dereksbicycles

My girlfriend's sister graduated from Michigan State University last Saturday. Her Mom did not invite me to graduation because she worried about me sitting for 2 hours without interpreter. Therefore, I did not go. As it turns out, there was an interpreter at the ceremony. I wish that I would have went. I told my girlfriend and her family that I'm 34. I've been deaf for 32 years. I can handle it. I know what to do. If I don't want to be part of it, then I don't have to go.

She has another sister who goes to U of Michigan. She will be graduating in Spring. SHe has asked me to go. I told her I would go. I'm pretty sure there will be an interpreter for graduation ceremony. If MSU had one, then U of M should have one.

My girlfriend and her family worry about doing things in fear that I may be left out. I told them I would be willing to go to concert and graduation. It's ok. I can handle it.

Deafness

__________________
This advertising will not be shown in this way to registered members.
Register your free account today and become a member on AllDeaf.com

mbrek

Tell them not to decide for you. You should be the one to decide, terp or no. Just being there to experience the event can have meaning as well, not just hearing it. (Besides, graduations are so boring!!!)

__________________
Sarcasm - just another little service I offer.

Beach girl

MSU is just clearly superior to U of M in so many ways; this might be just one more. Go GREEEENNN!!!

OK, OK, I kid, as a biased Spartan - and aunt to two Wolverines. As they say, you know you're from Michigan when half the family fights with the other half the week of the MSU - U of M game. (Note green smilie...)

Seriously, U of M is very likely to have an interpreter, but if you really want to know, I'm sure you could check with the Office of Student Services. They should know for sure.

But good for you for standing up for yourself. That was very rude of your girlfriend's mom not to include you. Actually, isn't she your fiancee now, not just "girlfriend?" Fiances should be invited to family gatherings, definitely; boyfriends, well, maybe yes, maybe no.

I hope you do go to the U of M graduation, to celebrate the event with your girlfriend/fiancee's sister. It is very impressive (I can admit to having attended 3 there myself - two B.S. and one M.S. for the nephews), and a nice family moment.

dereksbicycles

We're boy/girlfriends---not fiancees yet. We've a lot of time to check into interpreter thing.

I'm more of an U of M fan. Girlfriend is more of a MSU fan. Go Blue!!!!

Beach girl

Oh dear. Serious, SERIOUS, incompatibilities there!! You will not be speaking to each other for at least one week every fall. ;-)

dereksbicycles

Don't worry, we'll cross this bridge when we have to. Basically, it's about one team scoring more points than others.

Beach girl

Yeah, that's the general idea!

Plus MSU has by far the more attractive campus.

Seriously - of course they are both good schools. Michigan is fortunate to have those two, plus Michigan Tech way up in the UP, and numerous smaller colleges and universities that are all good choices.

Still - Sparty rules!!

dereksbicycles

I think U of M has more attractive campus, but then again, I was on MSU campus only once. U of M campus once sooooo what am I to judge.

I did go to "Big House" football stadium, but have not been to MSU football stadium yet.

Beach girl

Fun places to watch a game, in both circumstances.

My nephew's graduation was at the "Big House." It was a nice ceremony. Probably your g.f.'s sister's graduation will be there too, as the June graduation is the big one.

dereksbicycles

Looking forward to it. IT would be my 2nd visit to "Big House".

Anij

All your girlfriend should have to do is request an interpreter for that event. I'd do it at least 3 months in advance to make sure there are no issues. When the interpreter is booked, they can then inform your girlfriend where the interpreter(s) will be located so you can sit in an appropriate spot.

For graduations, the number of people attending almost ensures that there will be at least a few people who would benefit from having interpreters there - so it's not a big deal to place the request.

__________________
Hoh/Deaf ~ +120db deaf right , mild/mod flux left & APD
English & ASL ...PAH!!


Ignorance is NOT Bliss

Frisky Feline

May I ask some concern questions? Does your girlfriend's mom like you? I am shocked to see "her mom did not invites me". That made me wonder. If it were me, I always go to any where if they have no interpreter or not but go with my own spouse no matter what. I want to tell you something that please dont ever use your deafness as an excuse for not going or cant or dont or never do anything. Stand for yourself. You need to realize that out there sometimes dont provide what you are looking for but show up no matter what.

please dont use deafness as an excuse. period.

dereksbicycles

Very good point you made. I agree that no one should make excuses.

Yes, she likes me. She does plan to take ASL class with my girlfriend so that they would better communicate with me. They have a lot to learn about Deaf World and they're always happy to learn more. It takes time.

I agree that people should not worry that they are leaving me out if they invite me and there are no interpreter. I can tell them what to do including how to obtain an interpreter if I wanted one.

I'm sure U of Michigan graduation will have an interpreter and I'll have them check on that just to be sure.

VacationGuy234

You can't force people to invite you places, I think just telling them you are OK with it will suffice. If it is just a family event, I would just show up. However, if it is something that you must be included beforehand I would tell your girlfriend you would like to go.

I have the opposite problem sometimes, I get asked to a lot of bars which have local bands and I can't hear anything. I guess I understand her families concerns, it's not fun.

dereksbicycles

I'm glad you understand her family's concerns.

I do agree that a person shouldn't force someone to invite them if they are not invited.

whatdidyousay!

"My girlfriend and her family worry about doing things in fear that I may be left out. I told them I would be willing to go to concert and graduation. It's ok. I can handle it. "


So they're going not invite places you to spare your feelings?? Tell me again how that work?? I hate to say this but does your gf mother have issues with you being deaf?? I think you should tell everyone just what you said to us about being 34 yo and you take care of yourself. Does your gf know how you feel about this?

dereksbicycles

Yes, I have told my girlfriend how I feel about this. I'm pretty sure they don't have issues with me being deaf. It's that they worry about leaving me out.

Beach girl

You do have to get tickets for graduation ceremonies, though. This is not an event where you can just show up uninvited. My nephew had to really scramble to get as many tickets as he wanted for our whole family to attend.

Jane B.

I would say they did a very complete job of leaving you out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In fact, down right insulting as a graduation day isn't just the ceremony but the whole rest of the day together.

Did you make sure that your girlfriend's Mother understands what she did? Your girlfriend may not have known what her mother was doing to you.

Buffalo

That reminds me of an article where a husband is a fan of one of them and the wife is a fan of the other one. They agreed that their dog will wear the collar that has the colors of the winning team for a year.

__________________

“The problem is not that the (deaf) students do not hear. The problem is that the hearing world does not listen. “- Rev Jesse L. Jackson ( American Civil Rights Activist, Minister)

dereksbicycles

Gotta try this idea

Audiofuzzy

Oops- serious good manners offense in the very first place.
You do not omit while inviting someone so important.

Second, like someone earlier said - you do not decide for other person.
Mom simply should have invited you, let you know that there may not be interpreter available,
and leave the decision to you.

But oh well - what's done, is done.
Since your mom simply made a mistake, perhaps just
let her know she shouldn't worry about thing like that because it's your problem

Fuzzy

__________________
.
A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.
Mohandas Gandhi
.

dereksbicycles

Got to talk to my girlfriend tonight. It turns out that her Mom did not want to subject me to sitting for 2 hours or so of graduation ceremony feeling left out without interpreter.

Also, she said that I've made a lot of trips to Michigan. She did not want to add to my travel plans and make me sit through a ceremony.

Fair enough, but all she had to do was ask.

They're still learning about Deaf Culture/Deaf World. I'm not sure if they knew how to obtain an interpreter for ceremony, but they would have left it up to me. Obviously I would manage.

Audiofuzzy

Excuses, excuses.
Look, it's not her business. and this is simply a matter of etiquette.

The rules of etiquette require she invites you, period.
What you decide to do with the invitation in such situation, is your business.

I however must strongly stress that I am not saying that to make you
or your GF feel bad about what has happened,
or imply her mom didn't invite you our of malice - oh no, no.

No, her mom simply broke the good manners rules, and did something she shouldn't have - decided for you. You're not a child.

Exactly !

Forgive and forget, that's all.

Fuzzy

__________________
.
A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.
Mohandas Gandhi
.

Beach girl

Wa-yull, he's a boyfriend. Not a fiance. I'm not so sure the rules of etiquette insist that a b.f./g.f. be invited to every family event that includes the siblings of the relevant g.f./b.f.

Especially an event like this. It's not like the g.f. needed a date to accompany her to her sister's graduation.

It would have been nice, of course. But I'm not sure it's a huge violation of etiquette here. Just different perceptions of what the event might mean to a non-family member.

Frisky Feline

.

Beach girl

But they're not engaged. Strictly speaking, rules of etiquette are different for a boyfriend/girlfriend vs. fiance/fiancee.

Frisky Feline

I decide not to comment on this anymore. the way OP describes is too obvious. Enuff said.

Audiofuzzy

Okay. You got the point here.

However I'll try to explain my POV here.
The rules of etiquette does not necessary strictly adhere to fiancee/husband status always.

I believe depending on how long the BF/GF couple is together and how close they are with the remaining members of the family,
these rules can be applied, sometimes, too.

let's analyze from the beginning:

I might be mistaken, but I get from what Derek has written here:
that the chance of inviting Derek WAS there if the interpreter was available. So, the intention might have been there.
Perhaps in the past Derek was invited to other family gatherings, I don't know.
In such case, not being invited all of a sudden is indeed a bit strange.

If not, if they simply wanted to have private ceremony, then your comment is right, the family is not obligated to invite everybody to every private family gathering if they do not wish so.
Then perhaps Mom just said so because she didn't wanted to hurt BF feelings?

Whatever, - it's not a big thing. Not worth to get into tizzy over it.

And it looks like everyone has the best intention to work this out as best
as possible - as that's what counts


Fuzzy

__________________
.
A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.
Mohandas Gandhi
.

dereksbicycles

Thank all for sticking with me. I still have a bruised ego over not being invited to graduation. My girlfriend and her Mom will be taking ASL class in February for 12 weeks. I'm glad they're doing all this for me, but I still have a bruised ego over graduation snub. Sometimes I feel afraid about future.