Fitting Into The Deaf Community...

[SnAzZyStyLe2002]

.... Which is why I have 2 separate accounts on Facebook.

I don't want the deafies from my old high school and my college hearing buddies to mix and mingle. Suppose I have just one account on FB and let the deafies in with my college buddies .... it can lead to total disasters for me.

Don't ask how, ok? It's too long and complicated a story. Shel90, I believe you already know why.

[SJCSue]

In "A Loss for Words", she writes, "As my parents' child, I was part of the deaf world with its culture, even though, I could hear and was thus wired to normal society. My parents' friends felt I was "one of them", and years later, when deaf people asked me how I learned sign language, I could see them relax, I could see the relief on their faces, when I told them my were deaf."



I met Lou Ann a few weeks ago at my college.

[shel90]

Originally Posted by RITCount

I may be stubborn too but that is because I had too many experiences with deaf people who do me some harm.

Same here with Deaf people and same here with hearing people. I just hung out with the wrong people from time to time and learned my lessons from my experiences.

I learned that it is best not to have so many close friends in the Deaf community cuz too much gossip about my business. So, I just have 4 close girlfriends in PA and 1 close girlfriend here in MD. That's good enough for me.

I have many other friends but on a casual level.

[ASLGAL]

Hi. I guess I have had it easier than some being accepted in the deaf community. It's the hearing people who make me want to spit most of the time!

My acceptance by deaf and deaf/blind has been for the most part wonderful. There are always those who do not want to waste time with an ASL/hearing person, SSP, or spouse of HOH/deaf or not. I do not worry about them, they will either get to know me or not. Same for hearing people, especially those who act all superior or embarrassed because I sign.

One recent thing that made me angry.
I was standing at the hostess station waiting to be seated, a deaf friend came in and we started to chat, the hostess stepped right between us and shouted 'this way' and walked away toward a table. My friend and I said a quick goodbye and I follwed the hostess. I was angered and it caught me by surprise. Later, a teacher and mentor said I should have polietly asked the hostess to move from my signing space/sight and wait until I finished my conversation. Rudeness like this happens a lot and I'm still shocked by it when it happen.

My DH who is severly HOH is happiest when we are out with deaf friends or at silent dinners. He doesn't miss conversations then.

Just my humble 2 cents

[Silentwolfdog]

Originally Posted by shel90

Same here with Deaf people and same here with hearing people. I just hung out with the wrong people from time to time and learned my lessons from my experiences.

I learned that it is best not to have so many close friends in the Deaf community cuz too much gossip about my business. So, I just have 4 close girlfriends in PA and 1 close girlfriend here in MD. That's good enough for me.

I have many other friends but on a casual level.

Yeah! I think that's one of big flaw about deaf community. Because deaf community is small, the gossip is really bad and it can reach many people really fast. That's why I tend to avoid talking about myself in places like that (such as silent social) because of what you said, and fewer is better too.

Unfortunately even though I avoided talk about myself, some gossips can come from nowhere, and sometimes it can be untrue. It can be harmful.

[Blade Runner]

Originally Posted by shel90

Same here with Deaf people and same here with hearing people. I just hung out with the wrong people from time to time and learned my lessons from my experiences.

I learned that it is best not to have so many close friends in the Deaf community cuz too much gossip about my business. So, I just have 4 close girlfriends in PA and 1 close girlfriend here in MD. That's good enough for me.

I have many other friends but on a casual level.

Right, I have about 3 close friends who are deaf because I like to keep my circle of friends small in order to miminize problems from other deaf people.

[Blade Runner]

Originally Posted by Silentwolfdog

Yeah! I think that's one of big flaw about deaf community. Because deaf community is small, the gossip is really bad and it can reach many people really fast. That's why I tend to avoid talking about myself in places like that (such as silent social) because of what you said, and fewer is better too.

Unfortunately even though I avoided talk about myself, some gossips can come from nowhere, and sometimes it can be untrue. It can be harmful.

Right, I never talk about myself with strangers.

[jillio]

Originally Posted by Silentwolfdog

It's not just a problem in deaf community. Society at large have this problem, people judging you because of your background without knowing who you are. It's like it doesn't matter if person is a good person or not, it's where they come from or what they have that matters. This shouldn't have happened but it does.

If those deaf people you met at silent social or whatever, doesn't treat you good then they aren't worth your time. Because there are good deaf people out there who know better and will treat you with respect.

Am I right?

That's always bothered me when I see how hearing people felt when deaf people treat them badly, it's because hearing people were trying to learn to sign or look awkward when signing. If we want more people learning to sign then we need to stop complaining about if they doesn't look good. Everyone have to start from somewhere, even deaf people too. I am sure my signing doesn't look good while I am learning it for the first time when I was a few months old. ^^

That's just my opinion.

Originally Posted by ASLGAL

One recent thing that made me angry.
I was standing at the hostess station waiting to be seated, a deaf friend came in and we started to chat, the hostess stepped right between us and shouted 'this way' and walked away toward a table. My friend and I said a quick goodbye and I follwed the hostess. I was angered and it caught me by surprise. Later, a teacher and mentor said I should have polietly asked the hostess to move from my signing space/sight and wait until I finished my conversation. Rudeness like this happens a lot and I'm still shocked by it when it happen.

I'm not sure I find what the hostess did rude. I disagree with what your mentor/teacher said.
I think it's rude to make someone in the service industry wait. I'm trying to think of how to say that a little clearer.

I'll use VRS as an example. I hate when I take a call, and I am very polite with my deaf consumer "Thank you for calling, i'm interpreter...", and they tell me "wait" while they have a conversation with someone, or finish a text or IM on their sidekick.
They(cashiers, hostesses, Vrs interpreters :p) are working. They have to do their jobs, and quite often they have time limits and expectations that they have to fulfill, along with lines of other people who need to be served (and are READY to be served.) I'm sure you hate waiting in line. So do all the people behind you.

If you aren't ready to do business, please finish what you're doing and THEN "get in line."

Same as people who are in line at a store or coffee shop and talking on cell phones. They get to the counter and the cashier is ready to take their order or check them out, but the person on their cell phone says "wait" while they finish their conversation. That's rude.

Regarding fitting in, I do feel badly about people who are excluded from the deaf community because they aren't "Deaf enough." There are cliques everywhere, though. They're always hard to break into. It doesn't matter if you're hearing or deaf. You just gotta keep trying until you find people who are willing to let you in.

[shel90]

Originally Posted by vrsterp

I'm not sure I find what the hostess did rude. I disagree with what your mentor/teacher said.
I think it's rude to make someone in the service industry wait. I'm trying to think of how to say that a little clearer.

I'll use VRS as an example. I hate when I take a call, and I am very polite with my deaf consumer "Thank you for calling, i'm interpreter...", and they tell me "wait" while they have a conversation with someone, or finish a text or IM on their sidekick.
They(cashiers, hostesses, Vrs interpreters :p) are working. They have to do their jobs, and quite often they have time limits and expectations that they have to fulfill, along with lines of other people who need to be served (and are READY to be served.) I'm sure you hate waiting in line. So do all the people behind you.

If you aren't ready to do business, please finish what you're doing and THEN "get in line."

Same as people who are in line at a store or coffee shop and talking on cell phones. They get to the counter and the cashier is ready to take their order or check them out, but the person on their cell phone says "wait" while they finish their conversation. That's rude.

.

U have a good point..people need to do their jobs and cant wait for the customer to be ready to get their services but I really think it was wrong of the hostess to step in between them like that. She should be more professional than that.

Originally Posted by shel90

U have a good point..people need to do their jobs and cant wait for the customer to be ready to get their services but I really think it was wrong of the hostess to step in between them like that. She should be more professional than that.

If they were hearing, I think the waitress would have interrupted with an "excuse me," which would not be rude. However knowing they were deaf, there is no other way to interrupt besides visually.

[shel90]

Originally Posted by vrsterp

If they were hearing, I think the waitress would have interrupted with an "excuse me," which would not be rude. However knowing they were deaf, there is no other way to interrupt besides visually.

I respectfully disagree.. A few taps on the shoulder will do.

[Capmeister]

Originally Posted by NC Tar Heel Guy

No offense to hearing people, but I love to tell them off in sign language!

But either way, my co-workers and some of my friends are learning to sign basic things, so it's helping!

I did that once when I was leaning to sign and didn't know that the guy I did it to also knew sign language--better than I did at the time. OOPS! He went off on me fast I only saw something about my mother and that was it. We had a big laugh after.

Originally Posted by shel90

I respectfully disagree.. A few taps on the shoulder will do.

That's a cultural difference. In the hearing world touching someone you don't know is not acceptable.

[jillio]

Originally Posted by vrsterp

That's a cultural difference. In the hearing world touching someone you don't know is not acceptable.

Tapping on the shoulder is no more rude than stepping in between--in either culture.

[lilylover72]

I am deaf. My husband is hearing. Anyway, I used social with deaf people then I met my husband. Deaf people didn't approve me that I was dating a hearing guy. My husband already learned how sign. He was so nice and tried be friend with them. They didn't speak to us back. I always tell many deaf people that hearing and deaf human are same, same feeling, same mind. Hearing people were so mean at my husband and me also. No different. We don't need be member of any deaf club or hearing club. We just want social anyone for chat and enjoy. We don't need anyone who are not accpet deaf or hearing.

Hearing and Deaf human are being same! No different!!!!!!

[jillio]

Originally Posted by ghsh1996

I am deaf. My husband is hearing. Anyway, I used social with deaf people then I met my husband. Deaf people didn't approve me that I was dating a hearing guy. My husband already learned how sign. He was so nice and tried be friend with them. They didn't speak to us back. I always tell many deaf people that hearing and deaf human are same, same feeling, same mind. Hearing people were so mean at my husband and me also. No different. We don't need be member of any deaf club or hearing club. We just want social anyone for chat and enjoy. We don't need anyone who are not accpet deaf or hearing.

Hearing and Deaf human are being same! No different!!!!!!

I agree with you--they are the same. And mean people are mean people, whether they can hear or not hear.

[shel90]

Originally Posted by ghsh1996

I am deaf. My husband is hearing. Anyway, I used social with deaf people then I met my husband. Deaf people didn't approve me that I was dating a hearing guy. My husband already learned how sign. He was so nice and tried be friend with them. They didn't speak to us back. I always tell many deaf people that hearing and deaf human are same, same feeling, same mind. Hearing people were so mean at my husband and me also. No different. We don't need be member of any deaf club or hearing club. We just want social anyone for chat and enjoy. We don't need anyone who are not accpet deaf or hearing.

Hearing and Deaf human are being same! No different!!!!!!

I am in the same shoes as u r in from time to time.

First, I wasn't accepted cuz I was too "hearing" so I told those off big time but still contuinued to be involved and some of those who judged me realized their mistake and I ended friends with some of them.

Then, I started dating my hearing husband. He has already been involved with the deaf communinty and knew sign but I still had some situations where some deaf people were judgemental so I told them off. LOL!

Most of my friends didn't care if I married a hearing guy. Some of his hearing friends asked him how he could marry a "disabled" person and that he was getting himself in more than what he asked for. Some even joked that we will have retarded babies. My husband told them that he will kick their asses if they make any more comments. Hearing can be just as judgemental too.

Important we have our damily and close friends. Don't need to be close friends with everyone. Hehehehe

[Blade Runner]

Originally Posted by ghsh1996

I am deaf. My husband is hearing. Anyway, I used social with deaf people then I met my husband. Deaf people didn't approve me that I was dating a hearing guy. My husband already learned how sign. He was so nice and tried be friend with them. They didn't speak to us back. I always tell many deaf people that hearing and deaf human are same, same feeling, same mind. Hearing people were so mean at my husband and me also. No different. We don't need be member of any deaf club or hearing club. We just want social anyone for chat and enjoy. We don't need anyone who are not accpet deaf or hearing.

Hearing and Deaf human are being same! No different!!!!!!

Originally Posted by jillio

I agree with you--they are the same. And mean people are mean people, whether they can hear or not hear.

Exactly.

[Capmeister]

My brother and I tried to attend a deaf club in Flint, MI once--they told us that he could join, but I could not, because I was hearing. We left. I think it's their loss (not about me, really, but that they're roping themselves off from those hearies that sign).

[lilylover72]

Originally Posted by shel90

I am in the same shoes as u r in from time to time.


Most of my friends didn't care if I married a hearing guy. Some of his hearing friends asked him how he could marry a "disabled" person and that he was getting himself in more than what he asked for. Some even joked that we will have retarded babies. My husband told them that he will kick their asses if they make any more comments. Hearing can be just as judgemental too.

Important we have our damily and close friends. Don't need to be close friends with everyone. Hehehehe

My husband tell me that he don't let anyone bother him about me. I met people through my husband. They were suprised that I am deaf. They asked my husband about why didnt he tell them about it. He said noone ask me about it. Some accpet us and some don't. We always go out or go store or somewhere. People thought that both of us were deaf but my husband can hear. My husband said they were talking about us so bad. He said hey I can hear what you guys talking. They were shocked. They tried make excuse. We just walked away. It happen many times. Many people talked to me, I said excuse me, I am deaf. I had paper and pen. but they were not patient at all and they just walked away. Some can handle with me. Some cannot.

[akoutsourais]

Originally Posted by Aorora111

I am hard of hearing, am people are surprised to learn it because I get the same thing - oh, you speak so well. Well, yeah, 12 years of speech therapy will do that. I also let it roll off because I know it's ignorance with the intentions of being a compliment.

I get that all the freaking time!!! That and "They let you drive". lmao

[Dixie]

I have to burst out laughing everytime I hear of someone else getting the 'oh you can drive?' thing.

That is almost like asking a blind man - 'Oh you can walk?' It is really that ridiculous to me.

[akoutsourais]

Originally Posted by Dixie

I have to burst out laughing everytime I hear of someone else getting the 'oh you can drive?' thing.

That is almost like asking a blind man - 'Oh you can walk?' It is really that ridiculous to me.

I do almost burst out laughing. Usually the person means well, so I don't tend to take offense. I usually reply "I bet I'm a more attentive driver, I can't use a cell, I'm ALWAYS checking my mirrors, I'm always aware of drivers around me, etc". It usually takes about 2 seconds for the person to reflect on his/her inattentive driving to realize they would be safer in a car with me any day.

[Silentwolfdog]

Originally Posted by akoutsourais

I do almost burst out laughing. Usually the person means well, so I don't tend to take offense. I usually reply "I bet I'm a more attentive driver, I can't use a cell, I'm ALWAYS checking my mirrors, I'm always aware of drivers around me, etc". It usually takes about 2 seconds for the person to reflect on his/her inattentive driving to realize they would be safer in a car with me any day.

Ah! I like that reply better!