GISJason

Last Job I had... One co-worker was surprised I could DRIVE. Also this very same co-worker ALWAYS came up to me and lend down to listen to me when I tried to tell him something... I'm mute and have never used my voice in public... And not even once at work yet he does it over and over??? Even tho I always write on a notepad to communicate with him.. He still does it?

Deafness

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GrayEagle

Oh, good grief on the driving. In my ASL class the other night, one of the HOH students questioned that our teacher drove herself to class. She is Deaf and teaches voice off. We all just stared at him in disbelief it would even enter his mind she wouldn't drive or have a driver's license. She gave him a short "lecture" in signs about Deaf being able to drive, using mirrors and being alert, etc. Even with my aids, sirens are hard for me to hear, and I use both side mirrors and rear view mirror all the time. I don't converse or try to in the car when I'm driving. I focus on driving. Period. It never occurred to me I should be concerned about driving myself because of my hearing loss...

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"We deem those happy who from the experience of life have learnt to bear its ills without being overcome by them."
~~Carl Jung

JunJun10

Hope it's okay for a hearing person to share a story about an experience with a Deaf friend...

I was at a diner with a Deaf friend and her young son. It is important to note that I have light hair and blue eyes. My friend is Asian and her son shares her smile, nose, and her dark hair, dark eyes. In other words, I look nothing like him and he is her mini-me.

I was holding her son on my lap while my friend was signing a story. My signing is still not great, so she wrote some of the hard parts down to help me.

While she was writing, I was chatting to the baby. The elderly woman at the next table cooed, "Aw, he is so cute! How old is he?"

I said, "I'm not exactly sure" and then I signed the question to my friend. She answered, and I relayed her answer.

Both the elderly woman and her husband/partner looked completely shocked! The mumbled something and then looked away.

I realized, they could not imagine that a Deaf person could have a baby!! It never occurred to them! And moreover, that reality took them off guard.

Couldn't believe the ignorance...

GrayEagle

It's possible that's what they thought. Or were uncomfortable because of you interpreting with sign. But what really came up for me in reading your experience? Was they found your response, "I'm not exactly sure" when they ask about the baby's age. They may have assumed you were the father, and thought it odd you didn't know how old "your" baby was?

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"We deem those happy who from the experience of life have learnt to bear its ills without being overcome by them."
~~Carl Jung

AlleyCat

I still remember the time I was sharing some poignant deaf stories and I was told by a hearing person to go do drugs and chill out instead (in not-so-nice terms). Tells you what hearing people think of deaf people's lives.

FadedRose

I'm pretty certain it's all memory. I did this with my husband several days ago as we were ordering food. He's hearing and after placing his order the lady garbled over the speakers " will that complete your order? " or something to that effect. Either he wasn't hearing it or paying attention but based on the time of when the lady said it I knew she had asked if he was done. I told my husband to say yes and he looked at me funny and asked " yes to what?". I said...dummy, that your order is complete. He looked at me and said I don't know how you understood what she said, I didn't know what she said so how could you? I explained to him that it was based on memory, patterns.

I do the same with people I work with and family. Once you're around someone long enough sometimes you don't need to hear them to know just what they are saying or asking you based on the timing of their response and body language, facial cues UNLESS you happen to come across someone who is unpredictable and there is at least 3 people I work with that irritate the tar out of me because I cannot get them pinned down and put into a neat little cubby and so it's a chore to attempt communication with these folks. I dislike unpredictable people, they make me very nervous as I rely on predictability to gauge future behavior and in general my safety. This includes everything from going to the store and watching those around me, whats typical of the cashier to say to you? At this particular store? What's the timing of the response after you said what you did? What's the normal response? :cue robot response from self:.....

I swear if you said to me everyday that the sky was blue I'd say-yes, it is. If you did this often enough I wouldn't have to look at you anymore to understand what you said IF you did this everyday at let's say 2pm. If you saw me the next day and said at 2pm the sky is purple I'd still say yes it is.

As a result of doing this I've gotten strange looks from people mainly the ones that are unpredictable or don't typically follow along like most others do and have had to self correct my auto pilot.

Anyone else here do the same?

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JunJun10

We're both women, so I don't think they thought I was the father, lol I suppose I could have been the other mother, but I'm not that great with kids!

GrayEagle

OOPS! So my theory bites the dust, then!

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"We deem those happy who from the experience of life have learnt to bear its ills without being overcome by them."
~~Carl Jung

GrayEagle

YUP, I do that in what I call "scripted" exchanges. Mostly in store checkout lines, or the bank. The "conversation" is predictable in most cases. I just get flummoxed when a checkout clerk wants to try for a little humorous exchange or just a little more personalized chitchat while he/she is ringing me up...then I am in trouble!

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"We deem those happy who from the experience of life have learnt to bear its ills without being overcome by them."
~~Carl Jung

KristinaB

And again I had the same kind of response.

Hubby, son & I went to a bedding store to see about a mattress & box spring that was on sale. We wanted to make sure we could get our bed at decent price for a good bed. They were having 75% off for the holiday. Well, we decided that this was the one we wanted and since I am beginning to have some speech problems, I just gave the salesman my driver's license to get my name and address. When he went to ask me a question, I could not read his lips, so son answered for me (it was just for the phone number). Well, this man then said that he couldn't sell the bed to me. He claimed that I was breaking the law and using an invalid license as no deaf person is allowed to drive. His manager just about passed out when he heard all this. Seems the manager's wife is also a member of my Deaf Club. Manager took care of the sale, then "educated" his salesman. Then, the wife came out from the back office and just about lit into this salesman. I told her that I was not royally offended as this happens a lot. She said she understood and would take care of it herself, and we were off to drive home. Hubby wanted me to show this salesman a thing or two, so we made a production of me getting into the driver's seat of the big Ford Expedition and driving away. The manager called about an hour later and said that the salesman still didn't believe, so they had a city police officer, a county Sheriff's officer and the Florida Highway Patrol officer all come in and educate him.

As to the bed, it's a queen size Sealy Posturepedic, normally priced at $1399, then marked down to $1000 and we paid $399.99.

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Taking life one day at a time.

GrayEagle

Wirelessly posted

WOW! Great deal on that bed! but you sure earned it putting up with that salesman jerk! And kudos to the manager & all the police officers for educating the jerk!

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"We deem those happy who from the experience of life have learnt to bear its ills without being overcome by them."
~~Carl Jung

CrazyPaul

OMG, what planet was he coming from?

faesecret

This is embarrassing to read as a hearing person. I can understand not knowing, but there is absolutely NO excuse to be rude about it; if you're unsure about the drivers license, you can always call someone or look it up. and if you're still unsure, your superiors would probably have a better idea, especially about the store protocol. (I say this as a general plural "you")

I cant believe how insistent he was AFTER it was explained to him by his boss. I'm so sorry this happened.

bwright6

Oh my gosh where do I even start...

I was student teaching at a public school that had a DHH program embedded into it. Basically, the DHH students took the core content classes together but Gym, Computer, Lunch etc. with the hearing kids. I student taught one class of ASL to hearing kids while I was there. After a few days of being there my supervising teacher asked me to tell the class what it was like to be Deaf.

I did, and then opened the floor to questions-- they had a thousand. Some of them were really dumb- including "can you drive" and "how do you watch tv"... I got some legitimate questions (for middle schoolers) like "how do you order at the fast food place" but it was just interesting seeing how naive they all were.

Anyway, one story that always sticks out to me.. I was working at a Teddy Crafters (a build a bear ripoff) and I had been there for a year already. I was their longest standing employee at the time and they were looking for a new keyholder-- which meant they open the store. I closed the store all the time, so I figured I could open it too. I told them I could do that, and they said "well, you can't because you can't hear the phone. Sorry." So they gave a girl in high school who just started working there the raise over me, who was Employee of the Month or something a few times. Right, whatever....

I get the long stares after I don't understand something too. Or if they didn't understand what I said. Usually they stare at me without asking me what I had said. It's not hard for me to repeat. Instead of "What did you say? Say that slower." They'll stare at me or go ask someone for help. Eyeroll. Sometimes it'll be like "Can I have a drink" or something simple, which I can voice well. When I go to restaurants I like to order for myself, but waiters tend to have the habit to ask who I'm with what I said. They don't even try to listen to my order-- they automatically look at the other person. Or if they have a question for me they'll ask the person with me. Sigh!

FadedRose

Kristina that is just atrocious! I am so sorry hun that you had to put up with that hearing a$$hole! And I thought my experiences with the driving myth concerning the Deaf was horrible. It's nothing compared to yours. I don't know how you didn't burst into tears but if that had been me I would have started crying on the spot and then I'd get angry as usual and use my "Deaf voice" which doesn't get the message across and only adds fuel to the fire for the hearie to mock or worse they'll not understand a word I'm saying.

The manager of that store is an ANGEL for what he did for you. Wish more people could educate the ignorant-especially the hearies educating the hearies. It'd be nice to get a break.

Kudos to that husband of yours! Mine doesn't stand up for me-and in all honesty I'm starting to get really close to filing for divorce if he doesn't shape up and soon. It'd be nice to be married to a hearie who "gets" what Deafness is all about. I thought he did but obviously I was wrong. It's not uncommon for this to happen with hearing/Deaf relationships and quite frankly I'm tired of talking to a brick wall.

Take the man out for a steak

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green427

Sorry to hear that....just remember one thing...several of my friends & acquaintances are getting divorced/have been divorced after 15+ years of marriage, even though all are deaf/deaf couples...so we ALL have our own issues. But, yes, having a spouse that does not listen and empathize is not healthy....trust me, been there....hope you can work it out.

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Warning: Anything I post may not make any sense. All advice is for entertainment value only. Sarcasm might be present. Interpret at your own risk.

Lazarus404

My wife says "Never mind" and won't repeat and she says "You don't listen". She understands the symptoms of my issue very well, but she doesn't **understand** my issue, if you get my meaning. I love her to pieces, and I know she'd rather have my hearing issue than her blindness anyday of the week, but I still feel misunderstood

Lazarus404

Wow, that whole salesman issue sucks. It's amazing how stupid the general populous is about such things, though the worst part is simply not being polite about the whole thing. Ignorance is so much more tolerable when offered with an apology and general kindness :-)

GrayEagle

Getting the "never mind" treatment really aggravates me, too! My hearing has dropped quite a bit more in the past 3 years, added to my aids need replaced, and so my understanding isn't as good as it once was for the past 15+ years... I finally started sending my husband articles about the frustrations of being HOH and one of the insulting things is to be told "never mind" as though you aren't worth the effort, you know? He also now goes to beginning ASL classes with me. That has helped him "get it" by hearing not only me talking about my frustrations and experiences, but hearing other people's experiences as well. Now he's a strong advocate for me in situations. But it took time and it took me really letting him "have it" sometimes as well, until he had a clearer idea why I get exhausted sometimes in "hearie" events and situations, and why I get frustrated as well. And understand, finally, that my aids aren't "Star Trek" and the do not "cure" my hearing loss, and never ever will.

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"We deem those happy who from the experience of life have learnt to bear its ills without being overcome by them."
~~Carl Jung

Lazarus404

My wife used the "never mind" tactic again, last night. It followed her being angry that I hadn't heard what she had said. When I pressed her about it, she said "it doesn't matter, now. If I hadn't brought it up, you'd not have known I had said anything". We then had a minor argument about me not caring or being interested in what she has to say, which is far far from the truth.

She understands that I can't hear, but relates it to HoH, which is too simplified for her to be sympathetic. It's grating!

AARS

I apologize on behalf of the hearing, LOL. I remember thinking that my friends house was somehow going to be different the first time I went in. I was looking around, I suppose in amazement, and he asked me what are you looking for? "I said I don't know, it looks just like my house" and didn't admit to him my ignorance until much later, we can have a good laugh at it now. I'm lucky he is a patient friend. Love this thread. Thanks for sharing.

pynkpanthr

I just joined this site and I am glad I ran into your post. After reading some of the posts I started to wonder if I should even try to learn ASl. I wondered that if I learned ASL and tried to practice, would HOH people think I was annoying. I wondered, could a HOH person get over my hearing in the same way a hearing person could try to get over HOH? Thanks for giving me a little insight and a positive attitude.

Lazarus404

ASL is simply a form of communication. I'd liken this to visiting France. When there, if you speak in English all the time and don't attempt to communicate in French, that is annoying. If you try to make contact on their terms, regardless of how poorly, it's more easily forgiven and accepted.

david40price

I say new to this "hearing" as in, I am hearing, just to make sure that is clear. lol

Anyway, I started dating a wonderful man in January who is Deaf since birth. Within a month I started taking ASL classes. To me it was a no-brainer, I mean, why wouldn't I?

I have always been extremely sensitive to other people having grown up gay and being discriminated upon. So to me meeting a Deaf person was just like meeting a foreign person. Different culture, different way of speaking, so this has not and never has been an issue for me. I work with different people in different countries every day and have traveled extensively for work.

I don't try to say things correctly nor do I try to avoid saying things that would be offensive because to me, I "just get it". I am amazed though at how people treat those who are Deaf. Now that I am in a deep relationship and am in many conversations with Hearing people around me as well as my partner, I see how he is treated and its appalling to say the least. I once watched a Hearing person laugh at him when he wrote on paper that he was Deaf. She felt it was such a big joke. I couldn't believe the ignorance!!!

I found this site as I have been looking for ways to improve my signing as well as constantly learning about Deaf culture. I saw this topic and jumped right in.

I stopped reading after a while simply as everything I read was obviously a stupid comment by a Hearing person so it was good in a way that I had never said any of those things.

One word did catch me though, and I truly find this word offensive as a Hearing person as well, so it is of no surprise that it is offensive to a Deaf person. This is why I decided to write this never ending story. lol The word was "nevermind". I have always hated this word. I feel it is a very very very rude word to say and in my opinion never really has a place to be used. Any time it has been used to me I took great offense and even felt quite hurt/bothered by it.

So this is one Hearing person who says I get it and always did.

I look forward to learning more about Deaf culture and looking forward to a day when I can sign as good as you, or at least close enough to keep up. :-)

-David

Marie579

This is kinda different, but my Uncle who used to could speak English pretty good, due to living in America for awhile, had a condition years ago that affected his memory in a way that he can't anymore.... my mom, bless her for trying, when she talks to him, talks very loud and ends words with an "o"...uh mom, he's not hoh, that'd be me (she forgets this all the time) and an "o" at the end of a word doesn't turn it into a spanish word... comprendo?? I love her, so nobody gets to say anything about her okay??? NADA!! People just don't get it, and sometimes I think the laughing is a defense of not knowing how to respond ... cause they look silly too. Everyone has an insecurity. No one is exempt or safe from it. Some people just hide it better than others.

Marie579

People are people no matter how small, or tall, or round, or skinny, or hearing, or not hearing, or walking, or not walking, or seeing, or not seeing.....you get my point.... do unto others... and no one wants to feel like they are a "nevermind". Even when my kids come home talking about mean kids at school I'm compassionate as to why a kid would act this way. I start explaining well maybe they don't have a happy home life, or things aren't good at home right now, it's such a bad economy. You don't have to take this treatment, but maybe you could understand it. We are just east of Austin, Texas. There are classes of just Spanish students only that would sit across from oldest at lunch, they would want to start fights with the English speaking students. I taught my son it's because they didn't understand what him and his friends were saying and felt they were making fun of the Spanish students. So if he could try to smile friendly at the kids and make sure he didn't look at them when they were laughing, try his best to make it look like he was including them instead of excluding them because it was only insecurities they were acting on. Then I put him in their shoes, asked how he'd feel, and he understood. It helped a lot. Education is the best tool we have. Compassion is how we survive with each other.

Alligator123

I think what u guys are saying about hearing people is rude. I'm hearin and I'm trying to learn ASL and understand the deaf culture but if u guys armrest just goig to b rude to us then noone will want to anyway so maybe u should change your attitude and be thankful that people try to understand. Anyone can be tude it doesn't matter if ur deaf or hearing.

Bottesini

It's so annoying when hearing people write in this thread.

It's not for them, and they usually can't spell and it makes it hard for deaf people to know what they are saying!!!!

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ambrosia

First i would like to preface this with....Some people are just assholes, it doesn't have anything to with the fact that they can hear. anywho

Some of the rudest things said to me was during the time I was actually losing my hearing, but before I got my aids. See I lost my hearing my left ear at age 20, but I managed fine until I started losing it my right ear around age 25/26. So one my biggest problems was the actually the fact that my speech is normal (although I've recently discovered that I'm getting classic deaf speech. My audiologist asked my sister how long I've been losing my hearing because I've started holding my consonants longer than my vowels) At the time my hearing went in my right ear I was a cashier at Mobil. When I couldn't understand someone I would tell them I was hard of hearing, could they please speak up. Then they'd say it exactly the same, so I'd ask again, sometimes this would happen several times, until finally they would say "are you serious?" OMG yes!! No, I just like making you repeat yourself over and over, good times. But they didn't believe me because I spoke normal. I can't tell you how many times my coworkers would get angry at the customers, and yell at them "she's deaf!!" I don't think I've ever wanted to punch anyone so badly as this one guy that asked me a question when I wasn't looking at him. So I asked him "what/". He goes "a baaaaag" said it all slow like I was stupid or something, I looked at the guy and said "Dude, I understand the English language, I just can't hear it!"

Another time, also while I was waiting for my hearing aids ( I went thru the Voc Rehab and it took like 8 months cuz they wanted me to get mris ctscans, see a specialist in Boston etc meanwhile I was losing more and more hearing) I went to the DMV to renew my license. Everytime the guy said something to me I'd repeat it back to him to make sure I was understanding correctly, he says at one point "are you deaf" (in a nasty tome of voice) I said "yes!", oh the look on his face. hahahaha it was priceless. And this other customer, nasty lady, if I asked her "what" (she was a regular and so this happened often) she'd say "has the bleach gotten into your brain?" You can see in my pic I'm blonde. Nice, so now I'm stupid because I'm deaf AND blonde. I always wanted to ask the lady "you do realize that blonde is a naturally occurring hair color correct? With your big brunette brain you do realize that if I was bleaching my hair to be a blonde that would mean that I was really a brunette right? SO are you saying that you think brunettes are stupid?

BUT now I have aids so people have a visual clue that I'm deaf/hoh, so I don't run into assholes too often anymore, well I do, everybody does but they aren't so blatant in their assholery anymore.

One thing I think is funny people do. I'm a massage therapist now, and after I've talked to the client about they need/want I warn them that I'm deaf *points at hearing aid* and that when they're face down on the table I won't be able to understand them, so if they want to talk to me talk to my face not my feet. I can't tell you how often when I tell someone this they go OH, and take a step closer and focus on my face more intently....like they're going to read my lips or something. That always cracks me up. I'm thinking...what are you doing? I'M the one that can't hear, you're fine lol. BTW people are very cool about getting a massage from a deaf person, I have never had a client act like this was going to be a problem, this is actually kind of a bonus for them because it's more relaxing. I'm not going to chit chat with them, most people like a quiet therapist so it works out well for everybody.

david40price

Very sorry you feel this way Bottesini. From this “hearing” person who is trying very hard to learn ASL and learn your culture I’m sorry to see you say this.

I find that my spelling is always perfect as I take the time to properly spell check it and read it before posting. I felt I was offering some good insight and I have not seen anywhere where it indicates this thread is not for “hearing” and only for the “Deaf”.

Some of us are trying and making a real concerted effort, so perhaps you can cut some of us some slack…..