Fitting Into The Deaf Community...

[Just Bri]

What determines if a person can fit into the deaf community?

I heard by some people that hoh or hearing people have it tougher... (which some might) especially those who attended mainstream schools.

What's your view on how one fits into the deaf community?

[Gemma]

All I can say is screw other people 's perceptions...and be yourself..you will find your own kind without any preconcieved ideas about who fits into the Deaf Community..granted it is easier said than done but the Deaf Community has evolved into a something much more than what it used to be...all I can say is be yourself and you will find your own niche :0

[shel90]

I guess it doesn't matter anymore these days due to more deaf people being mainstreamed and raised orally and more and more people getting CIs. I guess it would envolve into a signed and spoken community so anyone is welcome. There r just too many views these days so let's say f**ck it and go with the flow?

I used to view the deaf comunity as a signing only community but not worth to fight to keep it that way cuz it causes too many rifts or hostility.

I just changed that view as of last week due to many debates in the CI threads. I am at this point that it feels like it is too much trouble to have set criteria and just welcome anyone...hearing, hoh, deaf whether they use sign language or not. Then we all can be one big happy family. LOL!

[Just Bri]

Originally Posted by shel90

I guess it doesn't matter anymore these days due to more deaf people being mainstreamed and raised orally and more and more people getting CIs. I guess it would envolve into a signed and spoken community so anyone is welcome. There r just too many views these days so let's say f**ck it and go with the flow?

I used to view the deaf comunity as a signing only community but not worth to fight to keep it that way cuz it causes too many rifts or hostility.

I just changed that view as of last week due to many debates in the CI threads. I am at this point that it feels like it is too much trouble to have set criteria and just welcome anyone...hearing, hoh, deaf whether they use sign language or not. Then we all can be one big happy family. LOL!

I'm the same way... but sometimes I just can't stand hearing people... they get on my nerves when they get upset b/c I can't hear!

But overall, I'm the type of guy who is very welcoming... I love making friends, but sometimes I get done dirty... but who doesn't these days?

[shel90]

Originally Posted by NC Tar Heel Guy

I'm the same way... but sometimes I just can't stand hearing people... they get on my nerves when they get upset b/c I can't hear!

But overall, I'm the type of guy who is very welcoming... I love making friends, but sometimes I get done dirty... but who doesn't these days?

I have the same issues with hearing people getting upset with me not being able to hear as well as they assumed due to my speech skills. I explain to them that I am profoundly deaf but some of them still dont really believe me cuz they say I speak too well. OK..whatever.

[Dixie]

They just dont know what all goes into teaching a deaf person how to speak and to articulate words and sounds they otherwise cannot feel or hear. The only comparison I can think of is teaching a blind person how to use a standard keyboard. It can be hard and its rough but if you didnt know the person was blind, you would have thought they were a good typist.

'Normal' people don't know and often make assumptions about what they don't know, unfortunately for most people since the deaf sign, and cannot hear, the deaf must not be able to speak well. (where's the sarcastic icon at??)

I too have deafness and I speak well and I often get the "Oh I didn't know that! You speak so well!" Sometimes I want to cringe but at the same I understand most people meant as a compliment and I just more or less let it roll off my back since they don't know any better.

As for finding acceptance in Deaf Community, come in here, make a few posts, and go with the flow. If someone here comes and tries to alienate you, you've always got an ignore function to help you out. But seriously, for the most part more and more Deaf are being mainstreamed and are getting CI's and alot of the younger Deafies don't mind as they likely have the same experiences behind them.

[Aorora111]

Originally Posted by Dixie

I too have deafness and I speak well and I often get the "Oh I didn't know that! You speak so well!" Sometimes I want to cringe but at the same I understand most people meant as a compliment and I just more or less let it roll off my back since they don't know any better.

.

I am hard of hearing, am people are surprised to learn it because I get the same thing - oh, you speak so well. Well, yeah, 12 years of speech therapy will do that. I also let it roll off because I know it's ignorance with the intentions of being a compliment.

[Southern]

I am hearing, and hearing people get on my nerves for the same reason.
As for my experience, every Deafie i have met have been gracious and kind to me so i don't know about the bad experiences. Some have said they wish i was Deaf, or CODA, or in a relationship with a Deaf so i could sign as well as them. I didn't take offense to that i know what they meant. I have the same feelings.

[Just Bri]

I've gotten into a few silly arguments in the past with one deaf person in particular... but every other time I've had a blast with deaf!

I'd rather be in the deaf community more than the hearing... the only thing that keeps me from wanting to be completely deaf is how it feels to hear, even just a little, and I hope I can enjoy both communities until the day I die.

[Blade Runner]

Originally Posted by NC Tar Heel Guy

I've gotten into a few silly arguments in the past with one deaf person in particular... but every other time I've had a blast with deaf!

I'd rather be in the deaf community more than the hearing... the only thing that keeps me from wanting to be completely deaf is how it feels to hear, even just a little, and I hope I can enjoy both communities until the day I die.

Right, and I tend to avoid deaf meets because I've noticed that some deaf people will do anything to start an argument.

[Dixie]

Originally Posted by NC Tar Heel Guy

I've gotten into a few silly arguments in the past with one deaf person in particular... but every other time I've had a blast with deaf!

I'd rather be in the deaf community more than the hearing... the only thing that keeps me from wanting to be completely deaf is how it feels to hear, even just a little, and I hope I can enjoy both communities until the day I die.

Your'e not the only one with those feelings. I was born HOH, grew up mainstreamed, oral, and I have many hearing friends and no one in my family signs since they are all hearing. But I also understand that I am slowly going deaf, and thus I need to learn sign, and make connections to the deaf community. I still want to keep my ties to the hearing world, but I also want to venture into the deaf community and meet people who are going through similar circumstances.

As for deafies wanting to look for an argument, I would respond to them the same way I would respond to a hearing person - sign : I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN ARGUE and walk off. If they get mad and get in a huff it is their problem and not yours. There are people in the hearing AND Deaf communities that just like to look for a fight. Dont let these people stop you from learning.

[Just Bri]

No offense to hearing people, but I love to tell them off in sign language!

But either way, my co-workers and some of my friends are learning to sign basic things, so it's helping!

[PuyoPiyo]

I experience deafies people hate me for go to mainstream schools and having a CI.

[Blade Runner]

Originally Posted by PuyoPiyo

I experience deafies people hate me for go to mainstream schools and having a CI.

Same here except for the CI part.

[shel90]

Originally Posted by PuyoPiyo

I experience deafies people hate me for go to mainstream schools and having a CI.

Yea that has happened to me too. Oh well..I told them straight out that it was my parents' decision not mine. Some of them stopped judging me and eventually we became friends. Others still rejected me.

Not everyone in the deaf community is gonna like each other..just have to find the people u connect with but at least there is a community there that we can go and meet people to click with.

[PuyoPiyo]

Originally Posted by shel90

Yea that has happened to me too. Oh well..I told them straight out that it was my parents' decision not mine. Some of them stopped judging me and eventually we became friends. Others still rejected me.

Not everyone in the deaf community is gonna like each other..just have to find the people u connect with but at least there is a community there that we can go and meet people to click with.

Yeah I agree with every word you said.

Even tough my parents did not force me to choose the CI, some of deafies hate me and refuse to social with me.

And about the public schools, some of my deafies friends asked me to stay at the deaf school, but I want to stay at the public school because the deaf school's policy are way too strict, so I stay at public school, and that person hate me for that.

I still don't understand their point to prejude against me to go to public school or being curious about the CI.

[Blade Runner]

Originally Posted by shel90

Yea that has happened to me too. Oh well..I told them straight out that it was my parents' decision not mine. Some of them stopped judging me and eventually we became friends. Others still rejected me.

Not everyone in the deaf community is gonna like each other..just have to find the people u connect with but at least there is a community there that we can go and meet people to click with.

Yeah, I do like some deaf people but not that many.

[Cheri]

I’ll start off by saying my parents don't even know any sign language they did learned but decide not to use it anymore, and thinks now that I could speak, I could just use my voice. If I talk silently with my twin sister just signing at the table, My family would say to talk louder for them all to hear, but is it fair that they refused to learn my language which is signs but I am require to learn their language by speaking. It annoys me because I've learned combination of sign language, verbal speech, oral, speech reading (lip reading) for them, but they can't learn sign language for me? Some hearing people are the same way out in the society.

The most part what annoys me is when a hearing person asked me something like directions, I would say, Excuse me, I'm deaf could you speak alit bit more clearly so I could read your lips? And the hearing person would say "Oh I'm sorry" and walked off.

[PuyoPiyo]

Originally Posted by Cheri

I’ll start off by saying my parents don't even know any sign language they did learned but decide not to use it anymore, and thinks now that I could speak, I could just use my voice. If I talk silently with my twin sister just signing at the table, My family would say to talk louder for them all to hear, but is it fair that they refused to learn my language which is signs but I am require to learn their language by speaking. It annoys me because I've learned combination of sign language, verbal speech, oral, speech reading (lip reading) for them, but they can't learn sign language for me? Some hearing people are the same way out in the society.

The most part what annoys me is when a hearing person asked me something like directions, I would say, Excuse me, I'm deaf could you speak alit bit more clearly so I could read your lips? And the hearing person would say "Oh I'm sorry" and walked off.

Ohh yeah I understand how you felt when that happened. I work as Janitor at the school, sometimes other hearing people came to me and ask for the direction, I told them "I am deaf", and trying to pick a paper and pen from my pocket, then they became shy and "Oh" then giving me two facing smile, then left. They think I am just a dumbass.

[shel90]

Originally Posted by PuyoPiyo

Ohh yeah I understand how you felt when that happened. I work as Janitor at the school, sometimes other hearing people came to me and ask for the direction, I told them "I am deaf", and trying to pick a paper and pen from my pocket, then they became shy and "Oh" then giving me two facing smile, then left. They think I am just a dumbass.

Yep..had that happened to me so many time that I lost count. Even if I could understand them and they start talking fast later on in the conversations, I would tell them to slow down cuz I am deaf. Then some of them would say " iam sorry" with this terrified look on their faces and walk away. I am like "huh? We were just conversing just fine for a short time until they started talking too fast???" oh boy

[Blade Runner]

Originally Posted by shel90

Yep..had that happened to me so many time that I lost count. Even if I could understand them and they start talking fast later on in the conversations, I would tell them to slow down cuz I am deaf. Then some of them would say " iam sorry" with this terrified look on their faces and walk away. I am like "huh? We were just conversing just fine for a short time until they started talking too fast???" oh boy

Yeah that is pretty sad that something like that has to happen to a lot of deaf people, but if they don't want to learn all about deafness, then it is our responsibility to educate them.

[linguistica]

I have been wondering the same thing. I go to public Deaf events and often feel left out. If I see an interpreter I've met before and I try to chat in sign with them, sometimes they act barely tolerant of my presence. I can understand that they want to converse with Deafies, but still. When I go to these public Deaf events, I feel ignored by the Deaf people as well. I try to participate, but it's like they've known each other for years, and I'm just not all that welcome. A lot of Deaf people say that they don't like interpreters that don't socialize with Deaf, but I'm trying to and I'm not accepted. I'm an advanced interpreting student. I only moved to this area 9 months ago. I want to be involved with the Deaf community, but I don't know how much longer my self-esteem can take the unfriendliness.

It's weird, because when I was an ASL beginner living in a different town, I actually felt more accepted than I do now. Does anyone have any opinions or suggestions about this?

[Dixie]

Even though I can hear somewhat if I cant see the persons lips or if they are speaking too fast I cannot understand them and I have ask them to repeat what I missed and I sometimes get that "You're a dumbass" look from them. Or like yesterday I was in Sunday School class and there were many people talking at the same time and I had a hard time keeping up with the conversation, so I just sat there on the sofa looking at my Diet Dr. Pepper cup and leaning back with my eyes closed like I was trying to work off a hangover, lol.

Oh well, maybe one of these days I'll muster up the courage to tell the group my predicament and asking them to please not treat me like a dumbass and that if you are speaking to me could you place face me and talk clearly so I can read your lips. With the sign language thing coming up soon, the opportunity may present itself soon enough. I just hope they dont start treating me like a 5 year old kid because so far I like it there.

[shel90]

Originally Posted by linguistica

I have been wondering the same thing. I go to public Deaf events and often feel left out. If I see an interpreter I've met before and I try to chat in sign with them, sometimes they act barely tolerant of my presence. I can understand that they want to converse with Deafies, but still. When I go to these public Deaf events, I feel ignored by the Deaf people as well. I try to participate, but it's like they've known each other for years, and I'm just not all that welcome. A lot of Deaf people say that they don't like interpreters that don't socialize with Deaf, but I'm trying to and I'm not accepted. I'm an advanced interpreting student. I only moved to this area 9 months ago. I want to be involved with the Deaf community, but I don't know how much longer my self-esteem can take the unfriendliness.

It's weird, because when I was an ASL beginner living in a different town, I actually felt more accepted than I do now. Does anyone have any opinions or suggestions about this?

U are not the only one..I am deaf and fluent in sign language but I still get left out from time to time especially with my softball team. They all are Gallaudet students or all know each other from Gallaudet and I grew up mainstreamed so there are times I am left out with them. I love to play softball so I am there to play. Ha!

However, I have many friends not on the team in the deaf community so I am not worried about being close with my teammates.

It just takes time to find certain people that u will click with. Pls dont feel bad cuz it happens to many deaf people especially those who grew up orally. It took me a while and lots of frustrating times to get to where I am in the deaf community.

Maybe there are hearing people at those events and can start out with them?

[linguistica]

Originally Posted by shel90

U are not the only one..I am deaf and fluent in sign language but I still get left out from time to time especially with my softball team. They all are Gallaudet students or all know each other from Gallaudet and I grew up mainstreamed so there are times I am left out with them. I love to play softball so I am there to play. Ha!

However, I have many friends not on the team in the deaf community so I am not worried about being close with my teammates.

It just takes time to find certain people that u will click with. Pls dont feel bad cuz it happens to many deaf people especially those who grew up orally. It took me a while and lots of frustrating times to get to where I am in the deaf community.

Maybe there are hearing people at those events and can start out with them?

Thank you! You made me feel better!!