Making small talk with hearing strangers - Page 13

**shel90** · 08-18-2010, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CJB

I guess it's different where I live. Most strangers are people that see me every day that I will sooner or later need to buy something from, sell something to, or somehow interact with. I've met a lot of people who said that they have seen me walking around before, used to work at a place I go to often...and so on and so forth.

That said, some people just don't like to be rude. Some people care just because it's how they were raised. So what's your suggestion for those of us who don't like to just ignore people?

That was what I said in my first post...that I felt guilty for being "rude" to them.

FJ, some of us are not naturally rude and cant ignore people no matter how hard we try. It is just not in our nature.

***naisho*** · 08-18-2010, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by faire_jour

Why would I give a rat's ass if a stranger who saw me for 10 seconds, and will likely never see me for the rest of my life, thinks I'm rude???

that's the point.
you aren't me, not shel90, not Alex, nor pfh, you are yourself. You're entitled to your own actions just as much as we are...
If alldeaf was in Indochina, I'd understand that people need to follow a realitylbecause of how that society functions. However, we're obviously located in first world nations and frown upon how those operate due to their inability to allow as much freedom.

Have you noted how much criticism you are receiving from the deafened? Not just one poster, but as from unique replies from various members. It is really stepping into deep waters; you would do better to have an ulterior reason for your justification otherwise it looks like any other radical disruption, unplanned with nothing to accomplish.

**shel90** · 08-18-2010, 10:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by faire_jour

I'm with Bott, I'd just ignore them.

But the difference is...you are not deaf.

Frisky Feline · 08-18-2010, 10:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CJB

Here's an idea faire_jour. Turn off your voice for a week. I know it's not the same as being deaf, but you can't stop hearing. You can stop speaking. So turn your voice off for a week. See if you have the patience to explain to every single person that you are mute, need to communicate with pen and paper or ASL. Good day, bad day, doesn't matter. By all means, do not use your voice. If you still have the patience to explain your needs every time, then try at it for a month.

I would love to witness those hearing people trying to be pretending either deaf or mute. Sad, I never witness them in reality. Is that because they have no time to understand how we deafies deal by approaching hearing people everyday?

AlleyCat · 08-18-2010, 10:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by faire_jour

Why would I give a rat's ass if a stranger who saw me for 10 seconds, and will likely never see me for the rest of my life, thinks I'm rude???

Multiply that meeting with a stranger for 10 seconds by hundreds or thousands of times in our lifetimes. At some point, we're either rude, ignorant, pretending, whatnot, according to you. So if we're to avoid that, we have to explain each and every time that we're deaf? I think not. It takes a toll, so it becomes that we find an alternative. When we encounter this day after day, week after week, year after year, how can we not? Oy.

**shel90** · 08-18-2010, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frisky Feline

I would love to witness those hearing people trying to be pretending either deaf or mute. Sad, I never witness them in reality. Is that because they have no time to understand how we deafies deal by approaching hearing people everyday?

Like I said before, we, deaf people, are skilled at adapting because we had to do it all of our lives while most hearing people never had to do it henc their inability to accodomate to meet our needs. They are naturally going to expect us to meet their hearing needs. As a result, many of us adapted into social behaviors like the one I am using as a topic for this thread. God forbid should the deaf people be punished for it!

**shel90** · 08-18-2010, 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlleyCat

Multiply that meeting with a stranger for 10 seconds by hundreds or thousands of times in our lifetimes. At some point, we're either rude, ignorant, pretending, whatnot, according to you. So if we're to avoid that, we have to explain each and every time that we're deaf? I think not. It takes a toll, so it becomes that we find an alternative. When we encounter this day after day, week after week, year after year, how can we not? Oy.

Maybe I should type "again" hundreds of thousand times here on this thread to see what it literally looks like, heh?

Frisky Feline · 08-18-2010, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

Like I said before, we, deaf people, are skilled at adapting because we had to do it all of our lives while most hearing people never had to do it henc their inability to accodomate to meet our needs. They are naturally going to expect us to meet their hearing needs. As a result, many of us adapted into social behaviors like the one I am using as a topic for this thread. God forbid should the deaf people be punished for it!

I know. I still want to see hearing people doing by pretending to be deaf or mute for a week. I am sure that they would explain it even better without questioning us so constatnly by "why?!" anymore.

rockin'robin · 08-18-2010, 10:14 PM

I have no problem at all ignoring a "hearing stranger" and I don't feel "obligated" to explain my deafness to ANYBODY!....Who cares if the "hearing stranger" finds you rude?...Many people have called me "stuck up" because I didn't answer them....I sure as heck don't lose any sleep over it....Perhaps, eventually, they might realize ur deaf....and if they don't, who really cares?
Whenever a stranger came up to me and started talking, it was realllly simple to point to my ear and let them know by shaking my head, "I'm deaf, can't hear you"....if they persist, and I don't have time or actually don't want to talk to them, I walk off.....no skin off my nose!...Some people are simply ignorant and don't understand deafness!...Why should it be mine or your problem?....It isn't!...And since they are just "a stranger"...ignore them.....Jeez, what could be more simplier than this?

**shel90** · 08-18-2010, 10:16 PM

[quote=rockin'robin;1639809]I have no problem at all ignoring a "hearing stranger" and I don't feel "obligated" to explain my deafness to ANYBODY!....Who cares if the "hearing stranger" finds you rude?...Many people have called me "stuck up" because I didn't answer them....I sure as heck don't lose any sleep over it....Perhaps, eventually, they might realize ur deaf....and if they don't, who really cares?
Whenever a stranger came up to me and started talking, it was realllly simple to point to my ear and let them know by shaking my head, "I'm deaf, can't hear you"....if they persist, and I don't have time or actually don't want to talk to them, I walk off.....no skin off my nose!...Some people are simply ignorant and don't understand deafness!...Why should it be mine or your problem?....It isn't!...And since they are just "a stranger"...ignore them.....Jeez, what could be more simplier than this?[/quote]

Then that's your personality. Not all of us are like you.

I thought humans were supposed to be diverse, not clones of each other?

In the bold, this thread is not about criticizing others for handling this differently but respecting our diverse personalities.

faire_jour · 08-18-2010, 10:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

But the difference is...you are not deaf.

So, it is ok for Bott and PFH and RR to say this, but because I'm hearing and agree with them, I should shut up?

BecLak · 08-18-2010, 10:58 PM

Here's a idea: Have a business card printed with: "Hi! I'm deaf and I use sign language. It is nice to meet you, have a nice day :-) If you are curious and are interested to know more, please don't ask me to explain, come and visit so-so deaf organisation , sign language class, or the local Deaf Community". (give details of where to find it on the web or in the town/city.)

Hand it out to anyone who approaches you with small talk. Sign "ok", smile and going on your way.

Bebonang · 08-18-2010, 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by faire_jour

So, it is ok for Bott and PFH and RR to say this, but because I'm hearing and agree with them, I should shut up?

And not ask why? all the time.

faire_jour · 08-18-2010, 11:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BecLak

Here's a idea: Have a business card printed with: "Hi! I'm deaf and I use sign language. It is nice to meet you, have a nice day :-) If you are curious and are interested to know more, please don't ask me to explain, come and visit so-so deaf organisation , sign language class, or the local Deaf Community". (give details of where to find it on the web or in the town/city.)

Hand it out to anyone who approaches you with small talk. Sign "ok", smile and going on your way.

This is an interesting idea!

I know of some parents of CI kids who have cards like that. They say something like "Those things on my ears are called cochlear implants. They help me hear". And then give some information.

BecLak · 08-18-2010, 11:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by faire_jour

So, it is ok for Bott and PFH and RR to say this, but because I'm hearing and agree with them, I should shut up?

No, what Shel means is that you are just not 'getting it' despite the fact that some hearing people here do. This is a classic example of ignorance becoming a 'handicap' to you. That's why Shel said 'It is because you are not deaf'.

faire_jour · 08-18-2010, 11:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BecLak

No, what Shel means is that you are just not 'getting it' despite the fact that some hearing people here do. This is a classic example of ignorance becoming a 'handicap' to you. That's why Shel said 'It is because you are not deaf'.

It's not about ignorance, it's about disagreeing. There are clearly Deaf people who agree with me.

**ncff07** · 08-18-2010, 11:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by faire_jour

Why would I give a rat's ass if a stranger who saw me for 10 seconds, and will likely never see me for the rest of my life, thinks I'm rude???

YOU just answered your own damn question! Why would we give a rats ass about explaining to a stranger who saw us for 10 seconds that we cant hear or thinks were rude? HUH?:fu2:

CJB · 08-18-2010, 11:40 PM

I actually have a card like that that explains I'm blind and hard of hearing and how to get my attention and how to communicate with me. I use it when I'm sitting down but if I'm walking around it's hard to carry it. There are also times I don't feel comfortable announcing to the world I'm blind/hh. "Easy target over here!"

faire_jour · 08-18-2010, 11:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ncff07

YOU just answered your own damn question! Why would we give a rats ass about explaining to a stranger who saw us for 10 seconds that we cant hear or thinks were rude? HUH?:fu2:

First of all, there is no reason for you to curse at me and get so nasty.

Second, I never ever said that anyone had to explain anything. All I said was that if you are unhappy with your interactions, change something about them. For each person, that something would be different (some people would ignore, others sign, others ask for accomidations). I just thought that doing nothing, and not understanding, and being unhappy about it wasn't good.

BecLak · 08-18-2010, 11:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by faire_jour

It's not about ignorance, it's about disagreeing. There are clearly Deaf people who agree with me.

Yes, there are Deaf who agree with you on your suggestions of approach. But it is clear that you are still not 'getting it'. Therefore, ignorance is becoming your "handicap". You are displaying the typical ignorance of the mainstream hearing. (Others of you who are hearing and do get it, are not in the 'typical ignorant' category - this does not apply to you). Read my post #318 and then perhaps then you can begin to understand where we are coming from.

faire_jour · 08-18-2010, 11:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BecLak

Yes, there are Deaf who agree with you on your suggestions of approach. But it is clear that you are still not 'getting it'. Therefore, ignorance is becoming your "handicap". You are displaying the typical ignorance of the mainstream hearing. (Others of you who are hearing and do get it, are not in the 'typical ignorant' category - this does not apply to you). Read my post #318 and then perhaps then you can begin to understand where we are coming from.

I promise that I am not ignorant. Did you consider that I simply disagree? I choose not to just walk on eggshells because I am hearing. If I think something is stupid, I'm going to say it. And who says I "don't get it"? I asked my questions, they were answered, now I have an opinion.

**ncff07** · 08-19-2010, 12:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by faire_jour

I promise that I am not ignorant. Did you consider that I simply disagree? I choose not to just walk on eggshells because I am hearing. If I think something is stupid, I'm going to say it. And who says I "don't get it"? I asked my questions, they were answered, now I have an opinion.

As its been said many times you DO NOT get it. You CANT get it until youve been deaf/HoH many years like we have. You can ask whatever to try to understand better but its just not possible for you to understand first hand what its like/what weve been through unless you experience it yourself first hand.

BecLak · 08-19-2010, 12:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by faire_jour

I promise that I am not ignorant. Did you consider that I simply disagree? I choose not to just walk on eggshells because I am hearing. If I think something is stupid, I'm going to say it. And who says I "don't get it"?

Perhaps I can rephrase this for you....you are not 'reading' the majority on this thread.

There are the few who agree with your approach who are comfortable with being reclusive, or just plain keeping to themselves, but many here who are not and didn't you also say that being reclusive is just 'hiding' and not confronting the issue. On the other hand, you say we need to outright explain - by saying that it is clear you have not bothered to actually read many of the posts here. This is where you are consistantly displaying an typically ignorant or audist view which defeats the whole purpose of why we are here.

Perhaps then, this thread is not for you.

yagazn · 08-19-2010, 02:58 AM

Wowieeee

I think I'm getting dizzy here.

Yes, I'm aware of what's going on between hearie and deaf/hoh world.
I'm not the only one...I related to some of them too.

It was just "frustration".

**shel90** · 08-19-2010, 04:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by faire_jour

I promise that I am not ignorant. Did you consider that I simply disagree? I choose not to just walk on eggshells because I am hearing. If I think something is stupid, I'm going to say it. And who says I "don't get it"? I asked my questions, they were answered, now I have an opinion.

Ok, so have you experienced being deaf all of your life?

souggy · 08-19-2010, 04:46 AM

"Walking on eggshells"? No one is walking on eggshells here. It's more like an anti-gun liberal showing up to a NRA meeting, and asking the members to convince them why guns are necessary. Of course, you're not going to get the reactions you want.

When you walked a mile in our moccasins when old age comes to claim your hearing, then maybe, perhaps, you can understand why we do the things we do.

Frisky Feline · 08-19-2010, 04:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by faire_jour

All I said was that if you are unhappy with your interactions, change something about them. For each person, that something would be different (some people would ignore, others sign, others ask for accomidations). I just thought that doing nothing, and not understanding, and being unhappy about it wasn't good.

why does this bold sentence bother you so much? this thread is part of our talking experience to share with. This thread is not the same discussion as "bipolar or commit suicide people talking to the counselor". We all know that we are capable of changing something but sometimes we chose to do something either that or that whatever it would be easier for us based on our experiences in the past.

**Jiro** · 08-19-2010, 04:54 AM

ah.... "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes."

Frisky Feline · 08-19-2010, 05:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiro

ah.... "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes."

must you tell again again again and again.

mew!

**Beowulf** · 08-19-2010, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by faire_jour

I promise that I am not ignorant. Did you consider that I simply disagree? I choose not to just walk on eggshells because I am hearing. If I think something is stupid, I'm going to say it. And who says I "don't get it"? I asked my questions, they were answered, now I have an opinion.

Great. Now we have been judged by a hearing person. We await with bated breath the verdict.

08-18-2010, 10:16 PM	#370 (permalink)
shel90 Audist are not welcome Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: A place where crabs are popular Posts: 40,493 Blog Entries: 3	[quote=rockin'robin;1639809]I have no problem at all ignoring a "hearing stranger" and I don't feel "obligated" to explain my deafness to ANYBODY!....Who cares if the "hearing stranger" finds you rude?...Many people have called me "stuck up" because I didn't answer them....I sure as heck don't lose any sleep over it....Perhaps, eventually, they might realize ur deaf....and if they don't, who really cares? Whenever a stranger came up to me and started talking, it was realllly simple to point to my ear and let them know by shaking my head, "I'm deaf, can't hear you"....if they persist, and I don't have time or actually don't want to talk to them, I walk off.....no skin off my nose!...Some people are simply ignorant and don't understand deafness!...Why should it be mine or your problem?....It isn't!...And since they are just "a stranger"...ignore them.....Jeez, what could be more simplier than this?[/quote] Then that's your personality. Not all of us are like you. I thought humans were supposed to be diverse, not clones of each other? In the bold, this thread is not about criticizing others for handling this differently but respecting our diverse personalities. __________________ "Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it." --- Anonymous

08-19-2010, 04:46 AM	#386 (permalink)
souggy Registered User Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Pacific Northwest Posts: 9,541	"Walking on eggshells"? No one is walking on eggshells here. It's more like an anti-gun liberal showing up to a NRA meeting, and asking the members to convince them why guns are necessary. Of course, you're not going to get the reactions you want. When you walked a mile in our moccasins when old age comes to claim your hearing, then maybe, perhaps, you can understand why we do the things we do. __________________ "It is my task to convince you not to turn away because you don’t understand it." - Richard Freynman

08-19-2010, 04:54 AM	#388 (permalink)
Jiro Aparecium Deletrius Legil Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: The Soprano State Posts: 61,221	ah.... "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes." __________________ - Don't forget to buy Jiro's Special Edition Sunglasses for $19.95

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08-18-2010, 10:14 PM	#369 (permalink)
rockin'robin Registered User Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Florida Posts: 15,659	I have no problem at all ignoring a "hearing stranger" and I don't feel "obligated" to explain my deafness to ANYBODY!....Who cares if the "hearing stranger" finds you rude?...Many people have called me "stuck up" because I didn't answer them....I sure as heck don't lose any sleep over it....Perhaps, eventually, they might realize ur deaf....and if they don't, who really cares? Whenever a stranger came up to me and started talking, it was realllly simple to point to my ear and let them know by shaking my head, "I'm deaf, can't hear you"....if they persist, and I don't have time or actually don't want to talk to them, I walk off.....no skin off my nose!...Some people are simply ignorant and don't understand deafness!...Why should it be mine or your problem?....It isn't!...And since they are just "a stranger"...ignore them.....Jeez, what could be more simplier than this?

08-18-2010, 10:58 PM	#372 (permalink)
BecLak Registered User Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Australia Posts: 2,116	Here's a idea: Have a business card printed with: "Hi! I'm deaf and I use sign language. It is nice to meet you, have a nice day :-) If you are curious and are interested to know more, please don't ask me to explain, come and visit so-so deaf organisation , sign language class, or the local Deaf Community". (give details of where to find it on the web or in the town/city.) Hand it out to anyone who approaches you with small talk. Sign "ok", smile and going on your way.

08-18-2010, 11:40 PM	#378 (permalink)
CJB Registered User Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: U.S. Posts: 2,767	I actually have a card like that that explains I'm blind and hard of hearing and how to get my attention and how to communicate with me. I use it when I'm sitting down but if I'm walking around it's hard to carry it. There are also times I don't feel comfortable announcing to the world I'm blind/hh. "Easy target over here!"

08-19-2010, 02:58 AM	#384 (permalink)
yagazn Registered User Join Date: May 2008 Location: Out of nowhere.... Posts: 2,965	Wowieeee I think I'm getting dizzy here. Yes, I'm aware of what's going on between hearie and deaf/hoh world. I'm not the only one...I related to some of them too. It was just "frustration".