deafmama

I see alot on here about dealing with deaf children. Which is nice but my children all hear fine. I am a mother of 4,oldest one is 9 twins are 7 and youngest is 2. I would like to hear from other parents who are hard of hearing, and tips on parenting they can give me. It is so hard trying to explain to my kids the difficulties and emotions I feel. Kids can be unthoughtful and not mean anything by it. You know the roll of the eyes, the mad face and such when asked to repeat what they said. My kids are usually really good when it comes to making sure they look at me when they talk and they know when we are in the car I can't talk to them. But, what do you do when they want you to talk to another friends mom on the phone for sleepovers and stuff. I guess I am just really depressed now and could really use some support. My husband is great and helps alot but does get annoyed occasionally. Like having to call a million places to schedule drs. appt. and stuff but,I can see where he is coming from. My whole family is really good about it. I guess what I am asking is how do you deal? It gets harder everyday and there is always something new. The girls just learned to read this past year and I had a very difficult time helping them determining if they were saying the correct words or something that just looked like it. I am really worried that when my youngest gets there I won't be able to help him at all.

Deafness

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BecLak

Dear deafmama,

Welcome to AllDeaf for starters....first take a deep breath and take some time-out, to give yourself some room to give some thought.

Let me give a brief introduction....As my signature says, I was born severely-deaf but was told from the time I was diagnosed at age 11 that I was 'HOH' and encouraged by the audiologist and specialist that if I were to wear hearing aids, I would do just fine in mainstream school. I did wear HAs for a short while but soon discarded them for various reasons. I was raised oral-only having no idea that the Deaf community and sign language even existed. I am the only one in my entire family who is deaf. I married a hearing man and I now have 7 hearing children (ranging from 3 young adults, 2 teenagers, a 10 year old and a 7 year old). I homeschool and have taught all my children how to read.

Now, back to your 'time-out'....sit back and think what accomodations you could embrace that would make your life easier. Here is to name a few, that I have taken on myself since joining AllDeaf. Texting instead of phoning, or even a Video relay, or IP relay (which is like chatting online); You could even use Skype to chat with the parents which you can use a combination of both visual and text. I use it to lipread since most people I know don't know sign combined with text. Also, setting the DVD to subtitles or CC captioning before you start watching a movie or tv program.

Teaching your children to read: Since your children can hear, you can use phonics DVDs/CDs to teach them to read with access to sound, but you can teach them visually as well by pointing to the letters and mouthing the words. Teach them the basic rules of reading such as 'When there are 2 vowels together, the first one says its name and and second is silent'; "I before e except after c" etc.

Other accomodations such as notifying you when someone is at the door; tapping you on the arm to alert to someone speaking to you; facing you when they speak, all these little things....it will soon become habit to them. My youngest son who is 7 has this habit of repeating my name several times apparently until I pay attention, mind you, he has to tap me first, so I don't see the point of it. but it is cute nonetheless.

My husband and children automatically have assumed the fact through experience and almost subconciously now, I need someone to accompany me with any new endeavour or to important appointments like the doctor's office. They are in the habit of watching to see if I have understood what was being said and will repeat it for me if necessary. They take all phone calls on my behalf that are not texted. I can only just make out, family members or close friends whom I interact with face to face often, on the phone (and my phone is cranked up to the loudest volume), sometimes even their calls end in frustration and quickly change over to texting. Other voice calls, I immediately hand over to my hearing family to take the call. I have been making the switch over to totally texted calls since discovering I had this option. You can get devices that can assist you in your home like, doorbell alerts, vibrators etc. Also, another tip, watch for cues from your pets and surroundings. Learn to be aware of visual cues, when you think about it, you have been using these cues much more than you realise.

I hope this has been of help to you. Feel free to PM (Private Message me anytime).

All the best.

BecLak.

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Severely deaf from birth.
Deaf with a Purpose. God designed me this way so I do everything by God's Grace.

Exodus 4:11 Ignorance is no longer bliss. Be Educated.

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MCB

CC is good for everyone all around. It increases your enjoyment of TV, while also encouraging them to read. Turn the sound off on the TV, and encourage the older ones to supply the sound-track for the younger ones.

BecLak

That is so true, my 7 year old reads the CCs all the time. I just have to make sure he doesn't read any foul language

__________________
Severely deaf from birth.
Deaf with a Purpose. God designed me this way so I do everything by God's Grace.

Exodus 4:11 Ignorance is no longer bliss. Be Educated.

KEEP IN STEP WITH ME: Sign Text Email Pen and Paper

Sarfarigirl2011

I'm a kid with hearing loss myself and finally got myself new hearing aids 2day!
don't feel bad, I'm sure everything will be fine when you get over it

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18 yr old girl with a moderate/severe in the right and severe on the left.
currently wearing purple Oticon Safari P 600s

natty_4ever

Another option for the phone issue is the CapTel phone if you speak. If you don't sign, you could use that. Google it!

Don't worry too much. I know that's easier said than done, but I have plenty of CODA friends whose first language is ASL. Their parents were D-E-A-F! They couldn't tell their kids if they pronounced words correctly or if they read something wrong. All of them turned out just fine in the speech and reading department!

From what I can tell, you've raised your kids speaking so they might expect you to speak and hear like they do. Even if you tell them that you are hard of hearing and you need them to look at you, they still might not understand. Maybe demonstrate what it's like for you, like mumble something softly and cover your mouth. Then ask what was said. Tell them that's what it sounds like to you, so when they look at you, it makes it easier to decipher what's being said.

There are so many strong deaf mothers out there that I'm sure could help you better than I can! But all I can tell you is not to stress so much, because it is very much possible to raise successful CODA children. I'm just curious (I haven't looked at your posts yet), but are you late deafened?

deafgalO01

Wirelessly posted

I speak to my son. He doesnt have any language disorder but still have to take speech therapy. If you know ASL, I suggest you to keep using ASL so they know it . It is more important to have a close relationship.

My son get frustrated with me too. I wish I knew ASL before he was born.

deafgalO01

Wirelessly posted

Also, use the relay service, emails, or in person

KristinaB

When my kids were younger and their hearing loss wasn't very noticeable, They did not understand that I couldn't hear them and just kept on being the way they were. The pediatrician suggested that I get some cotton and plug their ears a little and let them spend a day like that so they could see what it was like for me. After that, they really worked with me and now that they also have a marked change in their hearing, they know more of what I went through.

UptownG54

I losing hearing lot more i wear hearing aid and i hate it and i am happy to become DEAF just want to be silent deaf i don't have to worry about my daughter yell at me i sure would love see my daughter sign too.

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RoseRodent

OMG you just made sense out of why my daughter starts every conversation with me by saying "Mummy.... mummy... MUMMY" even if I am looking right at her, she's tapped me on the knee and I've said "Yes darling?" after each one.

Thing is, now when almost anyone talks to me I automatically say "Yes darling?" and I've now said it to doctors, shopkeepers, teachers...

My daughter does keep on and on forgetting that I can't hear her in the car, though she is coming up with some solutions now. She will say "Daddy, mummy says..." and what she actually means is "Please tell mummy..." but for ages we weren't sure why she seemed to be inventing things that I'd said then getting frustrated about it. In the end I got a load of song and story tapes to keep her ears busy in the car.

I've found it very useful to sign with my daughter, neither her loss nor mine are "bad enough" for sign to be a main language (though if I go out in a group I understand more from watching peopel do BSL than I do from attending a hearing group) but in certain situations it's been so useful, e.g. when I take her swimming and our ears are in a box.

dhn121

I think all kids do that. I'm hearing. My 8 year old son is hearing. He does this all of the time (I think he secretly thinks it's funny). I tap him/poke him/yank on his shirt/etc.. back and say his name for every "mommy".

O*I*C

@natty 4ever, I have never heard of the captel phone. That looks great! Do you have one? I wonder how accurate it is?

Sorry, deafmama. I didn't mean to hijack your thread. I am hard of hearing too with four children. I actually have more problems with my husband than with my children, he always tries to talk to me from the other room. Ugh!

My biggest worry is that my youngest two (4 and 5) will get hurt playing in their room and I won't hear them so ever since my oldest was little I find that I stop what I am doing constantly to go check on them if they aren't in the same room as me.

It is funny though, my oldest is 15 and when she's on the phone and notices I'm looking at her she scrunches her face up, sticks out her tongue at me and covers her mouth. Oh, right! Like I want to eavesdrop on teenage drama LOL! No way.

KristinaB

I have a CapTel phone. I totally love it. It is very accurate for me, but it does depend on the relay team. If you go two-line it is better.

natty_4ever

The CapTel phone works pretty well! Of course, I'm kind of biased and prefer to use my videophone because interpreters are faster than most captionists. If you're interested, check with your local VR. Some states give you one for free.

I do the same when I babysit a family member--if I can't be in the room for whatever reason, I check up on them constantly. If your husband tries to talk to you from another room, just tell him you can't understand him that well unless you look at him.

natty_4ever

The CapTel phone works pretty well! Of course, I'm kind of biased and prefer to use my videophone because interpreters are faster than most captionists. If you're interested, check with your local VR. Some states give you one for free.

I do the same when I babysit a family member--if I can't be in the room for whatever reason, I check up on them constantly. If your husband tries to talk to you from another room, just tell him you can't understand him that well unless you look at him.

RoseRodent

We just carried on using a baby monitor. We've got through loads of them now! We have one with a video on it so we can keep a check from the other room, and any loud noises will be picked up on the mic and relayed and the lights flash too.

O*I*C

The video monitor is a good idea, I had forgotten about those! They used to sell them cheaply at the used children's consignment stores around me.

Do you let the people on the other end know if you are using a CapTel? Or that there was a third party translating what they were saying? I tried to use the Sprint relay service before but my family didn't like that at all.

When my husband talks to me from the other room I clamp my hands over my mouth and mumble "I'm so sorry, but I can't understand what you're staying" and he goes "Wha....?! What? I can't hear you".

"Exactly!!!" I'm so passive agressive LOL!

KristinaB

With the Captel, the other person does not necessarily know you are using relay services unless you tell them. If you use the 2 line setup, the first line is your regular phone line and number you give out. The 2nd line is an extra line for the relay team. They will hear and then type what is said to you, and you can speak back just like a regular phone. There is a 3-5 second delay. I will sometimes tell people to hang on as I need to wait for the relay team to see what was said. Most if not all people I have dealt with are understanding.

RoseRodent

Just wanted to add that any parents who have not asked their audi to set up a special program for listening to children it is definitely worth trying. I've always struggled the most to understand my little girl and I asked the audi to set up a kiddy-listening program on this trial pair and what a difference! I never thought to have a program specially suited to the idiosyncracies of a child's voice, the higher pitch, etc. and it's a massive improvement.