AllDeaf.com
Perks - Advertise - Spy - Who Quoted Me  
Go Back   AllDeaf.com > Deaf Interests > Sign Language & Oralism
LIKE AllDeaf on Facebook FOLLOW AllDeaf on Twitter
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Unread 09-08-2011, 01:56 PM   #1
warpedpink
Registered User
 
warpedpink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California Bay Area
Posts: 837
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
For A Deaf Son, Documentary

I have been working hard to find and buy the documentary, "For A Deaf Son" by Rob Tranchin about his son, Thomas Tranchin.

I know about DCMP.org :: Home but are there any easier and quicker ways?


It's an amazing and heart-wrenching documentary about parents who have conflicting opinions on what is best for their Deaf toddler, Tommy. Mom thinks the oral approach is the way to go and dad is in favor of ASL. This film follows their difficult journey and Tommy's obvious frustration.

At age 15 or 16, in the midst of his parents divorce and unhappy life, he kills himself. Many say it's because his parents ultimately chose the oral approach and he lacked the pride, identity, and communication access most of us here at AD have. It's debatable.


Personally, I think the divorce was just the feather on top...
__________________
warpedpink is offline   Reply With Quote
Alt Today
All Deaf

Beitrag Sponsored Links

__________________
This advertising will not be shown in this way to registered members.
Register your free account today and become a member on AllDeaf.com
   
Unread 09-08-2011, 08:29 PM   #2
asongofhands
Registered User
 
asongofhands's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Somewhere between Earth and Eyeth
Posts: 61
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
I just saw this in my Deaf studies class. My teacher said that a former student wrote to the parents to find out what had happened in the intervening years, and that they said he had died in an accident. I'm just curious...How did you hear it was suicide?
asongofhands is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-08-2011, 08:34 PM   #3
Smithtr
Web development/Graphic
 
Smithtr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 16,119
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
serious on risk dangerous because cocern CODA recommand!

I am shocked!

many parents stress kids!

I remember on long time i Knew already I change right wisdom I told school said no more serious I rememb
__________________
Smithtr is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-09-2011, 12:06 PM   #4
society's_child
Registered User
 
society's_child's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: The big MD
Posts: 4,594
Blog Entries: 6
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
I heard that he committed suicide too. Unfortunately, I can't quite recall the source so at this point, it's just hearsay.
__________________
...just passing thru, y'all.
society's_child is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-09-2011, 12:12 PM   #5
CSign
Registered User
 
CSign's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Best Coast, USA
Posts: 3,283
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by warpedpink View Post
I have been working hard to find and buy the documentary, "For A Deaf Son" by Rob Tranchin about his son, Thomas Tranchin.

I know about DCMP.org :: Home but are there any easier and quicker ways?


It's an amazing and heart-wrenching documentary about parents who have conflicting opinions on what is best for their Deaf toddler, Tommy. Mom thinks the oral approach is the way to go and dad is in favor of ASL. This film follows their difficult journey and Tommy's obvious frustration.

At age 15 or 16, in the midst of his parents divorce and unhappy life, he kills
himself. Many say it's because his parents ultimately chose the oral approach
and he lacked the pride, identity, and communication access most of us here at
AD have. It's debatable.
Personally, I think the divorce was just the feather on top...
A heartwrenching documentary.... I did not identify at all with the mom. I thought she was selfish, and was trying to make her son something he was not.

I was in tears through the film. I remember a comment by the mom when they were at a pool party or something. She said something like, "he doesn't have the words other kids his age do".

I was thinking to myself WTF do you expect lady? He can't hear the words!! My heart broke for that boy. I could see the pain and frustration on his eyes.

Last edited by CSign; 09-09-2011 at 01:23 PM.
CSign is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-09-2011, 12:14 PM   #6
CSign
Registered User
 
CSign's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Best Coast, USA
Posts: 3,283
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Here is a link to an old thread...

http://www.alldeaf.com/sign-language...-deaf-son.html
CSign is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-09-2011, 12:16 PM   #7
CSign
Registered User
 
CSign's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Best Coast, USA
Posts: 3,283
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Here is a link to an old thread...

http://www.alldeaf.com/sign-language...-deaf-son.html

It looks like it was the son who passed away. How incredibly sad. That mother must be living with a terrible guilt.
CSign is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-09-2011, 12:19 PM   #8
warpedpink
Registered User
 
warpedpink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California Bay Area
Posts: 837
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by asongofhands View Post
I just saw this in my Deaf studies class. My teacher said that a former student wrote to the parents to find out what had happened in the intervening years, and that they said he had died in an accident. I'm just curious...How did you hear it was suicide?
I just know.. On one of the more popular blogs about that movie, it says: For those of you who have amazingly diagnosed his suicide as one cause by his parent’s indecision, I say shame on you. I knew Tommy well, and his parents were ordinary people put in an extraordinary position…and when it came to his happiness and education, they came out on top. Tommy’s death was caused by nothing more than an argument over television watching which began a series of events that led a happy, life loving fifteen year old to accidentally take a scare tactic too far and end up dead. If any of you are attributing this to his deafness and his fight to communicate, I understand why you’d make those connections, but I’m sorry to say that you are wrong. Not to take away from the seriousness of the issues facing parents with a deaf child, but in this case, you’re way off. (Comment by Matthew)

http://www.alldeaf.com/sign-language...-deaf-son.html
__________________
warpedpink is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-09-2011, 10:58 PM   #9
deafdyke
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Trebekistan
Posts: 14,127
Likes: 33
Liked 8 Times in 5 Posts
Send a message via AIM to deafdyke
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSign View Post
A heartwrenching documentary.... I did not identify at all with the mom. I thought she was selfish, and was trying to make her son something he was not.

I was in tears through the film. I remember a comment by the mom when they were at a pool party or something. She said something like, "he doesn't have the words other kids his age do".

I was thinking to myself WTF do you expect lady? He can't hear the words!! My heart broke for that boy. I could see the pain and frustration on his eyes.
We watched this in my Deaf Studies class. You are SO right.....I remember the scene shot at CID, and the teen (this was when CID still had a viable K-8 program) saying (in his graduation speech) that his father cut the crass....and I remember that stereotypical Grizelda Fothergill (and why is it that almost all female oral teachers STILL look like they're straight out of the '40's, with beehive hairdos, conservative dresses, and ugly black lace up oxfords?) correcting his speech.
Csign.....just wondering. Do you think a lot of parents are still privately greiving, and subconsciously pick oral only b/c it seems more " normal?" It really does seem to me that if a lot of hearing parents came to terms with their grief, by going to see jillo and actually meeting sucessfull educated dhh people who use ASL, the percentage of parents who opt for oral only would sink like a rock.
deafdyke is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-10-2011, 10:33 AM   #10
CSign
Registered User
 
CSign's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Best Coast, USA
Posts: 3,283
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by deafdyke View Post
We watched this in my Deaf Studies class. You are SO right.....I remember the scene shot at CID, and the teen (this was when CID still had a viable K-8 program) saying (in his graduation speech) that his father cut the crass....and I remember that stereotypical Grizelda Fothergill (and why is it that almost all female oral teachers STILL look like they're straight out of the '40's, with beehive hairdos, conservative dresses, and ugly black lace up oxfords?) correcting his speech.
Csign.....just wondering. Do you think a lot of parents are still privately greiving, and subconsciously pick oral only b/c it seems more " normal?" It really does seem to me that if a lot of hearing parents came to terms with their grief, by going to see jillo and actually meeting sucessfull educated dhh people who use ASL, the percentage of parents who opt for oral only would sink like a rock.
I would be speculating as to why parents choose to go the oral route with their kids. I didn't take that route, so I can't speak from experience with that.

I will say that some probably have been told by some "professional" along the way that sign will hinder their ability to communicate verbally. I would also speculate that some probably have feelings of (due to lack of a better word) incompetency; that they may not be able to actually learn and execute the language that would be accessible to their child.

I know everyone always says that parents want their kids to be "normal" which I don't understand. "Normal" is so many different things, that there really is no "normal.".

I think parents being connected with successful DHH teenagers/adults would be beneficial for them. They would be able to get a sense of what things can look like 20 years down the road. I think parents being given a broader packet of materials would be necessary.

When my son was diagnosed, I received a packet that basically recommended the oral only philosophy. 7 years later, I still haven't opened it. I am keeping it though, to one day hopefully help put together a more comprehensive list of communication options- and one that doesn't promote one philosophy over another. If parents come to the conclusion on their own, they will be much better at following through because they will know in their heart of hearts that they made the right decision.
CSign is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-10-2011, 03:37 PM   #11
deafdyke
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Trebekistan
Posts: 14,127
Likes: 33
Liked 8 Times in 5 Posts
Send a message via AIM to deafdyke
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSign View Post
I would be speculating as to why parents choose to go the oral route with their kids. I didn't take that route, so I can't speak from experience with that.

I will say that some probably have been told by some "professional" along the way that sign will hinder their ability to communicate verbally. I would also speculate that some probably have feelings of (due to lack of a better word) incompetency; that they may not be able to actually learn and execute the language that would be accessible to their child.

I know everyone always says that parents want their kids to be "normal" which I don't understand. "Normal" is so many different things, that there really is no "normal.".

I think parents being connected with successful DHH teenagers/adults would be beneficial for them. They would be able to get a sense of what things can look like 20 years down the road. I think parents being given a broader packet of materials would be necessary.

When my son was diagnosed, I received a packet that basically recommended the oral only philosophy. 7 years later, I still haven't opened it. I am keeping it though, to one day hopefully help put together a more comprehensive list of communication options- and one that doesn't promote one philosophy over another. If parents come to the conclusion on their own, they will be much better at following through because they will know in their heart of hearts that they made the right decision.
Totally agreed!!!! There really is "no normal" ....and I wish parents of kids with disabilties would understand that. Like I do understand the grief and pain and all that when you're talking about a kid with a severe or a profound mental disablity or severe/profound (note I said severe/profound) autism. But just garden variety disabilties like blindness/low vision, hearing loss, wheelchair users etc etc..The reaction just seems so...I dunno out of proportion to the insult.....I have been on listservs where parents talk about the grief they experianced when their kid was identified as whatever.....I'd speak up and the parent would be all " You'll understand when you're a parent." WHAT?!?!? It's almost exactly like the way some parents react when they find out their kids are gay or otherwise different. In some cases it seems like parents just want designer perfect kids who will go to Harvard.
deafdyke is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-10-2011, 03:57 PM   #12
sallylou
Potterhead and Janeite
 
sallylou's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: My own private Idaho
Posts: 6,652
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
If there was suicide involved, suicide is a mental health issue. You can't really "blame" anyone for a suicide. There are obviously factors leading to suicide because suicide results when an individual's emotional pain is greater than the ability to deal with it. It's cruel to blame parents or say that it was a moral failing on the individual's part. The only good that could come of such a situation (if it exists) is to improve mental health screening and care.
__________________
sallylou is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-10-2011, 05:06 PM   #13
CSign
Registered User
 
CSign's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Best Coast, USA
Posts: 3,283
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
I hope it didn't seem like I was blaming the mother for his death, because I wasn't... There are always countless factors that go into something like a suicide.

I just wanted to put that out there...
CSign is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-10-2011, 05:14 PM   #14
sallylou
Potterhead and Janeite
 
sallylou's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: My own private Idaho
Posts: 6,652
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Csign, I didn't mean to imply that you blamed the parents. I would have probably had the same reaction you did. The whole human experience is like that. You felt compassion for the little boy. That doesn't mean that you were ready to tar and feather the mom.
__________________
sallylou is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-10-2011, 06:27 PM   #15
deafdyke
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Trebekistan
Posts: 14,127
Likes: 33
Liked 8 Times in 5 Posts
Send a message via AIM to deafdyke
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSign View Post
I hope it didn't seem like I was blaming the mother for his death, because I wasn't... There are always countless factors that go into something like a suicide.

I just wanted to put that out there...
Agreed. Me too!!! But the thing is..........extreme unrealistic pressures to acheive can definitly trip stress that in turn may cause sucide. Need I bring up the high child sucide rates in Asia due to the culture of overacheivement?
I don't think it was THE issue that may have set into motion the decision to kill himself.......but on the other hand.......it could be sort of like a kid feeling like he's a loser b/c he can't meet his parents expectations that he attend Harvard.
deafdyke is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-10-2011, 06:33 PM   #16
sallylou
Potterhead and Janeite
 
sallylou's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: My own private Idaho
Posts: 6,652
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
deafdyke, I'm seeing this a lot with hearing kids, too. Even if they don't commit suicide, these kids usually have mental health issues. True self-esteem isn't based on acheivement.

Before anyone blows up saying that they don't have mental issues, consider that most of us do have mental health issues at some point in our lives, often bought on by a challenging event (like divorce or a perceived failure). If you don't think that you never will have mental health issues, you are probably one of the crazy ones. Just saying.
__________________
sallylou is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-10-2011, 08:13 PM   #17
deafdyke
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Trebekistan
Posts: 14,127
Likes: 33
Liked 8 Times in 5 Posts
Send a message via AIM to deafdyke
Quote:
Originally Posted by sallylou View Post
deafdyke, I'm seeing this a lot with hearing kids, too. Even if they don't commit suicide, these kids usually have mental health issues. True self-esteem isn't based on acheivement.

Before anyone blows up saying that they don't have mental issues, consider that most of us do have mental health issues at some point in our lives, often bought on by a challenging event (like divorce or a perceived failure). If you don't think that you never will have mental health issues, you are probably one of the crazy ones. Just saying.
Oh yes, and severe mental health issues too. It's like yeah be involved and everything....but don't turn into a therapist or a stage mom or use your kid to keep up with the Joneses. But a lot of kids just seem to get stuck with really bad parents who aren't childcentered.
deafdyke is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-10-2011, 09:55 PM   #18
faire_jour
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 7,192
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Wirelessly posted

i don't know where i read it, but i did read that it was not suicide, but an accident.
faire_jour is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-10-2011, 11:31 PM   #19
deafbajagal
Registered User
 
deafbajagal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 5,171
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Actually, I thought I did, too...yet warped says she knew him personally so I'm assuming she would know the facts.

Either way, it's tragic and I'm truly sorry.
deafbajagal is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-10-2011, 11:37 PM   #20
warpedpink
Registered User
 
warpedpink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California Bay Area
Posts: 837
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by deafbajagal View Post
Actually, I thought I did, too...yet warped says she knew him personally so I'm assuming she would know the facts.

Either way, it's tragic and I'm truly sorry.
No, I don't. I was copying a comment from the blog.
__________________
warpedpink is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-10-2011, 11:46 PM   #21
deafbajagal
Registered User
 
deafbajagal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 5,171
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
I see.
deafbajagal is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-10-2011, 11:48 PM   #22
CSign
Registered User
 
CSign's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Best Coast, USA
Posts: 3,283
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by faire_jour View Post
Wirelessly posted

i don't know where i read it, but i did read that it was not suicide, but an accident.
I think I remember seeing somewhere that it was a situation gone wrong. That he did something, and it just went haywire. I think the family has kept mum about the subject. I don't blame them I suppose.

RIP Tommy.
CSign is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-27-2013, 02:06 PM   #23
dcmp_kyle
Registered User
 
dcmp_kyle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Spartanburg, SC
Posts: 2
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
I realize that I'm commenting on an old thread, but I wanted to provide a link for watching "For A Deaf Son" free of charge.

I work for the Described and Captioned Media Program (DCMP) and we were given permission from KERA to publish the video, in its entirety, to our YouTube channel. We have distributed the documentary to our registered users for years, but were given permission to post on YouTube a few weeks ago.

Here's the link: http://youtu.be/SCzl4kuWLw0
dcmp_kyle is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-27-2013, 06:18 PM   #24
podiecat
Registered User
 
podiecat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Vermont
Posts: 128
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Can't watch it.... it says private.
podiecat is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-27-2013, 08:25 PM   #25
rockin'robin
Registered User
 
rockin'robin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
Posts: 20,588
Likes: 73
Liked 40 Times in 25 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by podiecat View Post
Can't watch it.... it says private.
Ditto....
rockin'robin is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-27-2013, 09:04 PM   #26
cdmeggers
Registered User
 
cdmeggers's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 2,828
Likes: 29
Liked 11 Times in 7 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by rockin'robin View Post
Ditto....
triple ditto
__________________
My Ear Blog
Advanced Bionics BEA Volunteer Mentor
cdmeggers is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-28-2013, 07:13 AM   #27
dcmp_kyle
Registered User
 
dcmp_kyle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Spartanburg, SC
Posts: 2
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
I'm sorry about that! When we upload to YouTube the default status is "Private", I didn't notice it for some reason. I marked it as public, it should work fine now. Thanks!
dcmp_kyle is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-28-2013, 11:18 AM   #28
rockin'robin
Registered User
 
rockin'robin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
Posts: 20,588
Likes: 73
Liked 40 Times in 25 Posts
I watched it...and just loved it....thanks for sharing....
rockin'robin is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:08 AM.


Join AllDeaf on Facebook!    Follow us on Twitter!

AllDeaf proudly supports St. Jude Children's Research Hospital

Copyright © 2002-2014, AllDeaf.com. All Rights Reserved.