ember

Is it just as much of a challenge to develop friendships? Is it harder to develop those friendships when you initially had hearing and its fading or gone now? Are the challenges that come along with developing these relationships the same or different?

Deafness

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saywhatkid

Most of my hearing friends ran for the hills when I lost most of my hearing. It was a bitter pill to swallow.

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"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." ~ Mother Teresa

ember

Have you been able to make new friends or has it been challenging?

saywhatkid

Of course. I now befriend the type of people that are accepting of my condition: deaf, HOH, Christians, and hearies that are willing to take the time to know me. Making friends is always a challenge, because you have to trust. It was difficult to trust after seeing people I knew for 40 years desert me. The ones that ran away were unwilling to change. Someday, one of them might have something happen to them, and they would understand what I went through when I was left alone to deal with the changes.

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"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." ~ Mother Teresa

Miss-Delectable

Well, if they come to you and say they are going deaf. You can laugh at them and say 'Now you know how I felt'.

Glad to hear you've made different friends now.

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"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."
- Helen Keller

Jiro

you make friends with people in same boat as you. no problem. I make more friendships with deafies than hearies per year.

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ember

Trust mmmm trust is hard, even being here is a challenge for me because I am putting myself out there and I normally don't do that because more often than not people disappoint me. You are correct though anything can happen to anyone at anytime.

ember

thats not necessarily always true, there are plenty of people in my boat and I am selective about the people I let in. Do you make more friends with deafies than hearies because of the communication barrier?

kevbo

Wanna be my best friend, Ember?

ember

For me to call you my best friend it doesn't happen that easily, but if you want to get to know each other and become friends ok..... but no funny business

Jiro

i'm selective too. and yes I make more friends w/ deafies than hearies cuz of ASL.

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rockin'robin

I'm very selective and picky when it comes down to friendships. I could say that I have "many" friends, but "true" friends, I can count on my hand.

Being very suspicious of people who are "pushy"...too talkative...and especially "tooo nice".

I have found, that over the years, most people are nice and mean well, some are pure phonies....I haven't lost a friend due to my deafness, tho'. Being nice and considerate...but taking no bullshit is my motto. Being a "true" friend is a priviledge to me. As long as that friendship is not abused and lied to.

TWA

I recently saw a group of my closest high school friends. Seemed like only a few of them were interested in making the effort to talk to me. Only one of them asked me about my hearing loss, even though it was obvious that I could hear far less now than I did back then.

Oh well. I have lots of new, great friends now, and even though it can still be a drag hanging out with them because I can't hear always them, they are still understanding. I do prefer to hang out with people who know ASL in a group, but I don't mind at all hanging out with my hearing friends in a one-on-one situation.

Something that really annoys me, though, is when I plan to hang out with a hearing friend, and it's implied that it will be one on one, and then that person goes and invites another hearing friend. Even if it's a mutual friend, it changes the dynamics. I've had to talk to a couple people about it. NO GROUP SETTINGS unless I know about it ahead of time and can decide if I am up for it.

kevbo

What bring you to here? Do you know ASL?

whatdidyousay!

I find it really hard to believe that only Christians are willing take the time to be your friend. I am Jewish and my brother in law is losing his hearing and I would never stop caring about him!

ember

My being here has little to do with my being a Christian, I am here because I believe in being a decent human being and I believe we should never limit ourselves to the cultures and environments we expose ourselves too.

rockin'robin

Just got this email from one of my best friends in the Carolinas....


Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cute little smiley faces on this ~ ONLY the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad ~ I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue ~ I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile ~ I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

4. When you are scared ~ I will rag on you about it every chance I get until you're NOT.

5. When you are worried ~ I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused ~ I will try to use only little words.

7. When you are sick ~ Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall ~ I will laugh at your clumsy ass, but I'll help you up.

This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask ~ because you are my friend.

Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Send this to 10 of your closest friends (including the one who sent it to you).
Then get depressed because you can only think of 4.

saywhatkid

Not true. I have been getting a full immersion in the Christian lifestyle, and that is partly to explain why so many Christians have befriended me. I have never asked for a "religious affiliation" before getting to know someone. Generally, I have found that the people I meet from the church are much less judgmental that the regular public. I don't mean to sound as though I discriminate against other religions in any way. I just don't go to anything except Christian churches. I also listed deaf, HOH, and hearies that are patient with me.

And a word about my family; at no time have they ever walked away from me.

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"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." ~ Mother Teresa

KristinaB

My brothers will not talk to me at all. When they call - instead of calling my phone number where I have my captioned phone, they will call my mother's cell phone and have her relay any info. They've been told over and over. The kids of my younger of my two brothers have nothing bu very rude things to say about me and my brother never gets onto them or tries to defend me. Those kids are now 18 and 24. My older brother's kids are a little more nice, but still talk to me through my mother or my kids. My son went so far as to say "hey people, she's not stupid, talk to her. She might be able to read you lips or she might ask you to write something down, but she is a person that doesn't need anyone to help her!" Yay for my son. He also has little patience for anybody that picks on his big sister for her learning problems.

saywhatkid

Wow, too bad your son has 3 times the maturity of your adult brothers. In my family, only my mother had issues with me. She thought a hearing aid would be like slipping on a pair of glasses, and that I could hear and understand her like normal over her TV cranked up to 3/4 volume. Part of her issue was not fully understanding what hearing loss did to me. Even when she had the TV so loud I could get a back massage from it, it was my problem I could not hear.

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"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." ~ Mother Teresa

rockin'robin

ember

No I don't know ASL and I am a hearie

AlleyCat

I'm curious also!

ember

Ask away what are you curious about?

AlleyCat

The same question the others were asking, if you knew sign or were deaf. If neither, what brings you here? You absolutely can be here, just curious as to what it's about for you?

ember

I don't know ASL nor am I deaf and I am here because I am about to start an ASL class in a few weeks but I don't know nor do I socialize with any deaf people, so instead of just learning from my teacher why not try to get to know people who live this lifestyle everyday and experience the world in a different way than I do. Why not make a friend with someone that in my everyday life I may never have an opportunity too

Tousi

Best wishes taking that class. Do you know the name of your teacher?

ember

Susan Pochop

blank canvas

i had no problem making friends i was very very social then started loosing my hearing and started loosing my friends first to go was shooting buddies (they claim its not safe to shoot with people who can not hear) then the next to go was most of my riding buddies (once again not safe to ride motorcycles if you can't hear) then the next on the list were the bar friends and then you have the ones that were just completely ignorant and sheepishly snuck away... Still have a few but the more hearing I loose the more hearing friends I loose...

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ember

When I was in high school I lived on one side of town and now that I am an adult I moved away to a suburb , all and I mean all my friends from high school are done with me because of it won't come to visit even though its only a 45 min drive and we never talk anymore. I know thats not the same but I am just saying I lost my friends all because of what side of town I chose to live on