When is it considered babying your children or just showing love? - Page 2

**shel90** · 10-17-2010, 09:01 AM

Thanks everyone..I dont know why some people feel the need to criticize me for showing love to my son. It is better than those parents who neglect or abuse their children, right?

jillio · 10-19-2010, 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

Thanks everyone..I dont know why some people feel the need to criticize me for showing love to my son. It is better than those parents who neglect or abuse their children, right?

A child never suffers from having too much love. They do, however, suffer a great deal from not having enough. Your kids will never be at risk.

nyyankees154 · 10-19-2010, 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jillio

A child never suffers from having too much love. They do, however, suffer a great deal from not having enough. Your kids will never be at risk.

True, but a child suffers too if they r crowded by their parents. It still needs to be a healthy love.

jillio · 10-19-2010, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nyyankees154

True, but a child suffers too if they r crowded by their parents. It still needs to be a healthy love.

Knowing shel as I do, I can be sure that she does not "crowd" or "overprotect." And the problems suffered from overprotection are much easier to remediate than those that come from neglect. Likewise, overprotection often has nothing to do with love for the child.

nyyankees154 · 10-19-2010, 10:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jillio

Knowing shel as I do, I can be sure that she does not "crowd" or "overprotect." And the problems suffered from overprotection are much easier to remediate than those that come from neglect. Likewise, overprotection often has nothing to do with love for the child.

I know that, sometimes, but other times, a parent could do the over protection thinking that they doing it out of love. What she said about carrying her baby to bed is fine. I, myself, will only carry my kids if that the only way to get them into their own bed. My daughter will climb into my bed, and I will wake up and pick her up and put her back in her bed. If she on the couch and was watching a cartoon, then I tell her to walk to her bed.

deafgal001 · 10-20-2010, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nyyankees154

True, but a child suffers too if they r crowded by their parents. It still needs to be a healthy love.

I don't think it is love at all if the parents are too overprotective. It's more of controlling for their own selfish reasons if you ask me.

Her son will eventually ask her to stop carrying him (or accept that he is too heavy for her to carry him).

nyyankees154 · 10-20-2010, 08:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafgal001

I don't think it is love at all if the parents are too overprotective. It's more of controlling for their own selfish reasons if you ask me.

Her son will eventually ask her to stop carrying him (or accept that he is too heavy for her to carry him).

There are some parents that do the over protective thing thinking it is out of love. My mother would call up my school just to make sure I was there and not skipping. She thought she was doing that out of love, when it was not. I also know some other parents that did stuff like that thinking it was out of love. It might not be love how they doing it, but to the parent that does it, in their mind, it is love.

jillio · 10-20-2010, 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafgal001

I don't think it is love at all if the parents are too overprotective. It's more of controlling for their own selfish reasons if you ask me.

Her son will eventually ask her to stop carrying him (or accept that he is too heavy for her to carry him).

Exactly. Overprotection isn't love. It is a parent attempting to fulfill their own needs through the child.

jillio · 10-20-2010, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nyyankees154

There are some parents that do the over protective thing thinking it is out of love. My mother would call up my school just to make sure I was there and not skipping. She thought she was doing that out of love, when it was not. I also know some other parents that did stuff like that thinking it was out of love. It might not be love how they doing it, but to the parent that does it, in their mind, it is love.

Just because the parent calls it "love" doesn't mean it is. People rarely recognize their own motivations until it is pointed out to them.

deafgal001 · 10-20-2010, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nyyankees154

There are some parents that do the over protective thing thinking it is out of love. My mother would call up my school just to make sure I was there and not skipping. She thought she was doing that out of love, when it was not. I also know some other parents that did stuff like that thinking it was out of love. It might not be love how they doing it, but to the parent that does it, in their mind, it is love.

did she have a good reason for checking to see if you are not skipping school?

I don't think that's really being overprotective if she have a reason not to trust you (For example, you skipped school several times, or you sneaked out of the house before) . But if she didn't have a reason and call the school everyday anyway, then that's being alittle paranoid. (btw, the school would call the parents anyway if the kids don't show up and they haven't heard anything from the parents)

But What shel is doing is not being overprotective, or babying him. He still need his mom at that age. I would only start worrying if he still like that by the time he is too heavy to carry.

jillio · 10-20-2010, 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafgal001

did she have a good reason for checking to see if you are not skipping school?

I don't think that's really being overprotective if she have a reason not to trust you (For example, you skipped school several times, or you sneaked out of the house before) . But if she didn't have a reason and call the school everyday anyway, then that's being alittle paranoid. (btw, the school would call the parents anyway if the kids don't show up and they haven't heard anything from the parents)

But What shel is doing is not being overprotective, or babying him. He still need his mom at that age. I would only start worrying if he still like that by the time he is too heavy to carry.

I wondered the same thing. If the poster had a history of skipping school, then the mother was justified in checking.

**shel90** · 10-20-2010, 06:01 PM

I always make him walk to the car in the morning. I used to carry him to the car but have stopped that about 6 months ago. I guess at night time when he is so sleepy, I just love it when he wants to cuddle with me while I am carrying him upstairs. He is starting to get too heavy so probably will have to stop that soon.

I dont want him to grow up.

***VamPyroX*** · 10-20-2010, 07:10 PM

It's all about moderation.

If you feel that he's old enough to do it himself, then you could walk him to bed.

If it's too much, then try the progressive approach.

Start with carrying him all the way to bed and tuck him in.

Later, carry him to his room... but put him down so he can get in bed himself.

Later, carry him to the doorway of his room.

Later, carry him until you're a few feet from the doorway of his room.

Etc... etc... etc...

Be sure to compliment him when he goes to bed. That way, he knows he's being a "big boy".

nyyankees154 · 10-20-2010, 09:23 PM

To Deafgal and Jillio, I never skipped school. Only time I didn't go to school, my mother knew too, since I be home sick. She did it cause that what my older brother did.

nyyankees154 · 10-20-2010, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VamPyroX

It's all about moderation.

If you feel that he's old enough to do it himself, then you could walk him to bed.

If it's too much, then try the progressive approach.

Start with carrying him all the way to bed and tuck him in.

Later, carry him to his room... but put him down so he can get in bed himself.

Later, carry him to the doorway of his room.

Later, carry him until you're a few feet from the doorway of his room.

Etc... etc... etc...

Be sure to compliment him when he goes to bed. That way, he knows he's being a "big boy".

He can do it, it just she still misses him being a little one and needs mama to help him. It does sound like they have a close bond and all. Her son sounds like he not that heavy yet. In my books, it fine. Would I do it, it be more based on other things. If my daughter having growing pains, yes, I will carry her. If any my kids are hurt or for some reason, have problem walking, then yes. If they are just tired, then they could wake up and go to bed. If they are in my bed after I fell asleep, then I will pick them up.

Frisky Feline · 10-21-2010, 05:02 AM

I told my kids, " can you guys stop growing and stay small so i can hug you all?" they say " i can't stop growing".. awww at least they still can hug me.

i d love to have them as babies all over again and can carry them anytime! But I am happy to see them growing beautifully little gal and guy.

Steinhauer · 10-21-2010, 05:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

Thanks everyone..I dont know why some people feel the need to criticize me for showing love to my son. It is better than those parents who neglect or abuse their children, right?

absolutely +1

love em fiercely

chipmunkis · 10-21-2010, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

I always make him walk to the car in the morning. I used to carry him to the car but have stopped that about 6 months ago. I guess at night time when he is so sleepy, I just love it when he wants to cuddle with me while I am carrying him upstairs. He is starting to get too heavy so probably will have to stop that soon.

I dont want him to grow up.

I don't think there is anything wrong with carrying him up to bed...but your comments about wanting him to stay little etc. do concern me a little... Miss those times, but don't be sad about them...CELEBRATE his growing up! As he becomes more independent, know that you are doing something right, to raise a confident child! Him growing up and becoming more independent isn't a bad thing, and doesn't mean you have to lose the closeness... just that it might change direction.

**KristinaB** · 10-21-2010, 12:05 PM

I've been told that I am too over-protective of my daughter. I have asked co-workers who were psychologists, (LCSW's and MSW's). They said that given her learning problems and other things, I was not over-protective. I was looking out for her needs and being just protective of her. She is now well adjusted and happy. I did feel like I was "sheltering" them from a lot, but both of my kids seem to be fine. They have been allowed to do more that I would never approve of since we moved here to Florida, but they don't go too far with the freedom.

deafgal001 · 10-21-2010, 12:43 PM

That's different ...

I was talking about not allowing your child to grow and be independent (even just slightly) when he wants to IF he have the maturity to handle it. For example, a kid want to pour milk all by himself, but the parent are like "NO, NO, you are too young, you'll make a mess!" but that just a very small example. There are parents out there who take care of every little problem a child have, and their child have a very difficult time learning from his own mistakes.

**KristinaB** · 10-21-2010, 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafgal001

That's different ...

I was talking about not allowing your child to grow and be independent (even just slightly) when he wants to IF he have the maturity to handle it. For example, a kid want to pour milk all by himself, but the parent are like "NO, NO, you are too young, you'll make a mess!" but that just a very small example. There are parents out there who take care of every little problem a child have, and their child have a very difficult time learning from his own mistakes.

Right, I get that, just commenting that I was accused of over-protecting my kids. Ah well.

jillio · 10-22-2010, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nyyankees154

To Deafgal and Jillio, I never skipped school. Only time I didn't go to school, my mother knew too, since I be home sick. She did it cause that what my older brother did.

Okay. But since your older brother did it, I can see her reasoning.

jillio · 10-22-2010, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chipmunkis

I don't think there is anything wrong with carrying him up to bed...but your comments about wanting him to stay little etc. do concern me a little... Miss those times, but don't be sad about them...CELEBRATE his growing up! As he becomes more independent, know that you are doing something right, to raise a confident child! Him growing up and becoming more independent isn't a bad thing, and doesn't mean you have to lose the closeness... just that it might change direction.

I understand your point, but your concern is misplaced in this instance. Shel is very much a realist. Many of us mothers think wistfully of the time when our children were small.

jillio · 10-22-2010, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KristinaB

Right, I get that, just commenting that I was accused of over-protecting my kids. Ah well.

I haven't seen any indication of that. Keep doing what you are doiing. It's working.

chipmunkis · 10-22-2010, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jillio

I understand your point, but your concern is misplaced in this instance. Shel is very much a realist. Many of us mothers think wistfully of the time when our children were small.

I'm glad to know that! I've just known other moms who are REALLY sad about their kids growing up... maybe because my son almost didn't survive, every new leap in independence has been met with a "yay!". I've always treasured all the moments as "one more day", so I don't miss the days past, if that makes sense.

nyyankees154 · 10-22-2010, 09:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jillio

Okay. But since your older brother did it, I can see her reasoning.

Yeah, You see the reasoning, but my brother and I were 10 years apart. He was more of a trouble maker in school where I was more worried about my grades. My mother knew that, and she still crowded me thinking I turn into my brother.

deafgal001 · 10-23-2010, 12:05 PM

parents tend to raise each children differently because they learned from their child before them.

My pastor was preaching about how parents worry about 99% of things that never happened (he wanted to point out about faith and it will be alright) and one father stood up and said "Worrying works!" I guess that's what your mother was doing, but it was unneccessary worry too.

jillio · 10-23-2010, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chipmunkis

I'm glad to know that! I've just known other moms who are REALLY sad about their kids growing up... maybe because my son almost didn't survive, every new leap in independence has been met with a "yay!". I've always treasured all the moments as "one more day", so I don't miss the days past, if that makes sense.

Agreed. I have seen the same. Adjustment and dependence issues.

jillio · 10-23-2010, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nyyankees154

Yeah, You see the reasoning, but my brother and I were 10 years apart. He was more of a trouble maker in school where I was more worried about my grades. My mother knew that, and she still crowded me thinking I turn into my brother.

Parents do that. If one child is a trouble maker, they tend to be more proactive with younger sibs.

rockin'robin · 10-23-2010, 05:02 PM

My boys are teenagers....and just trying to get a hug from them is hard to do sometimes. And at 5'2, I value my back too much to attempt to carry them to bed, even at age 5! HAHA...
But, one thing for sure that they do "require" is a back scratch at 10:45 before going to bed (school the next day). It's been a habit of theirs....so I do expect their wives whenever they marry, will follow the tradition.
Dunno really why men love those "back scratches."

10-17-2010, 09:01 AM	#31 (permalink)
shel90 Let It Snow!!!! Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: A place where crabs are popular Posts: 40,303 Blog Entries: 3	Thanks everyone..I dont know why some people feel the need to criticize me for showing love to my son. It is better than those parents who neglect or abuse their children, right? __________________ "Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it." --- Anonymous

10-20-2010, 06:01 PM	#42 (permalink)
shel90 Let It Snow!!!! Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: A place where crabs are popular Posts: 40,303 Blog Entries: 3	I always make him walk to the car in the morning. I used to carry him to the car but have stopped that about 6 months ago. I guess at night time when he is so sleepy, I just love it when he wants to cuddle with me while I am carrying him upstairs. He is starting to get too heavy so probably will have to stop that soon. I dont want him to grow up. __________________ "Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it." --- Anonymous

10-20-2010, 07:10 PM	#43 (permalink)
*VamPyroX* bloody phreak from hell Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: 40.18, 58.41 Posts: 34,158	It's all about moderation. If you feel that he's old enough to do it himself, then you could walk him to bed. If it's too much, then try the progressive approach. Start with carrying him all the way to bed and tuck him in. Later, carry him to his room... but put him down so he can get in bed himself. Later, carry him to the doorway of his room. Later, carry him until you're a few feet from the doorway of his room. Etc... etc... etc... Be sure to compliment him when he goes to bed. That way, he knows he's being a "big boy". __________________ Check out my city... C L I C K H E R E! (If you've already visited yesterday, visit again today!)

10-20-2010, 09:23 PM	#44 (permalink)
nyyankees154 Registered User Join Date: May 2010 Location: Somewhere on a blue planet Posts: 161	To Deafgal and Jillio, I never skipped school. Only time I didn't go to school, my mother knew too, since I be home sick. She did it cause that what my older brother did. __________________ Deployed to a huge sandbox. If you like to help ladies, send me a motivational pic to help me throw the sand box. Been here since March. Have till next March of 2011.

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10-21-2010, 05:02 AM	#46 (permalink)
Frisky Feline Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 20,239	I told my kids, " can you guys stop growing and stay small so i can hug you all?" they say " i can't stop growing".. awww at least they still can hug me. i d love to have them as babies all over again and can carry them anytime! But I am happy to see them growing beautifully little gal and guy.

10-21-2010, 12:05 PM	#49 (permalink)
KristinaB New SDIT Deacon Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Land of the backstroke Posts: 13,775	I've been told that I am too over-protective of my daughter. I have asked co-workers who were psychologists, (LCSW's and MSW's). They said that given her learning problems and other things, I was not over-protective. I was looking out for her needs and being just protective of her. She is now well adjusted and happy. I did feel like I was "sheltering" them from a lot, but both of my kids seem to be fine. They have been allowed to do more that I would never approve of since we moved here to Florida, but they don't go too far with the freedom.

10-21-2010, 12:43 PM	#50 (permalink)
deafgal001 Banned Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 2,542	That's different ... I was talking about not allowing your child to grow and be independent (even just slightly) when he wants to IF he have the maturity to handle it. For example, a kid want to pour milk all by himself, but the parent are like "NO, NO, you are too young, you'll make a mess!" but that just a very small example. There are parents out there who take care of every little problem a child have, and their child have a very difficult time learning from his own mistakes.

10-23-2010, 12:05 PM	#57 (permalink)
deafgal001 Banned Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 2,542	parents tend to raise each children differently because they learned from their child before them. My pastor was preaching about how parents worry about 99% of things that never happened (he wanted to point out about faith and it will be alright) and one father stood up and said "Worrying works!" I guess that's what your mother was doing, but it was unneccessary worry too.

10-23-2010, 05:02 PM	#60 (permalink)
rockin'robin Registered User Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Florida Posts: 15,302	My boys are teenagers....and just trying to get a hug from them is hard to do sometimes. And at 5'2, I value my back too much to attempt to carry them to bed, even at age 5! HAHA... But, one thing for sure that they do "require" is a back scratch at 10:45 before going to bed (school the next day). It's been a habit of theirs....so I do expect their wives whenever they marry, will follow the tradition. Dunno really why men love those "back scratches."