Originally Posted by Bebonang

No, You don't need to feel sorry for the long post. I am glad that you have faced your mother to make a stand on how you feel about being in the hearing mainstream school. I wish I have your stamina and the gut to let my parents especially my mother to go into a Deaf school so that I could be better at what is going on in school and to approve my grades, even if the courses are easy. Yes, we should have a right to feel belong to the Deaf school or Deaf community so that we don't feel lonely and not be left out where the hearing people have no ideas what we have been struggling for their needs. Being in the mainstream school is noooo picnic. I really like what you are saying.

Originally Posted by jillio

Okay, here goes. Reflections on a hearing person's journey into Deaf Culture.

I began my journey nearly 22 years ago. Intially, it could be compared to Alice Through the Looking Glass. One day, I walked into The League for the Deaf and HOH, where there was a large gathering of deaf people hanging out, and my whole world was reversed.

My entry into this community was not eased by having a deaf friend to guide me or introduce me to others. I did not have benefit of having a few ASL classes under my belt. I knew absolutely nothing of the language or the people. All I knew was, I had a deaf son, and these people were the only ones that could explain to me what that meant. I walked in, completely exposed and vunerable, unsure of how I would make myself understood, walked up to a couple of deaf chatting on the other side of the room, and said, "Excuse me. I need help." Luckily, both had some oral skills, and they asked me what they could do for me. I explained that I had a young son that, at that moment, was at the preschool behind the league. I explained that I had no experience with deafness, and what I was being told by the professionals regarding his needs simply did not make sense to me. I told them that I wanted to know what it was to be a deaf child, and that they were the only people who could tell me about that, and that I was asking them to help me understand my child and what his world was like.

I remember being anxious and somewhat frightened because I had no idea what to expect, or how my request would be received. I only knew in my heart that this was someting I had to do for my child. It was what I had to do so that I would be able to be the mother my child needed me to be.

My fear did not last long. I was greeted with wide smiles, and a hug from one of the women I had approached. They took me to a table and we sat down to talk. Two hours later, I retrieved my son from preschool, and we returned. They invited me to come back as often as I wanted, and began, that very day, teaching myself and my son the language. I still remember the look on my son's face when he walked into the room, and everyone was signing. His exposure to sign prior to that had been the few signs I had taught myself from a dictionary, and then in turn, taught him. To see the amazement on his face when he realized that there was a place where everyone talked about all kinds of things in a language that was natural for him told me that I had made the right decision.

For a long time afterward, I felt like a child when I went to the league, and the deaf community there were my very patient teachers. I was full of questions. They taught me not just a new language, but about the hearts and the minds of the deaf, and explained to me the experiences that had shaped those hearts and minds. They taught me to see things from a new persepctive.

I have never experienced the rejection from the deaf community that so many hearing parents say they have experienced. I was welcomed with open arms, and was shown patience and understanding for my own lack of understanding. I was the one in the minority in their world. Perhaps it is because I sought to enter their world that I was received so well. I was not asking them to come into my world, but asking that I be allowed into their world. I didn't arrive with answers, I arrived with questions. I didn't seek to justify my own perspective, but to understand from their persepctive. Rather than telling them that they needed my help to get by in this world, as a hearing person, I admitted that I needed their help to get by in a world that I was just discovering through my child.

I have made mistakes on my journey. I have not always been able to place my hearing status aside and not allow it to bias me. But I have been blessed with some patient and understanding deaf friends who have corrected me when I was wrong. In the end, we have ended up meeting each other half way.

After 22 years, I no longer feel like Alice walking through the looking glass. I am quite comfortable within the deaf community. I am still, by all rights, a visitor there, as I am still hearing. I am not deaf, and I will not pretend to know what it is to be deaf. I have only learned to let go of what I know to be true in order to better understand the truth of another. That has been a valuable lesson that carries over into all aspects of my life, and it is a lesson taught me by the deaf community. While I am not deaf, deafness is, in a very real way, a part of my daily existence through my contact with, and friendships with others. And it is a part of my life that I treasure, because it enriches my life in a way that is difficult to describe. I have been blessed with the opportunity to widen my world, to experience things from a perspective that allows me to see more than just what is on the surface. And the deaf community is responsible for helping me to learn that.

Originally Posted by Chase

Excellent project, Jake.

Originally Posted by Chase

Jillio, your journey touched me in several ways. It’s beautiful and poetic, and if you don’t turn it into a book like Jake is undertaking, it’s a lamentable loss for both worlds.

Originally Posted by Miss-Delectable

Well, JClarke, I can't really answer your questions but this is what I want to say.

I know, for definitely, I wouldn't have fare well in mainstream setting with little or no accommodations. I went to deaf schools all my life, save for a couple of years attending hearing school next door with terps from my school. But I never felt I fitted in either schools, eh.

I wasn't a follower and I chose to do what I felt was right for myself, not just because it's a cool thing to do. Deaf students, particularly the older kids didn't treat me well. I can only guess they were intimidated by my sterling intelligence, lol.

However, when I became school captain and no one dared teased me.

I find treatment, from my experience, from both hearing and deaf pretty much the same.

Like many, I gravitate toward the deaf world than the hearing.....

Originally Posted by Jolie_77

These stories in this thread has been really amazing in overall and it has made me think of my own experience to a degree.

I, too, like some of you have encountered the lonesomeness of mongering with hearing people in high school. You see, I went to a deaf school all through the elementary, middle and high school years except for those 2 months.

I was so accustomed to be around deaf people because that's the only thing I ever knew. I was able to communicate, laugh, cry or be part of the group. I was part of something. During my junior year of high school, my mother thought it'd be in the best of my interest to stay at home and enroll in a hearing school.

I remember arriving at the hearing school on the first day and met up with my interpreter. I was not sure what to do. I was in for an unknown journey. I made some few friends, I was invited to participate in the cheerleading squad. I also was invited to join in the FBLA (Future Business Leaders of America) organization. It was going good in the beginning. It was not until I realized about a week later that I was becoming miserable. I was not even laughing when other people were laughing. I started to miss being part of the group conversation. I missed my friends at the deaf school. I started to feel so out of the place not knowing what's going on around me. I was feeling frustrated. My grades were failing. I became distant from others and started to participate less and less in the group discussions and other organizations, so and on. It went on and on for the next 2 months and finally, one day I decided to confront my mom.

We had a BIG argument about it. I wanted to go back to the deaf school and stay there until I graduate. She wanted me to stay at the hearing school. I explained to her how it was like at the hearing school. She at first didn't really understand what I was trying to tell her. I said "Mom, do you ever see me having any friends coming over here to visit me or stay over night? Do you ever see me going out of the house to visit my hearing friends? Have you noticed that it's all my deaf friends coming here to visit?" so and on, that kind of talk. She realized that I was miserable and let me re-enroll at the deaf school.

When I returned to the deaf school, I felt much relieved and knew it was a place where I belonged to. It was like a home away from home. In a sense you could say that it was an experience for me to have. I felt like having an "awful" feeling being in that place facing the unknown and not being aware of what's going on around me, feeling out of place and all that. So, It has taught me not to take the deaf community for granted. From that day forward, I have found where I really belong to. I found my voice and identity. I guess you could say that I already had my deaf identity all along but it was not until after I went to the hearing school in order to open my eyes to see what it is really like out there to realize it.

Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to share this with you guys.

Originally Posted by jillio

Thank you, Chase. I have often considered compiling a book of my experiences....just never had the confidence to sit down and get started, I suppose.

Originally Posted by Doug5

I would read it

Originally Posted by Miss-Delectable

Jolie77,
You're right about learning more out of classroom at times.

Here's my example: SEE was used in classrooms, but we learned Auslan on the playground due to several kids from culturally deaf families.

I can remember us signing in Auslan during class times and leaving the teacher like this: *grin*

Originally Posted by shel90

i will post mine but my son keeps jumping on me and screwing up the keyboard so if I type long , he will screw it up. When my hubby is home tmw and I am doing nothing, i will type mine. Need a clear mind for this.

Originally Posted by deafbajagal

While I was mainstreamed in the public school it was overall a bad experience. The irony of it was that I was pretty popular with the kids and staff there - I worked and participated in many of the clubs, was on the honor roll and took GT (now I think it is called AP) courses, etc. I won lots of awards and scholarships, including a full scholarship to Harvard. On the surface I was the model student, deaf or hearing, and everyone seemed to receive me well - academically and socially. I was not permitted to use sign language, although my circle of friends made up signs to communicate with me when nobody was watching. Also, I used signing to participate in choir. Other than that I was strictly oral, in an all-oral environment. Even the TV wasn't captioned because they wanted me to use my oral skills and not depend on the captioning (pffft). But inside I was so hurt, frustrated, and very angry. I hated myself. I hated the world that I was thrushed into. I had to work so many hours just to keep up with the pace in the classroom. I worked so hard to be just like the hearing kids in my class. And I was failing even though people kept telling me how wonderful my speech and my grades were. To me those comments were like telling a girl she throws pretty good for a girl.

One day I was presenting a paper at this place to compete for a scholarship. All of the students were deaf, from across the state. I took the time to try to sign the paper for the benefit of the other students who were deaf, but it had been years since I used ASL so I was rusty. But something happened. After the presentations and when we all were seated to eat dinner before the annoucements, etc. I realized something. I actually understood what they were saying. And I wasn't trying so hard.

I am deaf. Like them. And I understood. I belonged, even for a moment. And when I laughed at a joke, it was real - not the fake laugh to pretend I knew what was being said.

I went back to my public school that week but everything was different. I realized that for the entire day I didn't understand one single person. Not one. I stopped fake laughing. I stopped trying so hard to read lips and to catch everything. The next week I was with a select group to fly to Washington, D.C. for one week to learn about the White House and all that. The organization roomed me with deaf students. And I got to use an interpreter for the workshops. I was astounded at how much I was finally able to understand and to finally fully participate in something. That Monday when we all came back to school, I didn't go to my first class. Instead, I emptied my locker. I took my books and walked into the counselor's office. "I quit." I told her flatly. She looked at me, shocked. She tried to reassure me, but I was adamant about my decision. I offiically dropped out of high school, with a GPA of 4.0. I quit not only school. I quit pretending to be hearing or to act like a hearing person.

My parents, teachers, and the poor shocked counselor decided it was a phase that I was going through, so they would give me a few days to get myself together. A few days became a week...then 2 weeks...and then a month. I was serious. Finally several of my teachers came to my house to meet with me, along with the counselor. They all were in tears, wanting to know what was wrong with me. So I explained to them about my perspective of a deaf student in all hearing school. I told them if they wanted me to get a dipolma, it must read *the name of the deaf school in my home state*. So finally I was admitted to the deaf school (which at first they didn't let me in because my grades were too good - I had to fight my way in) and those last two years were the best years of my life. I finally belonged. I was finally deaf. And it was okay. Ironically in spite of all the years of using my voice to speak, it was at the deaf school when I finally found my true voice.

(Sorry, this was a bit longer than I meant for it to be).

Originally Posted by jillio

Okay, here goes. Reflections on a hearing person's journey into Deaf Culture.

I began my journey nearly 22 years ago. Intially, it could be compared to Alice Through the Looking Glass. One day, I walked into The League for the Deaf and HOH, where there was a large gathering of deaf people hanging out, and my whole world was reversed.

My entry into this community was not eased by having a deaf friend to guide me or introduce me to others. I did not have benefit of having a few ASL classes under my belt. I knew absolutely nothing of the language or the people. All I knew was, I had a deaf son, and these people were the only ones that could explain to me what that meant. I walked in, completely exposed and vunerable, unsure of how I would make myself understood, walked up to a couple of deaf chatting on the other side of the room, and said, "Excuse me. I need help." Luckily, both had some oral skills, and they asked me what they could do for me. I explained that I had a young son that, at that moment, was at the preschool behind the league. I explained that I had no experience with deafness, and what I was being told by the professionals regarding his needs simply did not make sense to me. I told them that I wanted to know what it was to be a deaf child, and that they were the only people who could tell me about that, and that I was asking them to help me understand my child and what his world was like.

I remember being anxious and somewhat frightened because I had no idea what to expect, or how my request would be received. I only knew in my heart that this was someting I had to do for my child. It was what I had to do so that I would be able to be the mother my child needed me to be.

My fear did not last long. I was greeted with wide smiles, and a hug from one of the women I had approached. They took me to a table and we sat down to talk. Two hours later, I retrieved my son from preschool, and we returned. They invited me to come back as often as I wanted, and began, that very day, teaching myself and my son the language. I still remember the look on my son's face when he walked into the room, and everyone was signing. His exposure to sign prior to that had been the few signs I had taught myself from a dictionary, and then in turn, taught him. To see the amazement on his face when he realized that there was a place where everyone talked about all kinds of things in a language that was natural for him told me that I had made the right decision.

For a long time afterward, I felt like a child when I went to the league, and the deaf community there were my very patient teachers. I was full of questions. They taught me not just a new language, but about the hearts and the minds of the deaf, and explained to me the experiences that had shaped those hearts and minds. They taught me to see things from a new persepctive.

I have never experienced the rejection from the deaf community that so many hearing parents say they have experienced. I was welcomed with open arms, and was shown patience and understanding for my own lack of understanding. I was the one in the minority in their world. Perhaps it is because I sought to enter their world that I was received so well. I was not asking them to come into my world, but asking that I be allowed into their world. I didn't arrive with answers, I arrived with questions. I didn't seek to justify my own perspective, but to understand from their persepctive. Rather than telling them that they needed my help to get by in this world, as a hearing person, I admitted that I needed their help to get by in a world that I was just discovering through my child.

I have made mistakes on my journey. I have not always been able to place my hearing status aside and not allow it to bias me. But I have been blessed with some patient and understanding deaf friends who have corrected me when I was wrong. In the end, we have ended up meeting each other half way.

After 22 years, I no longer feel like Alice walking through the looking glass. I am quite comfortable within the deaf community. I am still, by all rights, a visitor there, as I am still hearing. I am not deaf, and I will not pretend to know what it is to be deaf. I have only learned to let go of what I know to be true in order to better understand the truth of another. That has been a valuable lesson that carries over into all aspects of my life, and it is a lesson taught me by the deaf community. While I am not deaf, deafness is, in a very real way, a part of my daily existence through my contact with, and friendships with others. And it is a part of my life that I treasure, because it enriches my life in a way that is difficult to describe. I have been blessed with the opportunity to widen my world, to experience things from a perspective that allows me to see more than just what is on the surface. And the deaf community is responsible for helping me to learn that.

Originally Posted by deafbajagal

JClarke, I hope it is okay for me to add this comment. After reading several of the posts I was surprised how some of them mentioned that the hearing students treated them better than most of the deaf students. It really hurts my heart to hear that. For those of you who experienced this - I'm so sorry. I can understand rejection from the hearing students to a point...but rejection from the deaf students is just appalling to me. Deaf is deaf no matter what. Who cares that we all have our various hearing loss , views, and our different ways to communicate...that's what makes it so interesting. If we all used ASL, how boring would that be! Hugs, my d/Deaf friends.

Originally Posted by deafbajagal

JClarke, I hope it is okay for me to add this comment. After reading several of the posts I was surprised how some of them mentioned that the hearing students treated them better than most of the deaf students. It really hurts my heart to hear that. For those of you who experienced this - I'm so sorry. I can understand rejection from the hearing students to a point...but rejection from the deaf students is just appalling to me. Deaf is deaf no matter what. Who cares that we all have our various hearing loss , views, and our different ways to communicate...that's what makes it so interesting. If we all used ASL, how boring would that be! Hugs, my d/Deaf friends.

Originally Posted by Miss-Delectable

Too bad you turned your nose up at VCD! I went there.