Jolie77

This came to make me think out of the box regarding of this. I had a discussion with a co-worker today conversing about this very subject in regards of invisible handicap.

I know the word "handicap" doesn't really equals all in this in retrospect of the deafness but it is often defined as an "handicap" towards the hearing audience (in general for those that has no knowledge or never have heard and/or met anyone whom are deaf).

Anyway,

As we all know, there are various kinds of invisible handicaps out there. But, let's be specific to this certain issue;

How many times have we been through this, especially when encountering with so much difficulties in general of trying to acquire such information and yet, only, they are less willing to help those who have invisible handicap whereas for those who have visible handicaps are pretty much obtained to be able to get the help they need. Certainly, for those who have visible handicaps still do encounter such difficulties as much as we all do - but - it has came to boil down to this question;

Which one has the most difficulties of facing barriers, challenges, and the likes of that on a daily basis?

I would believe that having an invisible handicap is far more hexed than the visible handicap are because when it is visible, it probably makes it a little bit easier for the general public to see that they need the help and/or receive assistance. Likewise, we all do receive various assistance now that deafness in whole have been out and is slowly to be accepted by many others. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. Many still have the problem of acquiring/accepting it rather than being in the dark only to set that it may be considered problematic when it isn't at all.

I am also curious as to how does the invisible/visible handicap affects us all as a person - Re; Emotional, Physical, Social and Behavioral well-being?

Let's bring the foods for the thoughts.

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“Tough girls come from New York. Sweet girls, they're from Georgia. But us Kentucky girls, we have fire and ice in our blood. We can ride horses, be a debutante, throw left hooks, and drink with the boys, all the while making sweet tea, darlin'. And if we have an opinion, you know you're gonna hear it.” - Ashley Judd

Deafness

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Bottesini

Today I have the perfect example of invisible disability. We went to Sam's and a pack of batteries rang $3 too high. I went to show the cashier the price on the shelf.

She had to get a supervisor to override. While she went to get him, I went back to our line.

An old man with few items was standing behind our cart. I tried to tell him he should go to the other short line as we would be a while while they brought the supervisor for the price override.

He did not understand me and his face got angry and he was saying something mean to me. At that point I heard my husband (and I know he was LOUD as I could hear him say "not if she is deaf and can't hear herself") and maybe he told him what I was saying. THe man then went to the shorter line and we left Sam's Club at the same time.

This was an example of invisible disability when he did not know why my speech was different.

The way I feel now October 27, 2009 was the last day I ever speak out loud in public except my family.

I was so sad.

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It's a joke Nathan!

CJB

I think deafness can be visible in some situations and invisible in others. If you sign and other people see you signing, your deafness is visible. If you aren't signing in a given situation and you either don't wear HA's or people don't notice them, your deafness is invisible.

As for visible vs. invisible disabilities... I think the challenges are equal but different. My blindness is visible for example. It's much easier to get assistance for my blindness but people also tend to go overboard and think I can't do anything. My cane both helps me cross the street and keeps me from getting employed. I also have chronic pain. My chronic pain is harder to deal with because people have no way of knowing it's real or how severe it is. It doesn't keep me from being able to get a job but it does keep me from being able to hold up a job.

In the end, I think it evens out.

Jolie77

I'm so sorry you had to experience that.

I think in the medium, we all have been there with so many frustration in regard of our invisible disability. In genere, the understanding of it does not always help either, if u get my drift?

Come to think of it, It does even it out in different ways. For instance, When I attempt to speak; They automatically know that I am deaf because of my deaf "accent". Once they realize that I'm deaf, usually, some of them are able to step up to help to resolve whatever is needed but as for some of them, they're like - "Nah, it's not worth the effort to help one with this".

I've known of some late deafened people who could speak well enough and clearly for one to be easily passed by; but they still also acquire some setbacks along with it.

Speaking of the invisible disability - for instance, If I were to be in a crowded place and having no idea that a danger is occuring because I couldn't hear it; that's what bottoms it down to this because others have no idea that I'm deaf (that is if I don't sign or speak around them). As for visible handicaps; if there were a danger that occurs; perhaps, they would know that this person needs the help to get out of there. I don't know if I'm making any sense but, yeah, I'm just thinking of those differences.

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“Tough girls come from New York. Sweet girls, they're from Georgia. But us Kentucky girls, we have fire and ice in our blood. We can ride horses, be a debutante, throw left hooks, and drink with the boys, all the while making sweet tea, darlin'. And if we have an opinion, you know you're gonna hear it.” - Ashley Judd

CJB

I don't have a deaf accent. People can't tell at all that I'm hard of hearing. It's hard to convey to people that I'm both blind AND hard of hearing. As awful as this sounds, sometimes I tempted to put on a "deaf" accent just so I can get people to wrap their heads around the fact that I can't see OR hear well.

rockin'robin

Just last Friday, I went to my bank to get a bank check. Lot of people waiting in line, about 10 tellers....being deaf, I had to watch each teller to see if she had called the next person....when I went up to one teller, I told her "I'm deaf". And before I could write out what I needed, she just "rolled her eyes and tilted her head", as if she were disgusted and didn't want to take the time with me.....That really made me angry! And I locked eyes with her and just stood there, not writing anything.

I was ready to ask for the manager as I was angry and pressed for time....but thought better of it, calmed down and took my time writing out what I needed.....Thanked her for "her patience, and have a good day"! With a little "smiley face".

The reason I needed to write down everything, was because the name, company and the amount was important, and if I had "spoken" it, she could have made a mistake, misunderstood my speech.

If I see her again, and she has to wait on me....I'm just gonna smile! Roll my eyes and tilt my head. And just stand there for a few seconds before I tell her what I need.

LDNanna

Rockin Robin, I have gone out of my way to be extra kind and make a certain cashier my "favorite" when I get the eye thing. I hate the "stink eye". I make a point to wait in the line no matter how long. If a supervisor wants to "help" me in another line I make certain to tell them how this cashier is my favorite because I am deaf, and this cashier is familiar with me. Hehehehe Oddly enough, it can happen that the cashier or clerk actually gets to know me and likes me. (or quits)

nope

Regardless of whether the guy noticed you are deaf or not is no excuse. Even if you could hear perfectly, there's no reason for some one - ESPECIALLY AN ADULT!- to make fun of the way you talk, or anything else different about you for that matter. It breaks my heart to see kids teasing other kids for speech impediments, or glasses, or chubbiness, or whatever else they want to pick on, but for an adult to do it to another adult is unconscionable. Why would he do that?

I'm so upset for you

nope

I would think she'd be happy you were prepared to write it down in order to ensure she didn't make a mistake! Honestly, what's wrong with people? I know I'd appreciate that the customer thought of a way to bridge the communication gap so we didn't have to spend half an hour figuring it out. Who hires such jerks? If anyone did that to me, I'd "politely" gasp that my doggy cocks her head the exact same way when weird noises are on the tv. She lucked out with you for a customer!

melissa

Bottesini, I'm sorry for that mean man :-( don't let him put you off talking in public if you want to talk in public.

I don't have a deaf 'accent', although there are a few words I always pronounce incorrectly- piano- I say 'pieno' apparently, and sometimes I miss the s off the end of plurals, but that's usually when I'm overexcited and talking too fast. I also use ate/eaten incorrectly despite years of being corrected.

Unfortunately no-one ever notices my hearing aids, as they have slim tubes- I wore my hair up yesterday to see if it would make a difference, then asked the person who I was talking to if they noticed, and they didn't. Years ago a man at a bus stop was talking to me and said he noticed because I kept saying 'What?', but it was noisy and I didn't really want to talk to him so I don't know if he counts.

Once when I had laryngitis I went to buy some stamps and post a parcel, and had to write down what I wanted as I'd completely lost my voice. The man was behind a glass partition too which made it more difficult. He accepted my piece of paper with no problem and gave me the stamps, I paid, there was no problem with his attitude.

Lissa

My deafness is visible most times since I show off(not intentionally, i just dont care what people think) but they don't seem to realise I am deaf even though it's visible and probably noticeable in my speech. I do HATE talking to people in public, I know I have to speak to them, I just get parnoid and worry that I am not pronouncing my words correctly.

Other time when my hair is down, people cannot tell I'm deaf until I talk i guess. but deafness IS a visible "handicap", I can tell people's expressions when they are annoyed with me having to repeat over and over again.

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souggy

I like being deaf more than being blind.

I hate using my cane becase I get treated worse than when being a deaf person with no cane. I noticed other blind people get treated in similar fashion. Somehow "not being able to see" scare people more than "not being able to hear." So as a result, I don't use the cane or anything like that.

My major bug with deafness is how hearing people keep patronizing it. "If I have a disability, I would be deaf because I can read and use sign language." Um.... people who use sign language don't think they have a disability?

I do know there is an "invisible handicap." A person broke up with me because she didn't like how I was being treated and I wasn't "normal" enough. She didn't like how people treat me differently as soon I open my mouth. Of course that same person made fun of me by the way I say boa as "bow-las" and tried to correct it verbally and repeating the word rather than showing me the pronunciation key in text There's more to it, but she was the second or third worst person ever so far.

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Warning! Contains skewed comments & inane ramblings. May cause spontaneous human combustion

dogmom

oh, Bott, I am and with you! BUT, that man does not own you, don't let him! I understand how it is for some to not understand or make fun of your speech, that happened to me as kid all the time. Sometimes people can still get impatient with me. This is a hurtful thing. I am sorry it happened to you. You are loved here on AD!

Bottesini

Thanks you guys. That's very nice of all of you but I bounce back fast! Sticking my machete in my sock and about ready to face the new day!

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It's a joke Nathan!

souggy

Good job, Botts!

Be a Deaf Rambo!

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Warning! Contains skewed comments & inane ramblings. May cause spontaneous human combustion

Bottesini

I will remember to buy a headband when out today.

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It's a joke Nathan!

shel90

Botts, I am sorry about your experience. Some people are just plain rude so it seems like this man has issues of his own. I have noticed that people, who are happy and content with themselves, dont treat people who are different as harshly as those people who are miserable and have low self-esteem. I try to remember that each time I encounter someone who lashes out on me because of my deafness. I always tell myself, "He/She has a personal problem, not me." It helps.

I cant say which handicap experiences more hardships as I have never experienced the other handicaps. I think it depends on each individual and how they embrace their needs. I dont get upset by my deafness anymore and since then, life has been much easier for me.

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

Bottesini

quote by Shel.

That is exactly what my husband said about the incident.

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It's a joke Nathan!

dogmom

yes, I am trying to remember about that too - when something like that happens, it has everything to do with THEM and NOTHING to do with you....but it can be hard to remember-

go GET 'EM BOTT

shel90

My hubby always told me that whenever I took what other people said personally.

Our hubbies are wise men, arent they?

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

Bottesini

Seems so!

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It's a joke Nathan!

djchur

I think often it doesn't matter whether your HAs are visible or not. A lot of people seem to assume that they correct hearing in the same way that glasses correct vision.

Also, a lot of people assume that because you can understand what they are saying in a quiet environment, with no background noise, that you can understand them in any environment, even really noisy ones.

Some people don't understand anything unless they have personal experience of it or know someone who does. My daughter, however, recently told me that she always listens carefully to cashiers when we are out shopping, in case she needs to tell me what they have said. She says she has been doing this since she was a small child and now still does it sub-consciously, even when out shopping with her friends.

melissa

Yeah, noisy environments are pretty much no for me, a pub/noisy street will require lots of lipreading and repeating things. I actually don't know if my vision is corrected perfectly with my glasses, so I can't compare- though there are signs I often can't read without moving closer, so I've never thought that they make things perfect.

Sometimes I can't hear cashiers, so I just give them a big note when they ask for money- I swear it's the reason I'm always broke and a shopaholic!

CJB

This is dead on.

CJB

The point is that glasses correct to 20/20 vision for a lot of people (although visually impaired people with glasses have the same dilemmas as us deaf/hoh people with hearing aids) so most people just assume that hearing aids means perfect hearing.

melissa

Ah, I see. My old boss used to say to me 'are you wearing your hearing aids' when I couldn't hear something- they often needed cleaning, but that's besides the point!

I saw a badge online, it said something like 'Face me when you speak, I'm deaf!'- I still think it's worth a shot!

CJB

I'd love to have a badge that says "Tap my shoulder or the counter for my attention!" so people know how best to get my attention.

That's so obnoxious about the "are you wearing your hearing aids"? What is he--your mother? If you can't hear something, you can't hear something.

Frisky Feline

anyone who ask "are you wearing hearing aid or is it on or working?" they are the one who have no patience.

Dustine

Since I grew up oral yet have profound deafness with almost perdect speech i am always being doubted as deaf. I wear hearing aids but I am often having to explain that they really only help with direction and that sort of thing. Of course when we are somewhere noise they quickly remember and ask me if I am wearing my HA's. It trys my patients.

Dustine

I am sorry that you had that experience, it is as others have said a lack of respect and understanding on the part of those "me firsters". I wish that the good side of humanity would show all the time and we would respect individuals for the value they add instead of striking out against each other because of personal doubt.