illustrator

From what I hear many stories from real life that deafie seem have no future. In first place, I was angry on them.

No... I blame their parents for not teach them something right. They seem give hard time on hearing impaired child.

NOTE: It's about hearing parents not deaf parents....

I have seen several parents are so rude! How can they live like that? It's completed different from what I compare to my parents. I know very few hearing parents are very sweet and will do anything to make hearing impaired become succesful like me.

Few? It's not enough! I think there need to have something pshyology to teach something that future parents need know and how to make great deal with hearing impaired children. It's okay to have sign language or not. But, more important is how to make children to live in their future.

What's your thought about hearing parents? Share!

Deafness

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ChelEler

Good topic. My hearing parents encouraged me to be successful. They never said anything negative about me as a deaf person. I do not know anything about others, because I always look up my parents.

I have never thought of that hearing parents put down deaf children like you said in your post, Illustrator.

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Mistyrose

Me too, ChelEler..i was lucky to have good parents who never taught me anything negative about my deafness..they have taught me that i can do anything i want to do regardless of my hearing loss..what angers them the most is the ignorance and negativity of some hearing people! They have put some people in place by jumpin on their arses cuz they are so unbelievably ignorant and stupid!...so i really had no problems with my parents.

Cheri

Yes, I know what you meant My Mom is One of those People who Think so Less of Deaf People.. U all know the Story I do not wanna repeat it again.


I don't understand why Hearing Parents can think so much Negitives instead of the Postives things that we Can Do; not Can't do.

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VamPyroX

I've had my parents tell me that if I'm not religious, I will have no future.

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Maria

My hearin' parents never taught me about life or future when I was young. I learned it on my own the hard way after the age of 18 and thru the walk of life from people.

TweetyBird

my mom dont do that to me cuz of she love deaf people... sometime she got mad cuz of some hearing people wont learn how sign to their deaf kids, deaf kids dont know how signs... soemtime my mom got mad.. she love skill signs... i love her death!

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illustrator

That's few I actually met deaf who have bad parents, manage to doing well. I am surprise. Some of them prove that their parents are wrong!

RosesNY

Yes i know what you mean my mom never do that to me she let me do but she wants me be open to her and ask her things and she always tell me what is going on .

Angel

I understand what you guys mean here.....

It the same thing with my parents...Sometimes they will think ' Oh she can't do it because she can't hear or she couldn't work there because it too dangerous ' etc.....I am kind of tired of hearing that sometimes....It almost like why can't I least try?.....

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Maria

Exactly ! My hearin' parents want to know everything about me, but they taught me nuthin' so, in return they knew nuthin' from me. (I still love them with all my heart, but ....tsk !)

CatoCooper13

My parents did a wonderful job in raising my baby sister and myself in a good way -- they went great lengths to ensure that we both got the best type of education and got exposure in the deaf community and in general as well.

I pity those who didn't. My ex-step son's deaf and his english skills really STINKS and he can't read nor write properly...thanks to his stupid mother for pulling him out of at least 8 different schools and refusing to acknowledge the fact that he should have gone to a deaf school.
When he used to come and visit with my hubby and I -- he'd always ask me what was said on TV -- couldn't read nor follow the captions at all! Pathetic, hey?

But now since we're estranged from the children -- it's no longer my problem to worry about. It's the damn bloody stupid c*nt's problem, not ours. :madfawk:

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BigSpike

yes I understand...I experienced thin and thick with my parents..it is part of life crisis, we will always had to face and deal with it even it sound UNFAIR!

Mizzou

Yes, I see this and there from deafies. My parents done well with me but sometimes say in "can not" when they are in kind of down. I told them to remind to deafies can... they keep saying things are odd about deafies can not that what hearies had. They love me no matter what.

VamPyroX

This is a big issue with deaf students at NTID/RIT. Many parents spoil their kids and keep them isolated from the outside world until they graduate. Since they're isolated, they don't experience relationships, parties, friends, socializing, etc. They don't even experience any manners such as greetings, farewells, tipping, etc. When they come to college, they're so used to their isolated lifestyle that they strive for freedom. When I say freedom, I don't mean... free to do what they want. I mean, free to do EVERYTHING! That's when they go out and party their asses off getting drunk and stoned. They get in relationships and get all upset about it. They get depressed and suicidal. They have no manners, proper greetings and farewells, they don't even tip well! I've spoken with a lot of deaf students at NTID/RIT. Many of them tell me about how they stayed home a lot and how their parents spoiled them. When I go to parties, it's those students that I see getting drunk off of their asses and smoking up until they pass out. I've seen these students getting in relationships and immediately become too attached that they're practically living together already! This leads to a lot of jealousy issues and then problems arise, they get depressed and suicidal. I'm always seeing and hearing about suicide attempts while I'm living in the dorms at RIT. As for tipping, I see about 95% of all hearies giving tips and 95% of all deafies not giving tips. When I ask them why they didn't tip, know what they tell me? "What for? I only wanted the food, I don't care about their service!" I have friends who work as waiters and waitresses at various restaurants. Know that they tell me? Their worse customers are the deaf ones because they almost never tip.

It all comes to how kids are raised by their parents. I have friends who are great tippers. They have no problems with relationships. They are very friendly with everyone else, especially hearing people. How is that so? They were raised with freedom at home. They could stay out with a negotiable curfew. They were permitted to get jobs. They were able to go out and have Halloween or Christmas parties with their friends. That's what I will give my kids if they were ever deaf.

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RosesNY

Hey VamPyroX that is so ture about tipping
One time i went to Pizza hut and i have 4 deafies freinds with me
when we are done my man put tips down i see almost of deaf people don't put thirs tips and i know one of my freind order lot of food for him and no tips and i ask why he say don;t have to beause he pay money for this food i don't say anything about it beause i don't wants to start the problems with him.

You are right about some parents spoil thirs child i have a freind like that her parents won't let her go out with my freinds and me too they wants her to be with her since they wants her to stay out the trouble. Even i am not troubles maker they do let her go out with me but not allow her go to deaf club and not allow her go to far away somewhere. Almost of time she was stuck and crying to me i try help her but she won't stand up for her and then 2 years later she met a man that make her happy and they got marriage I ask her how she feel about being marriage she say she feel free from her parents i told her i see that well marriage is not about free and she say she know but she feel like she is free from her parents. I been talk to her for a while she still the same and her parents still tell her what to do Geezz I don't know if she know what she is doing. I did try help her but she won't listen to me


Well i am very close to my mom but sometimes i got upset with her because she put me down when she put me down i got mad at told her ok i will not say anything about me what i am been doing beause she always put me down . One time she come to my house for a week and my man own that house i know the house still look like 1970"s, The house was a gift from my man 's granada. And tell me what need to be fix the house always clean but the wall look old and i say to my mom HUH it take time to make the house look better and everything cost money so it have to wait and i told her if she don't like it then don't say anything about it and we are take our time to make the house look good. She say nothing i hate that when she put me down
My dad is ok to me we never got close beause he don't make time to understand me he always ask my mom what i saying I hate that when he do that it make me feel like i am dumb preson. I did tell him how i feel but He still don't got it we still talking always short talk and ask my mom what is going on. My aunt ALWAYS ALWAYS ask me lot of things because i live on my own now she ask me like how can i cook when i can't hear i told her i stay there when i cook i don;t leave the room and i know what am i doing and she telling me that why not go out with a man that can hear i told her well it my life if she don't like it then don;t ask me I am not dumb i know what am i doing and i am doing fine since . My brothers is ok to me my older brother and i got along very good he let me do whatever i wants when i was with him he always tell me what is wrong to right. I like that very much. My young brother and i ALWAYS hate each other we got so mean to each other righ now we got along and now we understand why we do this. I am not allow any one put me down if they do i will talk to them back

BigSpike

I strongly supported this statment HOW TRUE....I have notice this alot myself and it did happened to myself, I am thankful this I learned it before it is too late...

HelloKittyGal

There was never EVER a time that my hearing mother (divorced) said I couldn't do anything. My father never did either, but I did not live with him the past 11 years, so I cannot say anything else. He does encourage me to stay in college though.

The only times when my mother just frustrated me is when I was always quiet around her friends and social settings. She never could understand my frustration why I remained quiet and not verbalize. It's because people were hard to lipread, and I just did not want to put up with the 'not understanding' frustration. I would tell her several times, but I don't think she believed me 100 percent. She wanted me to be what I describe 'a huge butterfly' in the social aspect. I told her to read 2 books (Yes You can, Heather! and Wired for Sounds by Beverly Bidderman, she could use reading Listening to My Heart, too) to help her understand many of my frustration as a deaf person, but she never read them. She never reads anything I tell her to read! If I leave it on the table for her to read, it's still laying around unread! It can be frustrating, but she never told me I couldn't do anything. The only person who said I couldn't do things is me.

She never let me be embarrassed about my deafness, but I remember one time when they took pictures of me...my earmolds were exposed, and I remember her being very angry and wanted them redone. I remember not understand what was so shameful about them. I think I was about 5. To this day, she still 'suffers' if I wear earmolds. She doesn't disallow me to wear earmolds or expose my hearing aids, but she says that it's painful for her to see my earmolds. That.... is something I could never understand--her pain.

I believe that many parents of deaf children should have some monthly classes to help them cope. I have learned as I grew older that there are meetings at local hospitals about it and many online sites to learn about deaf children, but my mother was not the type of person to be motivated to search out those things. I don't think they are things that OCCURED to her to find out.

MsGiglz

Dont be angry with your parents... they are trying their best and they love you and over protected you.. I am sure it's not their fault raised you that what you dont like about.. they get feedback from Doctors, Schools, and Friends.. I am sure that its very difficult issues for them to talk about.. just like a handicapped child that newly or whatever parents are very akward or dont know what to do then work and follow through the child's life.. becomes habit to still overprotect.. even at my age, my mom still "scold" or telling me what to do.. its her habit.. Love your parents .. if you dont like about your past.. or not happy.. forgive them.. and tell them. you love them..
Honestly, I was angry child for long time, because one of my parents wanted me have my hearings back.. think its a cure.. surgery is an answer.. etc etc.. I dont want anything of those.. and my dad dont want me go to school for the deaf.. he wanted his children to stay at home, so he see them everyday like family should be.. but now I looked back.. Thanked my parents for hard learned and good opporuinty for me to face hard life that i can face things if fall on my hands being so hard.. and deal them nicely!

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Fly Free

Vampy -- so very true!!!!!! *nodding in agreement* ive noticed the same thing!!!

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januaryhands

Its amazing how many people seem to have an idea on how to bring up deaf or hearing impaired children.

After I was diagnosed deaf at the age of 2 and a half, my parents were told that deaf children only had the volcubulary ranging from a 6-8 year old and would not be able to match academic standards of children their age and that deaf children were best off being placed into a deaf unit and not socialising with hearing children at all.

Some people also believe in not using sign language whereas some others believe in sign language but not giving them oral skills (training them with speech therapy and lipreading skills) - its a dog eat dog world!

Some people also fail to put in consideration the child's socialisation skills. Some deaf children are not taught to understand the necessity of manners, conversation skills, the need for socialisation with other peers etc... It saddens me to see this happening even to this day.

But it does come down to what the parents are prepared to do with their children.

Are they prepared to go through the heartache and the "hard work" of teaching their child language, social and communication skills?

Or just simply pushing their child to one side or handing their child over to a "professional"?

When I say "hard work" - I was being scarastic as some people believe that a child with a disability is too much to handle - hence it being "hard work" Mind you, I am also a bit wary of "professionals" as I don't believe they are always right.

Thats just my opinion.

I am very glad that my parents decided to love me as a "normal child" but really we are normal too - our ears just don't work properly or not at all... I was bought up to use both sign and oral skills. I was taught via mainstream. I socialised with both deaf and hearing peers. (To be honest, I socialised more with hearing peers rather than deaf peers) I am now studying psychology at university. And not once, has my parents doubted my ability. They have fully encouraged me to attain my dreams and desires.

VamPyroX

Yep, the funny thing is... it's an intersting subject I've analyzed myself ever since I came to RIT.

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BigSpike

I do respect your thought toward this but keep in mind, I heard there are many stories this parents are full of cruel and dont care for their disability for example, some full mental retarded person wud be much of burden..so parents wanted to give it away and dont want any connect with them just simple example...smile

Kalista

Blame parents ??? From my point of view, the children grew up where they went to Deaf, mainstream or oral schools. They taught them how to manner or not...

For example, I went to my friends's wedding few years ago. We did not get any thank you cards from them what we had given a good gifts. How could they do to us? How could they learn how to manner to writing a formal Thank You cards ?

Give a person a riding home in hour hour. Did not say thank you.

I notice, some of them who grew up in mainstream or oral schools. Did not do inappropriated to saying, excuse me, thank you or let other people's home that they cancel their plan or come in late, etc... no manner...

Show up at family's dinner time without any call. They expect us to feeding them a dinner with us. We were not invited them. They have to wait in the living room until we ate finish our dinner.

How dare they do rude to other people ?? Do their parents or school responsbility to teaching them how to manner ??

Liza

Hmm... class is sought, not taught methinks! And I aint talkin' about the kind you take at school. I'm talking about taking responsibilities for your own social education and well being, as an adult. Parents can't do that anymore, and some obviously aren't done with their social education either

Interesting idea about having parents take classes on how to raise deaf children. Yeah, they'd have to be willing enough. lol

I am not mad at my parents for being very distant during my childhood. Not anymore. I do feel an incredible amount of compassion for them, and what they went through. They have a lot of fears to hide behind this wall I saw as being distant. We all do act stupid, when letting fears affect us. Of course, that doesn't excuse the past behavior but that's not up to me now and it was never up to me at all. As they say, it's in G/god/dess's hands. So everything happens for a reason. All I can do is love my parents until they die. That's all what we have right now. They're not getting any younger. The world is getting smaller. Yonder absence makes the heart grow fonder-- that also helps to see the big picture, too.

Liza

So you're not a big tipper?
Yeah I am aware of how some people hate having deaf customers because of the nonexisting tips. LOL. That's funny, actually. No offense. In Norway, tipping is not normal. I guess they just pay their waiters and waitresses better than they do in USA.

I disagree with the idea that it all comes to how kids are raised by their parents-- I feel that is a copout from taking responsibility for yourself.

I definitely didn't get my social skills from my (hearing) parents. It all comes down to the willingness of taking responsibility for yourself, IMO.

On the other hand, there are some bad habits you can learn from your parents. This is only part of that delightful childhood programming.

Reba

I believe it is the parents' responsibility to teach manners to the children. Not just teach them "lessons" about manners but teach thru example. The parents must show their good manners in daily life. They must also make sure their kids are polite and not spoil them. Children must learn that the world doesn't revolve around their desires; that other people have feelings too.

Then it is the schools' responsibility to reenforce good manners. Teachers should not tolerate rude behavior.

Finally, it is an adult's individual responsibility to monitor his/her own manners. If in doubt about what is acceptable, look it up or ask.

Some businesses are having problems with even executives who don't have good manners, and they require them to attend formal training to learn their manners.

In the military, we used to have "knife and fork" school to teach new officers good manners. It was called that because one of the things they teach them is which knife or fork to use at a formal dinner.

Tousi

Well, it goes without saying.....if you can pick up bad habits from your parents, you danged well can pick up good ones, too.....almost ALL behavior is learned; therefore, behaviors can also be unlearned.

BigSpike

That's exactly !!!! The key to understand the matter of manners is just to respect and simply say TWO word thank you than going over their "yard" get it?

BigSpike

I have one friend of mine, I wish to protect his name...he was NEVER NEVER discipled or do anything by his parents...he all want do is smoking and smoke up weeds...stay in his bedroom blah abt his future and hope...never do anything...he keep repeat his blah blah....I looked at his parents...whoa his parents are self centered people and screw thing uo how shame it is!!!!