Please! Advice needed badly!!! Only deaf in family/drama

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pixiestix

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Ugh, I don't know how to start.

I'm the only deaf in my family. I hate it especially around the holidays. Just my mom signs and my dad signs a little. Bro signs some, neice doesn't really sign and my great neice is trying (she's 5).

They don't make much effort to talk to me, I just feel so invisible. I feel so left out, and whenever I ask what they are talking about, they say oh nothing, it pisses me off. I get frustrated, then in turn my parents gets mad just cuz I feel frustrated and angry bec I feel left out then they accuse me of ruining the holidays every year. UGHHH I am not so looking forward to the holidays every year. Sometimes i feel like they are telling me that it is wrong to be mad. UGH, they just don't get it!!!!! I would love for my family to go 100% deaf for ONE DAY to see how I feel.

Also they don't understand that I can't always hear my voice (sometimes I do know when I m using my voice on purpose.) and they claim it is loud and it really hurts my feelings because I feel they can't accept me the way I am and I am getting tired of telling my parents "you have had me for 43 years and you should be used to it by NOW a long time ago" Whenever I have exciting news to share, and I don't know I use my voice, they hush me and it often bursts my bubbles, and then there's drama... bec I'm tired of this all.

But when it is just me and mom, we are fine, no problems, me, dad and mom just fine. but when the whole family are together, not fun and major drama.

My family doesn't seem to get it that it is very hard being deaf!

I am pretty sure this is not uncommon among deaf people.

Pls share your experiences, and how you solved it if any success. Thanks sooo much!!!
 
your story is same as our story. simple - don't go to family gathering anymore. If they're not going to include you as part of family gathering with full participation, what's the point?

good news? later on - they will feel bad about it and they will adjust their behaviors

bad news? they don't give a shit (I hope it doesn't come to this point!)
 
Jiro said:
your story is same as our story. simple - don't go to family gathering anymore. If they're not going to include you as part of family gathering with full participation, what's the point?

good news? later on - they will feel bad about it and they will adjust their behaviors

bad news? they don't give a shit (I hope it doesn't come to this point!)
Click to expand...

Exactly right!
 
Jiro said:
your story is same as our story. simple - don't go to family gathering anymore. If they're not going to include you as part of family gathering with full participation, what's the point?

good news? later on - some will feel bad about it and they will adjust their behaviors

bad news? they don't give a shit (I hope it doesn't come to this point!)
Click to expand...

I second this, as an only Deaf person in a family of hearing.
 
So I have couple questions:

1. When you are just alone with your mom or dad or ONE of family members, is it better?

2. In the general hearing world, do you feel left out such as at work, or anything?

For me, at work I never feel left out, the hearies here are really wonderful and they always try to make an effort to make me feel included! Why can't family members be that way too????? UGHHH!!
 
Jiro said:
your story is same as our story. simple - don't go to family gathering anymore. If they're not going to include you as part of family gathering with full participation, what's the point?

good news? later on - they will feel bad about it and they will adjust their behaviors

bad news? they don't give a shit (I hope it doesn't come to this point!)
Click to expand...

I thrice this.
 
I am the only deaf in my family as well, and I can very much relate to how hard it is in family gatherings. There was actually another thread about this a little while back in which a lot was said by many. Maybe you can find that thread and see if anything helps you there. :)
 
pixiestix said:
So I have couple questions:

1. When you are just alone with your mom or dad or ONE of family members, is it better?

2. In the general hearing world, do you feel left out such as at work, or anything?

For me, at work I never feel left out, the hearies here are really wonderful and they always try to make an effort to make me feel included! Why can't family members be that way too????? UGHHH!!
Click to expand...

Ditto.... Been there and got the t-shirt!

Good thing i work at deaf school and have absolute no problem having new collegues as friends (they was my teachers too!!) I have only been there 3 weeks never felt so relaxed at work!!
 
Yes I am the only deaf in the family, One day I walked out of family gathering after being left without anyone talking to me at all for an hour. My immediate family did not notice!!... When they did, they were cross but I pointed out thats how i feel when i am not noticed! ever since they make sure i am involved!! (31 years too late in my opinion!)
 
I have complained over and over with them, and they don't seem interested and tells me to stop complaining. They don't seem interested in resolving this issue. :sad:
 
pixiestix said:
So I have couple questions:

1. When you are just alone with your mom or dad or ONE of family members, is it better?

2. In the general hearing world, do you feel left out such as at work, or anything?

For me, at work I never feel left out, the hearies here are really wonderful and they always try to make an effort to make me feel included! Why can't family members be that way too????? UGHHH!!
Click to expand...

1. yes. I like small group
2. at work? no. at deaf event or my deaf group? no. at hearing group? yup.
 
pixiestix said:
I have complained over and over with them, and they don't seem interested and tells me to stop complaining. They don't seem interested in resolving this issue. :sad:
Click to expand...

understandable. if they do not wish to resolve with it, the best you can resolve with it is to stop going to family event. go hang out with your friends instead. or invite your relative(s) over as a small group.
 
souggy said:
I think... I am going to let Jiro do all of my postings from now on in all topics-- even the political ones.

Seconded.
Click to expand...

lol don't make me do all the work! :mad2:
 
Jiro said:
your story is same as our story. simple - don't go to family gathering anymore. If they're not going to include you as part of family gathering with full participation, what's the point?

good news? later on - they will feel bad about it and they will adjust their behaviors

bad news? they don't give a shit (I hope it doesn't come to this point!)
Click to expand...

That is why I am living out of state. Good excuse for not going to the family gatherings.
 
Jiro said:
understandable. if they do not wish to resolve with it, the best you can resolve with it is to stop going to family event. go hang out with your friends instead. or invite your relative(s) over as a small group.
Click to expand...

Or You may ask your friend to join with you and your family and let them see for themselve. Or they may be please.
 
Frisky Feline said:
Or You may ask your friend to join with you and your family and let them see for themselve. Or they may be please.
Click to expand...

That is also a good advice.

What I did was with my sister is to take her with me to a party a long time ago where ALL deaf people were there (no hearing peeps in sight). Everybody was signing. She can sign pretty well to carry a conversation one on one but in a group conversation, that's where she pretty much lost it. She kept asking me over and over again saying "What did he/she say?" I kept telling her "Later. Nevermind. It's not that important" so and on. She eventually got infuriated and got mad at me for doing that. I told her, that is exactly how I felt when I was around with you guys. She finally was able to understand that.

Perhaps, that may work as well. What works for one may not work for another.
 
pixiestix said:
Ugh, I don't know how to start.

I'm the only deaf in my family. I hate it especially around the holidays. Just my mom signs and my dad signs a little. Bro signs some, neice doesn't really sign and my great neice is trying (she's 5).

They don't make much effort to talk to me, I just feel so invisible. I feel so left out, and whenever I ask what they are talking about, they say oh nothing, it pisses me off. I get frustrated, then in turn my parents gets mad just cuz I feel frustrated and angry bec I feel left out then they accuse me of ruining the holidays every year. UGHHH I am not so looking forward to the holidays every year. Sometimes i feel like they are telling me that it is wrong to be mad. UGH, they just don't get it!!!!! I would love for my family to go 100% deaf for ONE DAY to see how I feel.

Also they don't understand that I can't always hear my voice (sometimes I do know when I m using my voice on purpose.) and they claim it is loud and it really hurts my feelings because I feel they can't accept me the way I am and I am getting tired of telling my parents "you have had me for 43 years and you should be used to it by NOW a long time ago" Whenever I have exciting news to share, and I don't know I use my voice, they hush me and it often bursts my bubbles, and then there's drama... bec I'm tired of this all.

But when it is just me and mom, we are fine, no problems, me, dad and mom just fine. but when the whole family are together, not fun and major drama.

My family doesn't seem to get it that it is very hard being deaf!

I am pretty sure this is not uncommon among deaf people.

Pls share your experiences, and how you solved it if any success. Thanks sooo much!!!
Click to expand...

i know all this too well im only deaf one in 600 years family history on my grandma genealogy book lol. imagine that. what i do is keep it to myself and keep asking what when one person isnt talking to get brief overview whats being going on theres not much you nor I can do about this really it sucks
 
My brother and I go thru this constantly with our families too with the addition of the burden of being asked to interpret for my brother.
 
Jolie77 said:
That is also a good advice.

What I did was with my sister is to take her with me to a party a long time ago where ALL deaf people were there (no hearing peeps in sight). Everybody was signing. She can sign pretty well to carry a conversation one on one but in a group conversation, that's where she pretty much lost it. She kept asking me over and over again saying "What did he/she say?" I kept telling her "Later. Nevermind. It's not that important" so and on. She eventually got infuriated and got mad at me for doing that. I told her, that is exactly how I felt when I was around with you guys. She finally was able to understand that.

Perhaps, that may work as well. What works for one may not work for another.
Click to expand...

Jolie, I love your idea!! I may try that with my son someday! It drives me nuts when he refuses to sign for me. Sometimes even my daughter gets like that. That sounds like a very good exercise for those hearies that *just dont get it*.
 
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