stressed new mom looking for support

My daughter failed rescreening last week when she was 3 wks old. The audiologist said her left ear responded at 85db and her right ear responded at 50 db (all at 2000hz). The audiologist wasn't able to check her further for her right ear since she woke up.

We will go for another test next month. I have been stressed since she failed the initial screening. I've been trying for 3 years to conceive and there is no history of hearing loss in my family.

I am still in the "acceptance" stage. I do have tons of beginner's questions.

1. based on the limited information, can my daughter be confirmed to have at sever hearing/moderate loss on left and right ear? Can things be better or worse after the follow up tests?

2. With this level of hearing loss, can I raise my baby with oral path? My husband and I speak Mandarin at home (we are Chinese). Is it possible that my baby can speak both Mandarin and English orally?

3. Based on your experience, do I (mom) need to quit my job to fully support my baby's language learning at least for the first few years?

4. It is a hard journey, any experience to share how to go through this?


Many many thanks from a stressed new mom.

1. Yes she can be confirmed with a severe loss. I don't know if she will get better or worse. Every case is different but it's not the end of the world.

2. Yes you can raise her as oral. I have even worse hearing (>120db loss per ear) and still talk and read lips. I don't even know how to sign and I'm 34 years old! But I recommend raising her with english ONLY. It's hard enough dealing with a hearing loss and being bilingual I think will be so difficult I think your daughter would get discouraged.

3. Before thinking about quitting your job try looking around at daycares or preschool or some kind of childcare service that can accomodate your daughter's
hearing loss. The socialization can be a great benefit to her compared to raising her alone.

4. Well I can only speak for myself but I was born with a profound hearing loss and went to all mainstream schools starting from PreK all the way to college. And I currently work as a software developer and have my own house and car. I'm not reduced to some homeless guy on disability checks.

So from that I can tell you that just because your daughter has a hearing problem it doesnt mean that she'll be some kind of invalid. If she's got enough
determination she can become a productive adult.

As for teaching her language and all try to use a blackboard first and get her to learn to read FIRST. The problem is that it'll be almost impossible to learn how to speak and listen first. By starting out reading and writing she has a good starting point and from that point on you can teach her how to talk and read lips.

And you can do a search in this forum as well. This topic has been covered many times in detail.

Good luck!

hey, welcome to Alldeaf! I'm sure some of us were on that boat when we were babies so I was one of them lol

Go with the flow and let her to learn all of languages since she is still young and can absorb her memories of mandarin, English, oral and ASL at a earlier age. Its possible she would have a delay language but she will pick those languages up fast as long as she understands and can able to communicate with you both very well.
Its very common for bilingual kids who tend to have delay several languages but in no time, they will be OK. If they have learning disorder then that would be a different story.

good luck.

Pls have your daughter exposed to ASL asap for a strong language foundation. That's the most important thing. She can learn the other languages as well. ASL will not interfere with that contrary to popular belief.

I am Deaf and an ASL user.

Many thanks for all your reply. All these are very encouraging...

I will do my best to raise my daughter. I need to be strong first.

Sarfarigirl2011 said:

hey, welcome to Alldeaf! I'm sure some of us were on that boat when we were babies so I was one of them lol

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It seems that your hearing loss are at similar level to my daughter. How do you feel about your hearing aids? How did/does it help with your speech development? Or do you feel any challenges with those?

Many thanks,

bluepiggy2013 said:

Many thanks for all your reply. All these are very encouraging...

I will do my best to raise my daughter. I need to be strong first.

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I was born with a bilateral severe profound deafness of 110 DB. I am a teacher, happily married, have two wonderful children, own a house and a RV, play softball in adult leagues, and have a healthy retirement fund. My husband and I love to go camping. I hope to travel overseas someday. The reason I am sharing this is that I am leading a happy and successful life as a contributing citizen.

My mom went through the same as you did. She was 18 years old and there was no history of deafness in our family. I empathize.

Hope this helps u!

A Nihilist said:

1. Yes she can be confirmed with a severe loss. I don't know if she will get better or worse. Every case is different but it's not the end of the world.

2. Yes you can raise her as oral. I have even worse hearing (>120db loss per ear) and still talk and read lips. I don't even know how to sign and I'm 34 years old! But I recommend raising her with english ONLY. It's hard enough dealing with a hearing loss and being bilingual I think will be so difficult I think your daughter would get discouraged.

3. Before thinking about quitting your job try looking around at daycares or preschool or some kind of childcare service that can accomodate your daughter's
hearing loss. The socialization can be a great benefit to her compared to raising her alone.

4. Well I can only speak for myself but I was born with a profound hearing loss and went to all mainstream schools starting from PreK all the way to college. And I currently work as a software developer and have my own house and car. I'm not reduced to some homeless guy on disability checks.

So from that I can tell you that just because your daughter has a hearing problem it doesnt mean that she'll be some kind of invalid. If she's got enough
determination she can become a productive adult.

As for teaching her language and all try to use a blackboard first and get her to learn to read FIRST. The problem is that it'll be almost impossible to learn how to speak and listen first. By starting out reading and writing she has a good starting point and from that point on you can teach her how to talk and read lips.

And you can do a search in this forum as well. This topic has been covered many times in detail.

Good luck!

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Many many thanks for your reply. It is so encouraging...

Your parents must be very proud of you... And they are great! It would be wonderful if you could share some stories on how they helped you through.

A Nihilist said:

1. Yes she can be confirmed with a severe loss. I don't know if she will get better or worse. Every case is different but it's not the end of the world.

2. Yes you can raise her as oral. I have even worse hearing (>120db loss per ear) and still talk and read lips. I don't even know how to sign and I'm 34 years old! But I recommend raising her with english ONLY. It's hard enough dealing with a hearing loss and being bilingual I think will be so difficult I think your daughter would get discouraged.

3. Before thinking about quitting your job try looking around at daycares or preschool or some kind of childcare service that can accomodate your daughter's
hearing loss. The socialization can be a great benefit to her compared to raising her alone.

4. Well I can only speak for myself but I was born with a profound hearing loss and went to all mainstream schools starting from PreK all the way to college. And I currently work as a software developer and have my own house and car. I'm not reduced to some homeless guy on disability checks.

So from that I can tell you that just because your daughter has a hearing problem it doesnt mean that she'll be some kind of invalid. If she's got enough
determination she can become a productive adult.

As for teaching her language and all try to use a blackboard first and get her to learn to read FIRST. The problem is that it'll be almost impossible to learn how to speak and listen first. By starting out reading and writing she has a good starting point and from that point on you can teach her how to talk and read lips.

And you can do a search in this forum as well. This topic has been covered many times in detail.

Good luck!

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Being monolingual is the 21st century illiteracy. The more languages one learns, the better off the child is. Being bilingual is the way to go if the child wants to compete in the 21st century global market.

ASL, English, Manarian, Spanish, French, and many more are important languages to learn, not just English. Geez.

one member here who speaks Chinese, English and slowly learning ASL.

A Nihilist said:

2. Yes you can raise her as oral. I have even worse hearing (>120db loss per ear) and still talk and read lips. I don't even know how to sign and I'm 34 years old! But I recommend raising her with english ONLY. It's hard enough dealing with a hearing loss and being bilingual I think will be so difficult I think your daughter would get discouraged.

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I think you are easily discouraged.

I know so many deafies who are bilingual... and trilinguals.... I think half of my deaf friends are trilinguals... and quadrilingual

some things you need to know about hearing loss, its not just decibel loss that is issue but second part that many hearing medical professionals and Audists (supporters of oral only) forget is Clarity. if sound is garbled and unintelligible even if the child can hear it, its not going to help her much..
Second Speech is NOT language, its one way of conveying language. Language is made up of infinite number of ideas, concept, thoughts etc. Sign Languge is the Natural language of Deaf people because it is the only language that they can access 100% both receptive and expressive without limitations. Speech and hearing even with hearing aids or Cochlear Implants will always be limited and never have 100% complete and efficient transfer of information.
Many of my friends who were raised oral said that when they learned ASL, usually in College or High School, it was like a whole new world opened up because they were finally able to conceptualize all the things they had learned orally and it had basically been wrote memorization...
If you say "well we don't know ASL or its hard to learn" then think of your child, it is 100 times harder to learn an oral/aural language if you do not have the proper facilities to hear it and speak it...
0-5 children have what is called a Language Acquisition Device. they dont have to learn language, they just absorb it like a sponge. if an child does not acquire their first language during this time it is almost impossible for them to acquire native fluency in ANY language Spoken or Signed...
Do not limit it and go ahead and speak English and Mandarin, however what ever you do make sure you use ASL (if in the USA) as the primary mode of communication. it will only improve your child's acquisition of spoken languages and will never impede it.. there is plenty of research to prove this too.
and sign all the time even talking to spouse or friend when in the visual field of your child. that is how they will get a rich language environment to acquire language. Think how hearing babies are constantly exposed to language by every person that is talking around them. you want the same exposure to visual language for your child. and dont worry if you are not very good at it.. you child will become a much better signer than you but will be because you were always signing around them as an infant and child

bluepiggy2013 said:

My daughter failed rescreening last week when she was 3 wks old. The audiologist said her left ear responded at 85db and her right ear responded at 50 db (all at 2000hz). The audiologist wasn't able to check her further for her right ear since she woke up.

We will go for another test next month. I have been stressed since she failed the initial screening. I've been trying for 3 years to conceive and there is no history of hearing loss in my family.

I am still in the "acceptance" stage. I do have tons of beginner's questions.

1. based on the limited information, can my daughter be confirmed to have at sever hearing/moderate loss on left and right ear? Can things be better or worse after the follow up tests?

Click to expand...

it's common for false reading in newborns because of fluid inside the ears. best to wait and see at follow-up tests. the administrator of this forum was in a similar predicament. the initial testing showed that his daughter may be deaf. it turned out to be false later on.

http://www.alldeaf.com/parenting/92534-so-my-baby-didnt-pass-her-hearing-screening.html

bluepiggy2013 said:

2. With this level of hearing loss, can I raise my baby with oral path? My husband and I speak Mandarin at home (we are Chinese). Is it possible that my baby can speak both Mandarin and English orally?

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sure why not? last weekend, I just hosted a college deaf group (13 students) from Beijing Union University in NYC. They're all deaf but can speak chinese and also sign. Some of them know English and ASL.... so basically some of them know 4 languages - English, Chinese (not sure which one - Cantonese or Mandarin), ASL, and CSL (Chinese Sign Language). no problem. they're about 10 years younger than me!

bluepiggy2013 said:

3. Based on your experience, do I (mom) need to quit my job to fully support my baby's language learning at least for the first few years?

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that's entirely up to you.

bluepiggy2013 said:

4. It is a hard journey, any experience to share how to go through this?

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raising a kid is a difficult journey....

bluepiggy2013 said:

Many many thanks from a stressed new mom.

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hang in there!

Personally I don't like the idea of being raised only oral for deaf kids. Again, personal opinion... Kids soak up language like a sponge younger ages like that. If you find out your child is in fact deaf, I would start looking into programs that help you learn ASL as well as teach your child. It really does open up a whole new world to them... When I lost my hearing, ASL was like a gateway that just made everything so much better for me. Please don't make your child's mind up for your child. Teach them ASL, Mandarin, English and whatever else! When they get older, then they can decide if they want to be oral only, or whatever. That's a big decision to make for your child... and I personally would have been pretty peeved at my parents had I been born deaf and they decided I was going to be oral only for me. There are more than ample places to help you and your child learn ASL together. Again, they'll pick up on whatever language, just don't limit them to oral only just because. Let them make that decision when they're older. It will be 100 times harder for them to learn ASL later on in life. Good luck to you. =)

First of all contact your state's School for the Deaf.....They will be able to give you tons of great info and resources......I really think you'd be very surprised at the quality of the resources out there.....The early childhood offerings at Deaf Schools(with the exception of one Western state) are amazing.Even the schools that serve mainly mentally disabled kids,their early childhood departments tend to be outstanding I have friends who have HOH kids who have sent them to deaf schools/programs.....they are AWED at how good the programs/services are,especially compared to inclusion/mainstream (where you have to fight for anything beyond front row seating,FM device and speech therapy....and if the district is really magnaimous a notetaker/teacher of the Deaf)
Most HOH kids can develop verbal/oral skills even without hyperintense instruction....some of them may still have spoken language delays....
She may not be able to develop spoken Mandarian abilty as it is a tonal based language,and thus very difficult for even a HOH kid to detect differances in tones......
My best advice....go for a full toolbox....Yes,speech and hearing (and the overwhelming majority of dhh schools and programs DO offer speech and hearing services despite what a certain organization thinks)
but ALSO ASL,cued speech etc........You don't want her to turn to you and ask why you never signed,or exposed her to dhh kids,or sent her to deaf camp or school/program or gave her a Deaf identity etc......
Join the American Society for Deaf Children:American Society for Deaf Children - Home
Get this book....it gives a glimpse of what its like to grow up HOH...On the Fence: The Hidden World of the Hard of Hearing by Mark Drolsbaugh Assistive and Hearing Aids Products - Deaf, Hearing Loss, Sign Language

Just wanted to point out that with ASL, she will be bilingal and have the abilty to function both WITH and without her hearing aids.......Even orally sucessful kids' favorite word is "What?"

deafdyke said:

Just wanted to point out that with ASL, she will be bilingal and have the abilty to function both WITH and without her hearing aids.......Even orally sucessful kids' favorite word is "What?"

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That's a great point too... If she ever has to function without her hearing aids... ASL will help that TREMENDOUSLY! Yes, I can lipread pretty well, but lipreading is only so reliable. Lots of people around here don't enunciate either... that makes it super hard... :roll: I believe around my area personally the Deaf schools will actually work with the parents on ASL too. I know our local Library has weekly lessons for people wanting to learn and work with their kids. So there are always programs out there to help you.

I seen quite afew people in your situation and yes they do it, the transition be better if you learn sign.The children i saw learned quick and very young.
i lip read but i not great at it same reason enunciate,not so bad with family and friends

bluepiggy2013 said:

It seems that your hearing loss are at similar level to my daughter. How do you feel about your hearing aids? How did/does it help with your speech development? Or do you feel any challenges with those?

Many thanks,

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well first off, I think my current hearing aids are great! (yes, I have purple swag)

helped me well with speech up close but not in a way that normal people would process info but super great with music

yep, there's alot of challenges in which I learned that around May 2013, I had so much earwax in both ears