dereksbicycles

I had a HOH girlfriend from March '08 to Feb. '10. A deaf girlfriend from May '10-Jan '11. Now a hearing girlfriend from Jan '11 to present.

No problem with my deafness. I embrace it, but sometimes, I wonder if I want a deaf relationship or a hearing relationship.

I'm going to have Christmas with my family and my girlfriend's family, but after that, I'll have to look into myself and wonder if I want a relationship. I'm hating myself in general.

Deafness

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NightlightFire1

I have no problem with my hearing aids. However, I do not let my hearing impairment define me as a person. I used to have the over-the-ear kind up until 8th grade, where I got the inner ones that match my skin color. I used to show them both off, but when I started freshmen year, I got into the habit of covering them.

As a junior, I am still covering them because I want to fit right in with the hearing people, for I go to school among the hearing. I don't know anyone else who is like me. Most people don't know I'm hearing impaired until I tell them.

deafdyke

ooooooo....Nightlight, I actually have the solution to your problem! You're just like me. I had BTEs until I was 13, then I went to ITEs....thought I could hear but was mostly just speechreading. Then when I was beign evaluated for surgery in '96 the audi had me try on a BTE again...the difference is amazing! You'll be able to hear SO MUCH MORE!

deafdyke

Cheetah, I don't mean " Oh I'm so helpless, boohoo hoo, not hearing/seeing/walking/talking is SO horrible" type of disabilty. I mean Disabilty rights type of disabsilty. This is a school of thinking where the limitation isn't in of the disabilty but rather the arbitary limtations placed on that condition b/c of soctial biases.

lanapoo

I'm actually in the process of embracing my hearing loss. I've been deaf since birth and I was one of those kids who were forced to learn speech and be implanted at an early age. My speech is actually pretty good, but deteriorating. Why?

I haven't worn my CI in 2 years. I decided that since I was born this way, I'll just be deaf. I was meant to be deaf and I don't see anything wrong with it. I am a very silent person and absolutely insistent on writing down what I need. My boss at work even told me, "Deafies are only equal to hearies if they use their voice." That offended me greatly because I know of some complete "mutes" who are incredibly intelligent and far off intelligent than "regular hearies."

Deafies/hearies differ greatly because they both grew up in different cultures. Hearies think it's okay to implant and teach speech, mainstream them while the deafies are all about language, putting them in a deaf school, etc.

I was a child of hearies. The only thing I can tell you... I was raised mainstreamed. I just started learning ASL 6 years ago. Deafies assume that I'm an interpreter all the freaking time because of the way I sign.

I wish I was raised in a deaf institute. I was oral for the majority of my life just to please my parents.

Fortunately, I've noticed that my parents are more accepting of it. They used to ask me all the time where my CI was just so I could hear them hollering that it's dinner time. I started taking it off a few years ago... But now, the last time I saw them, it took them a week to just... ask where my CI is... I know it cost them about 4k. But this is me. My body and my life. I am forever grateful for them. It's just that I make choices, too. My mom FINALLY started signing to me 2 years ago and started saying, "I love you" in that ILY sign and she never did that before. I think they're really starting to realize that this is me. They gave birth to me. Accommodate me and love me for who I am.

I really think that my future will be a lot brighter now. And more loving, too.

I really can't wait to move home and have everything I've ever wanted... Love and a real family I never had.

It's true that time does heal all. Parents may be shocked and try to fix you at first, but they'd accept you eventually like mine did. It just hurt me a lot, but hey... It's okay in the end. <3

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Tousi

I was real glad to hear your message, especially the last three paragraphs. All the best yo you!!

NightlightFire1

Um, that's interesting. :O

deafdyke

Lanapoo!!!!! I feel for you! The problem with oralism is that it assumes that oral skills are enough to be able to assimulate into the hearing world. They DO give you some access to the hearing world....but not complete and unfettered access. I would have a little less beef with oralism if it had the guts to admit that while oral skills are very useful, there is ALSO a lot of value in the Deaf community, and learning ASL as a second language. I really do think that the oral experts and theorists do not realize that it's not the '60's anymore, and that schools and society has changed. In the old days, yeah oral only and mainstreamed kids were thought of as the smart kids....but now we get lumped in with special ed in the mainstream and fall through the cracks. Also the typical suburban mainstream school is NOT a very accepting place. God, I wish so badly that the theorists(especially the auditory verbal old bats) could spend a day in the life of an oral mainstreamed kid....they would understand
Lan....would you be OK with oral training if it was more designed like ...say a kid goes off to oral preschool and kindergarten while being very carefully monitored for significent delays, and if kids started learning ASL as a language in say first grade?
I also feel for you about the family....my family is nice and all....but they are SO CLUELESS...So completely and utterly clueless...no wonder I consider Nancy my second mom.....(and I told her I wish she was my real mom)

deafdyke

Try it....you'll be very surprised about how much you can hear!

HH scientist

I loved to hear that you have found a way to live that suits you.

Having a CI or HA that works half way is not pleasant sometimes. And mainstreaming is not pleasant at all. I agree.

Bebonang

It just bug me that every normal hearing and able body person keep trying to fix me and every one of us to make us be like them. I am sooo sick of this attitude of thinking that hearing aids or CIs would help us to hear clearly which we are not able to. There will never be a cure unless the late deafened or the late disabled person can get the benefit of being back to normal again. It is just wishful thinking unless there is some miracle for the late deafened. That is why we call it "Audism" when normal hearing or able body person does not get it at all.

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I HAVE BEEN DEAF SINCE BIRTH, AND IT IS STILL AWESOME TO BE . (thumb up) (very happy)

HH scientist

Sometimes, I wonder if people are just clueless and use mental shortcuts when thinking about a complex problem.

Hearies think that glasses apply to HAs and CIs too. Glasses are some of the most simple and useful inventions in the world, but the neural circuitry of the auditory system is complex. Glasses almost always work but HAs and CIs only work sometimes.

Audiofuzzy

I am not hearing, but I like my HAS even if they are not making me
"back to normal again".
I just like be able to hear anything with them
as much or as little -depends how you look at it - as they can offer.

Is that bad?

Fuzzy

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A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.
Mohandas Gandhi
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Audiofuzzy

Also, I am very confused about the term "normal".

I thought there is nor such thing as "normal" when it comes to the deaf -
for deaf is normal?

There was so many arguments about this term "normal", even recently.

Fuzzy

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A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.
Mohandas Gandhi
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Cheetah

Normal is the new Yesterday! Oh wait, maybe I should not be drinking and posting!

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Bebonang

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I HAVE BEEN DEAF SINCE BIRTH, AND IT IS STILL AWESOME TO BE . (thumb up) (very happy)

Bebonang

See. You don't get it, even if you are hard of hearing. Wow.

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I HAVE BEEN DEAF SINCE BIRTH, AND IT IS STILL AWESOME TO BE . (thumb up) (very happy)

kokonut

Bebonang, you used the so-called "taboo" word "normal" which is what, I think, audiofuzzy was trying to point out or figure out why you used that word:

Why not just call a person as a hearing person? But you focused on the word "normal" for "normal hearing."

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Before AD.

After AD.

"Restriction on free thought and free speech is the most dangerous of all subversions. It is the one un-American act that could most easily defeat us."
-Thurgood Marshall, former Supreme Court Justice


"... turns out they are telling the truth."

MyNameIsNO

that perfect post!!!! i agreeing with you. hearing think deaf like bad sickness. deaf not able hear not bad thing. you not needing ci, HA, speech therapy, etc if you happy satisfy with yourself. not needing cure deafness. it wonderful thing this world have deaf community and deafs culture. my opinion, i think deaf not need be call handicap or disable. bec deaf can do anything same hearings people. lack of hearing not preventing you from do anything except hears. hearing need get more education about deaf cultures and STOP SHOW pitying to us. it annoy!!!! we already fine and we not need pity parties. we already happy and hearing think deaf not normal, but that not true bec we NOT discapable of do anything.

MyNameIsNO

also hearing need STOP telling deaf "why not try hearing aid or cochlear implant". that deaf personal decision choices. it very rude!!!!! leave deaf alone, some deaf want hear some dont. that is their decision. some hearing people is pissing me off try control on deaf life, they act like dictator HITLER. they needing **** off and staying out our business.

KristinaB

MIL asked son this morning if he felt weird having a hearing loss and didn't he really want to have HA's or CI's. His response? "I am not broken. I do not need to be fixed. I am like any other so-called normal person. Everyone has their own little or big synchronicities, (sp?) and that makes each of us unique in our own way. I have a hearing loss, I am not abnormal and I am not broken. I will thanks you to remember that and not bug me again Nana!" She was taken aback by his speech and then complimented on his use of words. She then let me know that I did a good job raising him. I just about fell over since she does not pay very many compliments at all.

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Kristina

Audiofuzzy

Exactly. That's why I asked.

One person says "normal hearing" and gets aggressively bashed in the head
for it, another says the very same thing and nothing happens.
Go figure.

Fuzzy

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A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.
Mohandas Gandhi
.

Cheetah

The word "normal" is a word that is usually used to describe the majority. Most of us prefer not to use that word because it indicates that anyone that is not in the majority is "abnormal". Just keep in mind that its so common to use the word normal that people use it without thinking.

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BecLak

I too was born deaf in a hearing family, raised oral and mainstreamed. I too, since discovering AllDeaf and the Deaf Community have embraced my Deafness. Old habits die hard, but determination will win out in the end.

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yellowwolf

I am new to AD and I am not deaf, but hoh. I have been for several years and my hearing is getting worse. I am 42 and have been trying to learn (study) ASL, but I am hit with alot of resistance from those around me. They don't understand why I want to bother to learn and not just get hearing aids. I am and always have Been interested in ASL and deaf culture and think it is a beautiful thing. I can't put myself in a deaf persons shoes but I grew up beside a deaf family and they were my close friends. They taught me to have alot of respect for the deaf culture and people. I'm glad that I'm not normal.

Audiofuzzy

Really?

I'd swear it only depends on WHO uses that word.
because if I use it without thinking .............................


but what do I know, hmmm

Fuzzy

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A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.
Mohandas Gandhi
.

DeafCaroline

I want that too!

kokonut

It's called "double standard."

__________________
Before AD.

After AD.

"Restriction on free thought and free speech is the most dangerous of all subversions. It is the one un-American act that could most easily defeat us."
-Thurgood Marshall, former Supreme Court Justice


"... turns out they are telling the truth."

Cheetah

When you are debating something and use the word "normal" just be prepared to be picked apart. Just saying.

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No request too small, no fee too large!
Serving the deaf world wide since yesterday.
Open daily 9 ~ 5