Questions For The Deafies & Hearies Thread --- Cultural Discussion Topic - Page 3

Taylor · 01-18-2005, 04:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tousi

Taylor said.....
"The sky is blue" The reply would be 'It is' but it would be flat as I'm saying this in agreement with the speaker."

Now, if Taylor had made that statement to me, I'd say, "No shit, dude!?"

Yeah...but your tone is everything LOL

signer16 · 01-20-2005, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SpiceHD

also... i notice at comedy shows... the comedian would say a stupid joke and the whole audience would laugh their ass off and people who were watching it with me would laugh too but i didnt see any humor in it. i asked one time about why it is so funny they said its just in their voice. what that means?

People have basically answered your first two questions, but I feel like a little more could be added on the one above.
Deaf humor and hearing humor are VERY different. Humor, in almost every language, is mostly a play on words. People can use a phrase that has like three different meanings, or that SOUNDS like another phrase. The context of the joke and conversation can make a meaningless phrase like "do it" and have it mean a million different things depending on what else has been said. American English humor uses A LOT of sarcasm, so something can be said that by itself sounds innocent, but the WAY it is said makes it mean, sad, funny, etc. Deaf humor uses play on words as well, such as "please but" in a joke about trains, talking about the guard rails at a train crossing needing to be lifted.
Okay, I'm not real sure if that was clear, but maybe someone else can word it better.
Any other questions, PLEASE ask, I am always willing to answer! I am happy to know some deafies actually have questions about hearing culture and I am not the only one with questions about deaf culture!

okay, adios, Kelsey

knightwolf68 · 01-20-2005, 12:25 PM

I recall that from what i heard from the rumor i don't know if it is the facts that in Texas their law say that nobody can tap on the shoulder otherwise will get ticket as consider it somewhat sexual hassements or something like that i am not sure if it is true as i have heard that many deafies from down there was so frustarted about that as it is deaf culture to do that to get someone's attention .. I find it as JOKES !!!

please correct me if i hear wrong little birds

Fly Free · 01-20-2005, 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by knightwolf68

I recall that from what i heard from the rumor i don't know if it is the facts that in Texas their law say that nobody can tap on the shoulder otherwise will get ticket as consider it somewhat sexual hassements or something like that i am not sure if it is true as i have heard that many deafies from down there was so frustarted about that as it is deaf culture to do that to get someone's attention .. I find it as JOKES !!!

please correct me if i hear wrong little birds

ive never heard that myself KW68 and this is the first ive heard! seems quite ridiculous IMHO!

ill wait n see if anyone has comments abt this

o0obluemoon0o0 · 01-21-2005, 01:44 AM

Hi.. This is really goot point to be raised on here...

I'm deaf, I've raised in hearing world all my life up until when I was 11 or 12 years old, I attended deaf school for the first time. I'm very observant, I noticed a lot things that hearing people does. Well Hearing people depends on their ears more than they do with their eyes. My mother doesnt even look at me when I talk to her, or when she talks to me. She says she can hear me just fine. Even tho she get what I said wrong sometime... I've been deaf since I was 7 weeks old. She know ASL.. I feel she should already know how deaf people really communicate... and our culture a bit.. In hearing's version of communicating this way... it's not rude... but in deaf's version, to us... it's rude. Because we feel that if no eye contact, watching each other signing or speaking, is rude.. We feel that we're being ignored. right?? I've come across a lot hearing people that wouldnt look at me when they speak to me or when I speak to them... I cant do anything to change that but to remind them that Im deaf and I need to look at their lips to speak, and for them to actually look at me so I know they are really listening and understanding what I say. and often, I get frustrated, and being a bitch, ask for paper & pen to communicate with people.

I got a question... Do any of you deafies feel self-concious when it come to using your voice front of hearing people?? to speak to them??

javapride · 01-21-2005, 03:24 AM

Well Fly made a GREAT posting here........ and let me say for instant here, I have noticed Hearies DON T even make any eye contacts unless forced to IMO, I had to deal with my bro in law who kept turning his head away and finally he realized to look at me more and then i noticed he shaved his beard ( trimmed it thinner) just so he can be understood which impressed me but his verbal abuse didn't..... anyway another story anyway......

the other thing is....... My mom says i talk to myself alot, and i said ihave a good reason for that it helps me foucus and see what i am doing considering being blind in one eye and helps me point out where i need to work on or what i need to fix or am doing wrong it helps me be a better person as well. when i was angry i never talked at all now when im angry i sign alot ot myself to vent myself out to de stress myself, which had i have Noticed helped alot. and like on my vacation i checked to make sure i had ALL my stuff with me before departing for airport I ALWAYS signed to myself its like making a imginary checklist and has helped me greatly. and not forget things.

some poeple see that as im weird when im not, all im doing is taking care of myself and if they see me as a wacko thats on them.... and i m the better person for that

knightwolf68 · 01-21-2005, 08:54 AM

well, I just thoughtful it is kinda of relate to these cutlure in somewhat.... don't u deaf ppl hate to be left out in the hearing family like whatever there is holiday like thanksgiving or x mas or easter day etc ... all the family got together and u feel left out or get little informations from family what u want to know what they were talk about ... i always ask my mom what are they talk about ??? she usually say wait then give me little informations ... but i found out there is more than that damn little informations which cause me piss offf and feel that i am not that important to be part of the family to know whats going on as i usually feel that i am the last person to know whats going on in the family ... I was yell at everybody which it really upset me and i stopped talk or visit family for awhile as the family was puzzled and whats wrong with me and they keep call or come visit me and ask me why don't i come down to the family for holiday it is important to be family together ... I keep tell them they should know better than that they have to figure out what wrong with the family how they treat me like that ... they didn't have any clue until one time i drop the huge bomb on them as they found out that something has happen to me long time ago as they didn't know about this and come confront me about this ... i said bloody about times it has been happen like two years ago or something and ur finally caught up ... they was like puzzled and said what do u mean ??? and i said u have to think harder what i mean by that and see how u treat me like that .. they said they don't like to be last person to know whats going on the family and i said BIIINNNGGGOOOOOO they finally realize what they has done with me over the damn YYYEEAARRRSSSSS and they finally gave me pretty much informations and we become close to each other which is good but still sneak round without having me know i ain't that stupid ... my family want me to be with hearing gf and i told them helllooo nooooo thanks i rather deaf gf that connect with me and see how they feel about that .. they finally pick up the convesations and have us to be part of family which is good but better than nothing .. oh well.. LIB !

o0obluemoon0o0 · 01-21-2005, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by knightwolf68

well, I just thoughtful it is kinda of relate to these cutlure in somewhat.... don't u deaf ppl hate to be left out in the hearing family like whatever there is holiday like thanksgiving or x mas or easter day etc ... all the family got together and u feel left out or get little informations from family what u want to know what they were talk about ... i always ask my mom what are they talk about ??? she usually say wait then give me little informations ... but i found out there is more than that damn little informations which cause me piss offf and feel that i am not that important to be part of the family to know whats going on as i usually feel that i am the last person to know whats going on in the family ... I was yell at everybody which it really upset me and i stopped talk or visit family for awhile as the family was puzzled and whats wrong with me and they keep call or come visit me and ask me why don't i come down to the family for holiday it is important to be family together ... I keep tell them they should know better than that they have to figure out what wrong with the family how they treat me like that ... they didn't have any clue until one time i drop the huge bomb on them as they found out that something has happen to me long time ago as they didn't know about this and come confront me about this ... i said bloody about times it has been happen like two years ago or something and ur finally caught up ... they was like puzzled and said what do u mean ??? and i said u have to think harder what i mean by that and see how u treat me like that .. they said they don't like to be last person to know whats going on the family and i said BIIINNNGGGOOOOOO they finally realize what they has done with me over the damn YYYEEAARRRSSSSS and they finally gave me pretty much informations and we become close to each other which is good but still sneak round without having me know i ain't that stupid ... my family want me to be with hearing gf and i told them helllooo nooooo thanks i rather deaf gf that connect with me and see how they feel about that .. they finally pick up the convesations and have us to be part of family which is good but better than nothing .. oh well.. LIB !

Oh yes... I have went thru that, and still does. Even with my boyfriend's family a little. My boyfriend is hearing... At least they are little better than my family. I know they are trying to involve me.. With my family. I've always felt left out, being ignored, the black sheep.. u name it. I've felt all thsi with them. I told my mom about how I felt. She said to me, "You need to talk more, and then you wouldnt be left out" I was like, what the f*ck!? I talked, you guys ignore me, when I keep pestering you guys to listen to me, u finally listen to me, only for 1 minute. Im tired of it. I dont feel like Im part of the family. She said nothing. Doesnt seem like she give damn about how I Feel, or about me... When I first met with my bf's parents... They are awesome, tried to talk with me, signing and writing paper, speaking clearly & slowly.. They sometime talk over my head... I let it go.. Because I realized, I cant really change that.. in any family. t o get them involve me. As much it hurts me, but oh well. But I can change that in my family in the future... like when I have my own children, and husband or boyfriend who's father of my baby(ies). then I'll change that... You got to realize that they are used to this... they dont even realize what they are doing, when they are caught up in converstation... Heck, we do that too... when we have one hearing person with bunch of deaifes. we chatted away, and didnt realize the hearing is being left out. It sucks, anyway..

SpiceHD · 01-21-2005, 08:29 PM

yes exactly... i alway get left out when im in any hearing group... but i dont usually let it get to me because i accepted that its how it goes period. but it would be nice if they would at least try more heh

my boyfriend's family was pretty cool... they try to talk to me one time or other... so its cool

the worst thing i hated about being left out is gaming online ... using teamspeak... boy i hate those because i love online... it allows me to talk to anybody no matter of what kind of disability i have or they have. Then they get on teamspeak and chatting away suddenly the chatroom went quiet i ended up chatting to no one and got bored.

grrrr at least in famiilies or in a group i can actually go and tap their shoulder or something to get their attention.

Ariakkas · 02-01-2005, 01:54 PM

when i tried and joke around with my deaf co-coworkers, i end up trying to explain to them i don't mean what i said literally. my entire sense of humor is built around sarcasm, and it gets completely lost on deafies.

for example....

when i went to borrow something from a deaf co-worker that should have been there for me to use. when he asked why i didn't have it, i signed to him "bob was sleepin on the job"...meaning jokingly..that it was the other guys fault...the deaf co-worker took it to mean that bob was over in his area sleeping and he got all wide-eyed and surprised....then i spent the next 10 minutes trying to explain what i meant...and i don't think he ever fully understood.

i don't see deafies joking around with each other, or hearies, all that much....at least not the way hearing people do...when us hearies try to include them in the conversation, they usually end up not understanding what we are talking about, cause we're all mostly joking sarcasticly with each other...(we all sign)

on the flip side, i was forced to learn SEE cause i work with deaf kids, and when i see 2 deafies talking to each other using ASL, it boggles me and i stand there with a blank look on my face...the word order is so different. i understand the signs, but the way the words go together makes no sense.

Ariakkas · 02-01-2005, 01:56 PM

bleh posted on a different account..screw it heh

nozobo · 02-01-2005, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ariakkas

when i tried and joke around with my deaf co-coworkers, i end up trying to explain to them i don't mean what i said literally. my entire sense of humor is built around sarcasm, and it gets completely lost on deafies.

for example....

when i went to borrow something from a deaf co-worker that should have been there for me to use. when he asked why i didn't have it, i signed to him "bob was sleepin on the job"...meaning jokingly..that it was the other guys fault...the deaf co-worker took it to mean that bob was over in his area sleeping and he got all wide-eyed and surprised....then i spent the next 10 minutes trying to explain what i meant...and i don't think he ever fully understood.

i don't see deafies joking around with each other, or hearies, all that much....at least not the way hearing people do...when us hearies try to include them in the conversation, they usually end up not understanding what we are talking about, cause we're all mostly joking sarcasticly with each other...(we all sign)

on the flip side, i was forced to learn SEE cause i work with deaf kids, and when i see 2 deafies talking to each other using ASL, it boggles me and i stand there with a blank look on my face...the word order is so different. i understand the signs, but the way the words go together makes no sense.

Ariakkas Welcome to AllDeaf and enjoy your stay... anyway many deafies do not get hearing people's joke, unlike me I can understood some of it because I was born hearing and became deaf at the age of 2 and went to mainstream school until 3rd grade and graduated at deaf school, so I know what it's like both way but not entirely but I know some of it

AGAIN, welcome to AD!

pinkster · 02-01-2005, 04:16 PM

I like this thread. Nothing I can say hasnt been said before. But I watch Megladon talk to people and/or his family and I see the same thing. This is all just my opinion btw.

Eye contact is used to establish a connection, and then once it's there, theres only a need to look again maybe once or twice.

With family we all know it's different, eye contact means you're paying attention, but just with family.

Being deaf and a lip reader puts you in a position where you're always looking at the person. Have you noticed they get all fidgety when you're lipreading? Or they take a moment to look away? I think it's unintentional intimidation.

And besides, do you really want to be making eye contact? It's almost not possible to look at both eyes on a person, and looking at one eye is really bizarre. Even worse if you're looking from eye to eye (as my friend Angie does, it's sooooo creepy.)

SilverRoxy · 02-01-2005, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ariakkas

when i tried and joke around with my deaf co-coworkers, i end up trying to explain to them i don't mean what i said literally. my entire sense of humor is built around sarcasm, and it gets completely lost on deafies.

for example....

when i went to borrow something from a deaf co-worker that should have been there for me to use. when he asked why i didn't have it, i signed to him "bob was sleepin on the job"...meaning jokingly..that it was the other guys fault...the deaf co-worker took it to mean that bob was over in his area sleeping and he got all wide-eyed and surprised....then i spent the next 10 minutes trying to explain what i meant...and i don't think he ever fully understood.

i don't see deafies joking around with each other, or hearies, all that much....at least not the way hearing people do...when us hearies try to include them in the conversation, they usually end up not understanding what we are talking about, cause we're all mostly joking sarcasticly with each other...(we all sign)

on the flip side, i was forced to learn SEE cause i work with deaf kids, and when i see 2 deafies talking to each other using ASL, it boggles me and i stand there with a blank look on my face...the word order is so different. i understand the signs, but the way the words go together makes no sense.

Maybe you didn't show your face expressions or body language showing that you are joking around.

Oceanbreeze · 04-19-2005, 04:03 PM

I'm reviving Fly Free's thread because, I had a question for someone. I've seen references to two different types of HAs; analog and digital. I think I know what a digital hearing aid is, but what the difference between them and analog HAs? Can someone explain, please?

Thank you.

rjr2006 · 04-19-2005, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by knightwolf68

well, I just thoughtful it is kinda of relate to these cutlure in somewhat.... don't u deaf ppl hate to be left out in the hearing family like whatever there is holiday like thanksgiving or x mas or easter day etc ... all the family got together and u feel left out or get little informations from family what u want to know what they were talk about ...

yes, I understand how you feel and I feel the same way, because my mom kept saying be quiet or my brother says "shut up" in finger spell. I wish I was not deaf, but I still have to deal with the level of my deafness. The purpose of being the part of the family is to respect and help each other.

gnulinuxman · 03-24-2006, 12:06 AM

When talking to deaf people, I make sure I'm facing them, voicing or signing. It's habit--if I know they're deaf, I face them.

For hearing people, it's totally different (unless I'm practicing signing with them). I will look all over the room and rarely make eye contact with them. I often stare at the floor or at something else in the area. This has been something that's true almost all my life because of my autism (the looking around the room/area) and the understanding that deaf and hearing people have different needs.

ismi · 03-24-2006, 07:25 AM

I'm HOH, and I find myself occasionally avoiding eye contact with hearing people I know. Looking at it, I think this is in for 3 reasons. One, that you can only lip read so long before your eyes just hurt and your mind starts to wander. Two, if I am hearing better in one ear at the moment, turning that ear towards the speaker can help (if I'm not actively lip reading). And three, because most hearies I know get very uncomfortable with eye contact as mentioned by others in this thread (on the other hand, at least women seem to realize that I'm staring at their lips, not lower ... doesn't keep it from weirding them out, but it helps a bit, heh). So turning my head away when I'm not lip reading sometimes makes them more comfortable.

jshumko · 03-24-2006, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by o0obluemoon0o0

I got a question... Do any of you deafies feel self-concious when it come to using your voice front of hearing people?? to speak to them??

I am hearing, but I think I can answer this for my husband who is deaf. His natural deaf voice is deep and loud. He is unaware of course except for the first time we went to church together and he spoke in the chapel just before church started. Most adults in church didn't notice, but the children around us looked at him, all at the same time. I told him his voice was a little too loud. Now he does not talk at all in the chapel and just signs to me.

When he is talking to someone one on one, he does not worry about what his voice sounds like. He has received plenty of feedback from people that tell him he talks well. Plus he loves to joke around and people love that about him. His deaf voice is part of his charm.

When he is in a crowd, he talks much more quietly because he doesn't want to be embarrassed like he was that one time in church. Funny thing is though, this is usually when he needs to talk loud.

For example, we went to a restaurant a few days ago. The waiter kept leaning over and asking him him to repeat what he said. My husband asked me why the waiter could not hear him. I told him it was because of all the noise in the restaurant, the people talking, the noise in the kitchen, and the music playing. For most hearing people, our brains are so use to filtering out background noise that it didn't even register to me how noisy the place was until my husband asked me that question.

Since the waiter couldn't hear him, he wrote notes or pointed on the menu what he wanted. Neither of us used our voices for the entire meal. We only signed to each other, and I was quite pleased with myself that I understood almost everything he said (signed). It was also nice to not have to yell in order to be heard above the background noise. That was a fun meal.

sr171soars · 03-25-2006, 12:54 AM

A great thread and many good observations.

I'm a HOH formerly with HA and now CI who has been very much in the hearing world (which explains my familiarity). I can see why these things would be puzzling for the deaf.

When I had my HA, I knew they could utilize their voices in ways that were difficult for me to emulate simply because I couldn't hear well enough. I remember when one of my brothers (both were hearing) would tease me with his voice. My brother would do a singsong that sounded very much like my name. He would deliberately "sing" it and leave me guessing was he calling me or doing that stupid singsong to annoy me. If I could heard well enough, I would have known which it was in a heartbeat.

Now with my CI, I can do most of the things they can do (I still can't tell direction of sound too well but another CI might solve that!). I think of Spice's comment about talking to the wall situation. I work in an office and I had a question for a co-work down three offices (out of sight too). I simply called for her from where I sat and asked her my question and she answered from her office and I understood her perfectly. Another thing, I've been finding that I don't look at a person's face as much as I used to do when I used a HA. When you can hear well enough, you can focus much more on what you hear. I really love being able to hear in the dark without seeing a face. That bedeviled me to no end prior to my CI. I would have to tell people turn up the light so I can hear!

There is so much information in a voice and hearing people use it to the max. Facial expressions don't always match the tone and that can throw anybody off if you can't hear the tone.

Reba · 03-25-2006, 09:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sr171soars

... When you can hear well enough, you can focus much more on what you hear. ..

I think you hit a good point.

Hearing people don't depend on visual cues for understanding. They don't watch people's faces or eyes during normal chatting because they don't have to! It isn't necessary.

Steady eye contact (for hearing people) only becomes "necessary" when used for romance (lovers or potential lovers), interrogation (police, lawyers, military), analysis (doctors, therapists), authority emphasis (parent to child, boss to employee) or intimidation (attacker to victim) .

Just my personal opinion. Not a researched fact.

rockdrummer · 03-25-2006, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reba

I think you hit a good point.

Hearing people don't depend on visual cues for understanding. They don't watch people's faces or eyes during normal chatting because they don't have to! It isn't necessary.

Steady eye contact (for hearing people) only becomes "necessary" when used for romance (lovers or potential lovers), interrogation (police, lawyers, military), analysis (doctors, therapists), authority emphasis (parent to child, boss to employee) or intimidation (attacker to victim) .

Just my personal opinion. Not a researched fact.

I agree. While I don't take it as insulting if someone is not looking at me when they speak, it does sometimes become difficult to understand them because they are facing the other direction. Facial expressions and body language also have value in a conversation depending on context. If someone is talking technical jargon, I don't need to see their body language, I just need to hear them. I would equate this to talking over the phone. The person on the other end might be sitting on the crapper thumbing through a magazine while talking to me. It doesn't matter as long as I can hear them. (And they are not making grunting sounds...LOL).

There is something to be said for facing someone because in most situations that body language adds value to the conversation. As a rule of thumb I always try to face a person and look at them while I speak. Sometimes that is just not practical or necessary. I do understand though how important that is when communicating with someone that is deaf or when two deaf people are communicating. In fact, I would imagine it is crucial.

ayala920 · 03-25-2006, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reba

I think you hit a good point.

Hearing people don't depend on visual cues for understanding. They don't watch people's faces or eyes during normal chatting because they don't have to! It isn't necessary.

Steady eye contact (for hearing people) only becomes "necessary" when used for romance (lovers or potential lovers), interrogation (police, lawyers, military), analysis (doctors, therapists), authority emphasis (parent to child, boss to employee) or intimidation (attacker to victim) .

Just my personal opinion. Not a researched fact.

I think you also make good points, Reba!

I realize my shyness hinders my ability to maintain good eye contact while having signed conversations. If my friends/students I interpret for had any idea how much thought I put into making sure I was looking at the person, they'd be shocked.

With hearing people... Forget it. I almost never make eye contact, mainly out of discomfort. Occassionally it may look like I am, but I'm really just reading their lips (habit).

highlands · 03-25-2006, 01:02 PM

As a hoh person, I have to face with the person whom I talk to, otherwise I cannot lipread and so I cannot get what he/she says... My loss forces me to face .. I got used to directly to look at the person I talk to..
Sometimes it becomes strange when I keep on staring at people !!! When I talk to a girl ,sometimes she could be thinking that I'm attracted to her... I don't know why ? ... The hearing people are not used to eye contact at all...

01-21-2005, 08:29 PM	#69 (permalink)
SpiceHD proud mommy :) Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: annapolis, md (finally!) Posts: 1,423	yes exactly... i alway get left out when im in any hearing group... but i dont usually let it get to me because i accepted that its how it goes period. but it would be nice if they would at least try more heh my boyfriend's family was pretty cool... they try to talk to me one time or other... so its cool the worst thing i hated about being left out is gaming online ... using teamspeak... boy i hate those because i love online... it allows me to talk to anybody no matter of what kind of disability i have or they have. Then they get on teamspeak and chatting away suddenly the chatroom went quiet i ended up chatting to no one and got bored. grrrr at least in famiilies or in a group i can actually go and tap their shoulder or something to get their attention. __________________ a few quotes to think about. Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it. ~Author Unknown grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Author unknown, variation of an excerpt from "The Serenity Prayer" by Reinhold Neibuhr Sometimes the best way to hold onto something is to let it go. ~Author Unknown

04-19-2005, 04:03 PM	#75 (permalink)
Oceanbreeze Happy Holidays to all! Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: S. FL Posts: 6,841	I'm reviving Fly Free's thread because, I had a question for someone. I've seen references to two different types of HAs; analog and digital. I think I know what a digital hearing aid is, but what the difference between them and analog HAs? Can someone explain, please? Thank you. __________________ "And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am" ~Goo Goo Dolls Iris

03-25-2006, 01:02 PM	#84 (permalink)
highlands In Love & Happy Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: in an inland city Posts: 4,168	As a hoh person, I have to face with the person whom I talk to, otherwise I cannot lipread and so I cannot get what he/she says... My loss forces me to face .. I got used to directly to look at the person I talk to.. Sometimes it becomes strange when I keep on staring at people !!! When I talk to a girl ,sometimes she could be thinking that I'm attracted to her... I don't know why ? ... The hearing people are not used to eye contact at all... __________________

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01-20-2005, 12:25 PM	#63 (permalink)
knightwolf68 I am darts player Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Mile High City Posts: 1,902	I recall that from what i heard from the rumor i don't know if it is the facts that in Texas their law say that nobody can tap on the shoulder otherwise will get ticket as consider it somewhat sexual hassements or something like that i am not sure if it is true as i have heard that many deafies from down there was so frustarted about that as it is deaf culture to do that to get someone's attention .. I find it as JOKES !!! please correct me if i hear wrong little birds

01-21-2005, 01:44 AM	#65 (permalink)
o0obluemoon0o0 Small-town deaf chick Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Portland Metro Area, Oregon Posts: 146	Hi.. This is really goot point to be raised on here... I'm deaf, I've raised in hearing world all my life up until when I was 11 or 12 years old, I attended deaf school for the first time. I'm very observant, I noticed a lot things that hearing people does. Well Hearing people depends on their ears more than they do with their eyes. My mother doesnt even look at me when I talk to her, or when she talks to me. She says she can hear me just fine. Even tho she get what I said wrong sometime... I've been deaf since I was 7 weeks old. She know ASL.. I feel she should already know how deaf people really communicate... and our culture a bit.. In hearing's version of communicating this way... it's not rude... but in deaf's version, to us... it's rude. Because we feel that if no eye contact, watching each other signing or speaking, is rude.. We feel that we're being ignored. right?? I've come across a lot hearing people that wouldnt look at me when they speak to me or when I speak to them... I cant do anything to change that but to remind them that Im deaf and I need to look at their lips to speak, and for them to actually look at me so I know they are really listening and understanding what I say. and often, I get frustrated, and being a bitch, ask for paper & pen to communicate with people. I got a question... Do any of you deafies feel self-concious when it come to using your voice front of hearing people?? to speak to them??

01-21-2005, 03:24 AM	#66 (permalink)
javapride Java's Big Island Life! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: hawaii Posts: 6,509	Well Fly made a GREAT posting here........ and let me say for instant here, I have noticed Hearies DON T even make any eye contacts unless forced to IMO, I had to deal with my bro in law who kept turning his head away and finally he realized to look at me more and then i noticed he shaved his beard ( trimmed it thinner) just so he can be understood which impressed me but his verbal abuse didn't..... anyway another story anyway...... the other thing is....... My mom says i talk to myself alot, and i said ihave a good reason for that it helps me foucus and see what i am doing considering being blind in one eye and helps me point out where i need to work on or what i need to fix or am doing wrong it helps me be a better person as well. when i was angry i never talked at all now when im angry i sign alot ot myself to vent myself out to de stress myself, which had i have Noticed helped alot. and like on my vacation i checked to make sure i had ALL my stuff with me before departing for airport I ALWAYS signed to myself its like making a imginary checklist and has helped me greatly. and not forget things. some poeple see that as im weird when im not, all im doing is taking care of myself and if they see me as a wacko thats on them.... and i m the better person for that

01-21-2005, 08:54 AM	#67 (permalink)
knightwolf68 I am darts player Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Mile High City Posts: 1,902	well, I just thoughtful it is kinda of relate to these cutlure in somewhat.... don't u deaf ppl hate to be left out in the hearing family like whatever there is holiday like thanksgiving or x mas or easter day etc ... all the family got together and u feel left out or get little informations from family what u want to know what they were talk about ... i always ask my mom what are they talk about ??? she usually say wait then give me little informations ... but i found out there is more than that damn little informations which cause me piss offf and feel that i am not that important to be part of the family to know whats going on as i usually feel that i am the last person to know whats going on in the family ... I was yell at everybody which it really upset me and i stopped talk or visit family for awhile as the family was puzzled and whats wrong with me and they keep call or come visit me and ask me why don't i come down to the family for holiday it is important to be family together ... I keep tell them they should know better than that they have to figure out what wrong with the family how they treat me like that ... they didn't have any clue until one time i drop the huge bomb on them as they found out that something has happen to me long time ago as they didn't know about this and come confront me about this ... i said bloody about times it has been happen like two years ago or something and ur finally caught up ... they was like puzzled and said what do u mean ??? and i said u have to think harder what i mean by that and see how u treat me like that .. they said they don't like to be last person to know whats going on the family and i said BIIINNNGGGOOOOOO they finally realize what they has done with me over the damn YYYEEAARRRSSSSS and they finally gave me pretty much informations and we become close to each other which is good but still sneak round without having me know i ain't that stupid ... my family want me to be with hearing gf and i told them helllooo nooooo thanks i rather deaf gf that connect with me and see how they feel about that .. they finally pick up the convesations and have us to be part of family which is good but better than nothing .. oh well.. LIB !

02-01-2005, 01:54 PM	#70 (permalink)
Ariakkas Registered User Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 237	when i tried and joke around with my deaf co-coworkers, i end up trying to explain to them i don't mean what i said literally. my entire sense of humor is built around sarcasm, and it gets completely lost on deafies. for example.... when i went to borrow something from a deaf co-worker that should have been there for me to use. when he asked why i didn't have it, i signed to him "bob was sleepin on the job"...meaning jokingly..that it was the other guys fault...the deaf co-worker took it to mean that bob was over in his area sleeping and he got all wide-eyed and surprised....then i spent the next 10 minutes trying to explain what i meant...and i don't think he ever fully understood. i don't see deafies joking around with each other, or hearies, all that much....at least not the way hearing people do...when us hearies try to include them in the conversation, they usually end up not understanding what we are talking about, cause we're all mostly joking sarcasticly with each other...(we all sign) on the flip side, i was forced to learn SEE cause i work with deaf kids, and when i see 2 deafies talking to each other using ASL, it boggles me and i stand there with a blank look on my face...the word order is so different. i understand the signs, but the way the words go together makes no sense.

02-01-2005, 01:56 PM	#71 (permalink)
Ariakkas Registered User Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 237	bleh posted on a different account..screw it heh

02-01-2005, 04:16 PM	#73 (permalink)
pinkster ImNotLookingStopTalking! Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Saint Paul, MN Posts: 232	I like this thread. Nothing I can say hasnt been said before. But I watch Megladon talk to people and/or his family and I see the same thing. This is all just my opinion btw. Eye contact is used to establish a connection, and then once it's there, theres only a need to look again maybe once or twice. With family we all know it's different, eye contact means you're paying attention, but just with family. Being deaf and a lip reader puts you in a position where you're always looking at the person. Have you noticed they get all fidgety when you're lipreading? Or they take a moment to look away? I think it's unintentional intimidation. And besides, do you really want to be making eye contact? It's almost not possible to look at both eyes on a person, and looking at one eye is really bizarre. Even worse if you're looking from eye to eye (as my friend Angie does, it's sooooo creepy.)

03-24-2006, 12:06 AM	#77 (permalink)
gnulinuxman Registered User Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Wisconsin, USA Posts: 1,740	When talking to deaf people, I make sure I'm facing them, voicing or signing. It's habit--if I know they're deaf, I face them. For hearing people, it's totally different (unless I'm practicing signing with them). I will look all over the room and rarely make eye contact with them. I often stare at the floor or at something else in the area. This has been something that's true almost all my life because of my autism (the looking around the room/area) and the understanding that deaf and hearing people have different needs.

03-24-2006, 07:25 AM	#78 (permalink)
ismi Implanted 7/18/07 Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 749	I'm HOH, and I find myself occasionally avoiding eye contact with hearing people I know. Looking at it, I think this is in for 3 reasons. One, that you can only lip read so long before your eyes just hurt and your mind starts to wander. Two, if I am hearing better in one ear at the moment, turning that ear towards the speaker can help (if I'm not actively lip reading). And three, because most hearies I know get very uncomfortable with eye contact as mentioned by others in this thread (on the other hand, at least women seem to realize that I'm staring at their lips, not lower ... doesn't keep it from weirding them out, but it helps a bit, heh). So turning my head away when I'm not lip reading sometimes makes them more comfortable.

03-25-2006, 12:54 AM	#80 (permalink)
sr171soars Cyborg since March '05 Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Raleigh, NC Posts: 2,376	A great thread and many good observations. I'm a HOH formerly with HA and now CI who has been very much in the hearing world (which explains my familiarity). I can see why these things would be puzzling for the deaf. When I had my HA, I knew they could utilize their voices in ways that were difficult for me to emulate simply because I couldn't hear well enough. I remember when one of my brothers (both were hearing) would tease me with his voice. My brother would do a singsong that sounded very much like my name. He would deliberately "sing" it and leave me guessing was he calling me or doing that stupid singsong to annoy me. If I could heard well enough, I would have known which it was in a heartbeat. Now with my CI, I can do most of the things they can do (I still can't tell direction of sound too well but another CI might solve that!). I think of Spice's comment about talking to the wall situation. I work in an office and I had a question for a co-work down three offices (out of sight too). I simply called for her from where I sat and asked her my question and she answered from her office and I understood her perfectly. Another thing, I've been finding that I don't look at a person's face as much as I used to do when I used a HA. When you can hear well enough, you can focus much more on what you hear. I really love being able to hear in the dark without seeing a face. That bedeviled me to no end prior to my CI. I would have to tell people turn up the light so I can hear! There is so much information in a voice and hearing people use it to the max. Facial expressions don't always match the tone and that can throw anybody off if you can't hear the tone.