You Tell Me.

Frisky Feline · 02-09-2012, 08:13 AM

Why are some of the certainly hearing parents get upset when they learn about their baby being deaf WHILE some of certainly deaf/hoh parents get not upset when they learn about thier baby being deaf?

So what is the difference between hearing parents and deaf/hoh parents about their reactions of learning about baby being deaf.

Why can't Deaf/hoh get upset that their baby being deaf? Sure some of them are upset but from what it is common knowledges that they are not upset about their baby being deaf. They have been through all their PERSONALexperiences facing in the majority of hearing world and still not get upset about their being baby. Hearing parents have not had any experience with deafness and STILLget upset about the deaf baby.

Same thing, vice versa with Deaf parents of Hearing Kids' reaction as well as Deaf parents of Deaf kids's reaction.
I wonder.

VacationGuy234 · 02-09-2012, 08:19 AM

I'm deaf and I would certainly be upset if my kid were born deaf. Honestly, being deaf and growing up in a hearing world is NOT what I would personally want for my kid. It makes me cringe to even think about it.

So, I find it amazing that anyone who has gone through what I've gone through would not be upset about it too. It just defies logic to want someone you love to live with that kind of discrimination.

**Banjo** · 02-09-2012, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VacationGuy234

I'm deaf and I would certainly be upset if my kid were born deaf. Honestly, being deaf and growing up in a hearing world is NOT what I would personally want for my kid. It makes me cringe to even think about it.

So, I find it amazing that anyone who has gone through what I've gone through would not be upset about it too. It just defies logic to want someone you love to live with that kind of discrimination.

It's because some people were taught to embrace life, no matter what.

**Cheetah** · 02-09-2012, 09:53 AM

Hearing parents with deaf baby think their baby is not perfect. They want a perfect baby so they try hard to find a way to make their baby perfect with hearing. Hearing parents are trying to fix their baby to reflect their ideals of perfection and belief that a deaf baby can never be happy or successful unless they can hear. This persists even when faced with the truth that many deaf baby are very happy and successful even while still deaf.

Deaf parents accept their baby as perfect even if their baby is deaf or has medical issues. Deaf parents are happy just to have a happy baby and know that their baby has a good chance to be happy later in life and be successful too. Of course deaf parents are happy to have hearing babies too because they fully understand that the happiness and success of a child is not dependent on hearing. It is dependent on access to language which gives a greater and deeper connection to the people around them. This is why deaf parents teach ASL to their children both hearing babies and deaf babies alike. they also know that children that grow up in a multilingual family are better prepared to face the word than a child that has only ever been exposed to spoken English.

Hearing parents can make the adjustment to better health and education for their deaf babies, but it's often a very challenging transition because society teaches hearing people that intelligence is measured by how well someone speaks. This is a falsehood that is very hard to break and gives the basis to the term Audist.

Very little success has been made in increasing awareness among hearing parents. And even some deaf persist in their Audist upbringings creating a cycle of failure that never seems to end.

**Bottesini** · 02-09-2012, 09:55 AM

Hearing parents don't have the experience of being deaf, and anything foreign is initially frightening.

Deaf parents who are upset are generally not Deaf people, but late deafened.

VacationGuy234 · 02-09-2012, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

Hearing parents don't have the experience of being deaf, and anything foreign is initially frightening.

Deaf parents who are upset are generally not Deaf people, but late deafened.

Late deafened people don't have bad childhoods so, no, that is not the same thing.

**Bottesini** · 02-09-2012, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VacationGuy234

Late deafened people don't have bad childhoods so, no, that is not the same thing.

Neither do a lot of Deaf people.

VacationGuy234 · 02-09-2012, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

Neither do a lot of Deaf people.

News to me, I've never hear that before. In fact, I'd like to see a good childhood thread. I think it would be up lifting.

**Banjo** · 02-09-2012, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VacationGuy234

News to me, I've never hear that before. In fact, I'd like to see a good childhood thread. I think it would be up lifting.

I had a great childhood.

**Bottesini** · 02-09-2012, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VacationGuy234

News to me, I've never hear that before. In fact, I'd like to see a good childhood thread. I think it would be up lifting.

You should be banned before you had time to read it anyway.

VacationGuy234 · 02-09-2012, 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

You should be banned before you had time to read it anyway.

You don't get banned for stating the truth.

**Banjo** · 02-09-2012, 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VacationGuy234

You don't get banned for stating the truth.

What truth? Your truth? It's quite different from my truth.

rolling7 · 02-09-2012, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Banjo

What truth? Your truth? It's quite different from my truth.

That is the way it is suppose to be.

examples: The world is flat.
The world is round.

Both are wrong and that is the truth. Why? Think mountains/valleys/hills

VacationGuy234 · 02-09-2012, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Banjo

What truth? Your truth? It's quite different from my truth.

You take what I said as sarcasm, but it is not. If you have some good childhood posts, I'd truly like to read them.

You are the only person I've encountered, if you have grown up in a hearing world as deaf, who has told me they've had a good childhood.

Yes, my truth is true to me.

**Banjo** · 02-09-2012, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VacationGuy234

You take what I said as sarcasm, but it is not. If you have some good childhood posts, I'd truly like to read them.

You are the only person I've encountered, if you have grown up in a hearing world as deaf, who has told me they've had a good childhood.

Yes, my truth is true to me.

I know plenty who have had good childhoods. You must lead a very sheltered life.

**ash345** · 02-09-2012, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VacationGuy234

News to me, I've never hear that before. In fact, I'd like to see a good childhood thread. I think it would be up lifting.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Banjo

I had a great childhood.

those of us who had bad child hoods... the #1 reason why... hearing audist parents... not having access to the language that should have been ours... but people who were raised with sign... their childhoods differ drastically from mine... my niece for one... she is having a great child hood! why... her mom is learning to sign and not FORCING her to try and be hearing... that is the difference.

**Banjo** · 02-09-2012, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ash345

those of us who had bad child hoods... the #1 reason why... hearing audist parents... not having access to the language that should have been ours... but people who were raised with sign... their childhoods differ drastically from mine... my niece for one... she is having a great child hood! why... her mom is learning to sign and not FORCING her to try and be hearing... that is the difference.

Exactly. Parents' attitude toward a deaf child makes quite a significant impact on the outcome.

Babyblue · 02-09-2012, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

Hearing parents don't have the experience of being deaf, and anything foreign is initially frightening.

Exactly, What if a deaf parent had a blind child. Would they be upset??

It is a natural reaction to people to have a child with a disability/or with out a sense. It takes time and adjustment for them.

Human nature to want a child with all his/her senses and abilities.

Frisky Feline · 02-09-2012, 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Banjo

I know plenty who have had good childhoods. You must lead a very sheltered life.

True.

rolling7 · 02-09-2012, 12:29 PM

I was forced (hey, I wanted to play ball!!) by my parents to take lip-reading lessons and learn to speak and am very thankful that my parents wanted the best for me but were will to accept my best as being my best. Therefore, my childhood was good. As long as I gave my best, everyone around me were proud and continue to encourage me to just do the best I could. That is all that counted to them.

VacationGuy234 · 02-09-2012, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ash345

those of us who had bad child hoods... the #1 reason why... hearing audist parents... not having access to the language that should have been ours... but people who were raised with sign... their childhoods differ drastically from mine... my niece for one... she is having a great child hood! why... her mom is learning to sign and not FORCING her to try and be hearing... that is the difference.

Surely ash, you can't believe that sign alone would give someone a good childhood? In fact, I would argue it would lead to the, "sheltered one" Banjo thinks I've had. At some point, that child is going to have to deal with hearing people on their level not hers.

IMO, it would lead to a different childhood(perhaps as you stated), but I don't think it would shield her from the realities of childhood. I don't think other children would treat her better because she signs. And, that is the reason I wouldn't be happy about it, as is the topic of the post.

I'm glad your niece is doing well. And, I certainly hope she does have a great life.

DeafCaroline · 02-09-2012, 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VacationGuy234

Surely ash, you can't believe that sign alone would give someone a good childhood? In fact, I would argue it would lead to the, "sheltered one" Banjo thinks I've had. At some point, that child is going to have to deal with hearing people on their level not hers.

IMO, it would lead to a different childhood(perhaps as you stated), but I don't think it would shield her from the realities of childhood. I don't think other children would treat her better because she signs. And, that is the reason I wouldn't be happy about it, as is the topic of the post.

I'm glad your niece is doing well. And, I certainly hope she does have a great life.

Are you speaking from experience as one who was a deaf child?

VacationGuy234 · 02-09-2012, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeafCaroline

Are you speaking from experience as one who was a deaf child?

Yes.

In answer to the OP's question, as a deaf person, I know not all deaf see it as a good thing.

**KristinaB** · 02-09-2012, 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VacationGuy234

Surely ash, you can't believe that sign alone would give someone a good childhood? In fact, I would argue it would lead to the, "sheltered one" Banjo thinks I've had. At some point, that child is going to have to deal with hearing people on their level not hers.

IMO, it would lead to a different childhood(perhaps as you stated), but I don't think it would shield her from the realities of childhood. I don't think other children would treat her better because she signs. And, that is the reason I wouldn't be happy about it, as is the topic of the post.

I'm glad your niece is doing well. And, I certainly hope she does have a great life.

I have to refute this. I have a good friend at my Deaf church. He was born Deaf and raised by hearing parents. When his parents got the diagnosis, they learned ASL and also whatever sign was in Cuba (ASL?). Family moved to the US legally when he was 4. He was raised with sign only. Never learned to speak. Never forced to take speech therapy or "lip-reading" classes. He went to the FSDB and then Gally. He still does not speak. He had a very happy childhood and has a very happy life. He is not upset with his lot on life. He doesn't feel like he lost out. He has 7 brothers and sisters and they all learned ASL. His wife is Deaf. She went through the horrors of forced speech, and family who did not want her and shipped her off to be adopted out. She will not talk about her growing up at all because it was so horrific and painful.

VacationGuy234 · 02-09-2012, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KristinaB

I have to refute this. I have a good friend at my Deaf church. He was born Deaf and raised by hearing parents. When his parents got the diagnosis, they learned ASL and also whatever sign was in Cuba (ASL?). Family moved to the US legally when he was 4. He was raised with sign only. Never learned to speak. Never forced to take speech therapy or "lip-reading" classes. He went to the FSDB and then Gally. He still does not speak. He had a very happy childhood and has a very happy life. He is not upset with his lot on life. He doesn't feel like he lost out. He has 7 brothers and sisters and they all learned ASL. His wife is Deaf. She went through the horrors of forced speech, and family who did not want her and shipped her off to be adopted out. She will not talk about her growing up at all because it was so horrific and painful.

If I understand you correctly, you are saying that ASL is the solution and as long as you shelter your children they will have a good childhood(real is debatable), correct? Furthermore, you are saying that if you don't you will/could have a horrific and painful one, correct?

OK, your point is taken. Perhaps there are some who can exclude themselves from real world situations in life, but I would think that is a very small world.

I'd be interested to know, off topic, how his adult life compares to his childhood. Does he work at Gally?

To be clear, fair and not give the wrong impression, I don't hate hearing people. And, I don't think hearing people create bad childhoods. The childhood itself(being deaf) is just not an easy one and I wouldn't wish it on my kid.

**KristinaB** · 02-09-2012, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VacationGuy234

If I understand you correctly, you are saying that ASL is the solution and as long as you shelter your children they will have a good childhood(real is debatable), correct? Furthermore, you are saying that if you don't you will/could have a horrific and painful one, correct?

OK, your point is taken. Perhaps there are some who can exclude themselves from real world situations in life, but I would think that is a very small world.

I'd be interested to know, off topic, how his adult life compares to his childhood. Does he work at Gally?

To be clear, fair and not give the wrong impression, I don't hate hearing people. And, I don't think hearing people create bad childhoods. The childhood itself(being deaf) is just not an easy one and I wouldn't wish it on my kid.

He is not working at Gally. He has been working for the last 12 years at a local recycling division. He moved up and is in management. HE was not sheltered at all. He was surrounded by family, friends and many, many people. To give you an ideas about this, he grew up in a predominate Latino community. There's no sheltering of the children, teens or anyone in a situation like that.

And no, I do not say that ASL is the only answer and that the children should be sheltered. They should be allowed to grow and prosper and have lots of exposure and friends. If they can learn speech, then fine, but it shouldn't be forced onto them.

**mbrek** · 02-09-2012, 03:08 PM

If you've never seen this, watch it. He could have had a VERY crappy childhood, but the life and energy coming from him is truly inspiring.

LOOK AT YOURSELF AFTER WATCHING THIS.mp4 - YouTube

**Bottesini** · 02-09-2012, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mbrek

If you've never seen this, watch it. He could have had a VERY crappy childhood, but the life and energy coming from him is truly inspiring.

LOOK AT YOURSELF AFTER WATCHING THIS.mp4 - YouTube

Captions?

**Cheetah** · 02-09-2012, 03:12 PM

I think the key is an inclusive environment. If the child is deaf, that means ASL (or the sign language in that country).

Inclusive means being able to understand the people around you and not be left out of the little things in life.

For most deaf, this means Sign Language. For some HOH, this may be a mix of sign language and speech/lip reading. For some perhaps they can find happiness in pure lipreading, though I do not share this sentiment.

This is not to say that someone who had a terrible/sad childhood is a sad person today. Rather to say that their quality of life is enhanced by growing up in an inclusive environment.

**Cheetah** · 02-09-2012, 03:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

Captions?

You can open this in Youtube and use the audio captioning, but it sucks for this video. this video has been around for a few years, I remember listening to it before I lost my remaining hearing... He is very inspiring. Especially to teenagers that think their lives suck and finally realize there is someone that has a much worse life and is way happier than they think they will ever be.

Sorry I cannot provide a caption for this as I think it would be worth while.

02-09-2012, 08:13 AM	#1 (permalink)
Frisky Feline Registered User Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 20,239	You Tell Me. Why are some of the certainly hearing parents get upset when they learn about their baby being deaf WHILE some of certainly deaf/hoh parents get not upset when they learn about thier baby being deaf? So what is the difference between hearing parents and deaf/hoh parents about their reactions of learning about baby being deaf. Why can't Deaf/hoh get upset that their baby being deaf? Sure some of them are upset but from what it is common knowledges that they are not upset about their baby being deaf. They have been through all their PERSONALexperiences facing in the majority of hearing world and still not get upset about their being baby. Hearing parents have not had any experience with deafness and STILLget upset about the deaf baby. Same thing, vice versa with Deaf parents of Hearing Kids' reaction as well as Deaf parents of Deaf kids's reaction. I wonder.

02-09-2012, 08:19 AM	#2 (permalink)
VacationGuy234 Registered User Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 2,802	I'm deaf and I would certainly be upset if my kid were born deaf. Honestly, being deaf and growing up in a hearing world is NOT what I would personally want for my kid. It makes me cringe to even think about it. So, I find it amazing that anyone who has gone through what I've gone through would not be upset about it too. It just defies logic to want someone you love to live with that kind of discrimination. whatdidyousay! and ambrosia like this. __________________

02-09-2012, 09:53 AM	#4 (permalink)
Cheetah Cheetah Consulting-Closed Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 2,694	Hearing parents with deaf baby think their baby is not perfect. They want a perfect baby so they try hard to find a way to make their baby perfect with hearing. Hearing parents are trying to fix their baby to reflect their ideals of perfection and belief that a deaf baby can never be happy or successful unless they can hear. This persists even when faced with the truth that many deaf baby are very happy and successful even while still deaf. Deaf parents accept their baby as perfect even if their baby is deaf or has medical issues. Deaf parents are happy just to have a happy baby and know that their baby has a good chance to be happy later in life and be successful too. Of course deaf parents are happy to have hearing babies too because they fully understand that the happiness and success of a child is not dependent on hearing. It is dependent on access to language which gives a greater and deeper connection to the people around them. This is why deaf parents teach ASL to their children both hearing babies and deaf babies alike. they also know that children that grow up in a multilingual family are better prepared to face the word than a child that has only ever been exposed to spoken English. Hearing parents can make the adjustment to better health and education for their deaf babies, but it's often a very challenging transition because society teaches hearing people that intelligence is measured by how well someone speaks. This is a falsehood that is very hard to break and gives the basis to the term Audist. Very little success has been made in increasing awareness among hearing parents. And even some deaf persist in their Audist upbringings creating a cycle of failure that never seems to end. Banjo, deafdyke, shel90 and 7 others like this. __________________ The Cheetah Consulting services No request too small, no fee too large! Serving the deaf world wide since yesterday. Open daily 9 ~ 5

02-09-2012, 09:55 AM	#5 (permalink)
Bottesini Joe's Friend Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: With Owl Sock Posts: 37,532 Blog Entries: 1	Hearing parents don't have the experience of being deaf, and anything foreign is initially frightening. Deaf parents who are upset are generally not Deaf people, but late deafened. Audiofuzzy, rockin'robin, green427 and 1 others like this. __________________

02-09-2012, 03:12 PM	#29 (permalink)
Cheetah Cheetah Consulting-Closed Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 2,694	I think the key is an inclusive environment. If the child is deaf, that means ASL (or the sign language in that country). Inclusive means being able to understand the people around you and not be left out of the little things in life. For most deaf, this means Sign Language. For some HOH, this may be a mix of sign language and speech/lip reading. For some perhaps they can find happiness in pure lipreading, though I do not share this sentiment. This is not to say that someone who had a terrible/sad childhood is a sad person today. Rather to say that their quality of life is enhanced by growing up in an inclusive environment. deafdyke likes this. __________________ The Cheetah Consulting services No request too small, no fee too large! Serving the deaf world wide since yesterday. Open daily 9 ~ 5

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02-09-2012, 12:29 PM	#20 (permalink)
rolling7 Banned Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 3,340	I was forced (hey, I wanted to play ball!!) by my parents to take lip-reading lessons and learn to speak and am very thankful that my parents wanted the best for me but were will to accept my best as being my best. Therefore, my childhood was good. As long as I gave my best, everyone around me were proud and continue to encourage me to just do the best I could. That is all that counted to them.

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