Late Deafened....When did you Come out of the Closet

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ptcallaghan

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Another thread I am posting in brought to mind a question...

For those that are late deafened or late HOH...how long did you wait before finally admitting that you were having hearing troubles..

I dont mean to your close loved ones, but to everyone else...obviously you cant hide it from your spouse or close family, but friends, colleauges...the general public.

What made you jump up and down and say Im deaf damnit....get used to it....

Im still on the fence on this one...not too many people know I am severely HOH outside of those I interact with on a daily basis. And before the deaf activists jump on me asking what I am ashamed of....its not that at all...once you have heard perfectly for 30 odd years, to lose that is a major life altering adjustment...some of us just take longer thats all
 
hmm i never really thought about ever hiding it since it was apparent that I wasn't hearing well..never hid it from anyone..lol the fact that i wear color hearing aids prob alerts ppl b4 i do anyway:)
 
Lol...if its those Zebra print ones in your profile pic...yah they would be hard to miss...

See I have a hearing aid (for my better ear) but I still was not getting any really useful material from it...still very poor speech recog...

So I look normal, speak normal and am pretty darn good at lip reading along with the little i get from hearing I can fake a conversation with the best of them....of course when i get it wrong I end up with people giving me some mighty confused looks...

If it wasnt for your visible hearing aids would you come out and tell everyone you meet....I am HOH please talk to me directly??

There is no doubt that I have become alot more introverted and just avoid people as much as I can...that helps....or does it make it worse...hmmmm
 
yes i do actually:) there are plenty of times that I don't go out with my hearing aids or forget them :s lol and I always make sure that if it's gonna be a convo and I don't know the person I usually let them know I'm deaf ..i had to do that today..had an orientation and I had no notetaker and forgot my hearing aids and i was a bit lost but they tried to help me as much as possible. I mean from time to time..veryyyy rare but once in a while I get the odd person who gives me a dirty look because of my hearing aids or someone is rude to me and tells me to just listen..but again it's rare ...most ppl are just curious and are actually more scared there not accomodate you properly cuz they just aren't aware of how to act around deaf people.

Also if you do ever start feeling comfortable telling people oh if you don't mind could you face me more or talk a bit slower I'm deaf and I read lips or whatever don't be surprised if ppl say wow you talk to well or they themselves will go into a full blown convo how they think they are losing hearing or their husbands sisters sons best friend is deaf...ppl like to show that they are connected and not ignorant lol
 
Yeah I guess I need to start being more proactive about it...I mean I am a generally shy person anyways and now that has just amplified it enormously.

I am glad my current job doesnt require a lot of interaction with the public. I generally deal with my 8 or so coworkers who all know and are pretty good about it all. If we are working in the field and someone comes along, they generally handle the convo...or answer for me if I dont get what is being asked.

it is amazing how much I depend on lipreading now...
 
i lipread a lot too and i generally am drained after doing it as well..and odd q are u a guy or a girl ? lol i can't tell my ur AD username
 
Still have one foot in the closet lol I hid it from everyone for as long as I could including the Deaf community (my daughter is Deaf, goes to Deaf school)

I still use the term HOH

Stick around here, most of the people are very nice and have GREAT advice!
 
I grew up being labelled HoH, until just recently I began ID-ing myself as severely-deaf ever since I came here to AllDeaf and got to know the Deaf Community for the first time. I now introduce myself when I meet someone for the first time, I say "Just so that you know, I lipread". That usually 'breaks the ice'. I get different reactions to that for which I have ready responses:

1. "You're Deaf? Oh ok, I will keep that in mind" - someone that is not entirely ignorant.
Response: Thank you (no explanation needed and carry on with conversation)

2. "Oh I'm so sorry" - someone who is totally ignorant
Response: No need to be sorry. God designed me this way, I'm Deaf with a Purpose. :smile:

3. "Do you use sign?" and starts in on sign language - someone who is familar with HoH/Deaf
Response: Start signing back of course. :smile:

4. Then there is the absolute fool who doesn't 'get' it and ignores what you said.
Response: Don't give them the time of day, politely excuse yourself and move on.
 
Never hid my hearing loss. I don't tell people "up front", only when I'm having trouble hearing/understanding (I hear/understand pretty good with my HAs) what they're saying.

I don't think most people notice hearing aids (even BTEs). I get mine noticed because I wear jewelry on the tubes (currently wearing a charm holder). I had colored earmolds in the past, but my current earmolds didn't come in colors. :(
 
Wirelessly posted

Yes, you are right loveblue, the situation doesn't always call for an introductry line...sometimes I won't mention it unless it becomes apparent that I need to tell them.
 
Wirelessly posted

Deleted double post.
 
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If it's important that I be able to communicate with the person, long term, I explain that I don't hear right and I need to be able to lip read. If I don't need to communicate, long term, no, I don't say anything. (ie: grocery store, gas station)
 
I wish my dad would come out of the closet with his hearing issues. I think he would benefit from a HA but he refuses to go get one.

I can undy about being ashamed of it...tried to hide my deafness as a child but it was impossible for me to fool anyone. I "came" out at 28 years old.
 
ok, I'm late hoh and I don't hide it. Now I'm not saying both are same but I tell people about my LD and I tell people that I'm hoh, and I tell 'em - no, it's not a problem, no, don't be sorry. Not that it's the first thing I bring up in conversation with a hearing person, but if it seems to "fit in", I'll be very open about it.
If I'm in conversation with someone who is Deaf or may sign, then it's part of the intro.
 
I never really hid it. My father had a hearing aid from the time before I was born, so I knew there was nothing to hide. It was hard growing up in an area that no one knew anything except my father and I, but I seem to have made it through without too many problems. Wish I had more opportunities while growing up, but, in retrospect, I think it's what made me strong at some things.
 
AliciaM - I am a dude...I suppose in hindsight I should have picked a more gender based nickname...but I was lacking in originality the day I signed up..

My name is Patrick....feel free to use that instead if so desired

Others - It is really interesting to hear different takes on the matter...for those who have had some degree of hearing difficulty since they were born (or young) you grew up in that world and are probably much more comfortable explaining it to people.

For the late deafened/late hoh peeps....after living 27 years in the hearing world...it is a real adjustment....I still like to believe I am getting everything that goes on in the world...lol...unfortunately I am sadly mistaken...I am constantly asking "what did he/she say" to the people I am with....some are good about it...others laugh(not people I tend to associate with)

I think there are alot of people still in the closet...some may be lurking here and hopefully this discussion helps...many others are off in their own silent world not willing to admit there is a problem
 
I had some or a lot of my hearing until I was in my 30's. Went from a mild loss to severe loss from birth to 38. Then total deaf at 43. Still was a shock, but I would never have hidden it for anything. It was and is a part of me, so why not let everyone know all about me? I was never ashamed or embarrassed by it. That is one major thing I can thank my family for. My father gave me a lot of support. Mother did not understand, but supported me and my brothers could hardly care, but did help when they could. I was more embarrassed by my weight gain than anything.
 
growing up in a small town I can honestly say I only remember one girl in elementary school who had hearing aids....fast forward to high school...no one i knew...and since...I mean sure I have seen people with hearing aids...but never interacted with them on a daily basis....perhaps this has something to do with my hesitancy to self-identify
 
ptcallaghan said:
growing up in a small town I can honestly say I only remember one girl in elementary school who had hearing aids....fast forward to high school...no one i knew...and since...I mean sure I have seen people with hearing aids...but never interacted with them on a daily basis....perhaps this has something to do with my hesitancy to self-identify
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I was the only kid in my small town with hearing aids. That's from 1st grade until 10th grade. There was only 1 high school and the senior class was only 134 students. Moved between 10th & 11th grade and went to a large town, still was the only kid with hearing loss (no aids by then due to them being damaged or lost). My graduating class was 987 then. School was split sessions due to the sheer volume of students. They have since enlarged the school (it's 3 times bigger and again too small).
 
wow...I think my graduating class may have been like 40 or 50 (if that)...sorta forget...it was small though...town was about 8000 peeps at that time
 
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