green427

It is not just you. This is why I avoid hearing functions as much as possible.

Like I mentioned in another post, it is much harder for late-deafened folks, as those of us who lost it at a young age have learned to adapt over the years.

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Warning: Anything I post may not make any sense. All advice is for entertainment value only. Sarcasm might be present. Interpret at your own risk.

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AJWSmith

ambrosia, I agree with you and green427 - when I am at a crowded "social" event, I feel incredibly lonely. It's so painful that I avoid them now.

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Born deaf. Profound hearing loss in both ears (90-105dB). Wears Oticon Spirit Zest C SP (Chili)
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Jold

Thank god for this thread.... Thank you all

matteb

I suspect my hearing was not always very good but it has really gone south in the last few years. Luckily or ironically it was a year after I retired. The hearing aids worked for a while. Never worried about how they looked, told the audiologist I would stick a horn in my ear if it would let me hear better. I live in a rural area so I don't think ASL would do me much good. I never realized how important music was to me. My wife is having trouble adjusting and sometimes reacts like I am just trying to be a problem (I won't put up with that). There are a few other issues, half my face is paralized.

My biggest problem is feeling like I am useless. I have always been a service/productive person and don't know how I can do that with my hearing loss.

matteb

I spent a year in Vietnam, jumped out of perfectly good airplanes and more. But losing your hearing IS scary.

When I tell people I can't hear them and the keep talking, I just kind of chuckle inside. They are really talking to themselves.

matteb

OOOPs!

matteb

Sallylou, I feel the isolation also. Since I always enjoyed solitude it probably isn't as bad for me, but I do miss talking to people. Maybe this forum will be of some help.

Bottesini

I am not late deafened, but I have facial paralysis also, from a syndrome relating to deafness, just so you know you are not the only one.

I saw some shirts from the Moebius syndrome foundation that say, "I'm smiling on the inside!" and I thought that would be a cool thing to have.

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matteb

I don't think it is just white or male. Best line I heard was "some people were born on second base and think they hit a double".

caz12

i can feel panic in big crowd feel big whooshing like on outside looking in.i had my first seziour on platform rush hour time on london underground from that moment on i get shudders in crowds.horrible...going to para olympic opening next week and i dreading and feel sick at thought of those crowds

SteveB

My name is Steve. I have sensorineural hearing loss that I just discovered recently. Apparently it has been occurring for years. I just thought people were talking in progressively lower whispers each year. I've "coped" but I'm sick of trying so hard just to understand.

I'm learning ASL and hope to be able to sign in 100 years or so. I'm kind of afraid to even post...afraid that I'll offend without knowing! My doctor said that there are implants that will help, but I don't see the point. I can function at work. Socially its more difficult.

Rather than exhausting myself try to hear, I want to be able to sign with other hoh and deaf people. This site is really great. Too bad it doesn't help me learning ASL.

SteveB

Glad to find this thread. I was recently diagnosed as HOH with progressive loss. I never had even an idea that I heard differently than others. I actually thought I was slow and had to work harder than everyone else just to get to the starting line. It never occurred to me that it took more effort because I heard less. I blamed myself for not being good enough.

(oops, I replied twice)

TracyK

Hi Steve, you and I have a similar story. I am wondering if it may be 150 years before I can communicate using ASL. I am a pretty good lip reader, but you are right - trying to understand and interact is tiresome and often more trouble than it is worth (for me).

Not sure where you are from (I am in Normal, IL) - have you ever found any local resources that bring HOH/Deaf individuals together in your community? I am trying to figure out where I should look to find a place to "fit in" since I seem to have greater difficulty in social situations. My husband helps (SOME), but it is a lot to ask of him.

Any ideas? tlk

TracyK

I totally get that useless feeling - in fact I am not sure how to re-join the working world. I recently "negotiated" a contract and actually negotiated $15 an hour LESS than what they were offering. Talk about feeling like an idiot. It was only later, upon reviewing a written trail that I discovered my error. So much for thinking using my cell phone works for me!!! LOL (kind of)!!!

Now that contract has ended and I cannot begin to figure out my next step... That useless feeling spirals into a paralysis that I am not sure how to snap out of. Have you found anything that helps you???

Inquiring minds want to know.

SteveB

Hey Tracy...sorry its been a while, Im bad at checking in. I live in Washington DC and am taking ASL at Gallaudet. The metro area has an active Deaf community with events that even the HoH are welcome at...festivals, movies, cummunity fairs - all sorts of stuff. I havent looked for anything less "crowd-oriented." I want to get better at signing...at least enough to hold a basic conversation. The best souce ive found has been my ASL teacher, classmates, and an old friend who is HoH. Hope that helps. Hang in...

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"Sing like no one is listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching! And live like its heaven on earth."
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lex81

Was the Hearing Help Class useful? CHS hasn't been too helpful with me lately and they were rather discouraging about the Hearing Help Class. They told me that I wouldn't fit in those classes and that I probably know all the strategies.

podiecat

Hi Steve and All,

I just discovered this thread. I am 59 and am quite hard of hearing for the last ten years. Due to several factors, hearing aids have not worked for me. Even though I have found few people to sign with in person, I am still working hard to learn ASL. I finally am making headway with Bill Vicar's new online courses ASL.tc. They are fun and really have pulled together many bits and pieces of ASL from classes and online ASL learning sites for me. I highly recommend them! I still have a long way to go to be able to sign and understand enough and be more comfortable in a Deaf group, but at least I'm making clear progress.

I have lost friends and have a huge struggle with family due to my hearing loss. Thankfully my service dog, Tess, has removed lots of the fear. I have other health issues also. It is certainly exhausting to try communicating with hearing people but I have finally come to accepting it. Losing my vision would be far worse I think.

podiecat

Hi Tracy,

I posted above before I scrolled down to read your replies also. I live in Vermont and other than driving 45 minutes once a week to sign with a Deaf ASL teacher and a woman he tutors, I don't have anyone other than my dog to sign with. I too wish there was a way for HOH and Deaf to come together more easily.

I can not use phone anymore. I rely on emails. I'm trying to get the nerve to practice ASL with others using Skype but feel so timid! I do better with ASL when no voice at all is used.... I am not one who is good at multitasking! lol

There are lots of younger people and college students on this site. I am most eager to connect with those who are late-deafened and over 50 or so. Maybe I would feel more comfortable signing online with older people my age???

BecLak

Wirelessly posted

Podiecat,

Welcome! There are more people 45 and above here on AllDeaf than you may realize. I myself, am 50 next year. Although I was born deaf, I came into the Deaf Community late. I had grown up oral and have only just started learning Sign Language 3 years and 4 months ago. I had no classes or Deaf people to turn to, I started learning online with sign videos and then with online dictionaries. but this is not enough of course. I started to introduce myself to the Deaf Community in person. That is very important. I felt very nervous at first too, but as I observed others signing and determined to study about Deaf Culture, I have learned so much and have picked up at lot without too much difficulty. The easiest way is acceptance. The quicker you can 'let go' of the 'hearing perspective' and embrace the 'Deaf perspective' - the easier it will be for you.

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Severely deaf from birth.
Deaf with a Purpose. God designed me this way so I do everything by God's Grace.

Exodus 4:11 Ignorance is no longer bliss. Be Educated.

KEEP IN STEP WITH ME: Sign Text Email Pen and Paper

podiecat

Hi BecLak,

Thanks for your reply. In the Burlington area, about 45 minutes away from me, there is a Deaf community as well as the Deaf Club at the University of Vt. I do watch the events posted on the DeafVt yahoo group but have not really seen one that 'fits'. It seems that most of the Deaf gatherings are geared toward 20s-30s socializing or families with young children. I would like to start going to the ones with young kids.

I greatly enjoy meeting up with and signing for the hour a week but I want and need more practice. I am really in between the Deaf world and hearing. I don't fit in either yet, as you mentioned, I have tried to educate myself about Deaf culture.

I also know that even though I ace the online courses it means nothing about how I will do in real life signing. I tend to forget everything I know. So yes, I need to practice more with Deaf. I have even tried posting on craigslist several times.... no replies other than meeting my close friend who does baby sign.

One thing that is frustrating for me as a relatively new signer is how different the signs are between my online courses and the Deaf community here. I get confused and then forget the signs for both locales! I'm getting there slowly though. I love practicing and communicating in silence!

I have always been extremely sensitive in every way. I can now admit that I think my severe hearing loss has been a gift in a way. It buffers me from words and more that really affected me negatively. I always did know that actions meant way more to me than cheap words! ASL seems to be a much more honest language. But living away from others who sign is frustrating and does not help my signing.

nicegirl

Hello, glad to have found the right thread. My loss started around 10 years ago and now at 50, I pretty much have ringing in my left ear and moderate loss in the right.

The thing that bothers me the most is how I am treated. I had a very successful software career but left a few months ago. I felt colleagues were using my deafness to their advantage to exclude me.

I am taking a class now for small business and it has been terrible. I am so exhausted at the end of the day and the teacher is rude and patronising to me. She thinks shouting is enough accommodation for "my" problem

BecLak

Wirelessly posted

Nicegirl, hearing people cannot fathom life without sound, so you will find them very ignorant for the most part on how things are for you. Ignorance often creates a fear of whatever it is they do not know, therefore they intentionally or unintentionally try to intimidate whatever it is that they are uncertain of to give them a false sense of control and security. Educating them is what overcomes this. I would suggest that you make a clear statement as to what you will need to complete the task at hand. If you need a note taker or clear easy to follow written notes, or you need to sit up front, or even an Auslan interpreter later on. It is your right to request these. If these are not provided for you then take it up with your local Deaf Society. They have people who can help you, even advocate attorneys.





Welcome to AllDeaf! I'm a fellow Aussie btw :-)

__________________
Severely deaf from birth.
Deaf with a Purpose. God designed me this way so I do everything by God's Grace.

Exodus 4:11 Ignorance is no longer bliss. Be Educated.

KEEP IN STEP WITH ME: Sign Text Email Pen and Paper

nicegirl

Thank you for the warm welcome my fellow Aussie BecLak! I have written the deaf society to find out what is available.

It is sad in a way but lucky for me, she mostly reads from the book so I can follow along in the book. It is interesting there is a man in the class who doesn't know English very well and she is very patient with him.

I watched the video you posted up of Dr. Don about why he went voice off. I get why he does.

I have to give the hearies a tiny bit of slack because people really aren't taught to communicate well in the first place. Most people are just lazy communicators with mumbling, not directly looking at who they are talking to, and just waiting for their moment to speak instead of actually listening to the other person.

needsleep

I just read all 47 pages from the beginning over the past few days. The stories in here are amazing and the support is fantastic!! I have tinnitus (really high pitched tone) that seems to be inside my head so maybe that means it's both ears or something and my left ear buzzes and freaks out with even volumes of excited conversations (I have custom plugs that I wear in loud places to keep the buzzing at bay.). I also hear my pulse in that ear sometimes. Very annoying. Doesn't happen often though, thank God.

Recently it's been difficult to understand customers at work (I work in an AC Moore doing Custom Framing right now) and everyone seems to be mumbling. I found myself lipreading when my boyfriend, his mother, and I went to a cafe at his school recently. They were conversing just fine with each other and the guy at the table across form us overheard the conversation and came over to join in but I couldn't make out anything anyone was saying! Sometimes I can hear everything just fine, sometimes I can't hear anything (usually in noisy places). I don't know what's going on but I am glad this thread is here. Even as a hearie with maybe, possibly new hearing issues, it was a huge comfort to see how others are reacting to the frustration of spoken conversation! (Thank you all!! )

Lau2046

This is one of the most isolating components of hearing loss. I go through this all the time and it's a major factor why I don't go out to eat with coworkers or off the bar (aside from the fact that I don't drink). I just really can't hear in crowds. When I graduated from school I thought "Great! I'll never have to do group work again!" But now I'm in training with a new job with all students and I'm 45. I feel like the third wheel at a Britney Spears concert and I'm waiting for Gladys Knight. We do a lot of group work, which I hate. It's so frustrating. Aside from the fact that this is so new and I'm clueless about what to look for, I'm just not hearing anyone. It's like not being able to read music and the professor is leaning over your shoulder, asking you to start from the middle of the page, and you've no idea what she's talking about so you just play anything, hoping that you'll hit the mark.

The more people there are, the more isolating it feels. The first thing I noticed when my hearing in my right ear worsen was music - not hearing it as I had. Getting digitals for the first time in my life didn't help either because nothing sounded the same. I honestly felt like my life as I knew it would never return or be the same again. The Widex hearing aids I bought has helped, but there's no silver bullet.

Laura

needsleep

I'm not sure if I fit here but I'm a "late-HOH". I'll introduce myself either way and leave it up to you guys whether to kick me out or not.

Hi! I'm Kristin. I'm a 23-year-old musician (violin/music therapy) with really high-pitched, constant tinnitus in both ears (8000 Hz. Maxed out on the white noise to drown it out but had more luck with a more focused pitch), lower pitch in both less frequently and mild loss in my left ear and *juuuuust* normal in my right. I had above-average hearing just 6 months ago. Seems hearing loss runs in the family (on both sides) so now we need to figure out if it is a one-time fall or a progressive thing. Next appointment on the 21st. Good thing I was already learning ASL, I guess. o_O

I read every single page of this thread while I was waiting for my last appointment. Everything everyone said was such a comfort to me because I wasn't the only one feeling frustrated and annoyed and confused. I posted about it a few posts up but I just wanted to say "thanks" again to all of you for contributing to this thread!

neworld524

I posted this on a different forum but I think this would be better. . . .I am 31 years old and I lost my hearing about 6 months ago due to a brain trauma. I have been having trouble coping. My family doesn't know much about it and tend to be almost skidish around me. They are not exactly supportive or not supportive. My boyfriend has been supportive but I almost feel like he doesn't know me anymore. I read a lot about Deaf culture and finding my voice. That is one reason I am here. In addition, I have enrolled in a local college for ASL classes. Most of the students in the class are hearing which has made communication difficult and it is very basic. I can speak but some of the blogs I have been reading say that one way to help is to stop speaking. This intrigued me. One reason is that I find when I when I go to stores and speak the people behind the counter turn their backs or talk with their heads down. They don't realize I can't hear them. This makes communication difficult. I find myself needing to call their attention to the fact that I can't hear them and asking them to speak slower. At times I feel embarrassed. I read lips fairly well but always have . I trained myself in it a long time ago. It was a little game I would play on my students and my parents. :-) I have accepted that the damage to my brain is irreparable. I don't want to accept this as a disability. I want to understand how I can now simply see myself as having different abilities as some do. I find myself not going to stores much anymore. I order almost everything online. I have even been limiting my encounters with people. I am looking for any and all feedback.

Hero

I've slowly lost my hearing over a number of years (I'm 20), I can hear a bit out of one ear but I've generally given up trying to communicate with people because it's too difficult. I had a girlfriend but she left me, I know mostly it was because I couldn't hear her and she couldn't deal with it, but she would never tell me that to my face.

I've tried to learn ASL but I don't have money to take a community college course, and when I did once it was all hearing people taking the class out of interest, so there was little communication in ASL apart from the teaching as everyone spoke English.

I'm okay and adjusting alright, I'm not too lonely or anything and I've always been okay with some isolation, the hardest part is not being able to communicate my thoughts with anybody. I can't call my parents and they can't text (their eyes are bad), and in public everyone thinks I'm ignoring them when I just can't hear them.


Anyway, that's my story, thanks for reading since I have little opportunity to tell people these days.

caz12

i spent 30years with perfect hearing then due to accident follow by brain infection went profound deaf age 30 now 60 and yes music was the saddest thing to loose but ways around it vibration....i went to rehabilitation is it possible your hearing at a level they do it in states...some people really good lip readers (i not one)had numerous lessons,but in time you pick up quite alot....we each dealt hand in life sometimes it stinks but you got live that life best you can in uk there clubs for HofH and deaf join them if in states you got more going on

AdamFencepost

This is just my 2nd post here. Reading the last few pages of this thread has made me understand that isolation is very common. I have had to look up a few things to try to learn the causes for the hearing loss that some of you have experienced. I don't really want to become an expert of deafness. I'd just like to overcome some of the negatives.

So, that's why I am here!

My hearing began to deteriorate when I was a child. By high school, I thought that I'd figured out that popular kids had good hearing and were tuned in to everything and everyone around them. I had to focus on one person at a time.

Communication was a problem in my first marriage. I used to say that when she whispered "sweet nothings" in my ear, that's exactly what I heard.

Returning to college after the failure of that marriage, I quickly learned that I would be in big trouble without hearing aids. The audiologist said I should have begun using them 10 years before but maybe those guys always say that . That was in December of 1983. So yeah, I have now used hearing aids for 29 years. I've gone thru quite a few and they are of almost value now.

Tinnitus first showed up about 15 years ago but was only noticeable when the aids were out. About 10 years ago, that began to change. To keep people from feeling sorry for me I claim to live in a quiet world. That isn't true - I feel as tho' I'm standing on an interstate, or maybe a go-cart track .

Isolation is about the best way to describe my existence. I remarried and have grown children from both marriages but everyone has real trouble communicating with Dad. I'm kind of an old guy now but still work some thru about half the year. I mostly try to avoid people hoping that something isn't said to me that I can't understand. Oh yes, I still have some hearing but comprehending speech is really, really difficult. I "faked it" for years and finally realized that I was only picking up about 10% of what was being said :/ .

That was 7 years ago when I finally really began to pull back from interacting with others. I even pulled back from a late-deafened support group. When I tried to reconnect 2 years ago, I just felt that I made a mess of it and stopped without really even starting. No one who I once knew was still involved.

With a few years experience in online hobby forums, I hope this is a good place for me to learn how to deal with so much hearing loss. I am looking forward to trying !