society's_child

...okay it's like this: I have a friend who is deaf. I've known her since i started learning sign language 2 1/2 years ago. She's got this habit that i'm trying to get her to break (with me anyway) While she signs she insists on using her voice at the exact same time. She doesn't speak so very clearly but i can understand her signing perfectly. Her voice only serves as a distraction. I've called her on that several times before, saying if that she continues talking to me, I will start depending more on her voice more so than her signs. Whenever she gets to speaking with me i usually politely sign "voice off, please" and she usually goes "oops"! and stops talking but soon enough she's at it again, lol. You gotta love her. I've already told her numerous times that can understand her very well, but she just doesn't get it. She rarely voices with other friends of hers who sign. Maybe she just thinks i'm a bit thickheaded?? Can anyone suggest what i can do to get her to stop this?

Deafness

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Tousi

Looks like she needs to come to the realization that her speech teachers constantly (lied) lauded her for her speech! This might be an over-generalization here on my part but it's a familiar story.....

AlleyCat

No deaf person should be told they can't use their voice. (Unless circumstances warrant it, like being in a movie theater.) We go through life trying to communicate the best we can with others, and to be told "voice off" would be offending, at least to me.

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AlleyCat

Sorry if that came across as harsh. I do get what you're saying that your friend doesn't speak very clearly and it serves as a distraction. I think you should just focus on her signing and the conversation at hand. It's just that signing and speaking are the best ways we communicate with hearies (rather than having to write) and your friend is just trying the best she can, it seems.

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society's_child

Easier siad than done... if i could do that i wouldn't have brought it up here in the first place.

But I can understand her signing just fine. So (imho) it would appear to be less of a hassle on her part if she signed only. I understand that others she communicates with might not know asl and so speaking to them would be deemed necessary.

I am sorry if i came off as rude in my initial post. I did not mean to offend.

Interpretrator

I understand this from a hearing-deaf perspective (like I would never dream of telling my students not to voice, except when it disrupts class). However what is the problem between friends to explain that a certain mode of communication is easier? Is it better for SC to constantly have problems understanding her friend just for the sake of being PC, or should she be able to have an open conversation with her friend about it that may improve their communication together?

I don't believe in absolutes.

IKnowJack

Does your friend can HEAR? If your friend can’t, then to speaking is not good idea. It’s not offending, not even close. It's for your friend's sake in the future. If your friend can hear, well, just tell her that you don't want her to use her voice. It will not cease overnight, so be patient.

I understand that deaf "can" speaking, but it do affect our "role" when we can't speaking clearly when we're speaking to hearing people.

RedFox

Reminds me of when my mom told me that she understood my signing better when I use my voice even if I only remember speaking a word twice in a quarter century.

society's_child

My friend is deaf, i am hearing. When i sign with her, i usually don't use my voice although when she signs with me she usually uses hers.

Hope i'm not blowing this whole thing out of proportion. I'm not crazy, please believe me. :-p

jasin

I prefer asl myself. However, I have used voice in the past while signing and the one problem I find with it is people tend to ignore your signing and focus only on your speech.

jillio

As Interpretator said, I would never dream of telling either one of my deaf students or a deaf friend not to use voice if that was what they preferred. Unless of course, as Interpretator said, it was causing a disruption.

That being said, when we as hearing people are communicating with the deaf, it is the deaf who should set the tone for the form of communication used. An example: if I have a student who prefers PSE and voice, then I communicate with them using PSE and voice. If I have a student her prefers ASL, the I use ASL. I even have 2 students who prefer that I use ASL for my expressive language, but when they respond to me, they respond in PSE and voice. They need the ASL receptively, but for whatever reason, prefer to use a different mode in their expressive use of language. And there is nothing wrong with that. It is incumbent upon us to adapt.

jasin

He said, "Deaf here..".

jillio

You really need to get over yourself. And stop demonstrating that rude and combative attitude that you keep claiming that all deafies have.

jasin

He said, "Deaf here.. your opinions needed." not me.

Bottesini

Here is a banner for your signature Jasin.

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jillio

And you are the only one objecting to a hearie posting an opinion. I don't see the OP objecting, and doubt very seriously that he needs you to speak for him. As I said, get over yourself.

jillio

LOL! I think "Dazed and Confused" might be better.

Bottesini

I would make it but I think "Dazed and Confused" would suit me better after all Jasin has said the last two days.

You can't deny he is more espressively proud of being deaf than anyone else.

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jillio

And yet, he complains constantly about the rudeness of deaf people. I'm not sure its pride. More likely an attempt to come to terms with it.

frogsign

I have had similar experiences. I usually try to just focus on the whole message; but sometimes it's hard if I'm interpreting a conversation, say between doctor and patient, and the patient uses their voice but it's not clear. I try to walk the line between trying to clarify if they can't be understood and telling the person it's easier for me to interpret if they don't use voice so much. But if it's really a distraction, I will generally just tell them as an aside that I can understand their sign clearly, so if they would rather not voice, that would be fine with me. I, too, try to be careful so as not to offend.

garrent

well i think she wanna use her voice to improve as pratice with u by using voice and sign same time cuz i did that with my boyfriend which he is hearing i do that all the time with him i use my voice and sign and he understood me very well i raise in hearing family maybe she raise in hearing family and have a habit to use voice and sign and maybe she trust u and feel comfort with u that she decide to use voice and sign since u dont make fun of her voice when she dont speak or sound clearly?

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Buffalo

I am guilty of the same thing your friend did. I have this habit of using my voice with hearing people and no voice with my deaf friends. Force of habit, I guess. I voiced when talking to my old boss until I realized that he is not as good at sign language as I had hoped. I turned my voice off to force him to pay attention to my hands. He did improved. I realized all that on my own. I guess the reason I use my voice so the conversation could go faster. I can be impatient at times.

You just tell her if she want you to improve your ASL and that you want to improve your ASL, all she had to do is to turn off her voice. This is different from telling your friend not to use her voice.

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jillio

That is a very diplomatic way to handle it. Good solution.