Originally Posted by Liebling:-)))

Spanking is not belong form of discipline.

Originally Posted by Liebling:-)))

Originally Posted by Reba

Cheri never said it was OK for a "partner" to strike a woman. Where did you get that idea?

Originally Posted by Cheri

If you don't think that spanking is an acceptable form of discipline, fine, but some people think spanking is acceptable form of discripline.

Originally Posted by Phillips

I did nice spank her cute butt when she was nasty I think did spank her twice since she is 6 years old now.. Mostly of time talking her!

Originally Posted by Liebling:-)))

Liebling,

I had my son and myself both in seperate counseling sessions. One for him and one for me and then we had home based counseling too. Home based is where the counselors come to your home and observe the behavior at home.

The reason they couldnt offer any suggestions was because I was already doing everything they would have suggested that I do. I had him on a strict diet, a very rigid schedule, positive reinforcements, what they called the 9 steps- I was already doing it. I did everything I could to straighten him up.

I believe I should have spanked him and maybe just maybe it would have helped correct him more.

The school had trouble with him too Liebling. They would call me and ask me what to do. Im like I dont know and neither does the counselors but here is what I do at home.


We were in counseling for a total of 7 years Liebling. It started showing up when he was about 3 and then I seeked counseling for him when he was 5 an we continued with counseling till they day they took him out of our home.

BUT Liebling what speaks VOLUMES to me is that CHILDRENS SERVICES couldnt handle him either! And they were the so called experts! They decided to take him out of his foster home and put him somewhere tougher to deal with him! Liebling if they couldn't deal with him, these so called experts, then how was I to do so?

Luckily now he is 16 and has grown out of the ADD. As typically happens with juvenile ADD children. More than likely your son just grew out of the ADD behaviour. Very rarely, * it does happen* but rarely does a child display ADD behaviour into adulthood.

I was spanked as a child with many different items, and I am fine today despite that happening. I grew up respecting adults and didnt really give my mother too much trouble growing up. I do not believe my mother abused me through spankings even when she used a switch. I mean sure it hurt but it sure got her point across also.

I used to be just like you though Liebling and not believe in spankings. But since then my mind is definitely changed.

Originally Posted by Bear

Behavior modification is a great technique...when it works. Unfortunately, it doesn't work in all cases. And sometimes, the basic 9 steps need to be modified and adjusted for use with individual children. The steps are not written in stone, but are to be used as a starting point. Just as one psychotherapuetic technique will not work in with all counseling clients, one form of behavior mod will not work with all children. And sometimes, it is necessary to use punsihment as well as positive reinforcement or negative reinforcement.

Originally Posted by jillio

Lol thank you Jillio! Wasnt sure if anyone would even know what the basic 9-steps were. LOL

It was funny though that the experts couldn't even come up with answers. I was like and you expect me to?

It might have helped him alot more though if I had lived in an area where there are behavior specialists that specialize in that type of behavior. Instead of working with child psychologists maybe?

Originally Posted by Bear

I agree. The psychologists know the theories, but it is the counselors and the behavior specialists who actually practice it. Since they actually use the theories, they know how to make modifications based on indiviual needs.

Originally Posted by Bear

LOL I used to be like several of you and not believe in spankings and believed in positive reinfocements and other forms of discipline.

With my daughter that worked fine.

THEN my son was born. I learned quick to rethink my initial thought of how to raise him.

While he is in trouble for something he didnt do.


He was an ADD child and a HANDFUL. If I sent him to his room as punishment, he would wait till I was in the bathroom, then sneak out the door. If I put him in the corner for time out, he would wait till I had to do something and leave the room, out the door he goes. If I tried to talk to him about it he would just roll his eyes. I called the cops on him, and the cop did talk to him and the very next day he was right back to the same behaviour. I couldn't ground him at all, as the minute I went to the bathroom or turned my back on him to do something, out the door he would go. I took things away from him, that didnt bother him at all he would just sneak out the door.

I had him in counseling, I went to parenting classes, I went to counseling and NO ONE had any answers on how to deal with him.

MAYBE just MAYBE if I had spanked him while he was growing up, he may not be in the trouble he is in today.

ANYONE can say what they want about spankings, but UNTIL they raise a true problem child, I would say they know next to nothing about how valuable and useful a few swats on the but could be.

Have a child like my son was and then get back to me.


I find it funny though that when my son was in the foster home, these so called experts couldnt control him either! Their only answer was to lock him up in a detention facility.He would have been better off with me at home, than with them. At least I was trying to correct his behaviour. Not shove it off on someone else.

When I was growing up, we were spanked with belts, switches *anyone remember that? Having to go out and cut a switch off the tree?* and many other items. And we had paddlings in school, and was told you get in trouble at school, you get it at home too!

We also grew up having respect for our parents, ourselves, and our elders. We sure didnt get into trouble like these kids are today. Look it up and see how many school shootings there were back then! Look it up and see how much juvenile crime there was back then!

I challenge you to actually see for youselves the differences in our children then and now!

I also challenge you to try raising a son like mine was.

Luckily, my son is older now and realizing just how destructive his behaviour was for him.

Originally Posted by jillio

Really? I didnt know that.

Originally Posted by shel90

Bear, I can relate somewhat but nothing close to what you have experienced.


My dad and my stepmom went through a similar experience with their oldest son (my hearing brother) . They have 3 boys together and their oldest one was very destructive growing up. I remember when I was 17 years old and I was babysitting both of my brothers (he was 18 months old and my other one was like 4 months old), I saw my brother pick up a pencil and ran to his baby brother to try to stab him with the pencil. Luckily, I was sitting next to the baby so I stopped him. Most people would have passed it off as jealousy but there was something in his facial expression that gave me the feeling that something wasnt right. I informed my dad and my stepmom..they told me that I was imagining things. As a teenager, I took their word for it. Well, problems started popping up and he was diagnosed with ADDHD later.

From that time on, my dad and my stepmom tried different discipline approaches from spanking, time-outs, loss of priveledges, and even sending him away...nothing worked.

Problems got seriously worse when he entered puberty. Some situations led him getting arrested a few times and one even had him near death out in the desert in which a helicopter had to be dispatched. My dad and my stepmom spent thousands and thousands of dollars on therapy and different programs but nobody could work with my brother.

Finally, at the age of 17, he got referred to a well-known specialist in that fiedl and he was diagnosed with bipolar. Since the diagnosis, things have improved and now my brother is is 19 years old and working on putting his life back together.

Even spanking didnt work..when a child has a mental illness, the common practices of disciplines usually do not work that I know of.

It was very very stressful on my dad, his wife and their other 2 boys and it almost tore the family apart a few times. However, one of the good things that came out of this was that my dad finally sought therapy for himself to work on his anger and management issues. Finally, my dad admitted that he had anger issues and is now more even tempered. His blood pressure has finally returned to normal and his marriage with my stepmom is much stronger now.

I have seen a lot of the situations involving my brother when I visited them and some of them were frightening so I appluad u, Bear, for standing strong.

Originally Posted by Bear

It might have helped him alot more though if I had lived in an area where there are behavior specialists that specialize in that type of behavior. Instead of working with child psychologists maybe?

Originally Posted by Liebling:-)))

Originally Posted by Bear

Yes I know myself because my oldest son also was an ADD, too. I noticed my son was hyper when he was over 6 months old. I check with child physican. He said it´s normal and wait few years time. Few years later, - very aggressive, hyperactive ,wild, disrespect, ... He was so wild when I spanked him... Also at first school, so worst... The child physican confirmed that he has an ADD what I suspected an earlier so he send him to therapies to train to improve his behavior..... I accompanied him to there for over 2 years. I received alot of tips there to improve my son´s behavior. Now my son is teenager and show not very much of his ADD behavior.





I am total surprised that nobody advised or gave you tips how to take care of ADD children. I recieve a lot of tips and advise how to deal with my ADD son from therapies. All what I do is change his diet. - no sweets after 2 pm, no junk foods, foods with addifical, chemistry... list of addifical, chemsitry... Break from TV or computer games one hour before bedtime, sport to get out of aggressive... A thread creator created a thread about ADD children. I posted and shared the information how to help ADD children there somewhere in 2004. I am sure some ADers know that I have an ADD child.

It does improve his behavior now & more better than before.... He respect me more & more than before... He does very well at school. He´s the best student in the class... He is a class speaker. I´m proud to say this ... He´s very calm teenager and doesn´t break public law. He is a very sporter. love bicycle. Respectful teenager. He can talk anything open with me without fear.

Without therapies´s tips, what happened to him? Perhaps rebel, crime, alochol, disrespectful? I thank therapies for positive my son´s ADD behavior.






Noooooooooooooo - Never spank problematic child. I am glad that you did not spank him. I spanked my ADD son when he was a little. Therapy told me to not do that and give me positive tips. She explained that it create a huge problem when problematic child (ADD, ADHD, different disorders) become teenager or hit puberty. Aggressive, Volience, etc.

I stop to spank him after learn from therapy.

My younger son don´t have ADD as his oldest brother. I took therapy´s tips to use form of discipline my younger son without spank him. Now he is 11 years old. I really have NO problem with him and his respectful behavior. It belong good patience to positive my both sons behavior.




I myself has a ADD child... NO, I disagree with you.




No need, I already deal with ADD son... His ADD behavior did not show very much at his teenage time which is great... Yes work hard to improve his behavior but worth...



I am sorry to say that I am surprised that Experts said this to you? It look like that they don´t enjoy their job to deal with problematic children or what? If the people who want to become Expert to help ADD or any disorder children then job is right for them.




Yes I remember. I never, never, never forget how I had been suffer being spanked with belt, padding, brush, hands... Horrible... I am really glad that caption and phyiscal punishment are banned in many EU countries.





Can you explain how well-being child come from without spanking when spanking banned in many EU countries?http://www.alldeaf.com/current-events/38977-usa-second-worst-place-raise-kids.html




Again, I raise an ADD son either. I know what it alike... Thank God that his ADD behavior is gone... perhaps a very little... not really very much...

Sure, our children are no angel but it´s great to positive their behavior.

Originally Posted by shel90

Bear, I can relate somewhat but nothing close to what you have experienced.


My dad and my stepmom went through a similar experience with their oldest son (my hearing brother) . They have 3 boys together and their oldest one was very destructive growing up. I remember when I was 17 years old and I was babysitting both of my brothers (he was 18 months old and my other one was like 4 months old), I saw my brother pick up a pencil and ran to his baby brother to try to stab him with the pencil. Luckily, I was sitting next to the baby so I stopped him. Most people would have passed it off as jealousy but there was something in his facial expression that gave me the feeling that something wasnt right. I informed my dad and my stepmom..they told me that I was imagining things. As a teenager, I took their word for it. Well, problems started popping up and he was diagnosed with ADDHD later.

From that time on, my dad and my stepmom tried different discipline approaches from spanking, time-outs, loss of priveledges, and even sending him away...nothing worked.

Problems got seriously worse when he entered puberty. Some situations led him getting arrested a few times and one even had him near death out in the desert in which a helicopter had to be dispatched. My dad and my stepmom spent thousands and thousands of dollars on therapy and different programs but nobody could work with my brother.

Finally, at the age of 17, he got referred to a well-known specialist in that fiedl and he was diagnosed with bipolar. Since the diagnosis, things have improved and now my brother is is 19 years old and working on putting his life back together.

Even spanking didnt work..when a child has a mental illness, the common practices of disciplines usually do not work that I know of.

It was very very stressful on my dad, his wife and their other 2 boys and it almost tore the family apart a few times. However, one of the good things that came out of this was that my dad finally sought therapy for himself to work on his anger and management issues. Finally, my dad admitted that he had anger issues and is now more even tempered. His blood pressure has finally returned to normal and his marriage with my stepmom is much stronger now.

I have seen a lot of the situations involving my brother when I visited them and some of them were frightening so I appluad u, Bear, for standing strong.

Originally Posted by Liebling:-)))

Speaking for myself, I don't support spanking at all. My parents spanked me with a belt and all it did was create rage and fear.

According to families stories, I was a bad child. BTW, I didn't know I had ADD till I was 27. I have wondered for years if I had ADD though because when I read about those kids with it, they always reminded me of myself.