Deafness; Re - Invisible Handicap vs Visible Handicap - Page 2

melissa · 10-28-2009, 04:14 PM

CJB, my boss wasn't the most understanding of people. He was 28 at the time though which I thought would be old enough to understand, but young enough to get on with - he drove me crazy! To be fair, I had a track record of not wearing them/cleaning them/forgetting them!

Sometimes I forget to turn them on and wonder why things don't 'feel right', then I feel them and can tell I've not switched them on (the bottom kind of sticks out more when they're turned off).

I think, with customer service workers, and anyone really, who seems rude or unapproachable, we have to try and remember that it's not personal- who knows what's going on in their personal lives? I have a couple of self-esteem worksheets which mention things like this, as I do tend to take things personally.

I try to keep this in mind. A while ago I was at the library checking out some books, and I enquired about a book I wanted to reserve. I said 'I'd like to take these out, and can I ask about reserving a book?' I was looking in my purse, and telling her the title of the book I wanted to reserve at the same time. The woman started to scan the books and I was still talking- she was talking very quietly then all of a sudden snapped 'Excuse me I was speaking!', mad at me for talking over her when I tried to ask a question...I had no idea what to do, I felt like saying 'Excuse me I'm hearing impaired, you bitch!', but then I thought, perhaps I was talking too much....we then started talking about sewing as my books were about sewing, and she seemed friendly enough, but I still remember little things like this.

CJB · 10-28-2009, 06:00 PM

Melissa, I think that's definitely good advice to go by. We should remember that lots of times it's about the other person and not about us. But the thing is our deafness or whatever other "disability" also makes us the more likely target of their mistreatment because of their own bad day, and I do want to convey to other people that it's not okay to let off more steam on me just because I'm deafblind (or whatever else the case may be for other people). Hope that makes sense.

DeafDoc1 · 10-28-2009, 07:01 PM

Getting back to the OPs question, I have a unique perspective. I had a serious heart defect from birth which limited my endurance, ability to walk distances, ride bikes, and do the other things typical kids do. It was frustrating to have other kids (and some adults) make comments like "lazy" because there was no "visible" evidence of my disability.

More than 20 years ago I became paralyzed and I use a wheelchair. VERY visible disability. I have to explain less about the need for accomodations (except on the phone), but I have experienced a whole range of responses from other people. Some are understanding, accomodating, and look past the wheelchair. Others are overly helpful, forgetting to ask first if I need help. Others pity me (I pity their ignorance, I have a great life!).

Last year I lost my hearing, so I have another invisible disability. While it's easier to "pass" as hearing than it is to "pass" as a walking person, it is more frustrating to me that people are intolerant. I get many rude comments or looks from people who presumably were speaking to me but I never heard.

In regards to wearing a button, I have one on the back of my wheelchair that says "I'm not ignoring you, I'm Deaf". Don't know how much it helps, but it makes me feel a bit empowered.

I think it doesn't matter so much whether your difference/disability is visible or not; it really comes down to the attitudes, patience, and understanding of the people we encounter. And Botts, I agree. It's their problem, not ours.

rockin'robin · 10-28-2009, 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeafDoc1

Getting back to the OPs question, I have a unique perspective. I had a serious heart defect from birth which limited my endurance, ability to walk distances, ride bikes, and do the other things typical kids do. It was frustrating to have other kids (and some adults) make comments like "lazy" because there was no "visible" evidence of my disability.

More than 20 years ago I became paralyzed and I use a wheelchair. VERY visible disability. I have to explain less about the need for accomodations (except on the phone), but I have experienced a whole range of responses from other people. Some are understanding, accomodating, and look past the wheelchair. Others are overly helpful, forgetting to ask first if I need help. Others pity me (I pity their ignorance, I have a great life!).

Last year I lost my hearing, so I have another invisible disability. While it's easier to "pass" as hearing than it is to "pass" as a walking person, it is more frustrating to me that people are intolerant. I get many rude comments or looks from people who presumably were speaking to me but I never heard.

In regards to wearing a button, I have one on the back of my wheelchair that says "I'm not ignoring you, I'm Deaf". Don't know how much it helps, but it makes me feel a bit empowered.

I think it doesn't matter so much whether your difference/disability is visible or not; it really comes down to the attitudes, patience, and understanding of the people we encounter. And Botts, I agree. It's their problem, not ours.

Well said....I used to have a bumper sticker that said the same thing.....now I've got my "I Love NY" hat (that I purchased on my trip to NY several years back), and wear a button that says "What the F Are You Talking About?"....Get a few stares when I wear it, and I wear it often!

Doug5 · 11-02-2009, 05:23 PM

the thing that bothers me the most, is when my deaf accent causes people to think I am less intelligent or retarded.

DeafDoc1 · 11-02-2009, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doug5

the thing that bothers me the most, is when my deaf accent causes people to think I am less intelligent or retarded.

Definitely frustrating. My speech clarity is changing, and I've noticed that people's first impression of me may be off now as well. Deaf, wheelchair, imperfect speech, must be cognitively impaired too.

I try to educate people that it takes a lot more "smarts" to speak when you can't hear, and clarity of speech does not predict intelligence. Some former Presidents can attest to that!

***Jolie77*** · 11-02-2009, 08:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeafDoc1

Getting back to the OPs question, I have a unique perspective. I had a serious heart defect from birth which limited my endurance, ability to walk distances, ride bikes, and do the other things typical kids do. It was frustrating to have other kids (and some adults) make comments like "lazy" because there was no "visible" evidence of my disability.

More than 20 years ago I became paralyzed and I use a wheelchair. VERY visible disability. I have to explain less about the need for accomodations (except on the phone), but I have experienced a whole range of responses from other people. Some are understanding, accomodating, and look past the wheelchair. Others are overly helpful, forgetting to ask first if I need help. Others pity me (I pity their ignorance, I have a great life!).

Last year I lost my hearing, so I have another invisible disability. While it's easier to "pass" as hearing than it is to "pass" as a walking person, it is more frustrating to me that people are intolerant. I get many rude comments or looks from people who presumably were speaking to me but I never heard.

In regards to wearing a button, I have one on the back of my wheelchair that says "I'm not ignoring you, I'm Deaf". Don't know how much it helps, but it makes me feel a bit empowered.

I think it doesn't matter so much whether your difference/disability is visible or not; it really comes down to the attitudes, patience, and understanding of the people we encounter. And Botts, I agree. It's their problem, not ours.

You nailed it right there. That, I agree. The cycles of attitudes are what we receive or give to/from others. I was inquiring how different it would be to the visible/invisible thing and pretty much it evens out as to how one would react to deal/interact with a person who has a disability.

BTW, your post is also inspiring!

Bottesini · 11-02-2009, 08:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeafDoc1

Getting back to the OPs question, I have a unique perspective. I had a serious heart defect from birth which limited my endurance, ability to walk distances, ride bikes, and do the other things typical kids do. It was frustrating to have other kids (and some adults) make comments like "lazy" because there was no "visible" evidence of my disability.

More than 20 years ago I became paralyzed and I use a wheelchair. VERY visible disability. I have to explain less about the need for accomodations (except on the phone), but I have experienced a whole range of responses from other people. Some are understanding, accomodating, and look past the wheelchair. Others are overly helpful, forgetting to ask first if I need help. Others pity me (I pity their ignorance, I have a great life!).

Last year I lost my hearing, so I have another invisible disability. While it's easier to "pass" as hearing than it is to "pass" as a walking person, it is more frustrating to me that people are intolerant. I get many rude comments or looks from people who presumably were speaking to me but I never heard.

In regards to wearing a button, I have one on the back of my wheelchair that says "I'm not ignoring you, I'm Deaf". Don't know how much it helps, but it makes me feel a bit empowered.

I think it doesn't matter so much whether your difference/disability is visible or not; it really comes down to the attitudes, patience, and understanding of the people we encounter. And Botts, I agree. It's their problem, not ours.

I fixed it temporarily.

This is my haircut that screams "I you can't see I'm Deaf, I am not responsible!"

DeafDoc1 · 11-02-2009, 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jolie77

You nailed it right there. That, I agree. The cycles of attitudes are what we receive or give to/from others. I was inquiring how different it would be to the visible/invisible thing and pretty much it evens out as to how one would react to deal/interact with a person who has a disability.

BTW, your post is also inspiring!

Thanks, Jolie77!

DeafDoc1 · 11-02-2009, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

I fixed it temporarily.

This is my haircut that screams "I you can't see I'm Deaf, I am not responsible!"

And cool purple stripes on the HA, Bott!

Bottesini · 11-02-2009, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeafDoc1

And cool purple stripes on the HA, Bott!

They should see me coming now!

DeafDoc1 · 11-02-2009, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

They should see me coming now!

New earmolds? I thought yours were green. And did your daughter make that cover too?

Bottesini · 11-02-2009, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeafDoc1

New earmolds? I thought yours were green. And did your daughter make that cover too?

They are new, purple molds. ANd the cover is from Ear Gear. Hopefully my daughter will have time in her schedule to make me some more cool ones soon.

dogmom · 11-04-2009, 01:30 PM

oh, cool pic, Bott!! glad I looked back on here to see what was up...

dogmom · 11-04-2009, 01:32 PM

for purple molds and the like, is there any extra charge or longer wait time on it?
I really like that purple and white; purple is my fav. color!

Bottesini · 11-04-2009, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dogmom

for purple molds and the like, is there any extra charge or longer wait time on it?
I really like that purple and white; purple is my fav. color!

I think no more charge, or if there is they would be minimal. Almost everyone has colored molds now.

dogmom · 11-04-2009, 05:13 PM

yea, Bott, realized after I sent it it was kinda silly question....

but the look is great

10-28-2009, 07:01 PM	#33 (permalink)
DeafDoc1 Buckeyes beat MI AGAIN! Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1,020	Getting back to the OPs question, I have a unique perspective. I had a serious heart defect from birth which limited my endurance, ability to walk distances, ride bikes, and do the other things typical kids do. It was frustrating to have other kids (and some adults) make comments like "lazy" because there was no "visible" evidence of my disability. More than 20 years ago I became paralyzed and I use a wheelchair. VERY visible disability. I have to explain less about the need for accomodations (except on the phone), but I have experienced a whole range of responses from other people. Some are understanding, accomodating, and look past the wheelchair. Others are overly helpful, forgetting to ask first if I need help. Others pity me (I pity their ignorance, I have a great life!). Last year I lost my hearing, so I have another invisible disability. While it's easier to "pass" as hearing than it is to "pass" as a walking person, it is more frustrating to me that people are intolerant. I get many rude comments or looks from people who presumably were speaking to me but I never heard. In regards to wearing a button, I have one on the back of my wheelchair that says "I'm not ignoring you, I'm Deaf". Don't know how much it helps, but it makes me feel a bit empowered. I think it doesn't matter so much whether your difference/disability is visible or not; it really comes down to the attitudes, patience, and understanding of the people we encounter. And Botts, I agree. It's their problem, not ours. __________________ What's up, Doc?

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10-28-2009, 04:14 PM	#31 (permalink)
melissa Registered User Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Cheshire, UK. Posts: 188	CJB, my boss wasn't the most understanding of people. He was 28 at the time though which I thought would be old enough to understand, but young enough to get on with - he drove me crazy! To be fair, I had a track record of not wearing them/cleaning them/forgetting them! Sometimes I forget to turn them on and wonder why things don't 'feel right', then I feel them and can tell I've not switched them on (the bottom kind of sticks out more when they're turned off). I think, with customer service workers, and anyone really, who seems rude or unapproachable, we have to try and remember that it's not personal- who knows what's going on in their personal lives? I have a couple of self-esteem worksheets which mention things like this, as I do tend to take things personally. I try to keep this in mind. A while ago I was at the library checking out some books, and I enquired about a book I wanted to reserve. I said 'I'd like to take these out, and can I ask about reserving a book?' I was looking in my purse, and telling her the title of the book I wanted to reserve at the same time. The woman started to scan the books and I was still talking- she was talking very quietly then all of a sudden snapped 'Excuse me I was speaking!', mad at me for talking over her when I tried to ask a question...I had no idea what to do, I felt like saying 'Excuse me I'm hearing impaired, you bitch!', but then I thought, perhaps I was talking too much....we then started talking about sewing as my books were about sewing, and she seemed friendly enough, but I still remember little things like this.

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10-28-2009, 06:00 PM	#32 (permalink)
CJB deafblind writer Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: U.S. Posts: 1,426	Melissa, I think that's definitely good advice to go by. We should remember that lots of times it's about the other person and not about us. But the thing is our deafness or whatever other "disability" also makes us the more likely target of their mistreatment because of their own bad day, and I do want to convey to other people that it's not okay to let off more steam on me just because I'm deafblind (or whatever else the case may be for other people). Hope that makes sense.

11-02-2009, 05:23 PM	#35 (permalink)
Doug5 Registered User Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 551	the thing that bothers me the most, is when my deaf accent causes people to think I am less intelligent or retarded.

11-04-2009, 01:30 PM	#44 (permalink)
dogmom Registered User Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,469	oh, cool pic, Bott!! glad I looked back on here to see what was up...

11-04-2009, 01:32 PM	#45 (permalink)
dogmom Registered User Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,469	for purple molds and the like, is there any extra charge or longer wait time on it? I really like that purple and white; purple is my fav. color!

11-04-2009, 05:13 PM	#47 (permalink)
dogmom Registered User Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 1,469	yea, Bott, realized after I sent it it was kinda silly question.... but the look is great