Child Custody Battle

shel90

shel90

Love Makes the World Go Round
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Well, it looks like I may have to fight my ex husband for full custody of my daughter. He wants her to move back with him cuz he doesnt like where we live, thinks that his area is better and that the schools in his area is better. Give u a little history...he has always said he is the better one so this is nothing new.

Anyways, she lived with us for 3 years and he said that it is his turn in addition that he thinks he is the better parent. My daughter is happy where she is and she is very attached to her brother. I have told my ex that but he doesnt care. Ok so we are gonna go to court.

Here is the kicker...

U know what he said to me yesterday? He said that he feels that in addition to all the other stuff, he is the better parent cuz he is hearing. I was like WTF???? He plans on using my deafness against me. Ok whatever but then I started thinking of all custody cases that my friends have experienced or I have read about. U know what I noticed? Where there is a custody battle between a deaf parent and hearing parent, the hearing parent usually wins. Many of my friends have kids that they see once in a while cuz their kids are with their hearing ex spouses..doesnt matter if they are the father or the mother. I dont know of any cases where the deaf parent gets custody. Do u know of any? I am starting to get a little concerned...

Thanks.
 
mostly people who still married couples have hard times for kids wanted lives with dad or mom if kids who lives with mom all the times.

when i was 9 years old my parents got divorces and my mom have right for custody of me and my brother and im sure my parents always share custody of me and my brother till reach of ages 18 years old.

some married couples have hard time to right custody for who caring kids than father who not care of kids but im sure mom can taking custody they dad will taking kids for weekend visit they return to mom after weekend visit but when my dad taking me and my brother for over his home on weekend visit till sunday i return to school and my brother return with my mom sometimes when my dad busy on weekend they i staying with my mom for weekend visit.
 
Oh my dear, I´m very sorry how you feel like this. I can tell from your description that your ex-husband treat you unfair. This is a discrimination what your ex-husband use your deafness. I hope the judge will see it and will agree that it´s no excuse.

First of all, I can´t answer anything unless I want to know how old is your daughter.

How old is your daughter? I do beleive that your daughter loves you both but let your daughter choose which she want to live with if she is more than 10 years old. Its about child´s interest.

As what you says that your daughter is happy what she is why should your ex-husband don´t want to see her happiness but compare the environment between your area and his area.

I find "custody battles" over full custody very sad which is unfair for the children... 50/50 child custody is fair suggestion for you and him. Its about your daughter´s interest because you both are the parents, your daughter love, not fight to pull her to tear between you and him.

I would suggest you to invite him to sit and have a good talk like adult and try to find the right solution. If the solution is not work then check with lawyer or legal adviser about the custody rights.
 
Liebling:-))) said:
Oh my dear, I´m very sorry how you feel like this. I can tell from your description that your ex-husband treat you unfair. This is a discrimination what your ex-husband use your deafness. I hope the judge will see it and will agree that it´s no excuse.

First of all, I can´t answer anything unless I want to know how old is your daughter.

How old is your daughter? I do beleive that your daughter loves you both but let your daughter choose which she want to live with if she is more than 10 years old. Its about child´s interest.

As what you says that your daughter is happy what she is why should your ex-husband don´t want to see her happiness but compare the environment between your area and his area.

I find "custody battles" over full custody very sad which is unfair for the children... 50/50 child custody is fair suggestion for you and him. Its about your daughter´s interest because you both are the parents, your daughter love, not fight to pull her to tear between you and him.

I would suggest you to invite him to sit and have a good talk like adult and try to find the right solution. If the solution is not work then check with lawyer or legal adviser about the custody rights.
Click to expand...

Oh, we have a lawyer...he doesnt know that. :deal:

Anyways, my daughter is 10 years old so see what the mediator says. It is gonna cost me another fortune! Ugh!

My ex is obessed with being better than me and I dont understand where that comes from. I dont compare myself to him..we both have our flaws and everything. He has always said he never makes mistakes. Yea, whatever.

Just wondering if anyone had a custody case that deafness was used against them and what was the outcome?
 
Really sad but I wish you the best of good luck and hope that you receive feedback from ADers who have the same experiences as you. As far as I know that it will cost you nothing for see Legal Adviser but I really don´t know anything about your country either there´re Legal Adviser or not.

I don´t have any experiences to receive from anyone who use deafness as an excuse. Accord law here in Germany is a discrimination if anyone use your deafness as an excuse... that´s why this disabitiy are out of questions when there´re fights in the court over any rights but I don´t know about US rights over discrimination.

I must laugh when your ex-husband claimed that he never get mistakes... I hope he will tell this to court... then they will think your ex-husband is :crazy:

Anyway, I find sad that your ex-husband refuse to see the interest of your and his daughter but himself. :(
 
Oh no, sorry to hear this Shel!!! I don't see why he can't see the child's welfare not about who is the better parent geez.. Especially her schooling and her feelings being torn will think she's the problem... arghh...

I wish to help ya but I don't have the resources and so hopefully the other Ad'er can help out..

Wish you all the best of luck, anything please vent in here if needed.. huggss

P.S. Forgot to ask, what did the divorce court papers say about if you could take your child out of the state or if it wasn't mentioned, then he does have the right unless you both challenged it in court..
 
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Shel....


My ex bf was like that with his macho attitudes and he think he's better father or better person for having custody.. turn out I had full sole custody.. altho He had no place to live, was alcholism etc... I know this wont help but... its the point it is where the child has steady place to live thats all the judge will care...


also what Canuckian_Chick said about what did the divorce court papers say about if you could take your child out of the state or if it wasn't mentioned, then he does have the right unless you both challenged it in court..


Many parents will challenge that in court if they werent agreed in divorce papers or it wasn't mention.. you might want to check with lawyer.. I know the $$ is sucking up so fast when you have to use lawyer sowwy

Hope things works out smoothly..

Wendy
 
yeah Wendy has been thru a lot and prevailed at the end with full custody of her kids. It's over for her ex! And also it took her few years before she can move out of state.

so if you are about to go thru custody battle, you may be required to stay in same state for several years as condition.
 
Boult said:
yeah Wendy has been thru a lot and prevailed at the end with full custody of her kids. It's over for her ex! And also it took her few years before she can move out of state.

so if you are about to go thru custody battle, you may be required to stay in same state for several years as condition.
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yea I couldn't even move to another state when I was fighting with custody etc, then it was over.. Then He decide to sign over the parental rights to my husband including Adoptions so he could avoid paying for child support... by letting my husband make any decisions too etc :) and we were able to move out of state too :)

Wendy
 
Boult said:
yeah Wendy has been thru a lot and prevailed at the end with full custody of her kids. It's over for her ex! And also it took her few years before she can move out of state.

so if you are about to go thru custody battle, you may be required to stay in same state for several years as condition.
Click to expand...

Thanks..I really want to stay here. In fact, last year, he wanted to move back to AZ this June and ordered that our daughter will be moving back with him. I stood firm and said no and that he will have to take me to court. He changed his mind about moving to AZ but still wants her back with him. I dont mind her living with him full time as long as she doesnt change schools. She has changed schools like 4 times since kindergarden and she has expressed to me that she doesnt want to change schools again unless we buy a house. She is happy where she is now but he wont hear of it. It seems like he is grasping at straws and now he is pulling the deaf straw now. Oh boy.

It made me think and then thought back to my friends or co workers and just realized that all of my divorced deaf friends who were married to hearing spouses dont have full custody of their children. I did ask around and they told me that the judges granted custody to the hearing parent..hmmm. Maybe I am too suspicous cuz of what my ex just said about my deafness making me less qualified as a parent.

He is a good father, yes but this comparing or being better is getting old with me.

Thanks everyone! I have an appt with a lawyer next MOnday...grrrr here goes my $$$$. WAAAAAAAA! Hope it will be quick and painless. :giggle:
 
shel90 said:
Well, it looks like I may have to fight my ex husband for full custody of my daughter. He wants her to move back with him cuz he doesnt like where we live, thinks that his area is better and that the schools in his area is better. Give u a little history...he has always said he is the better one so this is nothing new.

Anyways, she lived with us for 3 years and he said that it is his turn in addition that he thinks he is the better parent. My daughter is happy where she is and she is very attached to her brother. I have told my ex that but he doesnt care. Ok so we are gonna go to court.

Here is the kicker...

U know what he said to me yesterday? He said that he feels that in addition to all the other stuff, he is the better parent cuz he is hearing. I was like WTF???? He plans on using my deafness against me. Ok whatever but then I started thinking of all custody cases that my friends have experienced or I have read about. U know what I noticed? Where there is a custody battle between a deaf parent and hearing parent, the hearing parent usually wins. Many of my friends have kids that they see once in a while cuz their kids are with their hearing ex spouses..doesnt matter if they are the father or the mother. I dont know of any cases where the deaf parent gets custody. Do u know of any? I am starting to get a little concerned...

Thanks.
Click to expand...

That reminded me of my 1st ex husband... in court... he said i cannot hear my baby crying.... his parents had to wake me up... my lawyer told him since he married a deaf lady... became a father.. why didnt he himself pick up a baby when baby cried... my ex husband was stuck.. loss of words.. judge granted me full custody.. what more my in law parents were on my side...
You will win that case....
 
SxyPorkie said:
That reminded me of my 1st ex husband... in court... he said i cannot hear my baby crying.... his parents had to wake me up... my lawyer told him since he married a deaf lady... became a father.. why didnt he himself pick up a baby when baby cried... my ex husband was stuck.. loss of words.. judge granted me full custody.. what more my in law parents were on my side...
You will win that case....
Click to expand...


Also your ex husband married you when he knew you are deaf... he is fully aware of it... also started family with full awareness of deafness... You will win.. More likely judge will grant you full custody ... but to be on safe side.. get a good lawyer...
 
When I cleaned up my husband's stuffs. I found the pictures of you and your daughter nearby Christmas tree. Both of you looked so happy and healthy. I did not realize, I still have the pictures of you in the box. I don't know what I shall do with those pictures because I do not know you personally.

Let me know, what would you like me to do with those pictures?

Good Luck with your court ! Andrew is with you as guardian angel.
 
U know what he said to me yesterday? He said that he feels that in addition to all the other stuff, he is the better parent cuz he is hearing. I was like WTF???? He plans on using my deafness against me. <-----If i am were you then i would said fuck you asshole man!.

the hearing parent usually wins. Many of my friends have kids that they see once in a while cuz their kids are with their hearing ex spouses..doesnt matter if they are the father or the mother. I dont know of any cases where the deaf parent gets custody. Do u know of any? I am starting to get a little concerned... <-----not as alway hearing cases win. One of my friend who is deaf marry her who is hearing person. He won custody kids. It was depend on how case is serious.

I think you will be fine workout with child custody battle situation. Good Luck and hope you beat him out.(proof him wrong.... hearing person alway win...PFFFTTTT).
 
Shel09

Not worry and Stay strong ok Deaf friend did nasty Thur battle with her ex about wanting full custody girls but She has full custody~! ok Her ex hearing husband did think he is the better parent because he is hearing. He did on using deafness and former or ex party drug nights against her too :eek: so Lucky she won anyway


plus Be CAREFUL and Hope not that Father did do something stupid make child turn against mother!:(

We will be with you! :):):)
 
Shel,
I just found this thread, and wanted to let you knowthat I am so sorry about all of this. I really don't think you have too much to worry about. If you have a lawyer, he will no doubt difuse the argument about your deafness. After all, your daughter has been in your custody and has not suffered because of it yet, so why would anyone believe that it would be a detriment in the future. Plus, as you said, she is attached to her brother, and most judges are reluctant to split siblings unless it is for their own protection. Also, you are a master's degreed educator--obviously you are capable of taking care of yourself and your family. I know that its hard not to worry, though, but try not to let it get to you and cause you to have doubts.
 
Sorry to hear this Shel and hope that things work themselves out. I would be surprised if the court granted him custody considering your daughter has been with you for so long and you are the mum. Plus, they would take her feelings into account.

Still, it's a big waste of your time and emotional effort though, isn't it?
 
R2D2 said:
Sorry to hear this Shel and hope that things work themselves out. I would be surprised if the court granted him custody considering your daughter has been with you for so long and you are the mum. Plus, they would take her feelings into account.

Still, it's a big waste of your time and emotional effort though, isn't it?
Click to expand...

Yea..and we are in the process of looking for a house too so depending on the legal fees, we may have to put buying a house on hold. It feels like when I get financially ahead and everything goes well, something comes up and sets me back. I will get there eventually.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. :)
 
Thanks everyone for the encourgement and support.

I am not really worried about losing but if I do, I will accept it and adjust to the situation. One thing I am just frigtened of are the hefty legal fees. I have a fear of going back into heavy debt like I was 5 years ago. It was so bad that I felt so overwhelmed and panicky. So many times I came this close to declaring bankrupty but I didnt. Now, I am almost debt free so I am having difficulty with the idea of legal fees. :ohno:
 
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