Enough is Enough...

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ryancher

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As a mother to a severely hoh child, I am appalled at the way people bicker on here!

I came to this site for support, for people who understand and can relate.

Instead... I am constantly reading threads bombarded by people going back and forth arguging about pure nonsense. Not to mention, half of it I don't even understand because it has been ripped apart so much and examined.

Why does it matter what another person has chosen? Everyone has a right to their own opinion and their own choices. What is right for one person, may not be right for another. Cochlear Implants, Hearing Aids, ASL, Oral, SEE... and the list goes on.

Why does it honestly matter? We are all here for the same purpose. I hate the politics!

Tyler is the only person in our family (extended as well) with a hearing loss - obviously I would love him to become oral as that is the primary communication method within our family - but if he doesn't we will all adapt to what works for him. If he prefers ASL... we will learn ASL (we already are). But why tear me or anyone else up for wanting oral first?

The same goes for someone who wants a CI... they obviously have their own reasons, so why tear them up or disregard their feelings/opinions.

I am just so tired of being afraid to post here... or coming here to check on things and instead of receiving support or ideas, I'm constantly reading bickering nonsense.

I'm not from the deaf community... if it wasn't for Tyler, I would still be in the dark. But because of Tyler I am an outsider looking in now... and I will not allow him to be swallowed up in the idea that what we've taught him or raised him is wrong.

Does anyone know of a supportive online community for parents with deaf/hoh children?
 
:aw:here's my thoughts, it's up to you to take from it-

my experience on here is that people are very passionate about the need to put the child's needs first - the needs of child to have access to visual language. It is not about YOU and is nothing personal. My feeling is that Deaf people have a perspective that comes from being Deaf, and those of us not Deaf <I'm new hoh> who come here are guests here. For me, it is up to me to learn about and see from a different perspective, to learn to make a cognitive leap in couple different ways, which I think I've done. If I feel personally attacked -which I don't - I think I need to look at what is in me that makes me feel that way. If I wanted to know more about hearing perspective and falsity of idea of "choice", all I need to do is look around me. But that's not what I'm here for.
How your perceive your journey is up to you.
 
:aw:here's my thoughts, it's up to you to take from it-

my experience on here is that people are very passionate about the need to put the child's needs first - the needs of child to have access to visual language. It is not about YOU and is nothing personal. My feeling is that Deaf people have a perspective that comes from being Deaf, and those of us not Deaf <I'm new hoh> who come here are guests here. For me, it is up to me to learn about and see from a different perspective, to learn to make a cognitive leap in couple different ways, which I think I've done. If I feel personally attacked -which I don't - I think I need to look at what is in me that makes me feel that way. If I wanted to know more about hearing perspective and falsity of idea of "choice", all I need to do is look around me. But that's not what I'm here for.
How your perceive your journey is up to you.

:gpost:


Too often many of us grew up being forced to mold into the hearing's idea of what is considered successful only to have it backfire on us.

Putting oral only first puts deaf children at risks because not all of them will pick up on it and then they are the ones who end up with language delays. We are concerned for their needs, not the parents' needs because it has happened to many of us.
 
Putting oral only first puts deaf children at risks because not all of them will pick up on it and then they are the ones who end up with language delays. We are concerned for their needs, not the parents' needs because it has happened to many of us.

I understand what you are saying... and I appreciate the fact that you are concerned about the deaf children's needs... but try to put yourself in the parent's shoes... I'm not sure how many of you are parents are not?

My entire life my husband & I (and extended family) have only been exposed to "hearing". And then Tyler was given to us and we're left to navigate and figure out what we're supposed to do with a deaf son. Obviously, our first instinct is to get him amplified with ha's and look into the possibility of ci's. We are hearing and hearing is all we know. Spoken english is our first language. And the thought of not being able to communicate with our son is heart breaking and unimaginable. So obviously we wanted him to develop oral skills.

As time has gone on... we're slowly coming around to ASL... and we're now teaching Tyler and learning ourselves. But... we still hope and pray for his oral skills to develop. I hate the idea of Tyler being exposed to so much predjuice and mockery in his life. As his mother, I want to protect him from as much as I can.

I appreciate the deaf community putting Tyler's needs first over mine... that's what I want! I put Tyler's needs over and above mine every single day. But try to understand where we are coming from... hearing parents with deaf children.

I want to be able to post here and ask questions and not be afraid of the politics or getting torn apart.
 
Well ryancher interesting thoughts expressed.

Implanted Advanced Bionics-Harmony activated Aug/07
 
How much of this "intermural exercise" relevant to your actual experience with Tyler?

Implanted Advanced Bionics-Harmony activated Aug/07
 
I understand what you are saying... and I appreciate the fact that you are concerned about the deaf children's needs... but try to put yourself in the parent's shoes... I'm not sure how many of you are parents are not?

My entire life my husband & I (and extended family) have only been exposed to "hearing". And then Tyler was given to us and we're left to navigate and figure out what we're supposed to do with a deaf son. Obviously, our first instinct is to get him amplified with ha's and look into the possibility of ci's. We are hearing and hearing is all we know. Spoken english is our first language. And the thought of not being able to communicate with our son is heart breaking and unimaginable. So obviously we wanted him to develop oral skills.

As time has gone on... we're slowly coming around to ASL... and we're now teaching Tyler and learning ourselves. But... we still hope and pray for his oral skills to develop. I hate the idea of Tyler being exposed to so much predjuice and mockery in his life. As his mother, I want to protect him from as much as I can.

I appreciate the deaf community putting Tyler's needs first over mine... that's what I want! I put Tyler's needs over and above mine every single day. But try to understand where we are coming from... hearing parents with deaf children.

I want to be able to post here and ask questions and not be afraid of the politics or getting torn apart.

I understand how you feel but we also hope that you understand how we feel and why we feel strongly about a lot of things. Many of us feels that many hearing people dont really try to put themselves in our shoes.
 
I understand how you feel but we also hope that you understand how we feel and why we feel strongly about a lot of things. Many of us feels that many hearing people dont really try to put themselves in our shoes.

I try to put myself in your shoes (and Tyler's shoes) every waking moment. My entire world rotates around my children. Prior to Tyler, I never took a 2nd thought about deafness... but now it's part of my life.
 
Ryancher: The" intermural exercise" is the projection to the "hearing People" who " don't put themselves in our (deaf?) shoes"- labelled "audist".

It is ongoing debate on whether "deafness" is a "cultural classification" in sociology OR a fact in own's existence from various physical causes?

Implanted Advanced Bionics-Harmony activated Aug/07
 
Ryancher: The" intermural exercise" is the projection to the "hearing People" who " don't put themselves in our (deaf?) shoes"- labelled "audist".

It is ongoing debate on whether "deafness" is a "cultural classification" in sociology OR a fact in own's existence from various physical causes?

Implanted Advanced Bionics-Harmony activated Aug/07
 
Ryancher: The" intermural exercise" is the projection to the "hearing People" who " don't put themselves in our (deaf?) shoes"- labelled "audist".

It is ongoing debate on whether "deafness" is a "cultural classification" in sociology OR a fact in own's existence from various physical causes?

Implanted Advanced Bionics-Harmony activated Aug/07

No, hearing people who do not put themselves in our shoes arent automatically audist.

Those who see deafness and ASL as inferior are audist.
 
I try to put myself in your shoes (and Tyler's shoes) every waking moment. My entire world rotates around my children. Prior to Tyler, I never took a 2nd thought about deafness... but now it's part of my life.

What I meant was we, the adults, hope that people can put themselves in our shoes and understand why we feel strongly about the things that we value and get upset when hearing people devalue them.
 
I wholeheartedly agree with you. I haven't been posting much either due to the fact that I don't want to be in an argument with someone about what I believe is right or wrong or what I want for myself.

Ryancher there is NOTHING wrong with the choices you've made for your family and your son, just like other posters here who would rather their children know ASL only or ASL first and oral if it comes later or whatever.

A lot of posters here have apparently grown up being ridiculed etc and they're bitter, which is fair, that is their experience. I've experienced my own hurdles and rude ppl and sometimes it isn't fun..but that's life..No two people are the same and just because some ppl grew up a certain way and were treated by society then doesn't mean that is how society acts today or how someone else is raising their OWN children.

I think people here are a bit too quick to jump down parents throats...I mean we all get it a lot of the Deaf community doesn't like that parents choose CI first instead of trying out other methods. But if we constantly bicker and put down those parents what do you think their view is of the Deaf community and how are they to respect you when that's the first thing they get...ppl jumping down their throats and wondering and ridiculing THEM on what they're doing with their children.

I don't have children ..obvs..as everyone here mostly knows that..but if I wasn't deaf and was hearing and had children that couldn't benefit well from hearing aids...I would probably go for CI's ...that is just instinct for a parent to want the best for their child, and this is because they are hearing. I don't think there is anything wrong with a parent doing what they think is the best for their child...some ppl act like they are putting their deaf children through the ringer and beating them for goodness sake.

In my own opinion I think some ppl here need to re-evaluate why they post on here and what some threads have become due to bickering and fighting. Also before you hit that post button re-read what you've said and ask yourself if you were hearing or if this was u asking the original question would you really take kindly to a post like that and want to come back here and be a regular poster?

Lately I haven't posted as much because I'm afraid I'm gonna get bashed for my opinion. I should never have to feel that way and have never felt that way up until a few months ago...

Ryancher- I believe jenny could direct you to maybe other parents of deaf children in your area..as far as another online community I'm sure CI circle would be the best route because the parents there have gone through what you are going through at some point in time or are going through it now and thinking about a CI for their child..

sorry for such the long post...
 
Ryancher: an example of comments. I have mentioned many times I am Bilaterally deaf since December 20, 2006. I am not hearing now.

I have actually read about "so called cultural deafness" from a book in the Toronto library-
A journey into the DEAF-WORLD. Lane/Hoffmeister/Bahan. 1996. In Chapter 14 The Hearing Agenda 11 Eradicating the DEAF WORLD.page 379 to 407.

Whether anyone here in alldeaf.com subscribes to the above?

Implanted Advanced Bionics-Harmony activated Aug/07
 
.Ryancher read with interest the post of AliciaM.


Implanted Advanced Bionics-Harmony activated Aug/07
 
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Also another thing that many of us are puzzled at....


Why not give your deaf children both? Why limit to just the hearing world or just the deaf world?

What is wrong with both? Many of us support exposing kids to the hearing world along with the deaf world hence the use of both ASL and English.

I think that is where a lot of the arguments get started. I guess it is hard for many of us to understand the view that" if oral only doesnt work, we can use ASL later. "
 
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