DeafCaroline

Hearing people on facebook are weird about anything deaf. Mention any deaf subject in your status update and it will be ignored...usually.

Just be matter of fact about your deafness. If these are people who already know you then maybe you can bring it up in the context of "hey, guess what?" "what?" "I'm deaf! So, here's the deal - for me to understand you better, this is what you need to do...." If people get pitiful, tell them there's no need to be, it's not a disease, just a different lifestyle. If they say "oh, I'm sorry" then smile and tell them there's no need to be for you're not. Hearing people will follow your cue so if you get embarrassed, so will they so sometimes you need to be the one who puts them at ease.

Deafness

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DeafCaroline

Tell your girlfriend the truth - and maybe opt for a very small gathering like you, your girlfriend and just 2 other people and have a really nice intimate dinner. And if you still wasn't following, then be blunt and say 'I invited you here because you're my closest friends and I would so dearly love to know what you're saying because you matter to me." my best friend and my boyfriend would talk directly to me when we're in a group setting and they would tell everyone else they do that so I can follow what's being said and then everyone else would follow their examples and talk to me directly when sharing a story or a joke. It works very well!

So, tell your girlfriend not to translate for you but to set an example for others by always talking to you directly when sharing a story with the group and have her explain to others she does that so you can follow what's going on. They will follow her example and do the same.

They are not mind readers and often forget so it's really up to you so tell them exactly what you need them to do. Sometimes people need to be told in black and white.

George Parker

I have recently been found w/ near profound deafness.I now wear resound-alera 9 Ha,s. I have been having panic attacks trying to get back into the social world that has slowly fadedaway along w/ my hearing.I am amazed everyday when I put my Ha,s in and the sound,s of this world return,I Love hearing again but I,m feeling socially missfit and don,t know what to do.It,s hard to explain to others in the normal hearing world,and I,m getting tiredof trying to explain my self.

jillio

Welcome to AD and to this thread, George. I know that you feel very much alone right now. Stick around and discuss these things with other people who understand your situation. You will be amazed at how many people seem to be inside your head. We are glad to have you join the group.

Bottesini

And she doesn't mean that in a scary pyschotic way, either.

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George Parker

Thank,s for the support.A friend told me George ,now that you can hear againyou have an opportunity to LISTEN to other,s....

sallylou

Don't even get me started on the "listening" thing. People who said that I wasn't listening are no longer part of my life. What they really meant is that they don't want to be inconvenienced by accommodating my hearing loss. Sometimes you have to take stock and adjust the effort that you put into relationships.
Don't worry! There are plenty of 'your kind' out there. There are people who understand what you're going through. Really kind people who will make the effort to communicate with you.

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RachelRene

I am coming to understand this more and more. I'm starting to take a hard look at my current friendships, and thinking about what kinds of relationships I hope to have.

Finding my own kind might be a good idea.

Beach girl

Was that said in a joking way or a serious way or what? What was the context?

lilybear

I'm so sorry I haven't posted a lot lately.

I started an internship in a hearing school 2 weeks ago and it's been very hard on my energy levels... I keep lurking but haven't had the time (or energy) to post until now.

As far as adapting to the school goes... everyone (including my grade 6 students) have been very accommodating and understanding. They make sure I can see them when they talk (since no one signs) and if I don't understand they repeat twice and if not they write it up. It's wonderful!

My parents also got interested in signing up for an ASL course... they can't attend the whole course because of work schedules but they can attend at least a class every 2 weeks. We just need to confirm with the teacher if that works out and we're set!

InfamousMacBook

I am HoH with out an explanation other then it has been progressing. I got hearing aids when I was 20 but, some of my family members think I may of been hearing impaired when I was younger cause my parents never had me tested. They really only thought I was slow. I was 5 years old just learning to talk but, could already read. By the time I was 13 I was an avid Koontz & King fan. I speak normal. I was taking speech therapy from the time I was 6 till I was 18 and three times a week. I think back and wonder if I may have been. I noticed when my hearing progressed to the point when I was 20 and needed hearing aids lip reading came quite easily to me. I've just had a lot to think of since becoming a member in May. Either way my parents realized when I entered middle school I was exceptionally bright I just couldn't do Math. I add, subtract, multiply, divide but, anything else. Even Fractions, Decimals, or Pre-Algebra completely elude me.

Vorsia

I have always had mild hearing. Lost until I notice my left ear? Wasn't. Hearing as well went to ent they said we send you for a hearing test. Test confirmd sever profound hearing lost my boyfriend. Calls me deaf I call myself hoh. It's. Not easy .

Rory

Hello.

My name is Rory, short for Aurora. I was born with perfect hearing, but became deaf recently. I found this site, googling 'deaf chat' and other things similar to it, hoping to find someone to relate to. I live in a small town, with no deaf people that we know of. I've been studying sign language like crazy.

I am hard of hearing. My friends try to understand, but we're only in middle school. They are thirteen (some twelve) and I am fourteen, so it's hard to truly have empathy for this kind of situation. After a horse riding accident, my hearing problem got even worse. Now, I can tell if a noise is being made, but it remains fuzzy and unclear. I rely on reading lips mostly (except for my Gym and Science teachers, who are in a permanent shout mode, so I can barely make out what they say).

I was hoping that, by coming to this site, I would learn more about deaf culture, how things work, and find people to relate to. When I tanked on my hearing test, I knew I needed help.

-R

RachelRene

Good luck, Rory! Hope you find what you need here.

sallylou

Welcome. It's hard being the only person of your "kind." Hearing loss can make that worse by isolating you. Do you have P3 or skype so you can practice? Of course, ask your parents first and make sure that they are comfortable with this. There are some of us "mom" types here that are safe to communicate with.

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AOS

Hey tigersharkdude

I have been profoundly deaf for 4.5 yrs. I am now looking into cochlear implants but have limited the possibility for success by not researching (or being told by a med proff) to know that bacterial meningitis causes a calcification over the cochlea over time) My L ear was just ruled out and there is a possibility of trying to get some sounds on the R. Are cochlear implants a possibility for you?

Have you looked for American School for Deaf that has community beginner ASL classes?

Have you looked online such as at aslpro.com?

I know very lil sign language myself. Every now and then I pull up a site on the PC here and try to take in a lil more. 1 day at a time.

I can relate to some of your daily struggles. I am right handed and it seems I have pulled most of the hair out of that side of my head so I walk funnier then just being off balance from inner ear damage.

Some days I go out and the what would seem to be simple tasks are made to seem impossible for some. Such as in dealings with businesses;take cashiers whether it be McD's or Best Buy. The cashier becomes so overwhelmed they ask for the assistance of another cashier which calls the mngrs attn on by the time you have all of the staff's attn to get that hot apple pie you are on show for all that are visiting that location. I am starting to be more assertive. Sometimes I can be cute and ask the hearing person next to me how my hair looks as I didnt realize there was going to be a show and other times I have to directly look in their eyes and say please lets not make this a difficult task. We'll manage. It'll be ok (and yes they can hear the sarcasm0 or I might have to physically yet politely step in front of the person with me that they have chosen to respond to instead of me to let them know I am still there waiting for the answer and have not turned on my invisi power.

Please feel free to send me a msg any time. We might be feeling the same thing on the same day and be able to humor one another.

Lastly I want to note that I saw information on a wireless device coming out soon to Deaf or HOH. Search Captel Wireless by Sprint. I anxiously await this device. Looks as tho this device will be a great tool in assisting communications!

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AOS

Welcome Rory! WTG on aggressively learning ASL!

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Be the change that you want to see in the world.
Mohandas Gandhi

http://www.petitfamilyfoundation.org/

birdlady

If I could find one of me I would . But i cant ,It seems that my husband and I go for coffee he always orders for me then the watress says something. and he answers for me. Then he says my wife is hard of hearing.. It isnt like that,I dont Hear peroid, now what did you say.Look at me. If i am the one that you are talking too. Then they go off, cause I must have yelled, everyone is looking, I said well now that I got everyone attention , who can sign .. I look around.. They act like you are nuts.. yeah, it makes me mad.. sorry,,,

birdlady

Welcome Rory! I am a late bloomer too.. but age is my differance I am in my 50's you are still young. just look around in here and i am sure you will find people your age that will relate to you, no that i wont. I'd be happy too. Being hearing impaired maybe just a start are you seening a ent doctor may they can give you hearing aides to help. or bahaas. check around, have your friends learn signs.. good luck...

mpinsky

In 2005, I had a sudden drop in hearing and it progressively got worse and worse (and is still dropping!). Currently, I have lost about 90 dB of my hearing. Let me make it clear beforehand, before I jump in on this story, that I was mainstreamed as a) the hearing loss wasn't fully "recognized" by the school until I was a senior in high school (they thought I was just being rude) and b) my parents did not want to push me back two grade levels so I could learn ASL (which I am now regretting). I have, however, taught myself to read lips rather fluently (as such, I benefit heavily from services like an oral interpreter).

Anyways, I started a hearing loss awareness campaign for my senior thesis and bravely stepped into my local club for the Deaf. Much to my dismay, as soon as I signed, "I don't sign well. I'm learning to sign. I prefer to read lips and fingerspell," I was quickly given the cold shoulder for an hour until someone who could voice and read lips took pity on me and began helping me out (and then everyone started trying to communicate with me). Granted, at 21, I was the youngest one in that club, but honestly, it's made me very scared to go back into that club, even though I'm actively learning. I realize you can never fully learn about a culture until you experience that culture, and even before entering I did my research. It certainly makes me feel like I don't belong (and perhaps I don't)!

I'm currently working with a school for the Deaf near me, and I was immediately lambasted for not knowing ASL not by the Deaf, but by the hearing instructors, like my knowing to read lips and being mainstreamed was a bad thing. And honestly, it made me feel very, very guilty, indeed.

Currently, as a deaf girl who is not Deaf, I'm trying to find a happy medium in between the two cultures (Hearing and Deaf) because I feel, sadly, I don't fit with either (as much as I want to belong).

And yes, I am actively learning ASL, and why the Deaf club did scare me with the cold treatment, they aren't going to get rid of me until they forcibly kick me out. I'm there to learn and improve! For me, it's an inward struggle to get over my awkwardness on not being very fluent in the main mode of communication there.

Cheetah

Good for you mpinsky! Be persistent and stick with it. You won't regret it! I went through all of this in College (but started with hearing aids around age 4). So I understand some of what you are going through.

mpinsky

I started this my senior year of college, too, Cheetah! I remember very vividly, though, that I wore my hearing aids to band practice one day in high school, and the Deaf colorguards swarmed upon me all, "OMG, you have hearing aids! You're one of us now!" XDD

I was very amused.

Cheetah

LOL! Thats cute! I kind of wish I had that. I was one of the only two deaf in my entire school system (that includes elementary and jr/sr high school). So as a consequence, I didn't know that deaf are not supposed to be in band (played Oboe, Clarinet, percussion, and Drum Major), drama club, SADD club, Cross Country, Track and Field, baseball (one season), and a bunch of other minor things.

AJWSmith

Have you see this short film - I think you'll like it as it deals with many of the things you've described. I posted it on another thread:
My Song | Story of a girl stuck between the hearing and Deaf worlds

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Born deaf. Profound hearing loss in both ears (90-105dB). Wears Oticon Spirit Zest C SP (Chili)
You can also find me on twitter as @AJWSmith and on Google+ as AJW Smith

melissaamd1

HI all, I soo relate to almost everyone in this thread. I found out a few weeks ago that I am now severe-profound. I'm 37. I grew up hearing, all my friends, everyone in my life can hear, except my Dad, and he wears hearing aids that my new audi. told me wouldn't even be strong enough for me. He somewhat understands, but everyone else, ummm??? No. It is scary to me. I work in retail, and am in cosmetics. It is really hard to help people all day everyday at work in a noisy echoey environment, but somehow I do it. My audi. told me that I am really using my lipreading and cognitive abilities to "hear". she said I am not really hearing anything but sounds and my eyes and brain are doing the rest for me with the current HA's I have. She was shocked my old audi. was still letting me wear these and that he advised me against learning ASL, when I asked him if I should (I WANT to, and know a little already).
I relate to the poster at the top who wrote about feeling a little embarassed about "coming out" about this. I had a girl's get together planned at my place the Sunday after the big bad audio. . I really wanted to cancel it, I was so upset about the results. Not like I should've been surprised because I went to the audio. questioning, what is happening and why is my tinnitus sooo loud lately? Anyway, my husband announced to everyone while I was in the other room, what was going on, and to talk AT me. So of course some expressed deep concern to him, yet three weeks later, not one has brought it up or asked me about it. Even in conversation, if I bring it up, and the subject gets changed due to some distraction, it is never brought up again. this is what makes me isolate myself also because I feel, "Who cares?"
Anyway, I have an appointment on Friday with my audi. to be fitted for molds for these new hearing aids, she feels are SUPER powerful, til my hearing is done. Then???? She wants me to get Seiman's Phoenix BTE (the strongest they make in that model).
I want to say thank you to everyone who posts because reading these make me feel not so alone. I wish all of you going through this the best and comfort and a big hug from me if noone is giving it to you.

P.S Please pardon any bad spelling/grammer, I'm a sleepy working Mom.

Cheetah

People are scared of the subject. I have a co-worker that rebukes me every time I say the word deaf. Like it's some kind of contagious disease. I love making deaf jokes! Especially around this co-worker. I do feel kinda bad though because he was raised to never say bad things about people and to him, it is very bad to call someone deaf. sigh. what to do??? He won't change and I won't change... so, I decided I don't care if my deafness hurts his feelings (poor baby). I get a kick out of my deaf jokes and will keep telling deaf jokes around him. he he he I guess there is a little bit of Deaf Militant in me! and proud!

LDNanna

Botti you are awesome. I understood ya.

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Phonak FM

Hi Everyone,

I am also late deafened. I started losing my hearing at the age of 4, lost it all by the time I was 40. I now have a Cochlear implant, hearing aid, and an FM system.

I also am an Audiologist currently working for Phonak.

I decided to start up a blog to discuss various aspects of being a late deafened Audiologist. I try to draw upon both my personal and professional experinces. Its called 'Deafened but not Silent".


Here is the site: Deafened But Not Silent. | How to live life to the max with hearing loss.. I hope you find it helpful.

Cheetah

Are you sure you are not an IT person that goes by the name of Cheetah? I too started loosing my hearing at 4 and lost it all by 40 and now have one CI. I'm not an audiologist, but I've been to so many over the years that I could qualify for life credit to become one!

By the way, nice blog!

AJWSmith

Having a bad week. On Tuesday I was part of a misunderstanding that triggered off painful memories of mishearing people in my past. There are so many. And the corrosive embarrassment and toxic shame that has flooded my spirit is overwhelming. I regret to say it, but I feel ashamed of my deafness even though I know it's not my fault. But I know that if I grew up with 100% hearing, then I wouldn't have made so many mistakes and have so many embarrassing memories. The only way I know to handle this pain at the moment is to take time out and repeatedly tell myself that it's not my fault that I didn't hear properly. I'm telling myself that I'm still a valuable human being even if my ears don't function properly. It's more important to have a heart that functions well (i.e. be loving) than to have ears that function well.

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Born deaf. Profound hearing loss in both ears (90-105dB). Wears Oticon Spirit Zest C SP (Chili)
You can also find me on twitter as @AJWSmith and on Google+ as AJW Smith