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Unread 07-14-2012, 12:57 AM   #1
Mimsy
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Unhappy My bother got married and I'm sad

I have two brothers, 24 and 26. The 26 year old got married last Sunday (8 July) and even though the wedding was beautiful and I love his wife and he's ready to be a husband, I'm feeling sad that things will never be the same in our home again. He won't be with us every night for dinner, he won't be around every day to tease me, he won't be asking me to do his laundry anymore. I feel like I have lost my big brother. He lives close by and has been back home a few times since last Sunday, but it isn't the same because he doesn't sleep here any more.

Does anyone here understand how I feel?
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Unread 07-14-2012, 08:33 AM   #2
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it my son in my case,he got married at 22 i am happy for him but it did feel like life had changed never be same again..that the way of life me dear,we humans are strange animals we feel threatened by change,you will adapt soon
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Unread 07-14-2012, 11:39 AM   #3
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You should be glad he left home.. Grown siblings have different lives. Look at this way, life will be more interestin b/c things are different now. You dont want to live with him forever..believe me.
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Unread 07-14-2012, 12:11 PM   #4
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I notice the title talks about your "bother."

Maybe you have mixed feelings...
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Unread 07-14-2012, 02:52 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mimsy View Post
I have two brothers, 24 and 26. The 26 year old got married last Sunday (8 July) and even though the wedding was beautiful and I love his wife and he's ready to be a husband, I'm feeling sad that things will never be the same in our home again. He won't be with us every night for dinner, he won't be around every day to tease me, he won't be asking me to do his laundry anymore. I feel like I have lost my big brother. He lives close by and has been back home a few times since last Sunday, but it isn't the same because he doesn't sleep here any more.

Does anyone here understand how I feel?
When a rumor was going around that my brother was dead my two sisters and I wanted to dance on his grave! I can't relate to how you feel a lot. I wish I could but there is no way on earth I miss my ex brother. His twin daughters want nothing to do with him !
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Unread 07-14-2012, 05:52 PM   #6
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I can a little, my parents have been divorced as long as I can remember. Both got remarried, together my parents had me and my older sister(21) in my dad's second marriage he had my two younger brothers (17 & 9) and from my mother's second marriage she had my younger sister (11). I'm living with my boyfriend now, I'm closest to my 17 yr old brother (him and my dad just moved to New Orleans). Recently I've been feeling weird not seeing him, my older sister had been living on her own with her boyfriend for several years. It feels a little lonely sometimes not seeing people I've seen for the majority of every day for years all the time and for a while after moving out of my parents house I felt sad, I felt like me and Eric barely talked or saw each other and thought we would just end up being a family where we only saw each other on select holidays. I don't know about your family(I'm guessing you all are close) but mine is the kind of family that gets together a lot, I realize I won't see all my siblings as often as I'd like but I'm glad that we are all getting to the places we'd like to be in our lives. In fact now when I see them I think I appreciate them more BECAUSE I don't see them every day. It's not always easy to adjust when things change, but know that he is still your brother and always will be. I promise it will get better, just hang in there
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Unread 07-15-2012, 07:43 AM   #7
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Brother

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mimsy View Post
I have two brothers, 24 and 26. The 26 year old got married last Sunday (8 July) and even though the wedding was beautiful and I love his wife and he's ready to be a husband, I'm feeling sad that things will never be the same in our home again. He won't be with us every night for dinner, he won't be around every day to tease me, he won't be asking me to do his laundry anymore. I feel like I have lost my big brother. He lives close by and has been back home a few times since last Sunday, but it isn't the same because he doesn't sleep here any more.

Does anyone here understand how I feel?
I know how you felt, I feel ya. I can see that you're a loving sister to a brother by how much you miss him. How you have live in a family where there brothers among them who you care. You has had a great experiencing growing up surrounding with your brotherly love. That why you felt saddly not able to see him on the same daily routine.

Yet, you haven't lost him. He still around and sure that you will see him again and again.
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Unread 07-15-2012, 10:07 AM   #8
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I notice the title talks about your "bother."

Maybe you have mixed feelings...
I bet that is a misspelled word.
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Unread 07-16-2012, 09:49 AM   #9
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Why don't you ask your aunt or uncle. I'm sure, they feel the same thing when your parents got marry.
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Unread 07-16-2012, 09:52 AM   #10
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I had family members who went away to college. We all have to make our own lives.
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Unread 07-16-2012, 11:35 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mimsy View Post
I have two brothers, 24 and 26. The 26 year old got married last Sunday (8 July) and even though the wedding was beautiful and I love his wife and he's ready to be a husband, I'm feeling sad that things will never be the same in our home again. He won't be with us every night for dinner, he won't be around every day to tease me, he won't be asking me to do his laundry anymore. I feel like I have lost my big brother. He lives close by and has been back home a few times since last Sunday, but it isn't the same because he doesn't sleep here any more.

Does anyone here understand how I feel?

Of course. My two siblings got married and left from the house I felt weird not sitting next to them at the dinner anymore. Later I went to college, two of my other siblings got married. I am the last person who got married. LOL I always miss my old times with my family because i had an awesome childhood with them even though there were too many problems but GREAT bond!
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Unread 07-16-2012, 11:34 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bottesini View Post
I notice the title talks about your "bother."

Maybe you have mixed feelings...
No mixed feelings. Just a typo.

Thank you all for the support. I'm slowly getting used to not having him here. I am focusing on the fact that he is happy to have his own apartment with his new wife. I want him to be happy. And he told me I can visit him whenever I want. It's not the same as having him home, but I guess we all have to grow up sometime.
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Unread 07-17-2012, 03:14 AM   #13
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No mixed feelings. Just a typo.

Thank you all for the support. I'm slowly getting used to not having him here. I am focusing on the fact that he is happy to have his own apartment with his new wife. I want him to be happy. And he told me I can visit him whenever I want. It's not the same as having him home, but I guess we all have to grow up sometime.
I love your attitude!

Try to think of it this way - you didn't lose your brother, you gained a sister!

Also - if it was you getting married... this would be different, wouldn't it

I am not saying you should be all smiles - no, your life did change because your brother is not here all the time anymore,
and it takes time for you to get used to it. but you WILL get used to it,
you don't have a choice - like nobody has in such matters.
Just wait patiently as you will settle into your new routines, your new adventures by yourself!
Good luck, kiddo!

Fuzzy
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Unread 07-17-2012, 11:36 PM   #14
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Life happens so fast. All three of my children left for college within just a few years from one another. Talk about change. We went from a family of 5 to 2 and then I went deaf. You are so lucky that you like his wife and they seem to live close by. I am close to my siblings but not like the amazing relationship you have. Things will get even better you will see.
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Unread 07-18-2012, 12:13 PM   #15
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Life happens so fast. All three of my children left for college within just a few years from one another. Talk about change. We went from a family of 5 to 2 and then I went deaf. You are so lucky that you like his wife and they seem to live close by. I am close to my siblings but not like the amazing relationship you have. Things will get even better you will see.
same with me my kids gone,feel like arm been chop off..my son live otherside country he is far west as i am east.9hrs get to him.daughter live two streets away....you will ajust mim.you got no option but to
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Unread 07-19-2012, 10:26 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mimsy View Post
I have two brothers, 24 and 26. The 26 year old got married last Sunday (8 July) and even though the wedding was beautiful and I love his wife and he's ready to be a husband, I'm feeling sad that things will never be the same in our home again. He won't be with us every night for dinner, he won't be around every day to tease me, he won't be asking me to do his laundry anymore. I feel like I have lost my big brother. He lives close by and has been back home a few times since last Sunday, but it isn't the same because he doesn't sleep here any more.

Does anyone here understand how I feel?
Mimsy, I sure do understand! My older sister got married the Saturday after I graduated from high school back in 1983. It has not been the same. Although my sister and I have huge age gap. 7 years apart. Then there is my younger brother. He got married in 1995 and I did not get married till much later. I was disappointed he got married. We did not do much things together though. After he got married, too busy with work and with his wife and then his 2 boys.

Then finally I got married in 2006. That changed again. When you get married, there are changes. Such as responsiblity to your spouse, not just your parents. We have no children and cant do because my wife is much older.. and not that great marriage anyhow.

Just be happy that you are still single! You can do anything you want to do. If I was single, I would ask you out. Really. So, the point is, enjoy and be happy! I am glad you are happy for your brother. He will be there with you and your family for Thanksgiving and Christmas and birthdays. I am sure he and his wife will have a cookouts and you can go and have fun. Have a good talk with him after he gets back from honeymoon and see if you all can have a cookout for maybe Labor day weekend or during August.
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Unread 07-19-2012, 04:24 PM   #17
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My advice is, ask your brother if once or twice a month he can set time aside just for you.

You are still his sister, he is still your special brother whom you love and miss dearly.
Other than that, he is married and his first obligation is his wife.

Try also establish some good relationship with his wife (already done, I guess?)
so all you guys can enjoy going out together once in a while.
How does that sound?

Fuzzy
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Unread 07-19-2012, 11:35 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mimsy View Post
I have two brothers, 24 and 26. The 26 year old got married last Sunday (8 July) and even though the wedding was beautiful and I love his wife and he's ready to be a husband, I'm feeling sad that things will never be the same in our home again. He won't be with us every night for dinner, he won't be around every day to tease me, he won't be asking me to do his laundry anymore. I feel like I have lost my big brother. He lives close by and has been back home a few times since last Sunday, but it isn't the same because he doesn't sleep here any more.

Does anyone here understand how I feel?
Yes, I totally understand how you feel. That's how life is as siblings grow up and move out and lead their own lives. That doesn't mean there won't be opportunities to see them again. Be thankful your brother lives close by because I have siblings that live several states away!!!!

Thankfully with technology, we can see our families quickly at our own convenience!
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Unread 07-20-2012, 04:57 PM   #19
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Although my sister and I have huge age gap. 7 years apart.
My brother and I have this same age gap. I'm 19, he's 26.
I go to Italy and England every year (summer) to stay with my grandparents for a visit, but I didn't go at the last minute because I was upset and not wanting to do anything but mope around. But now I just found out my other brother who is 24 is leaving on Thursday for Ireland with his friends for two weeks, and I'm freaking out that everyone is leaving me. My parents told me they're putting me on a plane on Monday because of my moping.



Quote:
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My advice is, ask your brother if once or twice a month he can set time aside just for you.

I LOVE this idea! Even just the once a month would be great. And it's true I sort of have a sister now (his wife), which is nice because I'm the only girl in the family, well, was lol.

I'm thinking it will get better for me emotionally when school starts again, my last year of college and I may be able to finish early and graduate in December. Then Veterinary College. So I'll be busy. I know it won't take the place of having us all together every day, but it'll be a good distraction until I'm over missing him.

You guys are great.

Last edited by Mimsy; 07-20-2012 at 04:57 PM. Reason: added "summer"
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Unread 07-20-2012, 05:01 PM   #20
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Why don't you ask your aunt or uncle. I'm sure, they feel the same thing when your parents got marry.

After I read your suggestion, I did ask my aunts and uncles. They all said they were HAPPY when my parents got married so they could move into the larger bedrooms. NO help to me.
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Unread 07-25-2012, 10:48 PM   #21
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I LOVE this idea! Even just the once a month would be great. And it's true I sort of have a sister now (his wife), which is nice because I'm the only girl in the family, well, was lol.

I'm thinking it will get better for me emotionally when school starts again, my last year of college and I may be able to finish early and graduate in December. Then Veterinary College. So I'll be busy. I know it won't take the place of having us all together every day, but it'll be a good distraction until I'm over missing him.
I was hoping you will

I did some reminiscing, and remembered how insanely jealous I was of my sister's husband once she got married. and she got married rather late in life, so it was really hard for me to get used to not having her around.
Her first vacation with her new hubby at my place was huge disaster.

She wanted to travel here and there, sometimes for three -four days at a time and I insisted she stays with me all the time.
She had her eyes and ears only for dear new hubby, none for me and I felt so... discarded and unimportant.

Eventually things went from bad to worse, and we never recovered.
With time, she moved from her city to where I live, but during almost 10 years of her living here, she never ever asked me out for even one lousy coffee alone - just the two of us - always dragged her stupid husband everywhere with her.

Some of it is my fault. I should have told her what I need.

That's why I think it is important you should talk to your brother and remind him,
that while you understand he is excited about his new wife and has responsibilities toward her and those are his first and foremost,
YOU are STILL his sister, and you deserve some time ALONE with him, and if his wife objects, he should stand his ground (up for you as well) and explain to her that when she married him, she also married his FAMILY.

I agree once a month is probably better, and quite enough.
After all the sad truth for us is, a married couples does have priority toward their own families -not us siblings, parents etc.


And I agree, once you throw yourself into busy life again, you'll be simply too busy for anything else

I was also wondering, perhaps hanging out with the other siblings would be a good idea for you?


last but not least - I love that you love animals - I love them, too!
darn my old computer got broken and I lost my files, otherwise I'd show you my Aussie doggie!

Maybe there are still some old photos of mine on the Pet's forum, hmmm

Fuzzy
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Unread 07-26-2012, 12:46 AM   #22
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I was hoping you will

I did some reminiscing, and remembered how insanely jealous I was of my sister's husband once she got married. and she got married rather late in life, so it was really hard for me to get used to not having her around.
Her first vacation with her new hubby at my place was huge disaster.

She wanted to travel here and there, sometimes for three -four days at a time and I insisted she stays with me all the time.
She had her eyes and ears only for dear new hubby, none for me and I felt so... discarded and unimportant.

Eventually things went from bad to worse, and we never recovered.
With time, she moved from her city to where I live, but during almost 10 years of her living here, she never ever asked me out for even one lousy coffee alone - just the two of us - always dragged her stupid husband everywhere with her.

Some of it is my fault. I should have told her what I need.

That's why I think it is important you should talk to your brother and remind him,
that while you understand he is excited about his new wife and has responsibilities toward her and those are his first and foremost,
YOU are STILL his sister, and you deserve some time ALONE with him, and if his wife objects, he should stand his ground (up for you as well) and explain to her that when she married him, she also married his FAMILY.

I agree once a month is probably better, and quite enough.
After all the sad truth for us is, a married couples does have priority toward their own families -not us siblings, parents etc.


And I agree, once you throw yourself into busy life again, you'll be simply too busy for anything else

I was also wondering, perhaps hanging out with the other siblings would be a good idea for you?


last but not least - I love that you love animals - I love them, too!
darn my old computer got broken and I lost my files, otherwise I'd show you my Aussie doggie!

Maybe there are still some old photos of mine on the Pet's forum, hmmm

Fuzzy

Wow I'm sorry things went from bad to worse for you.

I have one other sibling, he's 24 and not married, still lives at home, but he's leaving tomorrow to a documentary in Ireland for 2 weeks, so there he goes, too.

And YES I adore animals, all animals, but I confess I especially adore dogs of all kinds. I want to dedicate my life to helping them. They are God's sweet gifts to us and I have no tolerance for people who mistreat animals.

I HOPE you find some pictures of your dog to show me and all of us. That would make my day!
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Unread 09-19-2012, 11:47 PM   #23
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I have one brother , all it will do is make me rant . He gets married and can't afford it. He was married , divorced and re married . His wife, is bossy and moves in to destroy HIS family!

Be blessed your sibling has a good spouse and not out to destroy it.
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Unread 09-20-2012, 12:14 AM   #24
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Yes, you have gained a sister. You have not lost your brother. Take it from someone who lost her only sibling (brother) to cancer almost 7 years ago. Enjoy your brother's company when you can together with your new sister-In-law, you will find that he is still your brother who teases you etc. that won't ever change.
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Unread 09-20-2012, 07:45 AM   #25
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Just wait till your brother start come kids .. then you will be there favorite aunt!!
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Unread 09-20-2012, 07:59 AM   #26
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His wife, is bossy and moves in to destroy HIS family!





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Wirelessly posted

Yes, you have gained a sister. You have not lost your brother. Take it from someone who lost her only sibling (brother) to cancer almost 7 years ago. Enjoy your brother's company when you can together with your new sister-In-law, you will find that he is still your brother who teases you etc. that won't ever change.

Wow. This puts things in perspective. Yes, I have not lost him. In fact, everything is going great. I was so worried about the change in the family, but my sister-in-law is really good to me, and my brother has not changed since he has gotten married. He is still really there in my life, so I was worried for nothing.


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Just wait till your brother start come kids .. then you will be there favorite aunt!!
Oh I can not wait!!!!
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Unread 09-20-2012, 06:02 PM   #27
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That's great news

Happy for you !!

Fuzzy
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