Married ladies and Men

FadedRose

FadedRose

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I cannot for the life of me get my husband to learn ASL. I am Oral Deaf but wish to use ASL. How did you get your Wife/Husband to learn ASL? What was the turning point? Did any marriages end over lack of communicating despite loving each other? Although I love my husband I sometimes do wonder if I'd be happier with a Deaf man. But I'm willing to grow old with this guy. He's only interested in learning the bad words and racial slurs in ASL. He likes to use the sign for flat nose to refer to an african american and would just laugh. This was just annoying and just down right rude for him to do. If he wants sex he'll do the crude uh, finger in hole sign from across the room....or the sign for condom.

c'mon now...:giggle: I'm rolling my eyes typing this. He acts like no one else knows sign and it's just embarrassing when he does the crude signs in public thinking he's communicating with me only in some kind of morse code forgetting that ASL is actually offered as a college course.

He's young-29. So am I. Think he'll be doing the same when he's 40?

:giggle:
 
You love this guy? Racial slurs (even ASL), sex talk, and expletives?

He sounds like a self-centered jerk from your description. That type doesn't go out of their way to make life easy for others. Good luck.
 
Wow!! My girlfriend had often asked me if I would rather date a person who is deaf? Would I rather date a person who is fluent in ASL? I told her no. I alway told her how much I appreciate that she is working hard on learning ASL. I always told her I know that people have to start somewhere. I know you're getting better and better.

Believe it or not, but she looked into taking ASL class on her own. I did not ask her to take cclass. She is sooo excited to be taking ASL class in January. I did not have to motivate her. She is the one who always ask for ASL homework. Heck, she even has her Mom take class with her!!

So if a person has no self motivation to learn ASL to make a relationship work, then I wish them good luck. They have their work cut to make relationship work.
 
Please encourage your husband to listen the loud music. In few years later, he will become deaf in no time and realize he need alternative communicate. Ta-da!
 
Have you already tried having the intelligent kind of conversation where you explain that this is important to you and that you would really appreciate him learning? With the intelligent, caring men, this is usually all it takes. But you seem to have snagged yourself a good caveman (Congrats! :ugh2:). In that case, the only way you can get him to sign is to refuse to communicate in any other way and refuse to give him what he wants until he agrees to gives you what you want. It's a risk to the health of the relationship, but if it's that important to you, then it's worth taking.

Or, you might compromise and offer that both of you take an ASL class together at the local community college?
 
He sounds like a real winner! Very immature. If he doesn't want to learn on his own without being told, then it's a lost cause. He's 29! Not 9.
 
I totally agree with all of the comments about my husband. It is true but he does have a soft side and is a teddy bear when he wants to be. I have had the "intelligent" discussion regarding learning ASL and he did seem to care and was willing to learn but "not now". He can be quite the jerk and has a very sharp tounge with wits to match but his immaturity at times is really annoying and he's only this way with me. He's a spineless creature with everyone else which to me is annoying. For the most part he's a decent guy but if he finds something amusing and knows it'll annoy me he'll do his best to annoy me. He's the kind of guy that will say whatever just to see my reaction but if he takes it too far he always says he's sorry. I'm used to dating or have been mainly with older men. The oldest being 30 when I was 19 so when I met my husband 8 years ago it took some time getting used to how immature he can be on some subjects. This isn't something he does on a daily basis. It's been well over a few months since he's even tried to sign with me. I quit pressing the issue and figured he'll learn when he's ready and really wants to.

Yes...I'm well aware I married an asshole. :) But he's a loving asshole although he can be quite the "kid" for the most part I only see that crap. He's mature around everyone else except me because he knows he can cut loose with me. We're best buds BUT it doesn't excuse how he decided to use his new vocabulary. :)
 
you might compromise and offer that both of you take an ASL class together at the local community college?

He has been open to learning with me at the local community college just WHEN will he go is the pressing issue...:roll:
 
Spend the money on it and go- or set a deadline

or abstain form some activity until there is a committed time to go?

not sure on this one...
 
I cannot force him thats obvious. I also created this thread for other married couples if there are any hearing/Deaf that had this same issue and to ask when did the hearing partner decide to learn asl for you? If not willing at first how did YOU get them to learn? :)

If the thread dies that's ok!
 
Jaspheth said:
I cannot force him thats obvious. I also created this thread for other married couples if there are any hearing/Deaf that had this same issue and to ask when did the hearing partner decide to learn asl for you? If not willing at first how did YOU get them to learn? :)

If the thread dies that's ok!
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If there are other people with whom you sign, sign with them when he is around. Eventually, he may get tired of being left out of the conversation.

Also, trying signing with him while you talk so he will get used to seeing the signs.

It's not a good arrangement and he should make an effort. Perhaps there is some other reason preventing him from learning like being dyslectic or something?
 
You know, it amazes me how married people ask for sex. Being a single, deaf, guy, it just makes my jaw drop.
 
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VacationGuy234 said:
You know, it amazes me how married people ask for sex. Being a single, deaf, guy, it just makes my jaw drop.
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:shock: I've never run into a married man that has indicated he'd like something more. Marriage to me is sacred and it's something that I don't feel that is respected enough. The ones you've run into are a shame and should not have married to begin with if they still act like they are single. When you marry it's no longer "me" or "I". It's "us", "we".

I'd like to hear more! I've been hit on by single men who were not aware I was married but never have I been bothered by a married man and single or not if one does show me attention I ignore them. Ah, yes window shopping is ok but that is all. :) Men do it all the time just don't touch! It's a no, no!

Have you had a married woman hit on you before? It sounds like it!:laugh2:

Best advice I can give is to run, and run as fast as you can in the other direction. :eek3:
 
As for the hubby learning ASL, he's an avid deer hunter and is always complaining when I tag along how loud I am. I sneaked in a "wanna learn ASL" comment and a little light bulb went off.

:giggle:

He's for using sign in the woods...:roll:it's a start. :giggle:
He can finger spell and it's a start. We'll see how long it lasts oh, I bet until deer season ends. But there is always next year....:laugh2:
 
mbrek said:
You love this guy? Racial slurs (even ASL), sex talk, and expletives?

He sounds like a self-centered jerk from your description. That type doesn't go out of their way to make life easy for others. Good luck.
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He is sound more like a racist if he only was to learn racist signs! I would not waste my time with the creep!
 
My hubby learned ASL by being around my deaf freinds and deaf roomates. My ex hubby refused to learn ASL when we were married. Ironically after we split up, his first girlfriend was an aspiring ASL terp and his ASL skills improved with her. Now, he is pretty fluent. Go figure, heh?

You have to ask yourself this...how important is it to you for him to learn ASL?
 
shel90 said:
My hubby learned ASL by being around my deaf freinds and deaf roomates. My ex hubby refused to learn ASL when we were married. Ironically after we split up, his first girlfriend was an aspiring ASL terp and his ASL skills improved with her. Now, he is pretty fluent. Go figure, heh?

You have to ask yourself this...how important is it to you for him to learn ASL?
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Hey, I don't blame u for hoping your ex woulId learn ask out of love. See now he's probably only now learning when it got into his head he can earn $$ as a interpter. It was for money so yeah .. true colors eh?

:hmm:
 
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