high school.

Exclusion is dark.
Around people but still feel like a stranger.
It is similar to being a goldfish in a bowl;
You are there but people ignore you.
Always observing things going on
People talking all the time
I am a stranger.

Exclusion stinks.
The stink is familiar for I smell it often.
Relatives say 'hi' and 'bye'
But I sit long hours amongst them.
I keep busy by helping with food, keeping the children busy or I just sit with a smile on my face.
I try to stay positive but sometimes the stench is too much to absorb.

When I see laughter, tears or frowns
Inquire only to meet with 'never minds' or 'it is not important'
I feel like a goldfish again;
ignored and not important.
I know it is not their intention and that they love me, but it still stinks.
Always facing the choice between friends that sign or the family commitment...

Inclusion is colorful.
The Deaf community is of various colors, religions, size and disabilities
Red, blue, yellow, green, and orange.
Here I realize I am normal and treated as equal.
I feel at home and I am ME.

In this colorful world,
Our communication flows back and forth,
Catching up with daily trivials, news, frustrations, & new things.
Hands in the air is musical to my eyes.
It also smells good.

What do I choose?
Inclusion.

jillio

What a beautiful job at expressing a sad sentiment. Thank you for sharing that, missywinks.

deafskeptic

Wow, that poem is good. I think that many here (myself included) can relate to it.

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Left ear implanted with Med-El on April 24 2007.
Activated on May 9th.

deafskeptic

The only time my parents ever speak to me is when they want me to do something for them or if they think they need to tell me something important (usually to do with doctors), they want to correct my speech or if they're unhappy with me. My dad is especially heavy handed in his approach to me. My mother doesn't want me to help her in the kitchen because I'd just get in the way. And then she complains I'm not of much help. GRRR. Just about every conservation I have with my dad has to do with order and being clean.


I rarely talk to them because they're not interested in anything I say. When I do talk about subjects that interests me, My dad feels like he has to teach me something () or my mother feels the need to correct on something she thinks I don't know about.

Someone asked me recently if I ever thought about inviting my parents to dinnerto show them how good I am at cooking My response? Although I didn't say so to her, I was like no way in hell. I can't think of anything more stressful than having parents over.

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Left ear implanted with Med-El on April 24 2007.
Activated on May 9th.

Mountain Man

missywinks:

That poem is very moving. Thank you for sharing.

LDNanna

I have trouble communicating with people because the clarity of my hearing is not good. I do try to lip read. (pbffflllt)

Family is nice, but have their own lives. We get together once a week. Not much "talking". We eat, share company, and generally enjoy one another. I have a couple of young friends who sign, and one my age. The friend my age works a lot, and we work different schedules.

I do get a bit lonely with hubby being a remote control freak, a "channel surfer".
He tries to sign, it helps.

shel90

Wow, Missywinks! That's a wonderful poem.

I can communicate with my family on an one-on-one basis pretty well but when it comes to large group settings, forget it.

My husband's family...I CANT communicate with them even if my life depended on it. I gave up trying cuz they didnt try to meet my needs halfway.

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

LakeTahoe

I have a hard time understanding on my mom's side because I don't raised with them. On my dad's side, I have no problem because I knew them all my life. Oh well.

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missywinks

shel- i can totally relate to you. thank god for our deaf community!

Bebonang

Amen for that.

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I HAVE BEEN DEAF SINCE BIRTH, AND IT IS STILL AWESOME TO BE . <Deaf> <very happy>

~*Kaelei*~

No, Not really. I'm only one deaf in my family, even in extended family. However, they know I'm deaf and they would try to make it easier for me to understand them by having them facing me, so I can read their lips and they would make sure I can hear them well enough. They treat me like a normal person, only that they would make sure I can understand them. They would repeat things if I have asked them to do so, If I was unable to understand them first.

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Moon-child

Well, my brother has a huge moustache that hangs over his top lip, sometimes I reach over and lift the damn thing up so I can see his lips. 1 X 1 with family members is doable, groups at dinner or socializing is next to impossible. My son, neice and nephew know some sign, so that helps. The kids also 'get' that they have to speak directly into my ear in noisy situations.

Interestingly enough, my Mom and Dad have recently both experienced significant hearing loss dur to ageing. Dad has HA's and Mom gets hers next week, now, you will remember that I grew up severely hearing impaired but undiagnosed until I was 19 years old.....so it is just interesting to watch as the tables are turned. I know they are appreciative of me as I know how to speak to a person with hearing loss.

smithtr

I know difficult to communication to my dad is talk to me. I know write on paper for communication to my grandma. I usually communication to speak to my mom sign langugae. my sister wish learn more sign language. That is good help communication to sign language pretty my mom skills sign language my little sister said I love you Sound great I surprised wonderful to hear proud of my little sister 9yrs wow wonderful

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Keep Positive change your future best life

shel90

U r very lucky..my mom and my aunt r the only ones who really make an effort to make sure my brother and I are included. The rest of the family..ppttth.

My ex husband's whole family was awesome with that. I miss them but we r on shaky terms.

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

Moon-child

Sorry to hear about the shaky terms, but I understand. My ex-in-laws were all horrible mumblers and very inconsiderate, don't miss that. My b/f's family are a wee bit better, and my b/f's Mom has expressed interest in taking a sign course, cool eh!

shel90

Don't get me wrong. They were wonderful. Just they want my daughter back in AZ and iam fighting my ex in court to keep her in MD so I am the "enemy" now. But I am the mother so screw them.

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

Lissa

i communicate with my family but talking. They repeat as many times as I need them to. At family gatherings if everybody's talking at one time, my mum usually tells me what everybody's on about and bits of what they saying etc. it would be easier if they could sign but its not a perfect world. LOL

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Proud to be deaf and a CI user!!

Daredevel7

In family groups, I can't understand anything that the older generation says in a group setting, but for different reasons. They speak Spanish. I've noticed that people here wish their family knew sign, but I get the feeling that it wouldn't make much of a difference unless the family grew up with sign. My whole family above my generation (except grandparents) know English very well but it's not their mother tongue. Even when they start the story in English, they tend to revert to Spanish when they get excited. They would repeat it for me in English but sometimes the effect is lost. Sometimes they don't even know how to convey the story in English as well in Spanish due to slang/idioms/etc. Luckily, my mom is more in tune with English than the rest of the family, so she can translate very well for me.

shel90

I have some friends who have hearing family members who sign..I can see the difference whenever I get invited to their family gatherings.

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

Daredevel7

Mmm... let me retract my earlier post. If my family knew ONLY Spanish, yes it would be much harder. You're right, there IS a difference. I meant that it STILL wouldn't be perfect if the family knew sign, but yes it would be much easier.

shel90

Right..I noticed that the more family members who knew sign, the more inclusive the deaf family member is even among those who dont know sign because whenever the members used ASL, the non-signing family members are made aware of not knowing what is being said therefore they are able to put themselves in the deaf member's shoes and try to be as inclusive whenever they say something. Just something I have noticed between a family who has members who sign as opposed to a family where nobody knows sign.

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

dreama

My parents use deafblind manual so I can understand but for some reason my dad still makes mistakes so I keep having to ask him to repeat. He keeps missing letters out. I communicate with him better via email.

That's about it as far as my family is concerned. My brother lives in australia. I haven't heard anything form him for years. Even before that he only used block capital letters. My other relatives are not on speaking terms with my dad. They fell out after mother died.

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kimpossible

i get left out at the dinner table because my family talks too quiet and fast for me to understand. it's just my immediate family (3 sisters and mum) but they still won't slow down or speak up for me, UNLESS they have something to say to me specifically. so they'll be having a conversation, and since it doesn't concern me or since THEY don't think i'd have anything to say about the topic, they don't speak up and they just talk amongst themselves. i might as well eat dinner in my room haha, but i still have to eat with them to be "polite"

Daredevel7

If I recall correctly, I think your ex-husband's family were really good about keeping you informed during group settings. I also remember that they were of hispanic origins. I wonder if hispanics are more accomodating since they tend to be more about the "family". Hmm......

MoonDrifter

My family talks normally with me like they do with hearing people. More often than not, they face towards me as I lip-read well. It is also because I have spent enough time learning to understand the way they speak and they made me work hard to listen better. They would only repeat if I requested them to do so. Overall, we understand each other pretty well.

When my sis moved in with her current bf a few years ago, he and I used to mumble to each other and barely had any discussion to go on with. It was hard for him or me to begin the conversation so we often kept quiet. My sis really did not like that so she encouraged me to speak more clearly and somehow inspired him to speak clearly as well. Over the years he and I have gotten better at holding conversations back and forth and we now understand each other better than before, talking about cars, playstation, racing, big screen tvs, counterstrike and similar guy topics. I look up to him as a role model. He's the one that taught me to stand up for myself as I used to let people have their ways with me in the past. I don't think we would have gotten to this point without my sister's consistent encouragement and I am very thankful that she brought us closer than before. I look up to her as well.

With effort coming from both parties and valuing what each person has to say, it benefits the communication for everyone.

shel90

I think it is because my ex and his siblings grew up having to interpret for their mom who didnt speak English so it was natural for them to make sure I knew what was being said. Yea, they were all born in Mexico. Yep, they are very passionate about family which is why they are pissed off at me for wanting to move to DC to go to Gallaudet and not returning to AZ like I promised. Oh well.

My current hubby's family is wayyyy on the other side of the spectrum. They do NOT make any effort whatsover to ensure that I am included. Even on one-on-one situations, they dont look at me, interrupt me to join other conversations, dont make eye contact, and worse of all...mumble. I hate hate going to their family gatherings but I grin and bear it.

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

inmate23

My mum refuse to learn to sign and let me wear my aids around her.

She has bipolar and has a hearing loss of 40%. So life with her is hard my aids and in a bipolar mood swing I ended up back in foster care