Saying "I love you"

**shel90** · 06-30-2007, 10:17 PM

I have read blogs, articles and even had hearing people say this..."I feel sorry
for the deaf child to never hear their parents say "I love you." I tell those that the parents and people in general that they can still sign "I love you." to their deaf children to show them their love. Then they say things like how it is still not the same or it is not as meaningful. HUH??? Isnt the most important thing for the child to know that their parents love them whether it is in spoken or in signed form? It seems like they are implying that by saying "I love you" in signing isnt as powerful as saying it in spoken language.

I got into an argument with one person recently about that and I told her that children of deaf parents get the message just as much as children of hearing parents. Then she said that people see it different when it comes to deaf children of hearing parents. I dont see the difference. I have read blogs when kids get HAs or CIs, the parents are saying things like "Finally I can say 'I love you.' to my son or daughter for the first time in years." Hmmm..I guess I dont understand this concept so anyone can help me understand what is the difference between saying it in spoken and sign language? I think there is NO difference as long as the children know and understand the meaning of their parents' love for them.

Help me understand this...all I see is again sign language is being seen as inferior again.

**shel90** · 06-30-2007, 10:52 PM

^^ Pls excuse my typing errors ^^

akoutsourais · 06-30-2007, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

I have read blogs, articles and even had hearing people say this..."I feel sorry
for the deaf child to never hear their parents say "I love you." I tell those that the parents and people in general that they can still sign "I love you." to their deaf children to show them their love. Then they say things like how it is still not the same or it is not as meaningful. HUH??? Isnt the most important thing for the child to know that their parents love them whether it is in spoken or in signed form? It seems like they are implying that by saying "I love you" in signing isnt as powerful as saying it in spoken language.

I got into an argument with one person recently about that and I told her that children of deaf parents get the message just as much as children of hearing parents. Then she said that people see it different when it comes to deaf children of hearing parents. I dont see the difference. I have read blogs when kids get HAs or CIs, the parents are saying things like "Finally I can say 'I love you.' to my son or daughter for the first time in years." Hmmm..I guess I dont understand this concept so anyone can help me understand what is the difference between saying it in spoken and sign language? I think there is NO difference as long as the children know and understand the meaning of their parents' love for them.

Help me understand this...all I see is again sign language is being seen as inferior again.

hmmm, both my children are hearing and I don't use ASL (though my daughter is learning, smartass), but I always thought the sign for "I love you", was pretty universal in America. My kids and I always have done it.

Silentwolfdog · 06-30-2007, 11:18 PM

Wow that's twisted. Seem like those people do not understand the true meaning of "love." That's sad. And love can be expressed in many different way, other than spoken method. Some people chose to write, other through gesture, other through hugging, and even through sign language. Mute person can't speak, does that mean his/her expressive of love, through alternative methods is any less than person who can speak?

I guess that's just mean their reality is limited. We are aware of more possibilities where many people mostly will never come that far.

Did I make any sense? I feel like I am still in art mode from doing my artwork.

**Interpretrator** · 06-30-2007, 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

I have read blogs when kids get HAs or CIs, the parents are saying things like "Finally I can say 'I love you.' to my son or daughter for the first time in years."

Of course once the kid learns to understand spoken English and has to be taught what the phrase "I love you" actually means...

Yeah, that seems ridiculous to me. I can understand what I've heard several times, when deaf adults get CIs so that they can hear their children laugh and talk, since that is PURELY a sound issue. But when it comes to expressions of love, I don't see where spoken language is superior to sign language or even body language.

That is definitely a hearing/pathological standpoint in my opinion, especially as it is focused on the parents' needs and wants, particularly their need for their child to be hearing and not deaf. (Which, hey, if everyone's happy then everyone's happy.)

BearBeauty · 07-01-2007, 12:40 PM

I guess some parents have never heard that children will know their parents love them by actions? I mean.. some parents are not good at telling their children they love them, so chidren pick it up by physical actions, like hugs, kisses, and how their parents take care of them.

ASLGAL · 07-01-2007, 04:09 PM

Many of the most connecting and loving moments I have shared with my children and grandchildren have never involved a single spoken word.

Truely - the saying 'Actions speak Louder than Words' is so so true.

I think the woman is warped Shel.

**shel90** · 07-01-2007, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASLGAL

Many of the most connecting and loving moments I have shared with my children and grandchildren have never involved a single spoken word.

Truely - the saying 'Actions speak Louder than Words' is so so true.

I think the woman is warped Shel.

not only her but if u read several blogs made by parents about their deaf children..u will see the same comments too.

**Rio** · 07-01-2007, 04:26 PM

No matter how the message is conveyed, in the deaf culture "ILY" sign meaning can be interpreted in a variety of ways just as the spoken English does. I think its more meaningful to express in sign language just as the old saying goes, "Actions speak louder words".

**shel90** · 07-01-2007, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oceanblue7

No matter how the message is conveyed, in the deaf culture "ILY" sign is meaning in a variety of ways just as the spoken English does. I think its more meaningful to express in sign language just as the old saying goes, "Actions speak louder words".

I agree with u which is why i dont understand why the hearing families of these deaf kids express a sense of loss because their children couldnt "hear" them saying those words. I tell them..there is sign language and it is just as good if not better but that's when I got into that argument so it makes me

because sing language is not gonna make the children lives doomed.

**lilylover72** · 07-01-2007, 04:41 PM

That is so sad that parents dont say " I love you." I alway tell my son " I love you." daily. He tell me same thing. My mom still say that to me 2 time daily if she come visit or I come visit her. My dad don't do that. Love is very important to say. Love can make heart grow strong. I still tell my best friends also.

**Rio** · 07-01-2007, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

I agree with u which is why i dont understand why the hearing families of these deaf kids express a sense of loss because their children couldnt "hear" them saying those words. I tell them..there is sign language and it is just as good if not better but that's when I got into that argument so it makes me

because sing language is not gonna make the children lives doomed.

I agree with you sign language will not make the children live doomed lives. I believe parents with deaf children just need to be a little bit more educated about deaf awareness. Expression is pricelss to see the emotion through sign language.

**shel90** · 07-01-2007, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ghsh1996

That is so sad that parents dont say " I love you." I alway tell my son " I love you." daily. He tell me same thing. My mom still say that to me 2 time daily if she come visit or I come visit her. My dad don't do that. Love is very important to say. Love can make heart grow strong. I still tell my best friends also.

I know...just because the child cant hear doesnt mean that they cant say "I love u" ...may not be in their preferred language but hey, they gotta meet their children's needs sometime and it is not just about them only so they need to realize that there is nothing wrong with saying "I love you" in sign language.

jillio · 07-02-2007, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

not only her but if u read several blogs made by parents about their deaf children..u will see the same comments too.

Agreed. And this goes back to the issue of parents adapting to their child's needs. They continue to focus on everything from a hering perspective znd what their needs are rather than from a deaf perspective and what the child's needs are.

Schermy · 07-02-2007, 12:45 PM

Seems to me that anyone can "say" I love you and NEVER meant it. How may parents beat the crap out of their kids and then say I love you. It is more important how you "show" your child or any human being that you love them. I think my children know how much I love them just by my "Big Squeezy" hugs and the million kisses I give them everyday. Sure I also tell them I love you but the hugs and the kisses mean so much more. Whatevere hearing person said it's better to be able to hear a parent say I love you was ignorant.

Sheila · 07-02-2007, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jillio

Agreed. And this goes back to the issue of parents adapting to their child's needs. They continue to focus on everything from a hering perspective znd what their needs are rather than from a deaf perspective and what the child's needs are.

I think this is the biggest issue when it comes to Deaf children and hearing parents in denial. We kind of covered this in another thread, but whatever works for the child is what is important.

at the comments about their child not "hearing" them say I love you. Just because one can't "hear" it doesn't mean one can't understand it. Ugh, that makes me mad.

**shel90** · 07-02-2007, 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheila

I think this is the biggest issue when it comes to Deaf children and hearing parents in denial. We kind of covered this in another thread, but whatever works for the child is what is important.

at the comments about their child not "hearing" them say I love you. Just because one can't "hear" it doesn't mean one can't understand it. Ugh, that makes me mad.

Right and there is no need to feel sorry for the child simply because he/she cant "hear" those words...as long as this message is shared whether it is through sign language or through affection, why feel sorry for the child? They should be saying "I feel sorry for children who are neglected, abused or killed." instead! Those are the ones I FEEL sorry for!!

jillio · 07-02-2007, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

Right and there is no need to feel sorry for the child simply because he/she cant "hear" those words...as long as this message is shared whether it is through sign language or through affection, why feel sorry for the child? They should be saying "I feel sorry for children who are neglected, abused or killed." instead! Those are the ones I FEEL sorry for!!

Absolutely! My son doesn't hear the words, but I know what his response would be if you asked him if his mom let him know how much she loved him.

jackiesolorzano · 07-02-2007, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

I have read blogs, articles and even had hearing people say this..."I feel sorry
for the deaf child to never hear their parents say "I love you." I tell those that the parents and people in general that they can still sign "I love you." to their deaf children to show them their love. Then they say things like how it is still not the same or it is not as meaningful. HUH??? Isnt the most important thing for the child to know that their parents love them whether it is in spoken or in signed form? It seems like they are implying that by saying "I love you" in signing isnt as powerful as saying it in spoken language.

I got into an argument with one person recently about that and I told her that children of deaf parents get the message just as much as children of hearing parents. Then she said that people see it different when it comes to deaf children of hearing parents. I dont see the difference. I have read blogs when kids get HAs or CIs, the parents are saying things like "Finally I can say 'I love you.' to my son or daughter for the first time in years." Hmmm..I guess I dont understand this concept so anyone can help me understand what is the difference between saying it in spoken and sign language? I think there is NO difference as long as the children know and understand the meaning of their parents' love for them.

Help me understand this...all I see is again sign language is being seen as inferior again.

Both of my children are deaf and oral and to me it wouldn't matter if they told me I love you in sign or in spoken English as long as they knew what it meant

**shel90** · 07-02-2007, 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jillio

Absolutely! My son doesn't hear the words, but I know what his response would be if you asked him if his mom let him know how much she loved him.

Same with my kids too. I can tell my daughter "I love you" in both languages and she knows. My son signs only and I sign "ILY" to him and he laughs. So cute!

morbid-mongoose · 07-12-2007, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

because sing language is not gonna make the children lives doomed.

That struck me as really funny for some reason.

07-12-2007, 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shel90

I have read blogs, articles and even had hearing people say this..."I feel sorry
for the deaf child to never hear their parents say "I love you." I tell those that the parents and people in general that they can still sign "I love you." to their deaf children to show them their love. Then they say things like how it is still not the same or it is not as meaningful. HUH??? Isnt the most important thing for the child to know that their parents love them whether it is in spoken or in signed form? It seems like they are implying that by saying "I love you" in signing isnt as powerful as saying it in spoken language.

On a side note I love you was one of the first signs that I learned. My son always touches his ILY signed hand to mine which I thought was good and re-enforced that he does understand what it means. Following it with a hug also helps. I am confident he knows what it means.

On a side note, I love you was one of the first signs that I learned. Whenever I sign that to my son he always has to touch his ILY signed hand to mine which I thought was good and re-enforced to me that he does understand what it means.

I got into an argument with one person recently about that and I told her that children of deaf parents get the message just as much as children of hearing parents. Then she said that people see it different when it comes to deaf children of hearing parents. I dont see the difference. I have read blogs when kids get HAs or CIs, the parents are saying things like "Finally I can say 'I love you.' to my son or daughter for the first time in years." Hmmm..I guess I dont understand this concept so anyone can help me understand what is the difference between saying it in spoken and sign language? I think there is NO difference as long as the children know and understand the meaning of their parents' love for them.

Help me understand this...all I see is again sign language is being seen as inferior again.

Its because your view is from a deaf perspesctive which is ok. I only hope that you can understand from a hearing perspective it's a different point of view which is ok too. In other words I respect your view and hope you can respect mine as well. (not me and you personally but hearing vs. deaf perspectives in general) Live and let live!

**shel90** · 07-12-2007, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockdrummer

Its because your view is from a deaf perspesctive which is ok. I only hope that you can understand from a hearing perspective it's a different point of view which is ok too. In other words I respect your view and hope you can respect mine as well. (not me and you personally but hearing vs. deaf perspectives in general) Live and let live!

So means the parents feel because their child cant hear that they cant adapt to the child's needs to ensure the child learns about love from them? I can understand that it is the hearing's perspective but what about the child's perspective? Children need to learn the concept of love and if they cant hear those words, they still can learn about them in other ways. I would feel sorry for the children if their parents pity them cuz it teaches them self-pity. I have seen that happen too many times with my deaf friends and their parents.

07-12-2007, 07:54 PM

understanding the meaning of love is an issue that everyone restles with. I would wager that if you took a room of 10 people hearing and deaf you would probably get 10 different opinions of what the definition of love is. This is a very profound subject that affects hearing and deaf alike of all ages. From the perspective of a child I would imagine that (in part) love would be the feeling of security for them.

Silentwolfdog · 07-12-2007, 08:15 PM

But when parent said, "Finally, I can tell my kid I love you." It make them sound like sign language is worthless or that kid would never understand it unless they can "hear." What a disgrace thought...

It's like parent saying finally I can tell em I love you in Spanish rather than English, in a way that Spanish is better than English. Even though the message they are trying to get across is just the same.

Sigh...sometimes I just think people who are "normal" are even more weird than people who's not.

Shel90 don't let this stop you from telling parents that it's okay for them to say "I love you" in sign language. It's better this way than children never get it from parent at all. A good parent will understand this.

What do you say about autism children? I bet you that parent already know that the children love parent even though their children never say anything at all.
That is the truest, purest form of love. One that is never spoken at all.

Just thought of your blogs is making me little angry...I usually don't get angry over different point of views, because I understood the different values or cultures. But this blogs you mentioned of what parents are saying? Ridiculous...

**shel90** · 07-12-2007, 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silentwolfdog

But when parent said, "Finally, I can tell my kid I love you." It make them sound like sign language is worthless or that kid would never understand it unless they can "hear." What a disgrace thought...

It's like parent saying finally I can tell em I love you in Spanish rather than English, in a way that Spanish is better than English. Even though the message they are trying to get across is just the same.

Sigh...sometimes I just think people who are "normal" are even more weird than people who's not.

Shel90 don't let this stop you from telling parents that it's okay for them to say "I love you" in sign language. It's better this way than children never get it from parent at all. A good parent will understand this.

What do you say about autism children? I bet you that parent already know that the children love parent even though their children never say anything at all.
That is the truest, purest form of love. One that is never spoken at all.

Just thought of your blogs is making me little angry...I usually don't get angry over different point of views, because I understood the different values or cultures. But this blogs you mentioned of what parents are saying? Ridiculous...

Not my blogs...just blogs I found on the Internet that parents posted about their deaf children especially the ones who recieved their implants and then making that comment "Finally, I can say 'I love you'" to my child and teach them about what love is all about." Why wait until the child gets a CI to teach them? That's what I dont understand..there are other ways besides speaking to teach them about love.

Silentwolfdog · 07-12-2007, 08:25 PM

I don't mean "your blogs", heh. I mean the blogs you found, of course...oops.

jillio · 07-12-2007, 11:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockdrummer

understanding the meaning of love is an issue that everyone restles with. I would wager that if you took a room of 10 people hearing and deaf you would probably get 10 different opinions of what the definition of love is. This is a very profound subject that affects hearing and deaf alike of all ages. From the perspective of a child I would imagine that (in part) love would be the feeling of security for them.

But the whole point here is that love is an action, not a word. Simply using your voice to tell someone you love them doesn't mean crap if you don't show them you love them. Its not the words that communicate the message.

jillio · 07-12-2007, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silentwolfdog

But when parent said, "Finally, I can tell my kid I love you." It make them sound like sign language is worthless or that kid would never understand it unless they can "hear." What a disgrace thought...

It's like parent saying finally I can tell em I love you in Spanish rather than English, in a way that Spanish is better than English. Even though the message they are trying to get across is just the same.

Sigh...sometimes I just think people who are "normal" are even more weird than people who's not.

Shel90 don't let this stop you from telling parents that it's okay for them to say "I love you" in sign language. It's better this way than children never get it from parent at all. A good parent will understand this.

What do you say about autism children? I bet you that parent already know that the children love parent even though their children never say anything at all.
That is the truest, purest form of love. One that is never spoken at all.

Just thought of your blogs is making me little angry...I usually don't get angry over different point of views, because I understood the different values or cultures. But this blogs you mentioned of what parents are saying? Ridiculous...

**nodding agreement**

Deafilmedia · 07-12-2007, 11:37 PM

I love you.

06-30-2007, 10:17 PM	#1 (permalink)
shel90 Let It Snow!!!! Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: A place where crabs are popular Posts: 40,290 Blog Entries: 3	Saying "I love you" I have read blogs, articles and even had hearing people say this..."I feel sorry for the deaf child to never hear their parents say "I love you." I tell those that the parents and people in general that they can still sign "I love you." to their deaf children to show them their love. Then they say things like how it is still not the same or it is not as meaningful. HUH??? Isnt the most important thing for the child to know that their parents love them whether it is in spoken or in signed form? It seems like they are implying that by saying "I love you" in signing isnt as powerful as saying it in spoken language. I got into an argument with one person recently about that and I told her that children of deaf parents get the message just as much as children of hearing parents. Then she said that people see it different when it comes to deaf children of hearing parents. I dont see the difference. I have read blogs when kids get HAs or CIs, the parents are saying things like "Finally I can say 'I love you.' to my son or daughter for the first time in years." Hmmm..I guess I dont understand this concept so anyone can help me understand what is the difference between saying it in spoken and sign language? I think there is NO difference as long as the children know and understand the meaning of their parents' love for them. Help me understand this...all I see is again sign language is being seen as inferior again. __________________ "Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it." --- Anonymous

06-30-2007, 10:52 PM	#2 (permalink)
shel90 Let It Snow!!!! Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: A place where crabs are popular Posts: 40,290 Blog Entries: 3	^^ Pls excuse my typing errors ^^ __________________ "Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it." --- Anonymous

06-30-2007, 11:18 PM	#4 (permalink)
Silentwolfdog Registered User Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Earth Posts: 931	Wow that's twisted. Seem like those people do not understand the true meaning of "love." That's sad. And love can be expressed in many different way, other than spoken method. Some people chose to write, other through gesture, other through hugging, and even through sign language. Mute person can't speak, does that mean his/her expressive of love, through alternative methods is any less than person who can speak? I guess that's just mean their reality is limited. We are aware of more possibilities where many people mostly will never come that far. Did I make any sense? I feel like I am still in art mode from doing my artwork. __________________ If you are using red or blue font, there's a good chance that I am not reading your posts due to it being blended into background! I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night. ~Sarah William Check my art at http://silentwolfdog.deviantart.com

07-01-2007, 04:26 PM	#9 (permalink)
Rio Patriots Rock! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Patriots lockerroom Posts: 12,240 Blog Entries: 59	No matter how the message is conveyed, in the deaf culture "ILY" sign meaning can be interpreted in a variety of ways just as the spoken English does. I think its more meaningful to express in sign language just as the old saying goes, "Actions speak louder words". __________________ Ps.103:12 He washes our sins away into the ocean Brady's back Proverbs 17:9 Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends

07-12-2007, 08:15 PM	#25 (permalink)
Silentwolfdog Registered User Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Earth Posts: 931	But when parent said, "Finally, I can tell my kid I love you." It make them sound like sign language is worthless or that kid would never understand it unless they can "hear." What a disgrace thought... It's like parent saying finally I can tell em I love you in Spanish rather than English, in a way that Spanish is better than English. Even though the message they are trying to get across is just the same. Sigh...sometimes I just think people who are "normal" are even more weird than people who's not. Shel90 don't let this stop you from telling parents that it's okay for them to say "I love you" in sign language. It's better this way than children never get it from parent at all. A good parent will understand this. What do you say about autism children? I bet you that parent already know that the children love parent even though their children never say anything at all. That is the truest, purest form of love. One that is never spoken at all. Just thought of your blogs is making me little angry...I usually don't get angry over different point of views, because I understood the different values or cultures. But this blogs you mentioned of what parents are saying? Ridiculous... __________________ If you are using red or blue font, there's a good chance that I am not reading your posts due to it being blended into background! I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night. ~Sarah William Check my art at http://silentwolfdog.deviantart.com

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07-01-2007, 12:40 PM	#6 (permalink)
BearBeauty Registered User Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 818	I guess some parents have never heard that children will know their parents love them by actions? I mean.. some parents are not good at telling their children they love them, so chidren pick it up by physical actions, like hugs, kisses, and how their parents take care of them.

07-01-2007, 04:09 PM	#7 (permalink)
ASLGAL Registered User Join Date: May 2007 Location: Ohio Posts: 763	Many of the most connecting and loving moments I have shared with my children and grandchildren have never involved a single spoken word. Truely - the saying 'Actions speak Louder than Words' is so so true. I think the woman is warped Shel.

07-01-2007, 04:41 PM	#11 (permalink)
lilylover72 I love purple! Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: USA Posts: 2,943	That is so sad that parents dont say " I love you." I alway tell my son " I love you." daily. He tell me same thing. My mom still say that to me 2 time daily if she come visit or I come visit her. My dad don't do that. Love is very important to say. Love can make heart grow strong. I still tell my best friends also.

07-02-2007, 12:45 PM	#15 (permalink)
Schermy Registered User Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 1,306	Seems to me that anyone can "say" I love you and NEVER meant it. How may parents beat the crap out of their kids and then say I love you. It is more important how you "show" your child or any human being that you love them. I think my children know how much I love them just by my "Big Squeezy" hugs and the million kisses I give them everyday. Sure I also tell them I love you but the hugs and the kisses mean so much more. Whatevere hearing person said it's better to be able to hear a parent say I love you was ignorant.

07-12-2007, 07:54 PM	#24 (permalink)
rockdrummer Guest Posts: n/a	understanding the meaning of love is an issue that everyone restles with. I would wager that if you took a room of 10 people hearing and deaf you would probably get 10 different opinions of what the definition of love is. This is a very profound subject that affects hearing and deaf alike of all ages. From the perspective of a child I would imagine that (in part) love would be the feeling of security for them.

07-12-2007, 08:25 PM	#27 (permalink)
Silentwolfdog Registered User Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Earth Posts: 931	I don't mean "your blogs", heh. I mean the blogs you found, of course...oops. __________________ If you are using red or blue font, there's a good chance that I am not reading your posts due to it being blended into background! I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night. ~Sarah William Check my art at http://silentwolfdog.deviantart.com

07-12-2007, 11:37 PM	#30 (permalink)
Deafilmedia Banned Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 1,579	I love you.

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