Deaf culture - do's and don'ts, etc. Let's make a list! - Page 3

Kaitin · 10-24-2007, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilitalia89

I hate when ppl are like oo ur hoh ..doesnt seem like it..so they talk normal and try to talk to me when we are outside ahead or behind me and its windy or they whisper...soo frusterating!

Agree! I stopped wearing my HAs - so much easier! Now when people stop me outside of class I just smile and sign "deaf" when they talk and the people stop.

I am sick of asking for repeats and trying to lipread when people eat, turn away, look down etc. because a stranger started talking. Then they say "Nevermind - just said "hi"". My roommates and friends now how to talk for lipreading, but others make this so hard - and even with roommates this is hard. But if my mom sees in on campus without HAs she will be upset.

**deafskeptic** · 10-24-2007, 10:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

I just dont like those gushing kinds of comments about my oral skills especially if they go on and on like it is a miracle or something.

Yep. When people do that to me, I feel like yelling at them: IS THAT ALL I AM - GOOD SPEECH?

Buffalo · 10-25-2007, 08:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dodge Trucker

I've walked into tattoo parolors and I'll tell ya, I've never felt so out of place because I didn't have ANY tattoos, but the folks there are really NICE behind all the tattoos.

They are nice because they are happy to work on a blank "canvas".

Maybe blank canvases are rare to them.

Opal · 10-25-2007, 09:29 AM

Good thread.

In Deaf world - Using a point finger to person/people in sign language saying "You..............."

It is very rude offence in Hearing world.

**Cheri** · 10-25-2007, 09:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Opal

Good thread.

In Deaf world - Using a point finger to person/people in sign language saying "You..............."

It is very rude offense in Hearing world.

Huh? I'm not getting the understanding. You meant if a deaf person pointed his/her finger at a hearing person and says "You" it's offense? how?

robbielyn · 10-25-2007, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cheri

Huh? I'm not getting the understanding. You meant if a deaf person pointed his/her finger at a hearing person and says "You" it's offense? how?

In the hearing world we SAY "you" pointing at a person is rude simply because in english we don't have indexing or pronominalization. When a hearing person points and says you it looks like they are threatening the person. In ASL it is an indicator of who you are speaking to and is necessary.

Kaitin · 10-25-2007, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cheri

Huh? I'm not getting the understanding. You meant if a deaf person pointed his/her finger at a hearing person and says "You" it's offense? how?

I point at hearing people with "you" - no problems. No one says pointing is offense or gets angry. But I smile and look friendly. Maybe if I looked mad it would be offensive.

Opal · 10-25-2007, 06:09 PM

Surprise you don't know it is rude to point finger at hearing people, I once said to my Dad "Look at this stranger lady" with my point finger aim at her in the street when I was about 8, my father slammed me very hard!!! It was a big lesson for me as I was confused at that time because it is ok at Deaf school!!

I have been told that it is rude to point at things. Is this true ? - Yahoo! Answers

Kaitin · 10-25-2007, 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Opal

Surprise you don't know it is rude to point finger at hearing people, I once said to my Dad "Look at this stranger lady" with my point finger aim at her in the street when I was about 8, my father slammed me very hard!!! It was a big lesson for me as I was confused at that time because it is ok at Deaf school!!

I have been told that it is rude to point at things. Is this true ? - Yahoo! Answers

I don't think pointing is rude if you are talking to the person in friendly conversations and point when talking with "you" ("How are you (point and smile)?"). Not pointing at a stranger. But your dad shouldn't slammed you anyway.

Pointing at a stranger or pointing with anger ("Why did you ___ (point and glare)?") or "I am so mad at you (point and frown)!") or arguement is trouble I think.

**Interpretrator** · 10-25-2007, 08:59 PM

The people who work at Disneyland are taught to "point," when giving directions, by extending the full hand, I think it is, because apparently in some cultures that is seriously rude, even when trying to guide someone to someplace.

Bebonang · 10-25-2007, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Opal

Surprise you don't know it is rude to point finger at hearing people, I once said to my Dad "Look at this stranger lady" with my point finger aim at her in the street when I was about 8, my father slammed me very hard!!! It was a big lesson for me as I was confused at that time because it is ok at Deaf school!!

I have been told that it is rude to point at things. Is this true ? - Yahoo! Answers

It is not rude when you are talking to the person in front of you and pointing to that person in sign. The only bad thing is when you are talking about a stranger and pointing at the stranger like talking behind the person"s back hoping that hearing person does not hear what you are saying, it is rude. My husband who is Ojibwe and hearing like to point at strangers and just laugh at me when I told him that is very rude to point at strangers that we don't know them. My mother taught me not to point at strangers but okay when I am signing talking to the person in front of me. That is two different methods of why it is right or wrong to communicate and/or talking behind someone's back. I can understand what you are talking about. Anyway your Dad should not have slam hard on you otherwise you will not be able to sign being confuse why you can not sign "you". I think you are lucky to have us on this threads to help you clear that up for you, eh? Do you understand what I am saying?

**deafskeptic** · 10-25-2007, 11:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Opal

Surprise you don't know it is rude to point finger at hearing people, I once said to my Dad "Look at this stranger lady" with my point finger aim at her in the street when I was about 8, my father slammed me very hard!!! It was a big lesson for me as I was confused at that time because it is ok at Deaf school!!

I have been told that it is rude to point at things. Is this true ? - Yahoo! Answers

I've been told it's rude to point at people but when I sign to others I'll do that anyway as you really need to indicate whom you're referring to. If I'm signing and around a lot of hearing who don't know much about deaf, I may nod in the direction of the person I'm referring to instead of pointing at them.

InTheGenes · 10-26-2007, 09:37 AM

My experience is that in SOME hearing cultures, it's rude to point. Hispanic and some Asian cultures seem to have the biggest problems with it. One of my best friends is from the Philippines, and she told me that instead of pointing with their fingers, they point with their lips!

It's a bit difficult to describe, but now that she's said it, I see it happen a lot. They'll purse their lips towards the person they'd otherwise be pointing to, inclining their neck in that person's direction, as well.

I never used to give it much thought, until she told me that. Now that I'm learing ASL, it complicates things, due to ASL indexing, etc.

fredfam1 · 10-26-2007, 10:43 AM

This is so interesting! And I am glad someone asked this because
I was taught by a deaf instuctor that I could tap the table to
get someones attention and that tossing small objects like
a peice of chalk or something soft was ok too!

Can anyone give me hints for getting a deaf groups attention
besides the light switch? I am starting a deaf chat coffee on
Dec 2nd in Willamina Oregon. When I address the group how
should I get their attention?

Also guess what?! The childrens librarian in Sheridan Oregon
has asked me to teach a Baby Sign Class! Moms will be
there and I will be signing short childrens story books as well!
Any suggestions????!!!! The class will be one time a week
for five weeks. How many signs should I give to learn?
Which are the most important? All input welcome.

pek1 · 10-26-2007, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maria

Aww...

I might sneak up and boo at ya anytime if I see you online.

I'll see the brown of your eyes before you realize I saw you.

pek1 · 10-26-2007, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buffalo

Sometimes the coworker can't help scaring me if I was so engrossed in my work and the coworker stepped in my cubicle.

Know what you mean, but you know what -- because I have an unbelieveably sharp sense of smell, I'd smell them standing there, even if my back is to them and yes, it has happened before. No one can sneak up behind me or anything. I can sense they are standing there.

pek1 · 10-26-2007, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Interpretrator

. . . I tried not to have any expression on my face because I was so surprised to hear her talk after all this time! But I didn't want her to feel bad due to my reaction (even though it was positive) so I just kept my terp face on. However, when she was done answering people's questions, she turned to me and asked "Was my voice okay?" Then I felt okay telling her what a beautiful voice she had. Which may not have been ethically appropriate but what was I going to say? "On the basis of the Code of Ethics I cannot answer that question?" She really wanted to know since she hadn't used her voice in so long, and it really was beautiful.

That was very kind of you, Interpretrator!

Liza · 10-26-2007, 02:02 PM

Dodge, thank you for sharing Diane Kinnee's passage. It was very touching. It resonates so much with what my experience has been- wow, really, 100% of that resonates with me.

That defnitely covers a lot of do's and don't's - like don't treat a Deaf person like a garden statue in a social gathering! LOL

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dodge Trucker

If this is inappropriate or does not belong in this thread, I apologize and please remove this posting only please.

Here is what I truly live by. This says it BEST for me in my life:

"What is it like to be deaf?"
People have asked me.
Deaf? Oh, hmm... how do I explain that?
Simple: I can't hear.

No, wait... it is much more than that.
It is similar to a goldfish in a bowl,
Always observing things going on.
People talking at all times.
It is like a man on his own island
Among foreigners.

Isolation is no stranger to me.
Relatives say hi and bye
But I sit for 5 hours among them
Taking great pleasure at amusing babies
Or being amused by TV.
Reading books, resting, helping out with food.

Natural curiosity perks up
Upon seeing great laughter, crying, anger.
Inquiring only to meet with a "Never mind" or
"Oh, it's not important".
Getting a summarized statement
Of the whole day.

I'm supposed to smile to show my happiness.
Little do they know how truly miserable I am.
People are in control of language usage,
I am at loss and really uncomfortable!

Always feeling like an outsider
Among the hearing people,
Even though it was not their intention.

Always assuming that I am part of them
By my physical presence, not understanding
The importance of communication.

Facing the choice between Deaf Event weekend
or a family reunion.
Facing the choice between the family commitment
And Deaf friends.
I must make the choices constantly,
Any wonder why I choose Deaf friends???

I get such great pleasure at the Deaf clubs,
Before I realize it, it is already 2:00 am,
Whereas I anxiously look at the clock
Every few minutes at the Family Reunion.

With Deaf people, I feel so normal,
Our communication flows back and forth.
Catch up with little trivials, our daily life,
Our frustration in the bigger world,
Seeking the mutual understanding,
Contented smiles and laughter are musical.
So magical to me,
So attuned to each other's feelings.

True happiness is so important.
I feel more at home with Deaf people
Of various color, religion, short or tall.
Than I do among my own hearing relatives.
And you wonder why?
Our language is common.
We understand each other.

Being at loss of control
Of the environment that is communication,
People panic and retreat to avoid
Deaf people like the plague.

But Deaf people are still human beings
With dreams, desires, and needs
To belong, just like everyone else.

--Dianne Kinnee (Switras)

Aimra · 10-26-2007, 11:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liza

Do be willing to write back and forth with me, if you need to tell me something and don't know signs for it.

Do not "dismiss" or give up on us if we don't understand what you are saying. This is annoying.

So, don't be afraid to try pen and paper if you need THAT to express yourself or understand others. You do it for YOU as well as for me.

This is what makes me nervous! I don't know many signs and I feel embarrassed to talk to many deaf people because I think they'll be very annoyed with me or be offended.

Aimra · 10-26-2007, 11:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dixie

I would also want to know if my HA is making whistling sounds!

I have to tell my husband this a lot! At first I thought he could hear the whistling and would let it go until it annoyed me too much. But then I realized he couldn't hear it! Silly me.

Aimra · 10-26-2007, 11:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kris

Also would you find it distracting or rude if a hearing person uses some sign language while speaking to you. I am learning ASL but I am just starting so am far from fluent. In order to get better I practice but was wondering if in a conversation it was ok to use the limited signs I know or if that would confuse or annoy you.

I wonder about this too, Kris. I know I mentioned this before but it makes me nervous because I know so little. But I want to learn more so badly!

I do my best to sign whatever I say when I am with deaf people but sometimes I just don't know the word and my fingerspelling is still slow!

I always try to explain, upfront, that I am an ASL student and I don't know very much yet. I also figured out how to sign "please slow down" very early on! lol. My eyes are still slow to recognize signs and sometimes I get lost!

Aimra · 10-27-2007, 12:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredfam1

Also guess what?! The childrens librarian in Sheridan Oregon
has asked me to teach a Baby Sign Class! Moms will be
there and I will be signing short childrens story books as well!
Any suggestions????!!!! The class will be one time a week
for five weeks. How many signs should I give to learn?
Which are the most important? All input welcome.

This seems like some really good questions, but I think it would probably be best to start a new thread for that topic.

jillio · 10-27-2007, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InTheGenes

My experience is that in SOME hearing cultures, it's rude to point. Hispanic and some Asian cultures seem to have the biggest problems with it. One of my best friends is from the Philippines, and she told me that instead of pointing with their fingers, they point with their lips!

It's a bit difficult to describe, but now that she's said it, I see it happen a lot. They'll purse their lips towards the person they'd otherwise be pointing to, inclining their neck in that person's direction, as well.

I never used to give it much thought, until she told me that. Now that I'm learing ASL, it complicates things, due to ASL indexing, etc.

There is an island culture that points with their chin. I forget off the top of my head which one it is, though.

**shel90** · 10-28-2007, 08:34 AM

Another big issue is do not take over a situation that the deaf person is handling. This happened to me yesterday at my son's birthday party. My friend had to go so she left her kids with me at the party and her son was running in my in law's basement when he rammed his head in a nail (a small one) and cut it. He was bleeding out a lot so when he came up to the kitchen where I was I immediately took him in the bathroom. Once I got in there, my mother in law and husband came in and they were talking over each other and they took over. I was like "I got it...I will take care of him." They didnt hear or didnt listen to me cuz they were too busy talking to the others in the living room giving orders. So I screamed "I was fine taking care of him so get out of here!!" My husband said "There is no need to scream." but his mom wouldnt let me take care of MY friend's son whom I AM responsible for. I was soo pissed so I took all the kids, my daughter, son, and my friend's two kids home immediately without saying bye.

If a deaf person is taking care of a situation especially an emergency situation, ask if help is needed BUT DO NOT TAKE OVER as if the deaf person is inadequate.

Today I am not on speaking terms with my hubby and when he gets home, I will have a long talk with him about it. I left cuz I didnt want to make a scene.

My friend's son is fine..it was a small cut but boy did it bleed!! I was ready to take him to the ER last night.

**deafskeptic** · 10-28-2007, 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

Another big issue is do not take over a situation that the deaf person is handling. This happened to me yesterday at my son's birthday party. My friend had to go so she left her kids with me at the party and her son was running in my in law's basement when he rammed his head in a nail (a small one) and cut it. He was bleeding out a lot so when he came up to the kitchen where I was I immediately took him in the bathroom. Once I got in there, my mother in law and husband came in and they were talking over each other and they took over. I was like "I got it...I will take care of him." They didnt hear or didnt listen to me cuz they were too busy talking to the others in the living room giving orders. So I screamed "I was fine taking care of him so get out of here!!" My husband said "There is no need to scream." but his mom wouldnt let me take care of MY friend's son whom I AM responsible for. I was soo pissed so I took all the kids, my daughter, son, and my friend's two kids home immediately without saying bye.

If a deaf person is taking care of a situation especially an emergency situation, ask if help is needed BUT DO NOT TAKE OVER as if the deaf person is inadequate.

Today I am not on speaking terms with my hubby and when he gets home, I will have a long talk with him about it. I left cuz I didnt want to make a scene.

My friend's son is fine..it was a small cut but boy did it bleed!! I was ready to take him to the ER last night.

I just bet they'll think you just threw a fit or something like that.

**shel90** · 10-28-2007, 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafskeptic

I just bet they'll think you just threw a fit or something like that.

If they think that, let them. I really do not care what they think but I am going to talk with both of them about it and not to do it again. If they dont like it, too bad for them.

Kaitin · 10-28-2007, 09:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

If a deaf person is taking care of a situation especially an emergency situation, ask if help is needed BUT DO NOT TAKE OVER as if the deaf person is inadequate.

AGREE!

We had a party in our apartment in August. My (hearing) male roommate cut his hand with the kitchen knife. He bled so much all over. Everyone ran around, panicing about blood. I don't worry about blood, watched operations with my dad, and know First Aid. I tried to say "Don't panic. Put pressure on and hand above the heart." But everyone ignored me. Finally I grabbed his hand and took over. He saw I was calm and not worried - then he was calm and told everyone to go away. They listened to him, but not me. I was happy to help, but so frustrated that everyone didn't know First Aid and ignored me. (He went to the ER for stiches and is fine.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

Today I am not on speaking terms with my hubby and when he gets home, I will have a long talk with him about it. I left cuz I didnt want to make a scene.

My friend's son is fine..it was a small cut but boy did it bleed!! I was ready to take him to the ER last night.

I hope your husband understands. DeafSkeptic probably is right - they think you throw a fit.

Why think deaf/HoH can't help? After your talk I hope your husband knows that you have knowledge and are responsible and needed "to scream" because they ignored you and not for a fit or nerves.

**shel90** · 10-28-2007, 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kaitin

AGREE!

We had a party in our apartment in August. My (hearing) male roommate cut his hand with the kitchen knife. He bled so much all over. Everyone ran around, panicing about blood. I don't worry about blood, watched operations with my dad, and know First Aid. I tried to say "Don't panic. Put pressure on and hand above the heart." But everyone ignored me. Finally I grabbed his hand and took over. He saw I was calm and not worried - then he was calm and told everyone to go away. They listened to him, but not me. I was happy to help, but so frustrated that everyone didn't know First Aid and ignored me. (He went to the ER for stiches and is fine.)

I hope your husband understands. DeafSkeptic probably is right - they think you throw a fit.

Why think deaf/HoH can't help? After your talk I hope your husband knows that you have knowledge and are responsible and needed "to scream" because they ignored you and not for a fit or nerves.

My husband knows better not to do something like that. When he is around his mom, he is a little different. Had that happened at my house, he would have helped me instead of taking over. That is something I will need to address too but the point is his family has no clue about my deaf needs. There is another example at the party yesterday. My friend (before she left) and I were chatting in the kitchen and it started to get dark outside in which made it hard for us to see each other so I turned the lights on. My father in law yelled at me about turning the lights on...I told him that I needed it to be able to see. He was like "What do u need to see for?" I said "For communication." He still didnt get it and was bitching about the lights..I ignored him and just continued with my conversation with my friend. They have so much to learn..wow. His mom also expressed that I never call her..well when I do, she says "yes" "no" cuz she is nervous about talking to the relay so I told her that it is better to chat in person. Yet, she brings up about me not calling her...oh boy.

jillio · 10-28-2007, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aimra

This is what makes me nervous! I don't know many signs and I feel embarrassed to talk to many deaf people because I think they'll be very annoyed with me or be offended.

Its been my experience, Aima, that deaf signers are neither annoyed nor offended if you are truly making an attempt to communicate with them in their language. Quite the opposite, they are very patient and will go out of their way to help you learn and correct your mistakes. No need to be nervous.

Kaitin · 10-28-2007, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

My husband knows better not to do something like that. When he is around his mom, he is a little different. Had that happened at my house, he would have helped me instead of taking over. That is something I will need to address too but the point is his family has no clue about my deaf needs. There is another example at the party yesterday. My friend (before she left) and I were chatting in the kitchen and it started to get dark outside in which made it hard for us to see each other so I turned the lights on. My father in law yelled at me about turning the lights on...I told him that I needed it to be able to see. He was like "What do u need to see for?" I said "For communication." He still didnt get it and was bitching about the lights..I ignored him and just continued with my conversation with my friend. They have so much to learn..wow. His mom also expressed that I never call her..well when I do, she says "yes" "no" cuz she is nervous about talking to the relay so I told her that it is better to chat in person. Yet, she brings up about me not calling her...oh boy.

Wow. They need education. I hope your husband understands and then teaches his parents.

10-25-2007, 09:29 AM	#64 (permalink)
Opal Registered User Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 3,763 Blog Entries: 1	Good thread. In Deaf world - Using a point finger to person/people in sign language saying "You..............." It is very rude offence in Hearing world. __________________ (\ (\ (=' x') (,('')('')

10-25-2007, 06:09 PM	#68 (permalink)
Opal Registered User Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 3,763 Blog Entries: 1	Surprise you don't know it is rude to point finger at hearing people, I once said to my Dad "Look at this stranger lady" with my point finger aim at her in the street when I was about 8, my father slammed me very hard!!! It was a big lesson for me as I was confused at that time because it is ok at Deaf school!! I have been told that it is rude to point at things. Is this true ? - Yahoo! Answers __________________ (\ (\ (=' x') (,('')('')

10-26-2007, 10:43 AM	#74 (permalink)
fredfam1 Registered User Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Oregon Posts: 1,025	Very Interesting This is so interesting! And I am glad someone asked this because I was taught by a deaf instuctor that I could tap the table to get someones attention and that tossing small objects like a peice of chalk or something soft was ok too! Can anyone give me hints for getting a deaf groups attention besides the light switch? I am starting a deaf chat coffee on Dec 2nd in Willamina Oregon. When I address the group how should I get their attention? Also guess what?! The childrens librarian in Sheridan Oregon has asked me to teach a Baby Sign Class! Moms will be there and I will be signing short childrens story books as well! Any suggestions????!!!! The class will be one time a week for five weeks. How many signs should I give to learn? Which are the most important? All input welcome.

10-28-2007, 08:34 AM	#84 (permalink)
shel90 Let It Snow!!!! Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: A place where crabs are popular Posts: 40,285 Blog Entries: 3	Another big issue is do not take over a situation that the deaf person is handling. This happened to me yesterday at my son's birthday party. My friend had to go so she left her kids with me at the party and her son was running in my in law's basement when he rammed his head in a nail (a small one) and cut it. He was bleeding out a lot so when he came up to the kitchen where I was I immediately took him in the bathroom. Once I got in there, my mother in law and husband came in and they were talking over each other and they took over. I was like "I got it...I will take care of him." They didnt hear or didnt listen to me cuz they were too busy talking to the others in the living room giving orders. So I screamed "I was fine taking care of him so get out of here!!" My husband said "There is no need to scream." but his mom wouldnt let me take care of MY friend's son whom I AM responsible for. I was soo pissed so I took all the kids, my daughter, son, and my friend's two kids home immediately without saying bye. If a deaf person is taking care of a situation especially an emergency situation, ask if help is needed BUT DO NOT TAKE OVER as if the deaf person is inadequate. Today I am not on speaking terms with my hubby and when he gets home, I will have a long talk with him about it. I left cuz I didnt want to make a scene. My friend's son is fine..it was a small cut but boy did it bleed!! I was ready to take him to the ER last night. __________________ "Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it." --- Anonymous

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10-25-2007, 08:59 PM	#70 (permalink)
Interpretrator Crime fighter Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 1,440	The people who work at Disneyland are taught to "point," when giving directions, by extending the full hand, I think it is, because apparently in some cultures that is seriously rude, even when trying to guide someone to someplace.

10-26-2007, 09:37 AM	#73 (permalink)
InTheGenes Registered User Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Northern VA (near DC) Posts: 230	My experience is that in SOME hearing cultures, it's rude to point. Hispanic and some Asian cultures seem to have the biggest problems with it. One of my best friends is from the Philippines, and she told me that instead of pointing with their fingers, they point with their lips! It's a bit difficult to describe, but now that she's said it, I see it happen a lot. They'll purse their lips towards the person they'd otherwise be pointing to, inclining their neck in that person's direction, as well. I never used to give it much thought, until she told me that. Now that I'm learing ASL, it complicates things, due to ASL indexing, etc.