Feeling left out

Hi

I have been feeling left out when am in a group at work I have to pretend to make others feel comfortable that I understood when they know i struggle. They talk slowly then they forget and carry on in their normal chats. This is becoming more of this than talking slowly with me. I accept this for a long time that this is just the way it is as a deaf person.

At times, I feel give up when others are talking and I can't follow it not even two words and feel so frustrated and angry and thought if they can't make the effort I can't be bothered. Then they feel uncomfortable around me and ignored me more. This make me more anxious, uncomfortable and angry etc. I don't gossip and I always make the first conversations mostly and less coming from others. I have given up too. I have tried conversations a little not too personal like weather, news, tv and they ok but most they aren't interested or make an excuse saying they are busy and I watched them and they weren't busy when they are talking among themselves. I don't talk much now and have withdraw more.

How do I overcome this to avoid others feel uncomfortable and was I wrong to think with an attitude I give up and let them get on? Or is it more of my personality rather than deafness?

Also is it true that some don't trust a deaf person about their problems at work? Just that my friends said all workmates talk and moan about work among themselves and aren't deaf. I don't get any of this at all and am beginning to think is it because am deaf or is it my personality even I don't gossip etc?

Thanks

I used to have the same feelings when I worked in the hearing world. Then, I worked in the Deaf world for 15 years and felt as equal but now I may take a job offer back to the hearing world and I keep telling myself that if the same thing happens again, I am not there to make friends. I am there to go to work so it will be interesting if I go through with this job offer.

I know that feeling. Are you involved with the Deaf community in your area?

I have this feeling, too.

I work in the hearing world myself, and although I can "get by", I often feel like an outsider. as shel90 said "I am not there to make friends. I am there to go to work". Just hang with friends who understand.

Yeah, I think we all go through this. I attribute it to people just being uncomfortable with a situation they are unfamiliar with. Most of them get antsy and nervous around people with disabilities or impediments because they wonder if they're being polite enough or respectful enough. One way that may help is to see if you can find someone who is understanding and helps you out with words or questions you missed. Then ask that person to help you out in any future socializing, and sometimes they'll be more than happy to. I tend to pick out those kind of people and gravitate towards them. Sort of like a combination crutch/interpreter/ambassador to the hearing world. Usually it's the kind of person who feels good about helping out and are just kind-hearted and understanding by nature.

I remember feeling the same way when I was with a couple of people with cerebral palsy and realized I was doing the same thing as the two other people when I was around them that people would do to me. I had to make an effort to not do that, and it was tiring and difficult to be myself. That's why I think people tend to gravitate towards doing what they are used to because they prefer that method of socializing.

I've had to develop a good attitude about it and just let it lie. It is what it is. The hearing world is just not able to handle us, so therefore we make do with what we can. Not a very heartening answer, sorry.

Even my own (hearing) family, who have spent 35 years getting to know me are still awkward around me. They still leave music playing loudly at family events and wonder why I can't hear them and participate when we're having a conversation. And when it's super noisy they get upset when I go off and play a game on my phone. Not sure how they expect me to socialize with family in that difficult environment, unless they are happy enough with me nodding and smiling automatically at strategic points while not hearing a single thing they're saying to each other. I've asked them many times that the music makes it difficult, and they'll turn it down, but 15 minutes later they'll turn it back up.

Maybe the people that work feel you are pretending to understand them b/c you're not really interested in what they're talking about. Have you tried to them remind them to please speak a little louder or slower . This happen in my family too they'll start off talking loud enough for me to hear them then they'll forget and go back to talking softer . Maybe you could try to become friend with one or two people and hang out with them.

some people in family the same...wish I knew answer it hurtful but you plot along..these people either rude or uncomfortable with us...it there loss, think it like that

caz12 said:

some people in family the same...wish I knew answer it hurtful but you plot along..these people either rude or uncomfortable with us...it there loss, think it like that

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I really think it's hard for hearing people to understand what it's' like being hoh or deaf. When I tell a hearing person over the phone I am hoh and can't hear them , that person will say" I can hear you just fine!" WTF!
I will say " How does that help me!" This has happen to me a lot of time with difference people , some people will never get it.

whatdidyousay! said:

Maybe the people that work feel you are pretending to understand them b/c you're not really interested in what they're talking about. Have you tried to them remind them to please speak a little louder or slower . This happen in my family too they'll start off talking loud enough for me to hear them then they'll forget and go back to talking softer . Maybe you could try to become friend with one or two people and hang out with them.

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I don't pretend - I just ignore people around me and do my job. I'm not there for friendship - just to get the promotion and move on to hopefully a better paying job. I look at everything as being temporary because it is....

The irony is my last job I had wonderful friendships but it was a dead end financially and I still miss them....sometimes you have to focus on what's important and ultimately your coworkers just aren't....

Laura

Lau2046 said:

I don't pretend - I just ignore people around me and do my job. I'm not there for friendship - just to get the promotion and move on to hopefully a better paying job. I look at everything as being temporary because it is....

The irony is my last job I had wonderful friendships but it was a dead end financially and I still miss them....sometimes you have to focus on what's important and ultimately your coworkers just aren't....

Laura

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I worked by myself when I was heath aide , I was at my client homes and took care them. So I the only time I saw other health aides was meetings and at the office to pick up my checks . I really was not there to made friends , I a health aide b/c I wanted to take care old people and report any abuse I saw.