Several things that really make me very angry at hearing people

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gotasl

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When I explain about deaf culture to hearing person, then he or she seems not understand. I try again to explain deaf culture to them, then they seem not understand. It really makes me really mad. Why would they not able to understand? I really hate this kind of game. I feel like they are playing game with me. Sometimes I explain third or fourth time or repeatedly they won't understand deaf. I hate this game!

When I tell a hearing person if he or she has a problem with me should share a problem with me directly then it often occurs he or she won't tell me directly by going to other person and tell him or her to approach me and share the details. It really makes me very angry. Now I come up to handle this situation. When a person tells me what other person says about me, I refuse to approach that person to solve the problem. I prefer to let that person to approach me. Honestly, it works. I'm glad I force that person to do the work, not me.
 
gotasl said:
When I explain about deaf culture to hearing person, then he or she seems not understand. I try again to explain deaf culture to them, then they seem not understand. It really makes me really mad. Why would they not able to understand? I really hate this kind of game. I feel like they are playing game with me. Sometimes I explain third or fourth time or repeatedly they won't understand deaf. I hate this game!
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Specifically, what are you trying to make them understand about the Deaf community when then give this reaction?

]When I tell a hearing person if he or she has a problem with me should share a problem with me directly then it often occurs he or she won't tell me directly by going to other person and tell him or her to approach me and share the details. It really makes me very angry. Now I come up to handle this situation. When a person tells me what other person says about me, I refuse to approach that person to solve the problem. I prefer to let that person to approach me. Honestly, it works. I'm glad I force that person to do the work, not me.
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You'll find this happens with deaf people as well.
 
gotasl said:
When I explain about deaf culture to hearing person, then he or she seems not understand. I try again to explain deaf culture to them, then they seem not understand. It really makes me really mad. Why would they not able to understand? I really hate this kind of game. I feel like they are playing game with me. Sometimes I explain third or fourth time or repeatedly they won't understand deaf. I hate this game!

When I tell a hearing person if he or she has a problem with me should share a problem with me directly then it often occurs he or she won't tell me directly by going to other person and tell him or her to approach me and share the details. It really makes me very angry. Now I come up to handle this situation. When a person tells me what other person says about me, I refuse to approach that person to solve the problem. I prefer to let that person to approach me. Honestly, it works. I'm glad I force that person to do the work, not me.
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I've been HoH for most of my life that exists in the hearing world. I met a "Deaf" woman who wore HAs at IBM. She sounded deaf. No denying it. I was in my late 20s/early 30s maybe. She would ask me what I said and in my own frustration despite the fact that I should have been more sensitive to her, I would say, "Never mind." It frustrated the heck out of her and she complained to me about it. I wasn't being disrespectful on purpose; it just happened. I always included her when we had parties and we got along just fine.

So, explaining a "deaf culture" is tough. My partner and I have been together for 21.5 years and we still have communication issues. It's just a tough situation for many of us and we plow through it. I do not expect people to grasp me. I don't expect people to understand (or remember) to get my attention first or I will not understand him/her.

I'm glad you don't approach the person who has an issue with you. That is up to that person.

Why don't people understand? I did within the limits that I could. I forgot. There's nothing that shows you have a physical limitation. Out of sight. Out of mind.*

We had a commitment ceremony eons ago. A deaf friend and her date attended. Because of that, I plugged through learning Word Perfect and created a program. Because she was coming, we signed a couple of signs to include her. We did our best to not have her feel left out.
 
For example, when I ask a hearing person "Can you be more direct?" then he replied,"I think I can, but I don't think I understand how to be direct." His reply really makes me angry because he should know how to be direct and he grew up in the hearing world. He's 43 years old and I told him I don't need to explain what direct is because he should know.
 
gotasl said:
For example, when I ask a hearing person "Can you be more direct?" then he replied,"I think I can, but I don't think I understand how to be direct." His reply really makes me angry because he should know how to be direct and he grew up in the hearing world. He's 43 years old and I told him I don't need to explain what direct is because he should know.
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Just because someone grew up in a hearing world does not mean they know how to be direct . Some people are very shy and will have a hard time being direct or be uncomfortable about it. Plus you have NO idea what the other person has going in their life or how they where raise, you can't expect people to act the way you want them to.
 
gotasl said:
For example, when I ask a hearing person "Can you be more direct?" then he replied,"I think I can, but I don't think I understand how to be direct." His reply really makes me angry because he should know how to be direct and he grew up in the hearing world. He's 43 years old and I told him I don't need to explain what direct is because he should know.
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So, is this a general thing or are you having trouble with one person? It sounds like it's one person.
 
It's one person. I experienced other similar issue when I explained about deaf culture to my former friend. When I told him deaf are direct, he asked me, "What do you mean?" I was like I rolled my eyes when I read his texting message. It frustrates me because it seems like he doesn't understand the concept that most deaf people are direct.
 
Chill! How often do you meet blind, retarded, etc? Not often, right? Same goes to hearing people when they first met Deaf.

This goes same way how often they (Hearing people) met Deaf. There are millions of hearing people out there that actually NEVER met a Deaf person in their entire life, even when they are Senior Citizens!
 
gotasl said:
It's one person. I experienced other similar issue when I explained about deaf culture to my former friend. When I told him deaf are direct, he asked me, "What do you mean?" I was like I rolled my eyes when I read his texting message. It frustrates me because it seems like he doesn't understand the concept that most deaf people are direct.
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Well, that's true. Deaf are more direct than hearing people. So, when you ask if they can be more direct, hearing people probably don't want to be. There are different rules and conventions for different cultures. The best you can do is try to understand the, "other" culture instead of trying to change it.

As far as this particular person goes, if you don't have to work with him, don't hang around him.
 
gotasl said:
It's one person. I experienced other similar issue when I explained about deaf culture to my former friend. When I told him deaf are direct, he asked me, "What do you mean?" I was like I rolled my eyes when I read his texting message. It frustrates me because it seems like he doesn't understand the concept that most deaf people are direct.
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It happens so often that words have so many many different possible meanings. It's so easy to misinterpret something a person is saying. If they don't have the concept in their minds that you want them to envision when you say direct, the best they can do is guess, and they may guess very wrong. It's actually really good that they're honest with you, admit that they don't understand, and ask you what you mean. That gives you the chance to make sure you explain it so that they see exactly what you're saying.

I would really like to see you do this.

That word, "direct", gets thrown around alot in describing deaf culture, but often without much in the way of examples. Or sometimes there are examples, but they're often the same ones. Like going to a class reunion and seeing an old friend, and saying something like "wow, you got really fat!"

When your friend says "what do you mean?" maybe you could describe a few scenarios, say what you think hearing people would typically do in them, and contrast that with the more direct ways that Deaf people would act.

Would you consider doing this? Here? In this thread?
 
Oh, I'm just now catching on. You don't just want them to understand about Deaf Culture - you want them to adopt and follow the rules of Deaf Culture. But just in dealing with you. It's not like you're at a Deaf event or anything, right?

Ok, so that's a different issue. Looking at the example of being direct, as perceived by most direct people, Deaf or otherwise, I am almost never willing to do it. That's because the things I have to say are usually tangled up with lots of other issues in my mind, none of them are isolated, none of them are simple, and if I want to tell you something and I just pick it out and give you a simple direct version, you won't really understand where I'm coming from with any kind of depth. And a shallow understanding is worthless to me: I'd rather not tell you at all if I can't communicate all the nuances and complications.

I'm actually probably more direct than I was before I started studying ASL and interacting with Deaf people, but nowhere near what most truly direct people would like (again, Deaf or otherwise. There's a wide spectrum of direct/non-direct in the hearing world too.)
 
gotasl said:
For example, when I ask a hearing person "Can you be more direct?" then he replied,"I think I can, but I don't think I understand how to be direct." His reply really makes me angry because he should know how to be direct and he grew up in the hearing world. He's 43 years old and I told him I don't need to explain what direct is because he should know.
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I am not sure about what the hearing person would want to know about Deaf Culture.

Anyway, you ask the question to the hearing person (bold statement). You want him to be honest with you and being blunt on your deafness and the Deaf Culture. You were expecting an answer from him but he did not get the whole picture what you are implying him to observe in Deaf Culture. Another way of saying for him is that he got it (Aaah, I understand what you are getting at) what you want to teach him about the Deaf Culture.

In almost all cultures from different Nations like mine as Native American, a lot of whites don't understand my heritage. Just have to bear with it (I don't like what they were viewing us as savage and acting like children to the Whites). :(
 
It is hard to say. Each person has different ideas of how to go about things. I don't know the context of conversation so I would hate to give advices.

I've had many people misunderstand what I was trying to say. It is not just deaf people. It is also other people.
 
dereksbicycles said:
It is hard to say. Each person has different ideas of how to go about things. I don't know the context of conversation so I would hate to give advices.

I've had many people misunderstand what I was trying to say. It is not just deaf people. It is also other people.
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I have one friend who doesn't understand the concept of a bunch of stuff, and it does get frustrating, it is true.
 
gotasl said:
It's one person. I experienced other similar issue when I explained about deaf culture to my former friend. When I told him deaf are direct, he asked me, "What do you mean?" I was like I rolled my eyes when I read his texting message. It frustrates me because it seems like he doesn't understand the concept that most deaf people are direct.
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Where's the harm in telling him what you mean when he asks?
 
MangaReader said:
Oh yeah, tell me about it! :roll:
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He's high functional, but I have to tell him what I want to do like a grade school teacher so he'll actually get the concept. I wish he hadn't moved here, but it's done with. Now, if I ever move to my own place, there is no way I am telling him my new address. He can forget that happening.
 
I hate when a hearing person tries to whisper in my ear, as if that will work, lol.
 
KLEE17 said:
I hate when a hearing person tries to whisper in my ear, as if that will work, lol.
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People do that to me all the time at work when they're saying something about a supervisor or another team member and they don't want anyone to hear....unfortunately, at that level....neither can I really....I haven't got the heart to tell them or I'll be saying "what" all day....

Laura
 
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