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Unread 08-06-2011, 07:25 PM   #211 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by AlleyCat View Post
And, oh, being 40 myself, I have quite a few friends who have late-teenaged kids or even very early 20's who don't go around laughing at people. They're polite and respectful.
Exactly. Their parents taught them empathy and respect. Seems to be in short supply these days.
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Unread 08-06-2011, 07:40 PM   #212 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by shel90 View Post
A hearing flight worker started asking my daughter for my and my son's names and birthdates when we were checking. I told her that she needs to speak to me, not to my daughter and then she continued to speak to my daughter instead of me so I just grabbed our stuff and moved to another Southwest employer. The woman asked me if there was a problem and I said "Yes, this woman over there instisted on speaking to my 14 year old daughter like she was the adult instead of me because she didnt want to deal with my need to read lips so I stopped the service right there and moved on to you. Hope you will be more sensitive to my needs." The lady looked at me with a very very shocked look on her face and said, "Yes, Yes, I will.."

I am not accepting that AUDIST crap!
Wish I could do that without pissing people off. Everytime I do-the room starts to boil no matter how nice I am to the person.
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Unread 08-06-2011, 07:48 PM   #213 (permalink)
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Wish I could do that without pissing people off. Everytime I do-the room starts to boil no matter how nice I am to the person.
Just pay attention to the way Shel does it. There's a knack to it.
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Unread 08-07-2011, 12:35 AM   #214 (permalink)
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Wirelessly posted

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaspheth
Sometimes I'll take out my hearing aids to be alone. To enjoy the silence more or less. Its also when I wish not to use my voice. Today I did that at work and do from time to time with no issues because generally no one speaks to me. There's a new guy there who doesn't know me well enough to understand that when my hearing aids are out it means dont' talk to me. PERIOD. I told him today when he wanted to talk about his blasted hair that I didn't have my hearing aids in and could not hear him. What does he do? Even after I had previously educated him on how to communicate with me and how not to communicate? He breaks several of the rules I laid down. #1-I cannot hear you, don't bother. #2) yeah, I can read lips but um, I only pick up parts of speech so why are you reciting an entire paragraph to my face? Do you not get it? #3) hm, I read body language second to none and you are faking it, the conversation, pretending to care, pretending to want to talk when you're just joshing me around and making shit up just to get a laugh. Think I didn't notice?

that's my hearie complaint today. being taken for a fool-was rather amusing today not only did that happen but this guy also threw away everything I taught him, which at first he seemed to be rather open minded but I learned rather quickly that wasn't the case, months ago of course.

people like this are not worth my time speaking to. Why should I waste my energy to speak? To remain cordial I faked it just right back so, if he wants to think me a fool...
well, he got what he wanted. Cynical it may sound but if that's what someone wants I'll give it to them and when I get tired of it...then the real me comes out when they least expect it and then they shut up and walk away embarrassed or worried that they'll get in trouble when the realize I played them like a card same as they were doing me. It's my way of opening up a mind or two that is closed or just plain teaching the person a lesson not to judge a book by it's cover.

I'll be happy the day comes I won't have to do this just to get people to understand...you know, I'm Deaf. Whats so difficult to understand about that?
I'm just like you. I'm just Deaf. Think your smart enough to waltz by me without being read like a book front to cover? why the hearing think they hide what their body says is beyond me. You can't. It's annoying when someone tries. So go ahead. You cannot fake body language-and when you try I'll just do the same right back to you to give you a taste of what it feels like to be conned only to find out that hm, I misjudged, she's not as socially inept as she appears to be.

::shakes head:: I've had to deal with this for years. it's getting old guys. anyone else in the same boat?
- no....great post.
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Unread 08-07-2011, 02:40 AM   #215 (permalink)
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I can't stand it when hearing people talk louder to deaf people. I am a hearing person and I just roll my eyes at other hearing people who yell to my bf. We were at Walmart the other day and this employee asked us if we needed any help...I said I didn't, but I signed to my bf if he wanted to ask her anything. He was looking for a phone case. As soon as she saw me sign she goes "Oh. Oh! Well, oh my." like she just saw something like a UFO. Then she would touch my bf on the shoulder, look him dead in the eyes, and talk really loud and really slow. I had to ask her to stop doing that and that I would interpret if he needed. She then asked why he had a cell phone if he is deaf. o.O I didn't think that was any of her darn business and I told her as such though in a nicer fashion. *Sigh*. Those people make all hearing people look bad.
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Unread 08-07-2011, 03:50 AM   #216 (permalink)
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Quote:
You should have replied, "Thank you. You don't look stupid, either."
hmmmmm,
I think asking "oh, and how does a deaf person look like" would be more 'stump -ing' question yet less confrontational,
and point out the person stupidity pretty well, lolol.


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Unread 08-07-2011, 04:05 AM   #217 (permalink)
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::shakes head:: I've had to deal with this for years. it's getting old guys. anyone else in the same boat?
I was being, as you call it, 'played' a number of times by both gender dicks who tought being deaf or HoH = stupid,
throghout my life, but the older I got the less I cared.

WHY would I waste my nerves and time over idiots whose brain managed
to develop hardly over the level of chickenshit?

It would be like getting upset over what chickenshit called in my direction
while on his way out falling down, or did something in front of me.
Whooooo cares!!??!! chickenshit whoooo??? pfftt!! hey, here's your friend birdie


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matter

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Unread 08-07-2011, 12:05 PM   #218 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Audiofuzzy View Post
hmmmmm,
I think asking "oh, and how does a deaf person look like" would be more 'stump -ing' question yet less confrontational,
and point out the person stupidity pretty well, lolol.


Fuzzy
That would be "what does a deaf person look like?" The intent is to make the other person look stupid, not yourself.
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Unread 08-07-2011, 12:06 PM   #219 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Audiofuzzy View Post
I was being, as you call it, 'played' a number of times by both gender dicks who tought being deaf or HoH = stupid,
throghout my life, but the older I got the less I cared.

WHY would I waste my nerves and time over idiots whose brain managed
to develop hardly over the level of chickenshit?

It would be like getting upset over what chickenshit called in my direction
while on his way out falling down, or did something in front of me.
Whooooo cares!!??!! chickenshit whoooo??? pfftt!! hey, here's your friend birdie


I have better things to do, or know people whose opinion truly
matter

Fuzzy
You seriously need to revise that post. The syntax, grammar, and word usage make it unreadable.
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Unread 08-07-2011, 11:07 PM   #220 (permalink)
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I am not deaf nor hard of hearing (at least not officially). I am still considered a hearing person. All my life when i've asked people to repeat themselves they say nevermind. That automatically pisses me off.
Even lately with things getting tougher for me. I ask people to repeat themselves and they get so angry at me. It would give me such bad anxiety that I lost my previous job because of it. It just really sucks and I wish people would understand.
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Unread 08-08-2011, 01:57 AM   #221 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Bottesini View Post
That's one of the things a responsible adult does. They don't use their children as interpreters.

It builds resentment and makes the child feel insecure.

I don't know what's wrong with you right now, but you are picking really stupid fights.
Not picking fights.....IMO fits rarely cause progress. At the most the 2 employees chuckled about it in the breakroom later.
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Unread 08-08-2011, 02:35 AM   #222 (permalink)
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IMO it's that type of bitterness that prevents progress and understanding. I had many of those situations myself. My daughter always thought it was cool she could help out and was grateful I didn't cause a scene. Working an airline counter is a pretty stressful job.....i wouldn't want it. Personally, I would feel guilty making their day worse just to make the point that they were not helping me the way I wanted to be helped. As long as we got where we were going I wouldn't care. But that's the great thing about the U.S.....we are allowed to do things our way.
stressful? I fly several times a year and I'm pretty sure you fly more than me. Never felt stressful. Everything was fine. I addressed to them that I am deaf - ticket airline counters, flight attendants, and the people who announce something for specific group of flyers to enter a plane.

When ordering ticket online, I put a notice that I'm deaf and when I boarded the plane... sat on my seat.... fastened my belt... ruffle my nap pillow... this flight attendant came to me and told me that the crew is aware of my status and that if I needed any assistance, please kindly let them know. If the important announcement was made thru intercom, the attendant came to me and repeated the message for me.

maybe you're having trouble communicating with airline counter because you're handling it like a hearing person. so how is it a progress and understanding for you? Airline counter learned nothing from it because they communicated with your daughter instead of you. That person definitely learned something from shel and hopefully - it does not happen again to next deaf person she encounters with because she will get reprimanded and corrected by HR since it can be a liability issue. Their job is to make it easier for you... not other way around. Their progress and understanding improves from every encounter with people with special needs even if it ended badly. But hey.... practices make perfect!
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Last edited by Jiro; 08-08-2011 at 10:56 AM. Reason: grammar correction
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Unread 08-08-2011, 02:38 AM   #223 (permalink)
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Not picking fights.....IMO fits rarely cause progress. At the most the 2 employees chuckled about it in the breakroom later.
chuckled? well let's just hope they didn't get a call from HR. Airlines do take it seriously.
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Unread 08-08-2011, 02:43 AM   #224 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by shel90 View Post
A hearing flight worker started asking my daughter for my and my son's names and birthdates when we were checking. I told her that she needs to speak to me, not to my daughter and then she continued to speak to my daughter instead of me so I just grabbed our stuff and moved to another Southwest employer. The woman asked me if there was a problem and I said "Yes, this woman over there instisted on speaking to my 14 year old daughter like she was the adult instead of me because she didnt want to deal with my need to read lips so I stopped the service right there and moved on to you. Hope you will be more sensitive to my needs." The lady looked at me with a very very shocked look on her face and said, "Yes, Yes, I will.."

I am not accepting that AUDIST crap!
yep - at doctor's office, the doctor was talking to my mom instead of me and I interrupted him - please talk to me. I am your patient, not my mom. He paused for a moment with a surprise awkward look on his face. problem solved.
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Unread 08-08-2011, 03:10 AM   #225 (permalink)
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not really a bad one but just another case of ignorant case which was quickly resolved...

last weekend... I was at mall with my friend. we went to Teavana because she wanted to check it out. I tried out this sample called "Samurai Chai Mate & White Ayurvedic Chai Blend Tea". I liked it and went to buy a cup. This young lady behind the counter signed and I was delighted. She's not fluent but it was communicable. I told her what I wanted and then she made a tea for me. Afterward, I asked - how you know ASL? She has a deaf brother but I got surprised by the way she said it.

she said in ASL - "my brother deaf dumb". I asked her to repeat again because I didn't understand her signs - one finger from ear to 2 fingers on lips. I also read her lips as "deaf dumb" and asked her to repeat again to make sure because she could be saying deaf d-something. Yep it was "deaf dumb" for sure. I was a bit disappointed but I kindly explained to her that it is not good to say it that way.

I asked - "is your brother a retard?" She said no so I said - there you go. He's just deaf so I told her that she can simply say - "my brother deaf". She didn't really realize about the term "deaf and dumb" and she felt bad. That made me ask her more questions.

"Where did you learn ASL?" She learned it herself.
"How old is your brother?" He's 28.

then I knew he's just like many deafies.... deaf person with hearing family who knows no ASL. I asked if she knew where Bergen Community College and she said yes. I told her that I learned ASL there few years ago since it's just 15 min away from mall. She was excited to hear about it and she wanted to take ASL class. I encouraged her and said that it's a good school because it's the truth that sibling relationship is very important and I can see that she cares about her brother since she took time & effort to learn ASL all by herself.

then I said with a smile - good luck! and left.
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Unread 08-08-2011, 08:08 AM   #226 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Jaspheth View Post
Thats what I thought...geez! the nerve of some people!

regardless of hair color the remark "oh, she doesn't look Deaf" should have not made it's way out of that persons mouth.
what are we supposed to look like? Retards?
I have a feeling that it was more of blurting a comment out before really thinking about it. Like how we say stupid things sometimes...it sounds like it was more of that than a real intended insult.
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Unread 08-08-2011, 09:22 AM   #227 (permalink)
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Not picking fights.....IMO fits rarely cause progress. At the most the 2 employees chuckled about it in the breakroom later.
Quite obviously, you are one of those people who have never had the courage to stand up to your convictions. Or maybe it's just that you have no social conscious and find it easier to hide behind some mistaken sense of superiority.
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Unread 08-08-2011, 09:26 AM   #228 (permalink)
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not really a bad one but just another case of ignorant case which was quickly resolved...

last weekend... I was at mall with my friend. we went to Teavana because she wanted to check it out. I tried out this sample called "Samurai Chai Mate & White Ayurvedic Chai Blend Tea". I liked it and went to buy a cup. This young lady behind the counter signed and I was delighted. She's not fluent but it was communicable. I told her what I wanted and then she made a tea for me. Afterward, I asked - how you know ASL? She has a deaf brother but I got surprised by the way she said it.

she said in ASL - "my brother deaf dumb". I asked her to repeat again because I didn't understand her signs - one finger from ear to 2 fingers on lips. I also read her lips as "deaf dumb" and asked her to repeat again to make sure because she could be saying deaf d-something. Yep it was "deaf dumb" for sure. I was a bit disappointed but I kindly explained to her that it is not good to say it that way.

I asked - "is your brother a retard?" She said no so I said - there you go. He's just deaf so I told her that she can simply say - "my brother deaf". She didn't really realize about the term "deaf and dumb" and she felt bad. That made me ask her more questions.

"Where did you learn ASL?" She learned it herself.
"How old is your brother?" He's 28.

then I knew he's just like many deafies.... deaf person with hearing family who knows no ASL. I asked if she knew where Bergen Community College and she said yes. I told her that I learned ASL there few years ago since it's just 15 min away from mall. She was excited to hear about it and she wanted to take ASL class. I encouraged her and said that it's a good school because it's the truth that sibling relationship is very important and I can see that she cares about her brother since she took time & effort to learn ASL all by herself.

then I said with a smile - good luck! and left.
Good for you Jiro. She was one of those people that weren't being offensive because they simply don't care, but because they simply did not know. Those are the ones that are ameniable to education. She is not one of those that are informed of something that is offensive, and then continue to do it simply because they don't see the offense, even though it has been explained.
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Unread 08-09-2011, 12:27 AM   #229 (permalink)
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I was at the doctor's for 3 hours this morning. An allergist, so all the allergy testing (back scratch test, etc.) takes a while. First things first. This is a new doctor. She comes in and says "I understand you're deaf. Before we talk about allergy issues, let's talk about getting you a cochlear implant. Have you ever heard of those?"
Now I am shocked that an allergist would talk to you about CI!!!
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Unread 08-09-2011, 12:57 AM   #230 (permalink)
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yep - at doctor's office, the doctor was talking to my mom instead of me and I interrupted him - please talk to me. I am your patient, not my mom. He paused for a moment with a surprise awkward look on his face. problem solved.
That is why I went to doctor's office ALONE to force the doctor to talk to ME!!!
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Unread 08-09-2011, 12:57 AM   #231 (permalink)
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I have another hearie story for you guys..

Last year, I was at a football game and everybody knows that the marching band performs at half-time at a high school football game. My friend who knows sign pretty well (I was teaching him sign) was talking to the opposing team near a fence that separated us from the crowds. I was signing to him, trying to have him come back with the band and he wanted to stay and talk to them more.

Me: Come back with us.
Him: No, I wanna see how they react with us signing.
Me: Why? This isn't important right now.
Him: Why don't you just go back with them.
Me: Not until you come with me.

The opposing team noticed that I was signing and that I was deaf, and they were making fun of me signing and that I couldn't hear, couldn't talk, etc. And then Just when they thought they got right where they thought they wanted me to be miserable... I used my voice and they were shocked that I could talk. Then they started getting mad and calling me even worse names. Then a few good friends of mine who was in the drumline with me came over to me and asked me what was going on. I told them what was happening.

guy 1: Are they making fun of you?
Me: *Nodding my head*
guy 1: What are they saying?
Me: just words that are hurtful. It doesn't matter it happens all the time just don't worry about it.

They ran over to the fence and basically put them in their place. When one of them told me to go be hind them, the opposing team almost tried to grab my cochlear implant off of my head. My section leader was holding a macbook that was for our synth cart for sound effects, he told me that he would've jumped over the fence for me and punch them for me.

Section leader: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah I'm fine.
Section leader: You don't ever let them treat you that way. I would've jumped over that fence and got arrested by the police for you.
Me: You don't have to do that you know.
Section leader: Yeah I know, but you're family, we stick together.

We tried going to the police that was there at the football game that day and told them that they tried grabbing my cochlear implant off of my head and they said it wasn't a committed crime because they didn't see it. I didn't want to tell my dad about the whole situation but He later found out in the night and my friend had to talk to my dad and my mom called the police station about it. Then when i got on facebook that night, alot of my friend statuses said: "Don't mess with us" "mess with me, its ok. mess with my friends and its going down."

Later my high school principal called the opposing team's high school principal and they did nothing about it. They just let it drop. And my high school band director sent out an email to the parents about the situation and that it was the parent's fault for going to the principal and the police and not to him first. My parents got mad about that.

But other than that, It's nice to know that I have some friends that are willing to stand up for me.
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Unread 08-09-2011, 12:00 PM   #232 (permalink)
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Know exactly how you feel

Although I'm hearing, I get the same ol' "I'll Pray For You" and "You Inspire Me!" bit all the time - I use a manual wheelchair.
Probably the worst thing that's happened to me is having my picture taken while waiting at a bus stop.
Sometimes I wonder what kind of a world we're living in where people think this is acceptable.
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Unread 08-09-2011, 12:05 PM   #233 (permalink)
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the same.




Thank you for sharing.
Have a nice day.
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Unread 08-09-2011, 02:26 PM   #234 (permalink)
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This is my ignorant hearing person story for the day:

Hearing people that keep insisting that unnatural modes of language can be used for natural language acquisition.
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Unread 08-09-2011, 02:42 PM   #235 (permalink)
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This is my ignorant hearing person story for the day:

Hearing people that keep insisting that unnatural modes of language can be used for natural language acquisition.
yeah
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Unread 08-10-2011, 07:19 AM   #236 (permalink)
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Telling someone they will pray for you is not a bad thing. Why so jaded?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ScathachWarrior View Post
Although I'm hearing, I get the same ol' "I'll Pray For You" and "You Inspire Me!" bit all the time - I use a manual wheelchair.
Probably the worst thing that's happened to me is having my picture taken while waiting at a bus stop.
Sometimes I wonder what kind of a world we're living in where people think this is acceptable.
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Unread 08-10-2011, 07:59 AM   #237 (permalink)
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Telling someone they will pray for you is not a bad thing. Why so jaded?
I am only speaking for myself here but having someone say it simply because of some perceived fault is annoying. I don't mind when people pray for me on issues that I need help with or have requested prayers for, but when someone looks at my deafness and decides I'm broken and damaged therefore obviously not happy and fullfilled with my life and tells me they will pray for me to be healed... Well, that is insulting to be honest.

In my opinion it's no different than someone saying "Ooooh, your life is different from mine in a way I can't imagine so it must be horrible. I will pray for you to be more like me". No thanks.
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Unread 08-10-2011, 09:08 AM   #238 (permalink)
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I don't think there's a single d/Deaf person on this forum who likes the "I will pray for you" thing. We've all posted about that at some time or another. It feels offensive. It does for me. Maybe because a lot of times the "I will pray for you" is followed by "so you are healed" or "so you can get your hearing back" or something along those lines. Many of us are perfectly happy the way we are and don't need prayers for our hearing or healing. It shouldn't be presumed by anyone that we WANT prayers, so to just say that we will be prayed for feels offensive, whether it has anything to do with deafness or not.
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Unread 08-10-2011, 01:14 PM   #239 (permalink)
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Telling someone that you will pray for them without her consent is both condescending and rude. Perhaps the person is a different religion or chooses not participate in religion at all. Maybe the person does not want your pity because her life is not a plight. Don't cross that boundary. *If* you know a person well, the you may consider asking how the person feels about it. That would be appropriate when you have a close relationship - not merely an acquaintance.
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Unread 08-10-2011, 01:31 PM   #240 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brandolyn View Post
Telling someone they will pray for you is not a bad thing. Why so jaded?
That would depend on your perspective. There are those that do not appreciate it.
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