Byrdie714

Stories about the story is considered second-hand information thus may not be accurate....

Deafness

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jillio

You are correct in that. But accuracy was not the question. Confidentiality was.

Begs to ask: how can it be 'confidential' if it was posted on-line?
from your post # 53.

The answer is that stories about the story do no fall under confidentiality guidelines. However, details from the exact incident do.

Byrdie714

Yeah I can see that too....

Would have been nice if the people that are posting would have at least included the link...

LuciaDisturbed

If this is true, this is terrible and very wrong. Returning the child to the adoption agency just because she doesn't qualify for a CI...very wrong! I guess the parents didn't realize that there are tons of information at their fingertips on the internet about how to deal with the child's deafness. Also, it is going to make the child feel like she was unwanted because she is Deaf and as a result she will have a lot of psychological damage and will need therapy for a long time. Also, there is a good chance the child will be put in foster care. Foster care can be very terrible and she will suffer big time. This is very wrong.

My heart goes out to the child.

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"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." - Philosopher George Santayana.


Implanted left ear 10/11/06, activated 10/16/06 - Nucleus Freedom

My own CI experience, my views on CI and ASL and Deaf Culture and Society

DeviantArt

jasin

I was not aware you could return a child, deaf or not. Absolutely Disgraceful!!!

jasin

I always felt myself that the implants should be done only in extreme cases or situations.

deafbajagal

This situation is so sad. If parents really felt this way - it might be better for them to return the child. So many times they don't - and the child is inflicted with years of abuse - experiencing feelings of worthlessness and other not-so-good feelings. The parents will never change their minds.

However, they should never be allowed to adopt again. Children are not like merchandises from Wal-Mart.

Raykat

This exact thing could very easily have happened to me, I was adopted at 6 weeks old and my adpopted parents were not told that deafness was hereditery in my birth family.I was not diagnosed as deaf until 5 yrs old but lucky for me I had wonderful parents and my mother spent many hours teaching me to speak. I can never thank her enough, she passed away last November aged 88.

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deafbajagal

I'm sorry to hear about your mother. It sounds like she was a wonderful mother and mentor to you.

Raykat

Thank you

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I'd rather be deaf than brain dead

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Holly

That story just makes me sick! Anytime you adopt a child, no matter what the situation is, you have to be willing to take that child for what they are, CI qualified or not!
Thats almost like adopting a child who later develops cancer and then returning him/her, saying, "well, we weren't expecting to have to deal with this..." thats horrible!

It makes me wanna just become a foster parent to deaf children and beg to have the one involved in this story until she can go to a better family!

faire_jour

I am the hearing mother of a Deaf child. The other child, "E" went to school with my daughter. They were friends, E came to my daughter's birthday party. E's family was very slowly learning ASL, though the father never seemed interested. Then one day E was no longer at school. I contacted E's mother and she told me that E had been returned to the adoption agency. E's mother told me that there were many reasons they had "returned" her, but (and she said she only confessed this to me because she knew I would understand because I was hearing....I didn't understand) one of the reasons was because they had always assumed that E would be a CI canidate and the E would learn to speak and understand spoken language.
I was horrified. I reached out to other parents of Deaf children for support on what to say to this mother. Some how the story went from private to public.
For the record, my daughter still attends the only ASL school in the area so if she was adopted locally it was to a family that intends to have her learn to speak and listen. But I hope that she was just adopted outside my state.
My biggest problem with the whole situation is that the child didn't understand. She was 6 years old but she only had the language of a 18 month old. I think about them putting E into the car, taking her to a strange place, and just leaving her there. It is horrible. She would have no explanation, and no one there to comfort her, no one who even understood her language. I am still nausated every time I think about it.

shel90

That is so heartbreaking!! Thanks for clarifying things up.

E is not the only deaf child with a family who wants to "fix" the deafness. I hope someone will adopt her. I wish I had the money cuz I would adopt her and give her the language and love she deserves.

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

jillio

Thank you for giving us a personal perspective on this story. I am horrified over what these people put this child through. I hope that they are never permitted to take another child into their home.

InnocentOdion

That's so terrible Poor child..

Reba

Yes, it's sad but true.

I personally know a family that did that with a deaf American elementary-age child, after the adoption was finalized. The family later adopted other "perfect" American infants.

I strongly support adoption but I believe prospective parents need to really search their hearts for their motives before they take the plunge.

shel90

Geez! That's terrible!!!

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana

jillio

I agree! How in the world could an adoption agency release more chidlren to a couple that has behaved so irresponsibly and harmfully toward a child they had already adopted?

faire_jour

$$$$

Reba

I believe they used a private agency; maybe that makes a difference?

It's beyond my comprehension.

Reba

That's part of it, yes.

Banjo

So, it's not far-fetched to believe a story like this then!

jillio

Perhaps private agencies function under different guidelines than state agencies. But you would think, public or private, they would do a better job of screening potential parents! I agree.....I simply can't comprehend!

jillio

Unfortuantely, not far fetched at all. Sad that it is believable. What does it say of our priorities where children are concerned?

Matilda

... The appallingly inhumane act truly floored me!

Nea kophe

Hi everyone!
Fortunately, there are exceptions. I've got a friend who is deaf and some time ago she confessed me she was adopted. According to her, her mother was a deaf woman who couldn't take care of her and her adoptive parents knew her disabilty and, even so, they decided to adopt her. They also adopted her younger sister, who has no disability at all. I admit her parents aren't my cup of tea, I mean, they're nice people but I think they've made many mistakes in her education (for example, she communicates with them with oral language and she didn't learn sign language until 16 years old and that because a friend and me taught her); despite this, they really love her and didn't spare expense to improve her situation (included a cochlear implant. The benefits of this are, at least, arguable, but they meant well). If only they weren't so misinformated about deafness...
This is the opposite case: parents who purposedly adopt a child knowing she's deaf. There are still good people in the world...
I hope I explained myself. I'm not a native speaker, so sorry for my English.
By the way, I'm new in this forum. Nice to meet you.
(I don't surf on the Internet very often. Excuse me if I don't reply immediately).

jillio

The people who adopted this child knew she was deaf, as well. But they returned her because they had planned to have her implanted and force her to learn to speak. So it would appear that they adopted a deaf child with every intent of doing whatever they could to make her "hearing". When they found our it was not possible they returned her. I wonder if your friends parents would have done the same if she had not been able to learn to speak and had turned out not to be a candidate for the CI? The only difference I see in the two situations is that one deaf child qualified for CI and was able to survive somewhat in an oral environment, and one wasn't.

deafskeptic

It's as if the child is broken goods or a pet and if it (I'm using it on purpose) isn't "fixed" then it can be thrown away like broken goods. I'm just appalled at these parents.

Tousi has reason to wonder about the screening process.

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Nea kophe

First of all, nice to meet you, jillio. And about your reply, I don't know what CI means (I find it very difficult to understand abbreviations), but I suppose you mean the case is different with my friend because she managed to get integrated with hearing people.
Interesting idea, but no, she didn't. Maybe I'm being too harsh with her family, but, as a result of learning too late sign language and her poor oral language, the poor girl is isolated in her own family. I've seen her at home and the vision saddens me.
Her relationship with her parents is somewhat warm, but not enough, because they only talk to her for a brief moment and only say things like "did you get fun ?" "come back home early", etc. With her sister, things are worse, my friend doesn't have a very good level of lip reading and her sister is one of these people who (because of misterious reasons) don't vocalize. Picture the situation. I can hardly understand her (and I have rests of auditions, I usually talk with people face to face without problems), so imagine the problem with my friend, since she's totally deaf (even with the cochlear implant).
My friend, although she assures hearing everything, never understand people, even if they vocalize and talk properly, her syntax is really poor and acts a bit childish most of the time. So, sorry for her parents, they meant well, but they could have educated her far better. They love her deeply, but, as it's said sometimes, love isn't enough. That's just my opinion, of course, but I'm not the one that things so. Her teachers told me the same.

shel90

Your friend's situation is not really all that unusual. I have seen so many kids with families like that even though some of them have CIs.

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Shel~

"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -George Santayana