Returning Adopted Deaf Children... - Page 3

Byrdie714 · 02-07-2008, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jillio

Stories about the story don't fall under confidentiality. However, details from the actual story do.

Stories about the story is considered second-hand information thus may not be accurate....

jillio · 02-07-2008, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Byrdie714

Stories about the story is considered second-hand information thus may not be accurate....

You are correct in that. But accuracy was not the question. Confidentiality was.

Begs to ask: how can it be 'confidential' if it was posted on-line?
from your post # 53.

The answer is that stories about the story do no fall under confidentiality guidelines. However, details from the exact incident do.

Byrdie714 · 02-07-2008, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jillio

You are correct in that. But accuracy was not the question. Confidentiality was.

Begs to ask: how can it be 'confidential' if it was posted on-line?
from your post # 53.

The answer is that stories about the story do no fall under confidentiality guidelines. However, details from the exact incident do.

Yeah I can see that too....

Would have been nice if the people that are posting would have at least included the link...

LuciaDisturbed · 02-19-2008, 11:56 PM

If this is true, this is terrible and very wrong. Returning the child to the adoption agency just because she doesn't qualify for a CI...very wrong! I guess the parents didn't realize that there are tons of information at their fingertips on the internet about how to deal with the child's deafness. Also, it is going to make the child feel like she was unwanted because she is Deaf and as a result she will have a lot of psychological damage and will need therapy for a long time. Also, there is a good chance the child will be put in foster care. Foster care can be very terrible and she will suffer big time. This is very wrong.

My heart goes out to the child.

jasin · 02-20-2008, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Banjo

• DeafMom3: A couple returned Deaf child back to the Adoption Agency
• Mishka Zena » Blog Archive » Hall of Shame
• Worst Parents Of The Century Award « The Deaf Edge
• Berke Outspoken: Returning Adopted Children? Happens More Often Than You Might Think.

I'm speechless!

I was not aware you could return a child, deaf or not. Absolutely Disgraceful!!!

jasin · 02-20-2008, 03:54 PM

I always felt myself that the implants should be done only in extreme cases or situations.

deafbajagal · 02-20-2008, 10:18 PM

This situation is so sad. If parents really felt this way - it might be better for them to return the child. So many times they don't - and the child is inflicted with years of abuse - experiencing feelings of worthlessness and other not-so-good feelings. The parents will never change their minds.

However, they should never be allowed to adopt again. Children are not like merchandises from Wal-Mart.

Raykat · 02-27-2008, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafbajagal

This situation is so sad. If parents really felt this way - it might be better for them to return the child. So many times they don't - and the child is inflicted with years of abuse - experiencing feelings of worthlessness and other not-so-good feelings. The parents will never change their minds.

However, they should never be allowed to adopt again. Children are not like merchandises from Wal-Mart.

This exact thing could very easily have happened to me, I was adopted at 6 weeks old and my adpopted parents were not told that deafness was hereditery in my birth family.I was not diagnosed as deaf until 5 yrs old but lucky for me I had wonderful parents and my mother spent many hours teaching me to speak. I can never thank her enough, she passed away last November aged 88.

deafbajagal · 02-27-2008, 10:45 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your mother. It sounds like she was a wonderful mother and mentor to you.

Raykat · 02-27-2008, 11:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafbajagal

I'm sorry to hear about your mother. It sounds like she was a wonderful mother and mentor to you.

Thank you

Holly · 03-02-2008, 10:23 AM

That story just makes me sick! Anytime you adopt a child, no matter what the situation is, you have to be willing to take that child for what they are, CI qualified or not!
Thats almost like adopting a child who later develops cancer and then returning him/her, saying, "well, we weren't expecting to have to deal with this..." thats horrible!

It makes me wanna just become a foster parent to deaf children and beg to have the one involved in this story until she can go to a better family!

faire_jour · 04-26-2008, 12:50 PM

I am the hearing mother of a Deaf child. The other child, "E" went to school with my daughter. They were friends, E came to my daughter's birthday party. E's family was very slowly learning ASL, though the father never seemed interested. Then one day E was no longer at school. I contacted E's mother and she told me that E had been returned to the adoption agency. E's mother told me that there were many reasons they had "returned" her, but (and she said she only confessed this to me because she knew I would understand because I was hearing....I didn't understand) one of the reasons was because they had always assumed that E would be a CI canidate and the E would learn to speak and understand spoken language.
I was horrified. I reached out to other parents of Deaf children for support on what to say to this mother. Some how the story went from private to public.
For the record, my daughter still attends the only ASL school in the area so if she was adopted locally it was to a family that intends to have her learn to speak and listen. But I hope that she was just adopted outside my state.
My biggest problem with the whole situation is that the child didn't understand. She was 6 years old but she only had the language of a 18 month old. I think about them putting E into the car, taking her to a strange place, and just leaving her there. It is horrible. She would have no explanation, and no one there to comfort her, no one who even understood her language. I am still nausated every time I think about it.

shel90 · 04-26-2008, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by faire_jour

I am the hearing mother of a Deaf child. The other child, "E" went to school with my daughter. They were friends, E came to my daughter's birthday party. E's family was very slowly learning ASL, though the father never seemed interested. Then one day E was no longer at school. I contacted E's mother and she told me that E had been returned to the adoption agency. E's mother told me that there were many reasons they had "returned" her, but (and she said she only confessed this to me because she knew I would understand because I was hearing....I didn't understand) one of the reasons was because they had always assumed that E would be a CI canidate and the E would learn to speak and understand spoken language.
I was horrified. I reached out to other parents of Deaf children for support on what to say to this mother. Some how the story went from private to public.
For the record, my daughter still attends the only ASL school in the area so if she was adopted locally it was to a family that intends to have her learn to speak and listen. But I hope that she was just adopted outside my state.
My biggest problem with the whole situation is that the child didn't understand. She was 6 years old but she only had the language of a 18 month old. I think about them putting E into the car, taking her to a strange place, and just leaving her there. It is horrible. She would have no explanation, and no one there to comfort her, no one who even understood her language. I am still nausated every time I think about it.

That is so heartbreaking!! Thanks for clarifying things up.

E is not the only deaf child with a family who wants to "fix" the deafness. I hope someone will adopt her. I wish I had the money cuz I would adopt her and give her the language and love she deserves.

jillio · 04-26-2008, 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by faire_jour

I am the hearing mother of a Deaf child. The other child, "E" went to school with my daughter. They were friends, E came to my daughter's birthday party. E's family was very slowly learning ASL, though the father never seemed interested. Then one day E was no longer at school. I contacted E's mother and she told me that E had been returned to the adoption agency. E's mother told me that there were many reasons they had "returned" her, but (and she said she only confessed this to me because she knew I would understand because I was hearing....I didn't understand) one of the reasons was because they had always assumed that E would be a CI canidate and the E would learn to speak and understand spoken language.
I was horrified. I reached out to other parents of Deaf children for support on what to say to this mother. Some how the story went from private to public.
For the record, my daughter still attends the only ASL school in the area so if she was adopted locally it was to a family that intends to have her learn to speak and listen. But I hope that she was just adopted outside my state.
My biggest problem with the whole situation is that the child didn't understand. She was 6 years old but she only had the language of a 18 month old. I think about them putting E into the car, taking her to a strange place, and just leaving her there. It is horrible. She would have no explanation, and no one there to comfort her, no one who even understood her language. I am still nausated every time I think about it.

Thank you for giving us a personal perspective on this story. I am horrified over what these people put this child through. I hope that they are never permitted to take another child into their home.

InnocentOdion · 04-26-2008, 04:01 PM

That's so terrible

Poor child..

Reba · 04-26-2008, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Banjo

I have been told on several occasions that it is not uncommon for parents to return children after adopting them within a couple years. I even have heard of some where they gave the child up after 5 to 10 years of being in the family.

It happens more than people would even possibly imagine.

Yes, it's sad but true.

I personally know a family that did that with a deaf American elementary-age child, after the adoption was finalized. The family later adopted other "perfect" American infants.

I strongly support adoption but I believe prospective parents need to really search their hearts for their motives before they take the plunge.

shel90 · 04-26-2008, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reba

Yes, it's sad but true.

I personally know a family that did that with a deaf American elementary-age child, after the adoption was finalized. The family later adopted other "perfect" American infants.

I strongly support adoption but I believe prospective parents need to really search their hearts for their motives before they take the plunge.

Geez! That's terrible!!!

jillio · 04-26-2008, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

Geez! That's terrible!!!

I agree! How in the world could an adoption agency release more chidlren to a couple that has behaved so irresponsibly and harmfully toward a child they had already adopted?

faire_jour · 04-26-2008, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jillio

I agree! How in the world could an adoption agency release more chidlren to a couple that has behaved so irresponsibly and harmfully toward a child they had already adopted?

$$$$

Reba · 04-26-2008, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jillio

I agree! How in the world could an adoption agency release more chidlren to a couple that has behaved so irresponsibly and harmfully toward a child they had already adopted?

I believe they used a private agency; maybe that makes a difference?

It's beyond my comprehension.

Reba · 04-26-2008, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by faire_jour

$$$$

That's part of it, yes.

Banjo · 04-26-2008, 04:47 PM

So, it's not far-fetched to believe a story like this then!

jillio · 04-26-2008, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reba

I believe they used a private agency; maybe that makes a difference?

It's beyond my comprehension.

Perhaps private agencies function under different guidelines than state agencies. But you would think, public or private, they would do a better job of screening potential parents! I agree.....I simply can't comprehend!

jillio · 04-26-2008, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Banjo

So, it's not far-fetched to believe a story like this then!

Unfortuantely, not far fetched at all. Sad that it is believable. What does it say of our priorities where children are concerned?

Matilda · 04-26-2008, 05:31 PM

... The appallingly inhumane act truly floored me!

Nea kophe · 04-27-2008, 11:40 AM

Hi everyone!
Fortunately, there are exceptions. I've got a friend who is deaf and some time ago she confessed me she was adopted. According to her, her mother was a deaf woman who couldn't take care of her and her adoptive parents knew her disabilty and, even so, they decided to adopt her. They also adopted her younger sister, who has no disability at all. I admit her parents aren't my cup of tea, I mean, they're nice people but I think they've made many mistakes in her education (for example, she communicates with them with oral language and she didn't learn sign language until 16 years old and that because a friend and me taught her); despite this, they really love her and didn't spare expense to improve her situation (included a cochlear implant. The benefits of this are, at least, arguable, but they meant well). If only they weren't so misinformated about deafness...
This is the opposite case: parents who purposedly adopt a child knowing she's deaf. There are still good people in the world...
I hope I explained myself. I'm not a native speaker, so sorry for my English.

02-19-2008, 11:56 PM	#64 (permalink)
LuciaDisturbed Amateur Psychiatrist Join Date: May 2006 Location: San Antonio, Texas Posts: 4,686	If this is true, this is terrible and very wrong. Returning the child to the adoption agency just because she doesn't qualify for a CI...very wrong! I guess the parents didn't realize that there are tons of information at their fingertips on the internet about how to deal with the child's deafness. Also, it is going to make the child feel like she was unwanted because she is Deaf and as a result she will have a lot of psychological damage and will need therapy for a long time. Also, there is a good chance the child will be put in foster care. Foster care can be very terrible and she will suffer big time. This is very wrong. My heart goes out to the child. __________________ We will assimilate you. Resistance is futile. We will add your distinctiveness to our Collective. Implanted left ear 10/11/06, activated 10/16/06 - Nucleus Freedom DeviantArt

04-26-2008, 12:50 PM	#72 (permalink)
faire_jour Registered User Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 103	I am the source for the story I am the hearing mother of a Deaf child. The other child, "E" went to school with my daughter. They were friends, E came to my daughter's birthday party. E's family was very slowly learning ASL, though the father never seemed interested. Then one day E was no longer at school. I contacted E's mother and she told me that E had been returned to the adoption agency. E's mother told me that there were many reasons they had "returned" her, but (and she said she only confessed this to me because she knew I would understand because I was hearing....I didn't understand) one of the reasons was because they had always assumed that E would be a CI canidate and the E would learn to speak and understand spoken language. I was horrified. I reached out to other parents of Deaf children for support on what to say to this mother. Some how the story went from private to public. For the record, my daughter still attends the only ASL school in the area so if she was adopted locally it was to a family that intends to have her learn to speak and listen. But I hope that she was just adopted outside my state. My biggest problem with the whole situation is that the child didn't understand. She was 6 years old but she only had the language of a 18 month old. I think about them putting E into the car, taking her to a strange place, and just leaving her there. It is horrible. She would have no explanation, and no one there to comfort her, no one who even understood her language. I am still nausated every time I think about it.

Today
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02-20-2008, 03:54 PM	#66 (permalink)
jasin Registered User Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Puyallup, Washington Posts: 511	I always felt myself that the implants should be done only in extreme cases or situations.

02-20-2008, 10:18 PM	#67 (permalink)
deafbajagal Jasmine's Tiger "Lilly" Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: USA Posts: 1,428	This situation is so sad. If parents really felt this way - it might be better for them to return the child. So many times they don't - and the child is inflicted with years of abuse - experiencing feelings of worthlessness and other not-so-good feelings. The parents will never change their minds. However, they should never be allowed to adopt again. Children are not like merchandises from Wal-Mart.

02-27-2008, 10:45 PM	#69 (permalink)
deafbajagal Jasmine's Tiger "Lilly" Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: USA Posts: 1,428	I'm sorry to hear about your mother. It sounds like she was a wonderful mother and mentor to you.

03-02-2008, 10:23 AM	#71 (permalink)
Holly Registered User Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 116	That story just makes me sick! Anytime you adopt a child, no matter what the situation is, you have to be willing to take that child for what they are, CI qualified or not! Thats almost like adopting a child who later develops cancer and then returning him/her, saying, "well, we weren't expecting to have to deal with this..." thats horrible! It makes me wanna just become a foster parent to deaf children and beg to have the one involved in this story until she can go to a better family!

04-26-2008, 04:01 PM	#75 (permalink)
InnocentOdion HOH and learnin' sign! Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: England, United Kingdom Posts: 160	That's so terrible Poor child..

04-26-2008, 04:47 PM	#82 (permalink)
Banjo Mr. Movie Guy Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 4,817 Blog Entries: 1	So, it's not far-fetched to believe a story like this then!

04-26-2008, 05:31 PM	#85 (permalink)
Matilda "True Blue Aussie" Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 1,508	... The appallingly inhumane act truly floored me!