How can I get my dad to stop giving me heart attacks?

SimplyMints · 09-09-2008, 01:03 AM

Please forgive the sarcasm. I'm not literally going into cardiac arrest every time my dad appears out of nowhere.

Many deaf children as well as those who are non-verbal are born into a family that doesn't provide them with a source of developing language skills during a critical period along their development. As a result, once they've grown older and have finally been exposed to language they can use, they have greater difficulty with it than their properly educated peers.

You:

My dad grew up in a family that had no concept of privacy. As a result, when he grew older and discovered a culture that valued privacy, his ill-equipped mind could make no sense of it.

To this day, nobody has been able to explain to him the concept of privacy. Very often, my first clue that he's anywhere near me is his shadow appears in front of me, or I'll be walking across the hall and see him standing there out of the corner of my eye. Every time, I'm momentarily terrified until I realise who it is.

I think he's beyond hope. This has been going on for years. Perhaps gets a kick out of seeing how high I can jump when he startles me.

Is there perhaps an early warning device I could get that would alert me with a strobe light when he's coming up the stairs? Or do I need to install a door at the top of the stairs that I can lock from the inside, requiring him to press a button to alert me and allow me to let him in? Have others had similar problems with clueless (or perhaps inconsiderate) family members, and have found a solution to the problem?

Buffalo · 09-09-2008, 01:11 AM

Move out when you can afford it.

madison069 · 09-09-2008, 01:14 AM

Talk to him.

But how would one come to you and let you know he is there unless he can come up to you and tap your shoulder?

Of course he could flick the light on and off, but that might scare you still.

It's hard living in a silent world and having hearing people around you.

ClearSky · 09-09-2008, 01:17 AM

Tell him to flash on/off the light switch.

I do get startled with my family. It happens when I do not wear my CI, but they do not do it on purpose.

Jiro · 09-09-2008, 01:27 AM

I.......... see........

SimplyMints · 09-09-2008, 01:34 AM

Oh, Buffalo, lol, I've considered moving out, and I really do love where I live. I was born here, and have lived here most of my life.

And Madison, about living in a silent world with hearing all around me, if I were to move as Buffalo suggests, I'd like to move to a place where there are lots of deaf, but not too far from home, and certainly not expensive places! I really hate moving though!

ClearSky, My mom has learned to flip the light years ago for me, but my dad seems to have a learning disorder in that area of his brain. It hasn't been long that my HAs are useless, but I often went without them even when I could wear them because I didn't like them, and I didn't like buying batteries either.

Buffalo · 09-09-2008, 02:18 AM

Do you know where the deaf community is in Eastern Oregon?? Or you are still looking for it? I know zilch about Oregon but I suspect there might be a large community in Salem because of Oregon School for the Deaf. Salem is in western Oregon, unfortunally.

SimplyMints · 09-09-2008, 02:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buffalo

Do you know where the deaf community is in Eastern Oregon?? Or you are still looking for it? I know zilch about Oregon but I suspect there might be a large community in Salem because of Oregon School for the Deaf. Salem is in western Oregon, unfortunally.

I know of the community in Salem. Unfortunately, that's about 3 climate zones away from here, hehe! I'm close to the Washington border, so I might look there. Who knows, I might even be living in it and I don't know it! I know my dentist knows how to communicate with me, and I never had to tell her a thing! I was very impressed! However, just last night, a lady driving a floor buffing machine around Walmart nearly ran me over screaming and yelling at me to get out of her way. I was facing the other way, and didn't know she was coming. Finally, my sister grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the way just in time. I suspect the Walmart employee was unaware of the existence of deaf. But then, perhaps I shouldn't judge a community by its Walmart employees.

ClearSky · 09-09-2008, 02:46 AM

This happens to me when people say "excuse me" from behind me. I still cannot hear that with my cochlear implant. I think they say it too soft or I don't expect it from years of not hearing it with my hearing aids or the mic being in front. I don't know.

People think you're so rude for not hearing them. Well, I begin to wonder if they are rude for not saying it louder. Do they know the existence of deaf people? It probably doesn't cross their mind. I mean? I begin to wonder, are there real hearing people that actually not pay attention to those who say, "excuse me?"

*low voice* excuse me....excuse me...excuse me! Then they walk off like I was some rude person. Why would I want to ignore them on purpose?

jillio · 09-09-2008, 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SimplyMints

Please forgive the sarcasm. I'm not literally going into cardiac arrest every time my dad appears out of nowhere.

Many deaf children as well as those who are non-verbal are born into a family that doesn't provide them with a source of developing language skills during a critical period along their development. As a result, once they've grown older and have finally been exposed to language they can use, they have greater difficulty with it than their properly educated peers.

You:

My dad grew up in a family that had no concept of privacy. As a result, when he grew older and discovered a culture that valued privacy, his ill-equipped mind could make no sense of it.

To this day, nobody has been able to explain to him the concept of privacy. Very often, my first clue that he's anywhere near me is his shadow appears in front of me, or I'll be walking across the hall and see him standing there out of the corner of my eye. Every time, I'm momentarily terrified until I realise who it is.

I think he's beyond hope. This has been going on for years. Perhaps gets a kick out of seeing how high I can jump when he startles me.

Is there perhaps an early warning device I could get that would alert me with a strobe light when he's coming up the stairs? Or do I need to install a door at the top of the stairs that I can lock from the inside, requiring him to press a button to alert me and allow me to let him in? Have others had similar problems with clueless (or perhaps inconsiderate) family members, and have found a solution to the problem?

Install a light that has a motion detector sensor in it. It will trigger the light with his movement.

SimplyMints · 09-09-2008, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jillio

Install a light that has a motion detector sensor in it. It will trigger the light with his movement.

Wow, why didn't I think of that? That's a great idea!

jillio · 09-09-2008, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SimplyMints

Wow, why didn't I think of that? That's a great idea!

You're welcome! Hope you find it a good solution.

SimplyMints · 09-09-2008, 03:28 PM

I'll make it work

imdeafsowhat · 09-09-2008, 05:56 PM

Get a wolf.

SCBassist · 09-09-2008, 06:03 PM

The thing is, even with a motion-detecting light, it appears you will still react in the the same fearful manner. You need to apply yourself to strengthen your confidence or seek help, otherwise, any alerting aids will not help you much.

imdeafsowhat · 09-09-2008, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by imdeafsowhat

Get a wolf.

that wolf will scare your dad, not you

SimplyMints · 09-09-2008, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by imdeafsowhat

Get a wolf.

Quote:

Originally Posted by imdeafsowhat

that wolf will scare your dad, not you

SimplyMints · 09-09-2008, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SCBassist

The thing is, even with a motion-detecting light, it appears you will still react in the the same fearful manner. You need to apply yourself to strengthen your confidence or seek help, otherwise, any alerting aids will not help you much.

At least I'll know he's coming

That'll be a help. Our whole family has to deal with this guy. It's just worse for me because I turn around, and suddenly he's there. The hearing members of our family can at least hear him coming.

AlleyCat · 09-09-2008, 10:22 PM

I get startled all the time too. Enough to jump-start my heart, sometimes. I don't understand it because I think I'm very "visual" (compensating for what I don't hear, you all know about that) so when someone comes around the corner and I'm not expecting it, it startles me. Usually only at home, though. So I know what you're feeling!

Buffalo · 09-10-2008, 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by imdeafsowhat

that wolf will scare your dad, not you

and give the dad cardiac arrests??? You are funny.

pek1 · 09-10-2008, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SimplyMints

Please forgive the sarcasm. I'm not literally going into cardiac arrest every time my dad appears out of nowhere.

Many deaf children as well as those who are non-verbal are born into a family that doesn't provide them with a source of developing language skills during a critical period along their development. As a result, once they've grown older and have finally been exposed to language they can use, they have greater difficulty with it than their properly educated peers.

You:

My dad grew up in a family that had no concept of privacy. As a result, when he grew older and discovered a culture that valued privacy, his ill-equipped mind could make no sense of it.

To this day, nobody has been able to explain to him the concept of privacy. Very often, my first clue that he's anywhere near me is his shadow appears in front of me, or I'll be walking across the hall and see him standing there out of the corner of my eye. Every time, I'm momentarily terrified until I realise who it is.

I think he's beyond hope. This has been going on for years. Perhaps gets a kick out of seeing how high I can jump when he startles me.

Is there perhaps an early warning device I could get that would alert me with a strobe light when he's coming up the stairs? Or do I need to install a door at the top of the stairs that I can lock from the inside, requiring him to press a button to alert me and allow me to let him in? Have others had similar problems with clueless (or perhaps inconsiderate) family members, and have found a solution to the problem?

I read this yesterday and had time to think about it. It appears to me that when you were diagnosed as being deaf, you or someone else never took the time and/or taught you that you need to sharpen your other senses. As you know, you have five senses. Take out the hearing, you have four. Actually, if one includes reading body language/situations, that would be the fifth one, which replaces hearing.

Have you done this? Also, what do you need "privacy" for? I'm sure if he hasn't seen something on you that he hasn't seen before, he would most definately do something about it.

Along that thought, did you know that a few years ago, my hearing dog ran into a skunk. It was late at night and I couldn't return home, as I was heading to my parents house, 150 miles one way. So, I phoned them and told them what was going on. I picked up supplies to bathe Snickers when we arrived, but, before she went in, my parents & I devised a strategy to minimize other tenents from smelling skunk.

Because I modeled nude for art classes, I didn't want my only clothes ruined either. So, my parents and I stripped the bathroom of everything . . . rug, shower curtains, towels, soap dispensers, toilet paper. When I brought Snickers in, my dad blocked the way into the kitchen, both bedroom doors were closed, my mother would grab her while I was literally peeling off all my clothes, which she hasn't seen me nude since I was a little kid. She helped me bathe Snickers, while I held her in the bathtub (Snickers and I were both in the tub).

There was nothing sexual that occurred between us, yet we had quite a time to rid that smell from Snickers. Guaranteed she'll never do that stunt again!

Now, what's that thing about privacy you mentioned? I'm a guy that's older than you and I had no problem doing this. If you feel embarrassed about your own skin, I also am a member of clothesfreeforums.com, which is a naturist website. Check it out!

Bottesini · 09-10-2008, 05:17 PM

My only opinion is to try to be more alert. It can save your life outside your home.

Also I really love the emoticons you are using that we don't have on AllDeaf.

SimplyMints · 09-10-2008, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pek1

I read this yesterday and had time to think about it. It appears to me that when you were diagnosed as being deaf, you or someone else never took the time and/or taught you that you need to sharpen your other senses. As you know, you have five senses. Take out the hearing, you have four. Actually, if one includes reading body language/situations, that would be the fifth one, which replaces hearing.

Have you done this? Also, what do you need "privacy" for? I'm sure if he hasn't seen something on you that he hasn't seen before, he would most definately do something about it.

Along that thought, did you know that a few years ago, my hearing dog ran into a skunk. It was late at night and I couldn't return home, as I was heading to my parents house, 150 miles one way. So, I phoned them and told them what was going on. I picked up supplies to bathe Snickers when we arrived, but, before she went in, my parents & I devised a strategy to minimize other tenents from smelling skunk.

Because I modeled nude for art classes, I didn't want my only clothes ruined either. So, my parents and I stripped the bathroom of everything . . . rug, shower curtains, towels, soap dispensers, toilet paper. When I brought Snickers in, my dad blocked the way into the kitchen, both bedroom doors were closed, my mother would grab her while I was literally peeling off all my clothes, which she hasn't seen me nude since I was a little kid. She helped me bathe Snickers, while I held her in the bathtub (Snickers and I were both in the tub).

There was nothing sexual that occurred between us, yet we had quite a time to rid that smell from Snickers. Guaranteed she'll never do that stunt again!

Now, what's that thing about privacy you mentioned? I'm a guy that's older than you and I had no problem doing this. If you feel embarrassed about your own skin, I also am a member of clothesfreeforums.com, which is a naturist website. Check it out!

That's quite a life-changing story there, hehe! Really, it's worth sharing!

I'm not afraid he'll catch me in an embarrassing act or sitting at my computer naked or any such thing. I'm well aware of how weird I am with the things that I do on my own time (nothing sexual either), and everybody knows about them. I have a great big pink plush pony (Pinkie Pie), and my dad's already walked in on me while I was hugging her and I had a bunch of my pony dolls all over my desk, and he didn't seem to have a problem with it.

Also, yes, I know how to tell what's going on around me without my hearing. Usually. I mean, a few days ago, some lady almost ran me over with a floor buffing machine at Walmart, but other than that, I'm usually pretty hard to surprise when I'm with other people or out in public. You're right though. I should abandon the purely cultural notion of privacy. That shouldn't be so hard since my dad's family has no such notion. I get it all from my mother's side of the family. When I'm at home and relaxing at the end of the day, I tend to drop my guard on all fronts without thinking about it, and I think I'm alone, and I don't expect to find anybody in my house.

I haven't been totally deaf for very long, so I still have at least four more doctor visits, one of them tomorrow, one on the 18th, one on the 2nd Oct, one a few months later. On the 18th, I get a referral, so that's gonna be at least one more with a new doctor or specialist of some kind. In all this, I'll probably learn more about it, and I won't sound so green.

SimplyMints · 09-10-2008, 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

My only opinion is to try to be more alert. It can save your life outside your home.

Also I really love the emoticons you are using that we don't have on AllDeaf.

LOL yeah, I learned my lesson at Walmart on that one!

imdeafsowhat · 09-12-2008, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buffalo

and give the dad cardiac arrests??? You are funny.

He didn't say he don't want his dad to have heart attack.

Just not him.

A wolf can help soothe the heart by being a loving master.

09-09-2008, 01:03 AM	#1 (permalink)
SimplyMints I love all my ponies! Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Eastern Oregon, USA Posts: 778 Blog Entries: 1	How can I get my dad to stop giving me heart attacks? Please forgive the sarcasm. I'm not literally going into cardiac arrest every time my dad appears out of nowhere. Many deaf children as well as those who are non-verbal are born into a family that doesn't provide them with a source of developing language skills during a critical period along their development. As a result, once they've grown older and have finally been exposed to language they can use, they have greater difficulty with it than their properly educated peers. You: My dad grew up in a family that had no concept of privacy. As a result, when he grew older and discovered a culture that valued privacy, his ill-equipped mind could make no sense of it. To this day, nobody has been able to explain to him the concept of privacy. Very often, my first clue that he's anywhere near me is his shadow appears in front of me, or I'll be walking across the hall and see him standing there out of the corner of my eye. Every time, I'm momentarily terrified until I realise who it is. I think he's beyond hope. This has been going on for years. Perhaps gets a kick out of seeing how high I can jump when he startles me. Is there perhaps an early warning device I could get that would alert me with a strobe light when he's coming up the stairs? Or do I need to install a door at the top of the stairs that I can lock from the inside, requiring him to press a button to alert me and allow me to let him in? Have others had similar problems with clueless (or perhaps inconsiderate) family members, and have found a solution to the problem? __________________ "A world that is not on the verge of annihilation can still be perfectly stimulating, and definitely not boring." - Andrea Berlinghoff

09-09-2008, 01:11 AM	#2 (permalink)
Buffalo Anobium Pertinax Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 1,468	Move out when you can afford it. __________________ It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem. - Gilbert Chesterton

09-09-2008, 01:34 AM	#6 (permalink)
SimplyMints I love all my ponies! Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Eastern Oregon, USA Posts: 778 Blog Entries: 1	Oh, Buffalo, lol, I've considered moving out, and I really do love where I live. I was born here, and have lived here most of my life. And Madison, about living in a silent world with hearing all around me, if I were to move as Buffalo suggests, I'd like to move to a place where there are lots of deaf, but not too far from home, and certainly not expensive places! I really hate moving though! ClearSky, My mom has learned to flip the light years ago for me, but my dad seems to have a learning disorder in that area of his brain. It hasn't been long that my HAs are useless, but I often went without them even when I could wear them because I didn't like them, and I didn't like buying batteries either. __________________ "A world that is not on the verge of annihilation can still be perfectly stimulating, and definitely not boring." - Andrea Berlinghoff

09-09-2008, 02:18 AM	#7 (permalink)
Buffalo Anobium Pertinax Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 1,468	Do you know where the deaf community is in Eastern Oregon?? Or you are still looking for it? I know zilch about Oregon but I suspect there might be a large community in Salem because of Oregon School for the Deaf. Salem is in western Oregon, unfortunally. __________________ It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem. - Gilbert Chesterton

09-09-2008, 03:28 PM	#13 (permalink)
SimplyMints I love all my ponies! Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Eastern Oregon, USA Posts: 778 Blog Entries: 1	I'll make it work __________________ "A world that is not on the verge of annihilation can still be perfectly stimulating, and definitely not boring." - Andrea Berlinghoff

Today
Deafness	Sponsored Links __________________ This advertising will not be shown in this way to registered members. Register your free account today and become a member on AllDeaf.com

09-09-2008, 01:14 AM	#3 (permalink)
madison069 Registered User Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 231	Talk to him. But how would one come to you and let you know he is there unless he can come up to you and tap your shoulder? Of course he could flick the light on and off, but that might scare you still. It's hard living in a silent world and having hearing people around you.

09-09-2008, 01:17 AM	#4 (permalink)
ClearSky Registered User Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,084	Tell him to flash on/off the light switch. I do get startled with my family. It happens when I do not wear my CI, but they do not do it on purpose.

09-09-2008, 01:27 AM	#5 (permalink)
Jiro YOU DOMESTIC DISSENT! Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: NJ Posts: 7,352	I.......... see........

09-09-2008, 02:46 AM	#9 (permalink)
ClearSky Registered User Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,084	This happens to me when people say "excuse me" from behind me. I still cannot hear that with my cochlear implant. I think they say it too soft or I don't expect it from years of not hearing it with my hearing aids or the mic being in front. I don't know. People think you're so rude for not hearing them. Well, I begin to wonder if they are rude for not saying it louder. Do they know the existence of deaf people? It probably doesn't cross their mind. I mean? I begin to wonder, are there real hearing people that actually not pay attention to those who say, "excuse me?" low voice excuse me....excuse me...excuse me! Then they walk off like I was some rude person. Why would I want to ignore them on purpose?

09-09-2008, 05:56 PM	#14 (permalink)
imdeafsowhat Banned Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: The Golden Coast Posts: 1,654	Get a wolf.

09-09-2008, 06:03 PM	#15 (permalink)
SCBassist ...And your point is? Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Spartanburg, SC Posts: 885	The thing is, even with a motion-detecting light, it appears you will still react in the the same fearful manner. You need to apply yourself to strengthen your confidence or seek help, otherwise, any alerting aids will not help you much. __________________ Complaints Division Here

09-09-2008, 10:22 PM	#19 (permalink)
AlleyCat Chicken in a Cat Suit Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 881	I get startled all the time too. Enough to jump-start my heart, sometimes. I don't understand it because I think I'm very "visual" (compensating for what I don't hear, you all know about that) so when someone comes around the corner and I'm not expecting it, it startles me. Usually only at home, though. So I know what you're feeling! __________________ Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.

09-10-2008, 05:17 PM	#22 (permalink)
Bottesini Elf Assassin Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Sneaking up behind you Posts: 5,837 Blog Entries: 2	My only opinion is to try to be more alert. It can save your life outside your home. Also I really love the emoticons you are using that we don't have on AllDeaf. __________________ AllDeaf