hard of hearing and social skills

As a hard of hearing person who has been in the hearing world my whole life, I definitely say yes! I've always avoided a lot of social situations because my hearing would cause me to do embarrassing things. Not only that, but it's just really tiring and overwhelming to constantly have to try so hard to understand people. I'd rather just be alone than deal with that. I'm not ashamed to ask "what?" a couple of times if I don't hear something. If it's been 5 or 6 times, though, I tend to just say "okay" or laugh and hope it wasn't a question. This in itself has made for some very awkward social situations.
 
K0512199 said:
As a hard of hearing person who has been in the hearing world my whole life, I definitely say yes! I've always avoided a lot of social situations because my hearing would cause me to do embarrassing things. Not only that, but it's just really tiring and overwhelming to constantly have to try so hard to understand people. I'd rather just be alone than deal with that. I'm not ashamed to ask "what?" a couple of times if I don't hear something. If it's been 5 or 6 times, though, I tend to just say "okay" or laugh and hope it wasn't a question. This in itself has made for some very awkward social situations.
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I can relate to this.
 
Mwalker341 said:
I can relate to this.
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Me too. I end up asking them to spell it.

Last night I was on the phone with someone from my Auslan class and he was telling me his Facebook and email. It included numbers and one of them was "6". I had to ask him over and over and I thought he was saying "x". He ended up describing the Auslan sign for the number. I finally got it and cracked up laughing but it was ok because he understands that I'm HoH and has a daughter with CI's. Usually I get embarrassed and give up after several attempts.
 
whatdidyousay! said:
I agree about the pro deaf /anti hearing speeches being a bit too much.
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Anti hearing?!?! WHERE do you get THAT from? I'm simply saying that just as gay and lesbian people may feel more comfortable in places like Noho and P'Town or gay bars or gay cruises, it's a lot easier to relate socially and fit in with like people.
 
deafdyke said:
Anti hearing?!?! WHERE do you get THAT from? I'm simply saying that just as gay and lesbian people may feel more comfortable in places like Noho and P'Town or gay bars or gay cruises, it's a lot easier to relate socially and fit in with like people.
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Chill out ! I was not talking to you! I was talking to someone else! :roll:
 
I am a perfect example of that...I grew up in the hearing world and I struggled to fit in socially. I would drink booze in high school to help me at social events. Then, I learned ASL and discovered the Deaf community at 25 years old...since then, no issues with social skills with no communication barriers. The answer to that is yes.
 
Jane B. said:
Then quote what the other person wrote that you are responding to rather than have people guessing.
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she did quote the person she was speaking to (Tuscany).

However- that doesn't mean that somebody else can't come along and comment on what she may be saying directly to somebody else. If you (generic/general you) want to only speak to that person and not risk getting comments from anybody else, maybe a PM is in order. Speaking on a public forum, you will get responses from everybody even if you have already quoted a person directly.
 
Clau said:
Hi guys,

Im wodering if there's a link between being HOH and underdeveloped social skills. What do you think?
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Hearing and seeing have a lot to do with how we all interact with the world. Being able to listen to a person voice, tone or what they are doing speaks volumes about that person. When a hearing person speaks they can hear themselves speak and most of the time without knowing adjust their voice to use a proper tone.

When these people become hearing impaired they often speak loudly which might come off in a certain way because you cannot hear the tone of your voice well.

A good example here I went blind for two days. A deaf or hearing person can view a person from a person smile to a person getting angry. Again it speaks volumes. Not being able to see myself and the person I was speaking to a friend of mine told me my facial expressions came off as weird or creepy.

Context is everything.

I can't find it but a Nationwide insurance a couple years back had a man do a commerical that looked like he was a perverted man with a weird stare.

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090622105708AAHYBCf

Thats one of the many questions about the guy from back than but the insurance company did not show his dog nor mention he was plenty which weirded everyone out. Eventually they did show the FULL commerical which put some much needed context into his disability.
 
deafdyke said:
It depends... Yes, if you're totally immersed into the hearing world...You put so much energy into hearing and talking that you don't have a lot of energy for social skill interaction. However if you learn ASL and get involved in the Deaf community that social skill issue VANISHES!
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:lol: I just laugh about that bold word. Dont ask me why..
 
deafdyke said:
It depends... Yes, if you're totally immersed into the hearing world...You put so much energy into hearing and talking that you don't have a lot of energy for social skill interaction. However if you learn ASL and get involved in the Deaf community that social skill issue VANISHES!
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No it doesn't.

A shy clumsy person can be the same in both worlds.
 
Botts is right- I am like that in both 'worlds' (or any 'world' I am in at the moment). It is just more magnified in the hearing world than in the deaf world but I can tell you that I do have a hard time 'socializing' and holding conversations in the deaf world- a few of my friends can attest to that. Interestingly the only place I AM more sociable is... online. But even that changes from week to week.
 
Remember everyone have thier upbringing of approaching with any people. I have no problem at meeting a form of hearing losses people. I do not know what is it called awkaward with hearing people. I keep asking hearing people to say again, or write down on the note because the hearing people knew that i am an ASL user. Even when i met any hearing people who dont know me and talked to me. I signed to them, " what did you say, that makes them realize that i am Deaf. " some of them left, and some of them tried to talk to me. I do not feel akward but figuring out how to talk to them. SO Know what i m saying? My self esteem issue is NO problem but try to talk to them is something that i think of figuring out what or how to talk to them. I think iphone saves my life. Some of them cant read because they dont have glasses with them so i had to gesture somehow. oh well.
 
deafdyke said:
It depends... Yes, if you're totally immersed into the hearing world...You put so much energy into hearing and talking that you don't have a lot of energy for social skill interaction. However if you learn ASL and get involved in the Deaf community that social skill issue VANISHES!
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I disagree with this , it really depend on the situation ,and person . Some hoh people can feel comfortable in both worlds . Hearing people have poor social skills too . There is no needs to hut yourself off to the hearing world , if I had done that growing up I would off had no one to talk b/c there was other hoh or deaf around .
 
shel90 said:
I am a perfect example of that...I grew up in the hearing world and I struggled to fit in socially. I would drink booze in high school to help me at social events. Then, I learned ASL and discovered the Deaf community at 25 years old...since then, no issues with social skills with no communication barriers. The answer to that is yes.
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I did the same in High School. Since then, I moved around too much due to my ex being military so constantly had to lose friends and start all over.. After 17 years I just quit trying and kept it to small talk.. Now that I'm divorced, I'm stable location wise but seem to be stuck in my way of only making small talk and friendships outside of work or online just don't happen for me much. I get lonely from not having friends here and I want a few friends to hang out with, go hiking, kayaking or whatever sometimes. At the same time though, it's kinda nice not having anyone pester me to do anything that I might not be so interested in or whatever! :giggle:
 
deafdyke said:
It depends... Yes, if you're totally immersed into the hearing world...You put so much energy into hearing and talking that you don't have a lot of energy for social skill interaction. However if you learn ASL and get involved in the Deaf community that social skill issue VANISHES!
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Interesting stuff again. I was totally immersed in the hearing world and moving me into a deaf and ASL world would've been mind-blowing not only to me but to my family. Yes, hearing was exhausting but that's what I did and knew. ASL would've been a complete waste of time, my parents' money, and my effort. I'm obviously not a knock-not-knocking ASL. I'm simply writing my truth.

In the last six years, I've turned inward. But at least I got a decent and long career. Social skills ... I have them tucked away and use them as needed. Sometimes I'm okay and sometimes I'm not but it's what has been served to me. I think this is what whatdidyousay! said.
 
whatdidyousay! said:
I disagree with this , it really depend on the situation ,and person . Some hoh people can feel comfortable in both worlds . Hearing people have poor social skills too . There is no needs to hut yourself off to the hearing world , if I had done that growing up I would off had no one to talk b/c there was other hoh or deaf around .
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Yeah, me too (except I don't feel comfortable in the dDeaf world - don't know enough of it even though I lived in it for a little while years ago).
 
I've become so isolated the past several years. My hearing aid recently broke and I'm so filled with anxiety to even have another hearing test for a replacement. When I go in public, I pray no one starts a conversation with me. I spend a lot of time online because you can't hear anyone. You just read and post.

Last week I was in line at the grocery store and the bagger asked me if I needed help out. I understood him and said no. Then the girl at the register asked me the same thing but I couldn't understand what she was saying and told her I'm hard of hearing. So of course that means to a hearing person to keep saying the same thing over and over in a low voice like that's going to do anything. Pretty soon everyone in line screamed at me, "Do you want help out?" I was so humiliated. Seems like no one with normal hearing understands deafness.
 
Honeycat said:
I've become so isolated the past several years. My hearing aid recently broke and I'm so filled with anxiety to even have another hearing test for a replacement. When I go in public, I pray no one starts a conversation with me. I spend a lot of time online because you can't hear anyone. You just read and post.

Last week I was in line at the grocery store and the bagger asked me if I needed help out. I understood him and said no. Then the girl at the register asked me the same thing but I couldn't understand what she was saying and told her I'm hard of hearing. So of course that means to a hearing person to keep saying the same thing over and over in a low voice like that's going to do anything. Pretty soon everyone in line screamed at me, "Do you want help out?" I was so humiliated. Seems like no one with normal hearing understands deafness.
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Oh so very true, no one with normal hearing can even come close to what we go through. We all empathize with you on alldeaf, knowing exactly what you mean. It is some comfort to come to a place where we've had the same experiences.

Welcome and keep posting on alldeaf.
 
Honeycat said:
I've become so isolated the past several years. My hearing aid recently broke and I'm so filled with anxiety to even have another hearing test for a replacement. When I go in public, I pray no one starts a conversation with me. I spend a lot of time online because you can't hear anyone. You just read and post.

Last week I was in line at the grocery store and the bagger asked me if I needed help out. I understood him and said no. Then the girl at the register asked me the same thing but I couldn't understand what she was saying and told her I'm hard of hearing. So of course that means to a hearing person to keep saying the same thing over and over in a low voice like that's going to do anything. Pretty soon everyone in line screamed at me, "Do you want help out?" I was so humiliated. Seems like no one with normal hearing understands deafness.
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That's why I hang out here :D
 
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