So I am Not Awkward, Shy, or Weird?

Doug5 · 09-06-2008, 03:24 AM

The isolation and lonelyness, I experienced in school was the result of being hoh into a mainstream situation? It was terrible.

Im not one to bring up the past and bitch about it but, it happens all over again with every job Ive ever had.

Is there anything I can do about it? I would like to pretend and say it doesnt bother me but it does. Nothing makes you feel lonely like being around a bunch of people without a connection to them.

Doug5 · 09-06-2008, 03:37 AM

A good read on the topic of deaf hoh kids in mainstreamed enviroment.

Decrease of Deaf Potential

shel90 · 09-06-2008, 09:26 AM

What about connecting with a nearby Deaf community? A lot of my Deaf friends work with hearing people all day and they dont mind the isolation cuz after work, they are able to interact with others like them for a healthy balance of both. Would that work for you?

I used to be mainstreamed and be around hearing people only...I felt the same way as u did and I was seriously depressed, angry, self-destructive, and in denial. When I learned ASL and started getting involved with the Deaf community, the quality of my life improved. Now, I dont have those issues anymore even if I get myself in an isolating environment every now and then. I just know that I will always have my deaf friends to go to later.

KweenSasha · 09-06-2008, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doug5

The isolation and lonelyness, I experienced in school was the result of being hoh into a mainstream situation? It was terrible.

Im not one to bring up the past and bitch about it but, it happens all over again with every job Ive ever had.

Is there anything I can do about it? I would like to pretend and say it doesnt bother me but it does. Nothing makes you feel lonely like being around a bunch of people without a connection to them.

Oh Doug, I know how u feel. Keep ya head up and be the best u can be to make it.

Bottesini · 09-06-2008, 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doug5

The isolation and lonelyness, I experienced in school was the result of being hoh into a mainstream situation? It was terrible.

Im not one to bring up the past and bitch about it but, it happens all over again with every job Ive ever had.

Is there anything I can do about it? I would like to pretend and say it doesnt bother me but it does. Nothing makes you feel lonely like being around a bunch of people without a connection to them.

I feel the same. I am 51 and still feel this way.

I think the best thing is if possible just to concentrate on something else. Such as interests of your own, like more solitary hobbies.

***VamPyroX*** · 09-06-2008, 01:34 PM

It's common for a lot of deaf people who work in an environment where there are no other deafies. That's why we shouldn't dwell on it and take advantage of other chances such as deaf socials, etc.

Try... Deaf Chat Coffee, Open-Captioned Movies, Deaf Happy Hour, Deaf Awareness Day at Six Flags, Deaf Awareness Day at (whatever else there is), etc.

They may not happen as often as you want, but when you meet another deafie... it would give you a chance to find out what else there is to go to. You might meet a deaf guy at Six Flags and he'll tell you about this deaf bowling gathering that he goes to every other Monday. That's another chance for you to meet deaf people.

Not everything has to be done at work or school.

deafbajagal · 09-06-2008, 02:07 PM

Oh, Doug I totally understand what you're saying here. When I'm with mostly or all hearing people, I'm more quiet...but that's not my true personality. The truth is I simply have a harder time following what is going on, etc. When I'm with deaf people whom I know, I'm a party animal! A lot of my hearing friends describe me as quiet and shy; my deaf friends say I'm a loud mouth and very opinionated.

Hmmmm.

RedFox · 09-06-2008, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafbajagal

Oh, Doug I totally understand what you're saying here. When I'm with mostly or all hearing people, I'm more quiet...but that's not my true personality. The truth is I simply have a harder time following what is going on, etc. When I'm with deaf people whom I know, I'm a party animal! A lot of my hearing friends describe me as quiet and shy; my deaf friends say I'm a loud mouth and very opinionated.

Hmmmm.

The people who know me as someone quiet and shy at work should've seen me in preschool.

shel90 · 09-06-2008, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafbajagal

Oh, Doug I totally understand what you're saying here. When I'm with mostly or all hearing people, I'm more quiet...but that's not my true personality. The truth is I simply have a harder time following what is going on, etc. When I'm with deaf people whom I know, I'm a party animal! A lot of my hearing friends describe me as quiet and shy; my deaf friends say I'm a loud mouth and very opinionated.

Hmmmm.

Funny...I am described as quiet in both worlds...I thought my shyness was due to my deafness but even in the deaf community, it takes me a while to warm up to people and open up.

At least that gave me the final answer...I was born with this personality.

Doug5 · 09-07-2008, 01:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

What about connecting with a nearby Deaf community? A lot of my Deaf friends work with hearing people all day and they dont mind the isolation cuz after work, they are able to interact with others like them for a healthy balance of both. Would that work for you?

I used to be mainstreamed and be around hearing people only...I felt the same way as u did and I was seriously depressed, angry, self-destructive, and in denial. When I learned ASL and started getting involved with the Deaf community, the quality of my life improved. Now, I dont have those issues anymore even if I get myself in an isolating environment every now and then. I just know that I will always have my deaf friends to go to later.

That would definitly help for sure. But Im afraid the isolation at work is gonna hold me back and be detrimental to my career.

Im not sure if the deaf thing is the blame. The majority of my jobs after college were temporary contract jobs. Maybe the other employees didnt want to invest the time getting to know me since I wasnt gonna be around after 6months

Doug5 · 09-07-2008, 01:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KweenSasha

Oh Doug, I know how u feel. Keep ya head up and be the best u can be to make it.

It can be so tough sometimes. It feels like no one wants you around

Doug5 · 09-07-2008, 01:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

I feel the same. I am 51 and still feel this way.

I think the best thing is if possible just to concentrate on something else. Such as interests of your own, like more solitary hobbies.

I feel if its just going to have to be that way in a office corporate type enviroment. Then I should do something to change it.

It could be working at home or change careers completely. I am not going to subject to myself to that kind of lonelyness. I would just dread going into work. So much stress and anxiety.

Doug5 · 09-07-2008, 01:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VamPyroX

It's common for a lot of deaf people who work in an environment where there are no other deafies. That's why we shouldn't dwell on it and take advantage of other chances such as deaf socials, etc.

Try... Deaf Chat Coffee, Open-Captioned Movies, Deaf Happy Hour, Deaf Awareness Day at Six Flags, Deaf Awareness Day at (whatever else there is), etc.

They may not happen as often as you want, but when you meet another deafie... it would give you a chance to find out what else there is to go to. You might meet a deaf guy at Six Flags and he'll tell you about this deaf bowling gathering that he goes to every other Monday. That's another chance for you to meet deaf people.

Not everything has to be done at work or school.

The little things get to me. I will feel left out of the cliques. Like when the group goes out to lunch and I am not invited.

Things like that make me really sad and depressed. I dont wear my heart on my sleeve. I admit it to you guys cuz you all no what its like.

Doug5 · 09-07-2008, 01:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafbajagal

Oh, Doug I totally understand what you're saying here. When I'm with mostly or all hearing people, I'm more quiet...but that's not my true personality. The truth is I simply have a harder time following what is going on, etc. When I'm with deaf people whom I know, I'm a party animal! A lot of my hearing friends describe me as quiet and shy; my deaf friends say I'm a loud mouth and very opinionated.

Hmmmm.

yep, after the group gets bigger than 3 people I start to get lost in whats said. Most of us are guarded around people we dont know well.

Nice thing being around people that are partying, is they talk so much louder and animated too. I think the best way to learn a language is with some drinks

Doug5 · 09-07-2008, 01:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedFox

The people who know me as someone quiet and shy at work should've seen me in preschool.

yeah, I was so much more outgoing before the hoh was discovered. I dont know why but I was never the same after that. Much more quiet and shy

Doug5 · 09-07-2008, 01:47 AM

For some reason I could not tell my parents how lonely I was feeling in school. I think I was embarrassed. By 5th and 6th grade I realized I was never gonna make any friends. It made me feel so humiliated.

A new kid was like, " youve been in this school for 5 years and still dont have any friends. Whats wrong with you?"

ClearSky · 09-07-2008, 01:57 AM

Have you tried searching for a small office? I don't know if working in a smaller work environment might help, but I would be that you won't be just a number. If you dread going to work, then I'd consider changing. If you can work in a deaf school, try looking there.

Yeah, I do feel alone sometimes. Sometimes it really means looking out for things to help others to balance out your life and doing a hobby and nurturing your spirit. I want to go to a Deaf chat event, but I don't know if I'll feel comfortable going alone lol. Some people are comfortable to talk to and those are the people that accept those for who they are. Sometimes even if they do things you do not like. They have to accept you for who you are.

Like for example, it's not easy for me to make friends with others that find you odd because you don't drink to have fun or sleep around and have boyfriends all the time like them. If they don't accept others for who they are without trying to make them like you, it's not easy to be friends with them because they are looking for something you do that they also do.

Sometimes people start to smoke just to join the smokers at work. So if someone doesn't want to smoke, they will find it hard to join them during smoking breaks. If they are gossipers and you're not, then it's not going to be hard to stay long to hear things that doesn't uplift you.

RedFox · 09-07-2008, 02:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doug5

yeah, I was so much more outgoing before the hoh was discovered. I dont know why but I was never the same after that. Much more quiet and shy

They knew I was deaf for my whole life because of my older deaf brother. I wasn't as inhibited in preschool, so I'd tell the teachers crazy things.

RedFox · 09-07-2008, 02:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doug5

For some reason I could tell my parents how lonely I was feeling in school. I think I was embarrassed. By 5th and 6th grade I realized I was never gonna make any friends. It made me feel so humiliated.

A new kid was like, " youve been in this school for 5 years and still dont have any friends. Whats wrong with you?"

Be positive and find people who won't let your hoh make them ignore you.

Doug5 · 09-07-2008, 02:19 AM

Im not working currently. A smaller off is something to look into. Im still positive. Things can be better. I just need to be more proactive.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ClearSky

Have you tried searching for a small office? I don't know if working in a smaller work environment might help, but I would be that you won't be just a number. If you dread going to work, then I'd consider changing. If you can work in a deaf school, try looking there.

Yeah, I do feel alone sometimes. Sometimes it really means looking out for things to help others to balance out your life and doing a hobby and nurturing your spirit. I want to go to a Deaf chat event, but I don't know if I'll feel comfortable going alone lol. Some people are comfortable to talk to and those are the people that accept those for who they are. Sometimes even if they do things you do not like. They have to accept you for who you are.

Like for example, it's not easy for me to make friends with others that find you odd because you don't drink to have fun or sleep around and have boyfriends all the time like them. If they don't accept others for who they are without trying to make them like you, it's not easy to be friends with them because they are looking for something you do that they also do.

Sometimes people start to smoke just to join the smokers at work. So if someone doesn't want to smoke, they will find it hard to join them during smoking breaks. If they are gossipers and you're not, then it's not going to be hard to stay long to hear things that doesn't uplift you.

ClearSky · 09-07-2008, 02:29 AM

Yeah, you probably need to be more proactive if you aren't. It is hard, I know. I used to work in a store that had about 20 people, and I felt like I was someone not an employee. At bigger stores where they got many people at various shifts, it's hard to be someone. I wish you luck in finding a place that you feel you matter! Pray hard! lol

***VamPyroX*** · 09-12-2008, 12:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doug5

The little things get to me. I will feel left out of the cliques. Like when the group goes out to lunch and I am not invited.

Things like that make me really sad and depressed. I dont wear my heart on my sleeve. I admit it to you guys cuz you all no what its like.

Don't let it bother you. I've been left out sometimes.

That's why the word "friend" has more than one level.

I have a few friends that I consider very close friends. They respect me. They involve me. They update me. We trust each other.

I have many friends, but those are what I would call "just friends". If there was a party and they were there, I would talk to them. If there was a Deaf Awareness Day at Six Flags and they were there, I would join them in a group... but I wouldn't expect to follow them around all day. I would likely split up with just my close friends.

Having one close friend is a lot better than having a bunch of "just friends".

09-06-2008, 03:24 AM	#1 (permalink)
Doug5 Registered User Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 227	So I am Not Awkward, Shy, or Weird? The isolation and lonelyness, I experienced in school was the result of being hoh into a mainstream situation? It was terrible. Im not one to bring up the past and bitch about it but, it happens all over again with every job Ive ever had. Is there anything I can do about it? I would like to pretend and say it doesnt bother me but it does. Nothing makes you feel lonely like being around a bunch of people without a connection to them.

09-06-2008, 09:26 AM	#3 (permalink)
shel90 Sun Whorshipper Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: A Desert Rat that has found herself in Maryland Posts: 16,119 Blog Entries: 1	What about connecting with a nearby Deaf community? A lot of my Deaf friends work with hearing people all day and they dont mind the isolation cuz after work, they are able to interact with others like them for a healthy balance of both. Would that work for you? I used to be mainstreamed and be around hearing people only...I felt the same way as u did and I was seriously depressed, angry, self-destructive, and in denial. When I learned ASL and started getting involved with the Deaf community, the quality of my life improved. Now, I dont have those issues anymore even if I get myself in an isolating environment every now and then. I just know that I will always have my deaf friends to go to later. __________________ ~Shel~ "A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

09-06-2008, 01:34 PM	#6 (permalink)
*VamPyroX* bloody phreak from hell Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Hell Posts: 27,844	It's common for a lot of deaf people who work in an environment where there are no other deafies. That's why we shouldn't dwell on it and take advantage of other chances such as deaf socials, etc. Try... Deaf Chat Coffee, Open-Captioned Movies, Deaf Happy Hour, Deaf Awareness Day at Six Flags, Deaf Awareness Day at (whatever else there is), etc. They may not happen as often as you want, but when you meet another deafie... it would give you a chance to find out what else there is to go to. You might meet a deaf guy at Six Flags and he'll tell you about this deaf bowling gathering that he goes to every other Monday. That's another chance for you to meet deaf people. Not everything has to be done at work or school. __________________ Check out my city... CLICK HERE! (If you already visited yesterday, visit again today!)

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09-06-2008, 03:37 AM	#2 (permalink)
Doug5 Registered User Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 227	A good read on the topic of deaf hoh kids in mainstreamed enviroment. Decrease of Deaf Potential

09-06-2008, 02:07 PM	#7 (permalink)
deafbajagal Jasmine's Tiger "Lilly" Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: USA Posts: 2,107	Oh, Doug I totally understand what you're saying here. When I'm with mostly or all hearing people, I'm more quiet...but that's not my true personality. The truth is I simply have a harder time following what is going on, etc. When I'm with deaf people whom I know, I'm a party animal! A lot of my hearing friends describe me as quiet and shy; my deaf friends say I'm a loud mouth and very opinionated. Hmmmm.

09-07-2008, 01:47 AM	#16 (permalink)
Doug5 Registered User Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 227	For some reason I could not tell my parents how lonely I was feeling in school. I think I was embarrassed. By 5th and 6th grade I realized I was never gonna make any friends. It made me feel so humiliated. A new kid was like, " youve been in this school for 5 years and still dont have any friends. Whats wrong with you?"

09-07-2008, 01:57 AM	#17 (permalink)
ClearSky Registered User Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,084	Have you tried searching for a small office? I don't know if working in a smaller work environment might help, but I would be that you won't be just a number. If you dread going to work, then I'd consider changing. If you can work in a deaf school, try looking there. Yeah, I do feel alone sometimes. Sometimes it really means looking out for things to help others to balance out your life and doing a hobby and nurturing your spirit. I want to go to a Deaf chat event, but I don't know if I'll feel comfortable going alone lol. Some people are comfortable to talk to and those are the people that accept those for who they are. Sometimes even if they do things you do not like. They have to accept you for who you are. Like for example, it's not easy for me to make friends with others that find you odd because you don't drink to have fun or sleep around and have boyfriends all the time like them. If they don't accept others for who they are without trying to make them like you, it's not easy to be friends with them because they are looking for something you do that they also do. Sometimes people start to smoke just to join the smokers at work. So if someone doesn't want to smoke, they will find it hard to join them during smoking breaks. If they are gossipers and you're not, then it's not going to be hard to stay long to hear things that doesn't uplift you.

09-07-2008, 02:29 AM	#21 (permalink)
ClearSky Registered User Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,084	Yeah, you probably need to be more proactive if you aren't. It is hard, I know. I used to work in a store that had about 20 people, and I felt like I was someone not an employee. At bigger stores where they got many people at various shifts, it's hard to be someone. I wish you luck in finding a place that you feel you matter! Pray hard! lol