Annoying ignorant hearing people stories - Page 22

DeafRaptor · 11-06-2011, 10:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lanapoo

My hearing boss wanted me to start using my voice because apparently she can't understand ASL and she has a deaf brother... I'm no voice in public by choice and she should respect that... But nooooo! Oh and her deaf brother vouched for her by telling me that deaf people who don't use their voice are not equal to the hearies. So if I want to be an equal... I should turn on my voice. I was silently fuming, but I nodded my head and walked away.

Wow!

I don't think your hearing boss has any say or right in whether you use your voice or not.

I agree that that is your choice and she should respect that! I think it was very rude that the deaf brother tried to say that "deaf people who don't use their voice are not equal to hearies".

Deaf people have every right to choose between voicing English and signing ASL and, no matter what, are every bit as equal as hearing. That "deaf brother" is clearly not Deaf, but audist/Hearing (signed at the forehead) and they disgust me.

Sorry you had to deal with that at your workplace.

**DeafBadger** · 11-07-2011, 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dj_destroyer

Thank you at least for an honest reply, but:

1. If the girl thinks that by me asking if she needs help, I'm implying that she's stupid then she has self-confidence/social issues. I don't think anyone ever means that when they offer help.

2. I had no idea she was deaf and if I did, that CERTAINLY wouldn't be the reason I offer help.

3. My intent was honest and genuine... I wanted to help her if she needed it. If we started chatting and hit it off then so be it, but that was secondary.

In life, you have to realize a few things.

One: That you have your honest intent, whatever that might be.

Two: That people generally will find a way not to interpret things the way you want them to.

Three: Thus inevitably, there will be misunderstandings.

The way you *want* the world and other people to be will not line up with what reality is. The reality is that people generally won't be the way you want them to be. Even your closest friends that you get along with really well won't view reality in exactly the same way you want them to.

You may not have intended to insult the woman, and you are shocked she interpreted you that way.

But people are people. What you said could be insulting to one person and not to another. She may have been feeling cruddy and not wanted to talk to anyone, or not. She might have just dealt with a break up, or not.

You have no idea. You are also making your own interpretation of what she was doing when she said that to you. Your interpretation might not match up with reality, either.

I suggest that you consider this a learning experience. If you want to talk to someone, try starting a regular conversation instead of asking right off the bat if they want help with something. Like, 'Oh, a psychology book! How do you like that class? Good teacher? Freud was kinda crazy, wasn't he?" ;-)

That's basically conversational skills. Just learning what tends to get you in the door more often than not.

But you can never control a person's reaction, or really understand the reality of why they reacted a certain way. Everything, her view of you, and your view of her, is an interpretation of reality viewed through a lens. It isn't reality itself.

Or to put it another way, she might have had a "Map of Reality" where it says that if a hearie approaches her and asks if she needs help, that hearie is assuming that she is "dumb" because she's deaf, and that hearie needs to go away ASAP. (It doesn't matter whether that was your intent or not.)

And you had a "Map of Reality" were it says that if you ask someone if they need help and they refuse a bit impolitely (by your standards, anyway), that means that they are socially and emotionally insecure. (It doesn't matter whether that was really true about her or not, that's what your map says.)

Not only are Maps often wrong in many details (because of a misprint or lazy cartographer ;-) ), but they are merely representations, not reality itself.

Make an adjustment to your map and move on. That's the best advice I can give you. You are going to be dealing with other people's Maps of Reality for as long as you live. Get used to it and develop the skills to deal with it.

**mbrek** · 11-07-2011, 11:34 AM

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old son, "Victor," is hearing-impaired. He wears hearing aids in both ears. The aids are small and not easily seen.
Recently we were in a new doctor's office, and the nurse was talking to my son but looking in another direction. When I explained that Victor is hearing-impaired and couldn't hear her, she replied, "Oh, I know teenagers -- selective hearing." I said, "No, he is hearing-impaired and wears hearing aids."

The same thing happened at summer camp. My husband said Victor has a hearing problem, and the counselor responded with, "So I need to smack him on the side of his head to get him to listen?"

Please inform your readers that hearing aids aren't just for older people. My son has informed people he wears hearing aids because he can't hear well, and he still gets the same smart-alecky retorts. Have you any suggestions? -- NOT BEING FLIPPANT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NOT BEING FLIPPANT: Oh, yes. The nurse in your doctor's office was tactless. If she didn't apologize for her comment, you should have mentioned it to the doctor so he could educate her not only about hearing loss, but also about diplomacy. As to the ignorant camp counselor, your husband should have immediately reported it to the camp director.

After reading your letter, I consulted Dr. Rick Friedman at the House Ear Clinic in Los Angeles, who told me that approximately one in 2,000 children is born with hearing problems. (There is a genetic component, and hearing problems can run in families.) Being subjected to loud noises can also have a negative impact on hearing, and Dr. Friedman said studies are being conducted to determine to what extent.

**DeafBadger** · 11-07-2011, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mbrek

The same thing happened at summer camp. My husband said Victor has a hearing problem, and the counselor responded with, "So I need to smack him on the side of his head to get him to listen?"

Damn.

**mbrek** · 11-07-2011, 12:10 PM

Damn is right. So comforting to have these people in charge where you leave your child.

dorothybaez · 11-07-2011, 12:33 PM

Wirelessly posted (dorothybaez)

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

One of my deaf friends was handed a brialle version of the safety precautions on a flight today by the stewardess. Oh boy...

Oh, say it ain't so!

dorothybaez · 11-07-2011, 12:35 PM

Wirelessly posted (dorothybaez)

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

One of my deaf friends was handed a brialle version of the safety precautions on a flight today by the stewardess. Oh boy...

Oh, say it ain't so!

**DeafBadger** · 11-07-2011, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mbrek

Damn is right. So comforting to have these people in charge where you leave your child.

At summer camp for Boy Scouts, I was on a climbing wall. Basically, we'd rope up, climb to the top, stand at the top and work our way down again.

Climbing down is harder than climbing up, because you're trying to ensure your grip as you hang over the top edge and get your grip. The older boy at the top got impatient with me and tried to force me to lose my grip, so I'd fall down (caught by the rope). He was shouting at me to do (something) and I couldn't understand him.

So I lost my grip and the rope system caught me on my way down. One of the adults with my troop got ticked off and ripped that older boy a new one.

DeafRaptor · 11-07-2011, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ash345

Ok... so from yesterday...
I went to see my ENT because my Audi was concerned that my hearing had dropped so quickly recently... (in 4 months left ear dropped 10 db and right ear dropped 20 db)... so my audi really just wanted to know if there was an underlaying cause to it or not... Wow, it's been eight months since my last audiogram and I just had another one due to a recently developed intolerance to sound. It also showed a quick drop in my hearing and my audi referred me to go see an ENT (I haven't seen one in years, so I'll be a new patient for whichever one I choose) for the same reason. so when I first called (using my vp) to make the appt... they told me they couldn't get me a terp... that I would have to bring one with me... no, that is their responsibility, not yours after politely (or at least in my head) reminding them that the ADA states I want one, they give me one... good for you they said they would call back. so I got the the appt yesterday... the terp was there... it was great... happy to 'hear' but then in the paperwork i needed to fill out... there was one... very... insulting question... "what is your primary language? 1. English 2. Spanish" ... really... out of all the languages that are used here... they only put 2?

I show my terp, who has 2 deaf kids herself, and she gets mad too... then when I tell them that it is insulting... they say... but isn't ASL english? ggrrrrrrrrrrrr no... its not... its very different... I don't know if I would have been able to show a lot of restraint, due to wanting to chew off their heads (figuratively)
Then we get into the office... and they start talking to my terp... tell her this tell her that... no talk as if the terp wasn't there... I am surprised that, as an ENT office, they haven't previously experienced having a deaf/hh patient that uses an interpreter. Otherwise, there is no excuse and they should have known better why don't you use your hearing aids all the time? why don't you voice? why don't they sign does your voice change after you eat? WTF... WTF Then the doctor comes in... and he starts talking loud so that "i can hear him"... thats why the terp is there... *smacks forehead*

so the ent... not so great of a visit... but the terp was good! (trying to look on the bright side of things) oh!! and the ENT didn't even mention a CI!!!

Glad that at least the terp was there and was good, sorry to hear that the visit wasn't great. As I mentioned, I am trying to setup my own ENT appointment, and I am praying I don't have to deal with that or worse. Hope that you and I are both able to find some answers we are looking for.

Krissy · 11-10-2011, 06:01 AM

Okay I've not posted here before but these 2 people really annoyed me with their questions so I had to mention it, I don't care if they're hearing or not, you shouldn't ask things like this :\
"Are your brothers and sisters normal?"
I was like o_O NORMAL?
And another person asked
"I know deaf people who speak funny and it's a weird tone, do you talk like that?"
:\

**shel90** · 11-10-2011, 07:58 PM

That hearing-minded people keep getting good threads locked. GRR!

**ash345** · 11-10-2011, 09:17 PM

customer came in today... I have to voice at work... read lips... he came in... had his mouth covered so I asked him what? and he looked at me... said "don't you even speak english?" then I informed him I was Deaf... and then he complained about businesses hiring "disabled people"... can I just say... I can't wait until i'm out of this job...

**saywhatkid** · 11-10-2011, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ash345

customer came in today... I have to voice at work... read lips... he came in... had his mouth covered so I asked him what? and he looked at me... said "don't you even speak english?" then I informed him I was Deaf... and then he complained about businesses hiring "disabled people"... can I just say... I can't wait until i'm out of this job...

He is also disabled....socially.

**mbrek** · 11-10-2011, 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ash345

...and then he complained about businesses hiring "disabled people"...

"No, but we do get in a LOT as customers." Said with direct eye contact.

**ash345** · 11-10-2011, 09:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by saywhatkid

He is also disabled....socially.

yeah... it made me so very mad... I really wanted to kick him out of my store... but I have decided... I really need to find a different job... one that isn't customer service related... one that i can just do my work with... at least I got to see PFH today!

AJWSmith · 11-11-2011, 04:30 AM

I'm feeling annoyed with good friends who will not admit to being audist. I see it in the threads here on AD all the time, but it hurts more when it happens in the flesh with my best friends. I have talked about audism with my hearing friends and they agree that audism exists, but they refuse to see it in themselves when I point it out. One example is when I was told that I should have been taught phonetics at school. I carefully explain why phonetics wouldn't have helped me as I can't differentiate sounds. The person wouldn't back down saying it would help me pronounce words better. Yet this person claims not to be audist and that they understand where I'm coming from.

*facepalms*
No they ****ing don't know where I'm coming from!!!:madfawk:

Rant over!

dorothybaez · 11-11-2011, 08:49 AM

Wirelessly posted (dorothybaez)

Okay, I'll admit I feel the same way about phonics....I homeschooled both my kids and that's how they learned to read. Granted, my boys are hearing and I only had a mild loss at the time. And honestly, most hearing people have no understanding of how deaf/HOH folks would have a hard time sounding out the words. It's just not something that's easy to wrap your mind around unless you've been there.

**deafskeptic** · 11-11-2011, 09:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dorothybaez

Wirelessly posted (dorothybaez)

Okay, I'll admit I feel the same way about phonics....I homeschooled both my kids and that's how they learned to read. Granted, my boys are hearing and I only had a mild loss at the time. And honestly, most hearing people have no understanding of how deaf/HOH folks would have a hard time sounding out the words. It's just not something that's easy to wrap your mind around unless you've been there.

Yep. Phonics has never been my forte. Take the word Moron for example. I always thought it was pronounced More ron (as in drone) till I saw this:

I have the Tea Party to thank for learning how to pronounce the word Moron.

AlleyCat · 11-11-2011, 09:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafskeptic

I have the Tea Party to thank for learning how to pronounce the word Moron.

I'm sure they're very grateful.

**deafskeptic** · 11-11-2011, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafskeptic

Yep. Phonics has never been my forte. Take the word Moron for example. I always thought it was pronounced More ron (as in drone) till I saw this:

I have the Tea Party to thank for learning how to pronounce the word Moron.

Got get me started on foreign names..

One of my most embarrassing moments in my life occurred when I found out the Chinese surname Hung is not pronounced like the English word Hung.

**deafskeptic** · 11-11-2011, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlleyCat

I'm sure they're very grateful.

**DeafBadger** · 11-11-2011, 10:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ash345

customer came in today... I have to voice at work... read lips... he came in... had his mouth covered so I asked him what? and he looked at me... said "don't you even speak english?" then I informed him I was Deaf... and then he complained about businesses hiring "disabled people"... can I just say... I can't wait until i'm out of this job...

What a jackass.

If that was on the street where it wouldn't have threatened my job, I would have said, "Sir, one day you will have a disability - from old age, if nothing else - and I hope people are as compassionate to you as you have been to me. Good day."

**deafskeptic** · 11-11-2011, 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ash345

customer came in today... I have to voice at work... read lips... he came in... had his mouth covered so I asked him what? and he looked at me... said "don't you even speak english?" then I informed him I was Deaf... and then he complained about businesses hiring "disabled people"... can I just say... I can't wait until i'm out of this job...

Wow.

Hearies like this...

**ash345** · 11-11-2011, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeafBadger

What a jackass.

If that was on the street where it wouldn't have threatened my job, I would have said, "Sir, one day you will have a disability - from old age, if nothing else - and I hope people are as compassionate to you as you have been to me. Good day."

Yeah... He was a major ass... I really wanted to... hurt him... to scream at him... and inform him how wrong he really was... but i didn't do it... I had to preserve my job...

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafskeptic

Wow.

Hearies like this...

thank you deaf skeptic! I really needed the hugs!

**mbrek** · 11-11-2011, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AJWSmith

...Yet this person claims not to be audist and that they understand where I'm coming from.

Maybe try this example. Tell him put on a blind fold and go into a dark room he's never been to before. Then he needs to cross the room without bumping into anything or tripping over any furniture. If he manages that, he should vacuum the floor and pick up any debris - still blindfolded in this dark room.

Maybe just explaining it that way will wake up his little brain. You have no point of reference for sounds - how can you possible correct something you have no way of referencing?

Sunshine · 11-11-2011, 11:57 AM

Phonics annoy me too. "Is easy Sunny, just SOUND IT OUT...shhhh-ehhhh-mmmm" or whatever. Ok but I NOT KNOW WHAT THOSE SOUND LIKE! What part 100% deaf frommbirth hard understand????

**mbrek** · 11-11-2011, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunshine

...What part 100% deaf from birth hard understand????

Apparently all of it, for some dorks!

Sunshine · 11-11-2011, 12:03 PM

Seems so! People often ask me how pronounce my last name, then act surprise I not know. Why not THEY "sound it out" if that so easy? I not know what any letters sound like! How I should know? Idiots.

**mbrek** · 11-11-2011, 12:20 PM

^^^Ask them what's the best restaurant to go to in Shanghai for Moo Shu Pork. They don't know?!? Why not?!?!

Sunshine · 11-11-2011, 12:36 PM

Exactly! "Is your own last name...how you not know how is pronounce?"

Surprise - I not know how pronounce my first name either!

Jackasses.

11-07-2011, 11:34 AM	#633 (permalink)
mbrek Premium Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 1,512 Blog Entries: 1	This appeared in today's Dear Abby DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old son, "Victor," is hearing-impaired. He wears hearing aids in both ears. The aids are small and not easily seen. Recently we were in a new doctor's office, and the nurse was talking to my son but looking in another direction. When I explained that Victor is hearing-impaired and couldn't hear her, she replied, "Oh, I know teenagers -- selective hearing." I said, "No, he is hearing-impaired and wears hearing aids." The same thing happened at summer camp. My husband said Victor has a hearing problem, and the counselor responded with, "So I need to smack him on the side of his head to get him to listen?" Please inform your readers that hearing aids aren't just for older people. My son has informed people he wears hearing aids because he can't hear well, and he still gets the same smart-alecky retorts. Have you any suggestions? -- NOT BEING FLIPPANT IN PENNSYLVANIA DEAR NOT BEING FLIPPANT: Oh, yes. The nurse in your doctor's office was tactless. If she didn't apologize for her comment, you should have mentioned it to the doctor so he could educate her not only about hearing loss, but also about diplomacy. As to the ignorant camp counselor, your husband should have immediately reported it to the camp director. After reading your letter, I consulted Dr. Rick Friedman at the House Ear Clinic in Los Angeles, who told me that approximately one in 2,000 children is born with hearing problems. (There is a genetic component, and hearing problems can run in families.) Being subjected to loud noises can also have a negative impact on hearing, and Dr. Friedman said studies are being conducted to determine to what extent. cmdrwhitewolf and DeafRaptor like this. __________________ Sarcasm - just another little service I offer.

11-07-2011, 12:10 PM	#635 (permalink)
mbrek Premium Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 1,512 Blog Entries: 1	Damn is right. So comforting to have these people in charge where you leave your child. __________________ Sarcasm - just another little service I offer.

11-10-2011, 07:58 PM	#641 (permalink)
shel90 Audist are not welcome Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: A place where crabs are popular Posts: 40,491 Blog Entries: 3	That hearing-minded people keep getting good threads locked. GRR! __________________ "Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it." --- Anonymous

11-10-2011, 09:17 PM	#642 (permalink)
ash345 Audist Free Zone Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Denver, CO Posts: 806	customer came in today... I have to voice at work... read lips... he came in... had his mouth covered so I asked him what? and he looked at me... said "don't you even speak english?" then I informed him I was Deaf... and then he complained about businesses hiring "disabled people"... can I just say... I can't wait until i'm out of this job... cmdrwhitewolf, DeafRaptor and DeafBadger like this. __________________ with a capital D, more than just a state of being, its family, belonging, home "Love and dreams are miraculous, they don't need to be heard or said or translated, only felt" That Deaf Girl

11-11-2011, 04:30 AM	#646 (permalink)
AJWSmith Registered User Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: live? I'm the walking dead! Posts: 685	I'm feeling annoyed with good friends who will not admit to being audist. I see it in the threads here on AD all the time, but it hurts more when it happens in the flesh with my best friends. I have talked about audism with my hearing friends and they agree that audism exists, but they refuse to see it in themselves when I point it out. One example is when I was told that I should have been taught phonetics at school. I carefully explain why phonetics wouldn't have helped me as I can't differentiate sounds. The person wouldn't back down saying it would help me pronounce words better. Yet this person claims not to be audist and that they understand where I'm coming from. facepalms No they **ing don't know where I'm coming from!!!:madfawk: Rant over! deafskeptic, cmdrwhitewolf, ash345 and 5 others like this. __________________ Born deaf. Profound hearing loss in both ears (90-105dB). Wears Oticon Spirit Zest C SP (Chili) You can also find me on twitter as @AJWSmith and on Google+ as AJW Smith**

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11-10-2011, 06:01 AM	#640 (permalink)
Krissy Registered User Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Manchester Posts: 243	Okay I've not posted here before but these 2 people really annoyed me with their questions so I had to mention it, I don't care if they're hearing or not, you shouldn't ask things like this :\ "Are your brothers and sisters normal?" I was like o_O NORMAL? And another person asked "I know deaf people who speak funny and it's a weird tone, do you talk like that?" :\

11-11-2011, 08:49 AM	#647 (permalink)
dorothybaez Registered User Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Augusta, Georgia, USA Posts: 87	Wirelessly posted (dorothybaez) Okay, I'll admit I feel the same way about phonics....I homeschooled both my kids and that's how they learned to read. Granted, my boys are hearing and I only had a mild loss at the time. And honestly, most hearing people have no understanding of how deaf/HOH folks would have a hard time sounding out the words. It's just not something that's easy to wrap your mind around unless you've been there. __________________ Dorothy Kernaghan-Baez

11-11-2011, 11:57 AM	#656 (permalink)
Sunshine Banned Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Home of Canucks! Posts: 3,269 Blog Entries: 2	Phonics annoy me too. "Is easy Sunny, just SOUND IT OUT...shhhh-ehhhh-mmmm" or whatever. Ok but I NOT KNOW WHAT THOSE SOUND LIKE! What part 100% deaf frommbirth hard understand???? deafskeptic, ash345 and DeafRaptor like this.

11-11-2011, 12:03 PM	#658 (permalink)
Sunshine Banned Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Home of Canucks! Posts: 3,269 Blog Entries: 2	Seems so! People often ask me how pronounce my last name, then act surprise I not know. Why not THEY "sound it out" if that so easy? I not know what any letters sound like! How I should know? Idiots.

11-11-2011, 12:20 PM	#659 (permalink)
mbrek Premium Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 1,512 Blog Entries: 1	^^^Ask them what's the best restaurant to go to in Shanghai for Moo Shu Pork. They don't know?!? Why not?!?! purplewowies likes this. __________________ Sarcasm - just another little service I offer.

11-11-2011, 12:36 PM	#660 (permalink)
Sunshine Banned Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Home of Canucks! Posts: 3,269 Blog Entries: 2	Exactly! "Is your own last name...how you not know how is pronounce?" Surprise - I not know how pronounce my first name either! Jackasses. deafskeptic, Bottesini, ash345 and 3 others like this.

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