Scared of communicating with hearing people - Page 2

Pythias · 05-30-2012, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Berry

Interestingly accurate idiom for a non-native American.

All the Indians I know have spoken English since early childhood, and some from birth (at home). Idioms are part of typical vernacular for most of my Indian friends.

OP,

I often think, "Is the effort and repeaty-ness for both me and the group worth my joining the conversation right now?" I hate to be a bother when all they are talking about is some movie that I'm not interested in, anyway. That being said, it is important to connect with people, so sometimes it's worth it to take a breath, and just dive on in.

Things that help me:
1. I try to make a joke about being deaf person the first time I need to ask what something was or for them to look at me. They can already tell because of my bright blue hearing aids, but it seems to make them more comfortable and gives me more leeway in the "huh" department.
Note: You may need to make ha-ha-I'm-deaf comments every now and again if you are late-deafened. I'm post-lingual (scarlet fever ages 3 and 5), so others tend to forget that they need to speak slowly and clearly mid-conversation.
2. I always try to stand/sit in a place where I can see the most mouths if in a larger group.
3. I try to stick to one-on-one or two-on-one interactions. Any more, and I'm just completely lost.
4. If I am in a larger group, I try to identify the ones (1-3) who talk the most, and only focus on them, ignoring those who have less control and input re: the conversation. This may sound mean, like I don't care what relatively shy people have to say or something, but this is conversational survival.
5. A bright smile is better than "uh-huh" in response to something you don't understand, because "uh-huh" can get you into something you don't want to be. If it is unimportant, a bright smile is usually accepted as a response, and if it is important, people usually realize that you didn't understand and try again.
6. If you have enough info (context, lip movement, sound, etc) to figure out what was just said, but need a minute or two to run possibilities through your mind, it is useful to ask a question that's answer you already know, but that will take a while for the other person to explain. This way you don't need to be listening, and can focus on figuring out what you just missed.

Hmm... This is the first time I've ever tried to sit down and think through some of my methods... I usually just do them. I figure if you just practice as much as you can, you'll naturally develop methods, yourself.

Good luck!

Berry · 05-30-2012, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pythias

All the Indians I know have spoken English since early childhood, and some from birth (at home). Idioms are part of typical vernacular for most of my Indian friends.

OP,

I often think, "Is the effort and repeaty-ness for both me and the group worth my joining the conversation right now?" I hate to be a bother when all they are talking about is some movie that I'm not interested in, anyway. That being said, it is important to connect with people, so sometimes it's worth it to take a breath, and just dive on in.

Things that help me:
1. I try to make a joke about being deaf person the first time I need to ask what something was or for them to look at me. They can already tell because of my bright blue hearing aids, but it seems to make them more comfortable and gives me more leeway in the "huh" department.
Note: You may need to make ha-ha-I'm-deaf comments every now and again if you are late-deafened. I'm post-lingual (scarlet fever ages 3 and 5), so others tend to forget that they need to speak slowly and clearly mid-conversation.
2. I always try to stand/sit in a place where I can see the most mouths if in a larger group.
3. I try to stick to one-on-one or two-on-one interactions. Any more, and I'm just completely lost.
4. If I am in a larger group, I try to identify the ones (1-3) who talk the most, and only focus on them, ignoring those who have less control and input re: the conversation. This may sound mean, like I don't care what relatively shy people have to say or something, but this is conversational survival.
5. A bright smile is better than "uh-huh" in response to something you don't understand, because "uh-huh" can get you into something you don't want to be. If it is unimportant, a bright smile is usually accepted as a response, and if it is important, people usually realize that you didn't understand and try again.
6. If you have enough info (context, lip movement, sound, etc) to figure out what was just said, but need a minute or two to run possibilities through your mind, it is useful to ask a question that's answer you already know, but that will take a while for the other person to explain. This way you don't need to be listening, and can focus on figuring out what you just missed.

Hmm... This is the first time I've ever tried to sit down and think through some of my methods... I usually just do them. I figure if you just practice as much as you can, you'll naturally develop methods, yourself.

Good luck!

I am a forklift driver in the shipping department. I have met a lot of truck drivers who were born in India. They all speak English and from one to eight other languages. Some speak with little or no accent some have a very heavy accent. Those who are comfortable with idioms seem more comfortable with British idioms than American idioms.

Deaf people in India face a problem American Deaf do not.

While you can believe in karma without believing in reincarnation, and you can believe in reincarnation without believing in karma, in India both are widely accepted as fact. Thus D/deaf people in India face the problem of dealing with a sizable segment of the population that believes the deafness was visited upon them as a result of karma -- Having done something wrong in a past life. Many of these people do not want anything to do with someone deaf.

Note please this does not mean "all" by any stretch. One truck driver from India used to pick up loads where I work. He was teaching me Punjabi and I was teaching him ASL. Unfortunately he has not been by in a few years and I have forgotten most of what he taught me.

Thus both my statement and my question.

Lau2046 · 06-01-2012, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by horizon22

Communicating with hearing people has been a big scary thing to me. I often worry about not being able to hear their replies and communicate properly, which also comes by experience since at many occasions I have tried to get involved but failed to communicate with hearing people which discourages me to go and speak to them or participate in any of their group.

Please share your experiences and suggestion about how this can be overcome.

Thank you.

Hearing impaired or deaf doesn't matter. Everyone has a fear of saying something that people will laugh at or not fitting in. I'm in both worlds: moderate to severely deaf in one ear and severe to profound in the right; I speak great and most people assume I hear great too and I just don't. I'm always worried I'll miss things. It really doesn't help that I have social phobia on top of shyness, but I manage at work by just jumping in. Not the answer you want is it? There's no magic. It's being up front with people about your limitations and trying to work around it. I start small by talking about what I made over the weekend (usually pizza), or what I bought from lunch at the bakery. You know, most of the times, I don't always know what people are saying to me, but sometimes I get lucky. You work with what you have and it does it better with practice.

I'm in a situation now where my new job will involve direct interaction with the public on a daily basis - can you guess how I'm feeling about it? My potential new employers don't know I'm hearing impaired - there are things during the interview I missed but somehow, I faked it till I made it. No job yet but looks promising - and if I get it, I have to start all over again working up the courage to talk to people to make new friends. Hang in there, you'll get stronger with each new attempt to connect so don't let anything hold you back from trying.

Laura

whatdidyousay! · 06-01-2012, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by horizon22

Communicating with hearing people has been a big scary thing to me. I often worry about not being able to hear their replies and communicate properly, which also comes by experience since at many occasions I have tried to get involved but failed to communicate with hearing people which discourages me to go and speak to them or participate in any of their group.

Please share your experiences and suggestion about how this can be overcome.

Thank you.

I have misunderstood what people had said and gave the wrong answer , something it's very funny and I will laugh myself. I been HOH my whole life and I have gotten uses to not being able to hear everything and I will ask people to repeat what they said , and if they do not like having to do this they're not worth talking to in the first place. I once was talking to a neigbor
about birds and I thought she said she saw some 'goldfish' in the yard one day. She said she saw some 'goldfinches' in the yard one day. It was very funny. I think the more you get out and talk to people you'll feel more comfortable about it. You could try just taking to a couple of people at one time. I am not good being room with a lot of people talking at the same time. It sound likes a swarm of bees buzzing all at once .

scoobydoo · 06-02-2012, 12:36 AM

I understand what they mean. I have problems socializing with people because I miss out on alot of the conversation. Which is why I usually tend to stand home.

Safire · 06-02-2012, 03:38 PM

Beware at Walmart. About two years ago, I had had surgery to repair the hole in my left eardrum and another in the right ear. I wasn't wearing my hearing aids but thought I could handle a simple trip to our local Walmart. NOT!
I was okay for most of the trip and clung to my mom's side, freaking out at every vibration and muted, dimmed noise. Finally, it came down to check out. My aisle had no candy, they were sold out but the one three down had my favorite - Reese's. I asked my mom to let me go get it and she signed yes. I walked over, focused on getting this candy. As soon as I touched the candy to take it to our aisle and leave, someone grabbed me roughly on my shoulder and spun me around.

I turned to see my mom yelling and this lady employee gaping in shock and surprise at me. Mom told her to let go, that I was hearing impaired and just had ear surgery (read her lips). The lady quickly let go and dashed off without apologizing. My mom ran over and got me back to our basket and we left as fast as we could. When we were in the car, mom told me why the lady had grabbed me. (I ended up dropping the candy to the ground, didn't buy it.) Apparently, there was a puddle of soda nearby and there was no slippery floor sign. The employee apparently thought when I didn't stop walking towards the candy that I was some punk kid ignoring her so she grabbed me to yell and get me to move.

We told the manager and we have not seen her since but I have had many second thoughts about going to Walmart every time someone mentions their name.

Mimsy · 06-02-2012, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

I understand what they mean. I have problems socializing with people because I miss out on alot of the conversation. Which is why I usually tend to stand home.

Don't stay home, get out there and socialize if that's what you want to do. Where there's a will, there's a way and both deaf and hearing will find a way to communicate with you. Let them know you are having trouble keeping up with the conversation and they will figure out a way to fix this so that you can join in. Don't give up.

scoobydoo · 06-02-2012, 11:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mimsy

Don't stay home, get out there and socialize if that's what you want to do. Where there's a will, there's a way and both deaf and hearing will find a way to communicate with you. Let them know you are having trouble keeping up with the conversation and they will figure out a way to fix this so that you can join in. Don't give up.

It's hard too. I can only lip read and hear so much. I feel like such a burden when I ask people what they said and whatnot.

GrayEagle · 06-03-2012, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

It's hard too. I can only lip read and hear so much. I feel like such a burden when I ask people what they said and whatnot.

I've been a hermit for the past nearly 10 years because of feeling this way about myself. And hearing friends have dropped away because they don't understand and even when I "educate" them, they "forget."

But I am now trying to make connections with people again, this time with others like me who are HOH or those who are Late Deafened. We are all in the same boat trying to dance as fast as we can, and not being able to dance fast enough to get along in the hearing world, as we once did. So I am making friends in my beginning ASL classes and that is helping. One step at a time, I am trying to come out of my isolation. Because it's kinda lonely in there...

Grummer · 06-03-2012, 04:09 PM

forget about church too, they will only pity you and give you 'company' but for all the wrong reasons...

keep conversation short, try organise a 'doing things together' hell join a 'Home and away social sports group' that is a GREAT way, be it darts, or pools, or bowls, bowling, 10 pin bowling, something you see, you would have something to talk about, something in common with the same group, this way that same group gets to know you, and you get to know them, in a nice familiarising environment, dont get me wrong its not the same as limiting the experience, Definitely NOT!!, it is a GATEway to MORE, new people always from the 'away' team...

think about this one
its one of the best
i am part of a Deaf Pool Team, and its very very good, relaxed and very stimulating too at the same time...
So...
try find the nearest 'Social games club" and join it, AND most importantly DO NOT say NO, because you lack skills (I am shit at pool - they taught, encouraged me some and now im really taking off, getting some skills , its really good, develops my skills and my life too!!)
so trust me, this is probably the best advice you'd get, to get over isolation and extreme shyness, im very shy I suffer for BAD tinnitus and i feel i had to do something too, this way i took was a real saviour

think about it, and good luck!

Grummer · 06-03-2012, 04:12 PM

hainvg something in common conversation might stay in the event more closely, thats good it give a comfortable predictability, and yet you'd know now everyone will stay on that, wil be news and all, always something new to talk about, and new people, but its isnt overwhleming, and i honesty couldnt think of a better way...do it. find out what you can join and BE BRAVE, and be freindly -doesnt have to be talkative, just being there is pretty much all they expect from you...

Mimsy · 06-03-2012, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

It's hard too. I can only lip read and hear so much. I feel like such a burden when I ask people what they said and whatnot.

You're making me cry. It's not a burden for people to repeat what they are saying to you. That's just common courtesy which you deserve.

Mimsy · 06-03-2012, 08:05 PM

If you behave like you're a burden, than that's how you'll be treated. We teach people how to treat us by our own behavior. Be confident, sociable, and give them a chance to know the real cool you.

**Bottesini** · 06-03-2012, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mimsy

You're making me cry. It's not a burden for people to repeat what they are saying to you. That's just common courtesy which you deserve.

It doesn't really happen that way in the long term.
Better advice is just to find a way to entertain oneself if stuck in a hearing gathering.

In large family groups, I usually don't know what is going on, unless people come to communicate with me one on one. It's really unrealistic to expect much if it's people you don't even know.

I take electronic games and books and just do that during times when others are talking.

Mimsy · 06-03-2012, 08:11 PM

That makes me really sad. I wish it wasn't this way.

**Bottesini** · 06-03-2012, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mimsy

That makes me really sad. I wish it wasn't this way.

What I am trying to tell you, is don't be sad.

It's just a fact of life.

**Smithtr** · 06-03-2012, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mimsy

That makes me really sad. I wish it wasn't this way.

we are provide help you encourage to your peace help your feeling comfortable,

many people have sadly on life previous on grieft hard life not easy, best positive effort love your follow stronger, your best want to happy life,we are happy hear your positive life! wise

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

What I am trying to tell you, is don't be sad.

It's just a fact of life.

it is very not easy!

I aware it, reason, respect to life to her

Don't be sadly how feeling to comfortably mercy respect to her best,
how feeling to respect comfortable best how feeling!
we are understand

Grummer · 06-03-2012, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

It doesn't really happen that way in the long term.
Better advice is just to find a way to entertain oneself if stuck in a hearing gathering.

In large family groups, I usually don't know what is going on, unless people come to communicate with me one on one. It's really unrealistic to expect much if it's people you don't even know.

I take electronic games and books and just do that during times when others are talking.

i can relate with that, - almost- in large groups (even family groups) i dont know whats going on...get this i dont know what going on in a hearing classrooms...maybe in what we're supposed to be learning yes,. but classroom 'life' the goss, the social who's whos who got a rich daddy, whos brainy, whos cheeky, whos a flirt (yes young girls when i was young boy, had flirts, not sex you know more who is good looking, who will kiss and who have kissed her etc etc), these things i hardly knew about, and its really damageing...still damaged me to this day, but im finding more peace about that by being abit more connected in the deaf world...but stll long way off, i want a gf, i want to have 1 or 2 kids, and i want to be a grand dad one day im too worldy to be a loner, loners *was* my way...i've had it, its time to live, yes, LIVE...but its a harder road to take....sit at home is so easy, neat and clea just likie an unused item, but may or may not become a metaphorical mueseum piece but never took a chance, its like a car staying i the garage it never had a good journey, never took families to places for holidays to be remembered, the odd bumpy road, maybe an event of flat tire all that...it *life*...
so there...dont ever ****ing stay home cus you're too afraid, be MORe afraid of living a lifeless live, GET THE **** OUT and LIVE.. OK
but i do truely understand Botti, im blind in one eye, i couldnt play sports (but didnt stop me from doing martial arts later after i left school, or did motocross for 10 years , beating even guys thought i was on a 490 but i was only on a 200 (i was going FAST...and cuz i befreinded a track owner so i got very lucky to practise during week whill everyone at work , while the track was getting 'plowed' and raked' and 'planed' straight....i was a track tester - this is how far i got,awesome ok not a world champion or national champs, but i met my own *own* limits , and thats an incredible feeling and memory to behold...
>>>>>>>>>>>>it all happened because i didnt want to stay home>>>>>

remember that....just TRY....take a risk...a Safe risk...join a social games club is by far the BEst advice anyone could give you right now, now the rest is Up to YOU...
what ya gonna do, what you ganna do NOW? what you gonna DO??!!!

Grummer · 06-03-2012, 08:52 PM

Oh btw i wasnt 'talking to Botti" only for a tiny bit yes *and im amzaed botti ****ing beats me time to time in angry birds LOL...blind bitch...LOL

um..real point all this most recent post above is directed to the OP (original poster)...and free for all to see to, if anyone want the (ick) inspiration, its not really inspiration, just a reminder, DO NOT STAY HOME...I mean DO not make it YOUR lifestyle...OK gardening all that, but you know...only old people do that, they're allowed to...but when you're young the world is supposed to be your oyster... so get out there fishing!! swim out with the sharks (oh shit i dont mean literally that, but if you're gaem go for it, only go with the pros...(i wouldnt i dread my bloody smells too ****ing delicious to them...)

i wanna live not be eaten alive LOL....

another way of looking, bordom and isolation is ALOT like being eaten alive, **** THAT!!!

try find and get that safe zone for talking without a high risk of 'WHAT are they talking about" get into a safe predictable sitaution but a situation where it is BOUND to broad out...that's the key that's what you got to look for...

also a sports, or group activity thats not too hard to get good at, and be involved without embarrassing yourself, is another - im SURE you'd figure that out...
that's Your homework, so get onto it..

**Bottesini** · 06-03-2012, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grummer

Oh btw i wasnt 'talking to Botti" only for a tiny bit yes *and im amzaed botti ****ing beats me time to time in angry birds LOL...blind bitch...LOL

Not everyone calls me that as affectionately as you do!!

Grummer · 06-03-2012, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bottesini

Not everyone calls me that as affectionately as you do!!

LOL, My Pleasure

see you in Angry birds weekly tournament challenges!!

Mimsy · 06-03-2012, 10:34 PM

When I'm with my Italian-speaking friends and there are other friends who don't speak Italian, we stop the Italian and speak in English to make them not feel left out. This must happen with deaf and hearing situations.

Grayma · 06-04-2012, 12:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mimsy

When I'm with my Italian-speaking friends and there are other friends who don't speak Italian, we stop the Italian and speak in English to make them not feel left out. This must happen with deaf and hearing situations.

That would be nice, but would require hearing to be nearly as fluent in sign as in speech. It's not likely.

When my deaf friend is with us, I try to sign at least a summary of what people are talking about, but I just can't keep up all the time, I'm not good enough.

Grummer · 06-04-2012, 05:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mimsy

When I'm with my Italian-speaking friends and there are other friends who don't speak Italian, we stop the Italian and speak in English to make them not feel left out. This must happen with deaf and hearing situations.

ya not in a ****ing mafia are you?
i actually happened to knew a girl whose father did...yikes lol

Grummer · 06-04-2012, 06:00 AM

im the guy who the police wew *not now theu figured i was set up* i was the one who beat up a mob boss (never knew who he was) and kicked his right out of my house....and for about 5 year police were like ....shit be careful with him....LMAO.... i sneaked thru police stations avoiding cameras, stole beer of airport pubs in wee hours...
all the crazy shit LMAO

no i dont do that now and would never show how, AND tech and changed people are way more paranoid than ever...sad, just real sad , what fun i had !!!
its so ****ing fun..LOL

Grummer · 06-04-2012, 06:02 AM

its funny as hell

glad i lived abit

and communicating IS important just start slowly, and DONT steal !!

Mimsy · 06-05-2012, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grummer

ya not in a ****ing mafia are you?
i actually happened to knew a girl whose father did...yikes lol

There's no such thing as the mafia.

Irish · 08-04-2012, 04:19 PM

I agree with what a lot of people have been saying here. I think you need to come to terms with your hearing loss and just accept it. If you keep trying to fight it or try to be "normal" then you will only end up being miserable. I learned that the hard way. I was born deaf, but I was raised in the hearing world. For instance, I've always had more hearing friends than deaf ones. I always wished that I was "normal" so that I could communicate with these friends better and get along in the hearing world more easily, because I am kinda stuck there right now.

But at the same time I got fed up with being hurt by those people close to me (like eiryls mentioned), or constantly feeling miserable, left out, like the third wheel, and so on. I have too many sad stories to tell. So I no longer put myself in these social situations - I actually try to avoid them. I am now in the process of immersing myself in deaf culture and meeting more deaf people who I can talk to instead. I will still interact with hearing people in my career, however, I figured out that I need to find other ways to have a healthy social life instead and be happy instead of trying to be "normal."

Horizon, have you considered the possibility of meeting more deaf/HOH people and having group conversations with them instead of hearing people? You can still satisfy your desire for a group conversation there. But you would be able to communicate with these people a lot more easily than hearing people - you might be much happier there. If you still want to have group conversations with hearing people, though, then again, you need to accept that it is not the best idea.

For work, you need to explain your communication issues to your boss. Talk to him to see if you can come up with solutions to work around these issues - so you can ensure that you will do your best or be really efficient at your work. Tell them that if they can help you, you will help them as well. I don't know what you do for a living or which issues you face exactly other than a couple of staff not bothering to explain themselves to you. But yeah, if you are having problems at work you need to communicate with your boss and hopefully you guys can work together to make it easier for you to communicate with them.

ambrosia · 08-04-2012, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pythias

6. If you have enough info (context, lip movement, sound, etc) to figure out what was just said, but need a minute or two to run possibilities through your mind, it is useful to ask a question that's answer you already know, but that will take a while for the other person to explain. This way you don't need to be listening, and can focus on figuring out what you just missed.

Good luck!

This gets me all the time. Sometimes when someone is talking to me I might just miss one word out of the sentence, but it will be an important word that makes the sentence make sense. So I'll be sitting there trying to figure out what that word could be so I can make sense of what was said....meanwhile though the person is still talking and now I'm not listening because I'm still trying to figure out what they said 3 or 4 sentences ago.

Groups are so hard.

I pretty much need sound and lipreading to understand anything. I had a coworker that when there was a bunch of us in the break room he would always look at me when he was talking, even though he was talking to everybody. He'd do that so I would know what he was saying. He left the spa a few months ago, I miss him terribly. It'd be nice if everyone was so thoughtful.

Safire · 08-06-2012, 02:37 AM

I've had potential boyfriends or boyfriends (that I said yes to) dump me over it. I've had really REALLY awkward moments like you wouldn't believe...and I feel really humiliated and out of place and just completely wrong when I try to communicate. Once, I was at school with no hearing aids because I had a double ear infection and I tried to say something and the whole class busted out laughing because my speech was so bad. The teacher tried to make them shut up but I just looked at her, she nodded, I walked outside, grabbed my stuff and went to the bathroom.

When I returned, no one dared look at me, no one was laughing and the teacher was fuming mad. So, I guess you could say I have my issues with the hearing world. I love both but sometimes....gah.

06-02-2012, 03:38 PM	#36 (permalink)
Safire Registered User Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Groves, TX Posts: 12 Blog Entries: 22	Beware at Walmart. About two years ago, I had had surgery to repair the hole in my left eardrum and another in the right ear. I wasn't wearing my hearing aids but thought I could handle a simple trip to our local Walmart. NOT! I was okay for most of the trip and clung to my mom's side, freaking out at every vibration and muted, dimmed noise. Finally, it came down to check out. My aisle had no candy, they were sold out but the one three down had my favorite - Reese's. I asked my mom to let me go get it and she signed yes. I walked over, focused on getting this candy. As soon as I touched the candy to take it to our aisle and leave, someone grabbed me roughly on my shoulder and spun me around. I turned to see my mom yelling and this lady employee gaping in shock and surprise at me. Mom told her to let go, that I was hearing impaired and just had ear surgery (read her lips). The lady quickly let go and dashed off without apologizing. My mom ran over and got me back to our basket and we left as fast as we could. When we were in the car, mom told me why the lady had grabbed me. (I ended up dropping the candy to the ground, didn't buy it.) Apparently, there was a puddle of soda nearby and there was no slippery floor sign. The employee apparently thought when I didn't stop walking towards the candy that I was some punk kid ignoring her so she grabbed me to yell and get me to move. We told the manager and we have not seen her since but I have had many second thoughts about going to Walmart every time someone mentions their name. __________________ The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart. ~Helen Keller

06-03-2012, 04:09 PM	#40 (permalink)
Grummer Registered User Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: In the Batcave Posts: 9,512	forget about church too, they will only pity you and give you 'company' but for all the wrong reasons... keep conversation short, try organise a 'doing things together' hell join a 'Home and away social sports group' that is a GREAT way, be it darts, or pools, or bowls, bowling, 10 pin bowling, something you see, you would have something to talk about, something in common with the same group, this way that same group gets to know you, and you get to know them, in a nice familiarising environment, dont get me wrong its not the same as limiting the experience, Definitely NOT!!, it is a GATEway to MORE, new people always from the 'away' team... think about this one its one of the best i am part of a Deaf Pool Team, and its very very good, relaxed and very stimulating too at the same time... So... try find the nearest 'Social games club" and join it, AND most importantly DO NOT say NO, because you lack skills (I am shit at pool - they taught, encouraged me some and now im really taking off, getting some skills , its really good, develops my skills and my life too!!) so trust me, this is probably the best advice you'd get, to get over isolation and extreme shyness, im very shy I suffer for BAD tinnitus and i feel i had to do something too, this way i took was a real saviour think about it, and good luck! __________________ "Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them." Albert Einstein

06-03-2012, 04:12 PM	#41 (permalink)
Grummer Registered User Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: In the Batcave Posts: 9,512	hainvg something in common conversation might stay in the event more closely, thats good it give a comfortable predictability, and yet you'd know now everyone will stay on that, wil be news and all, always something new to talk about, and new people, but its isnt overwhleming, and i honesty couldnt think of a better way...do it. find out what you can join and BE BRAVE, and be freindly -doesnt have to be talkative, just being there is pretty much all they expect from you... Mimsy likes this. __________________ "Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them." Albert Einstein

06-03-2012, 08:05 PM	#43 (permalink)
Mimsy Registered User Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 655	If you behave like you're a burden, than that's how you'll be treated. We teach people how to treat us by our own behavior. Be confident, sociable, and give them a chance to know the real cool you. Grummer and Pythias like this.

06-03-2012, 08:11 PM	#45 (permalink)
Mimsy Registered User Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 655	That makes me really sad. I wish it wasn't this way. Pythias likes this.

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06-02-2012, 12:36 AM	#35 (permalink)
scoobydoo Registered User Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 35	I understand what they mean. I have problems socializing with people because I miss out on alot of the conversation. Which is why I usually tend to stand home.

06-03-2012, 08:52 PM	#49 (permalink)
Grummer Registered User Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: In the Batcave Posts: 9,512	Oh btw i wasnt 'talking to Botti" only for a tiny bit yes and im amzaed botti *ing beats me time to time in angry birds LOL...blind bitch...LOL um..real point all this most recent post above is directed to the OP (original poster)...and free for all to see to, if anyone want the (ick) inspiration, its not really inspiration, just a reminder, DO NOT STAY HOME...I mean DO not make it YOUR lifestyle...OK gardening all that, but you know...only old people do that, they're allowed to...but when you're young the world is supposed to be your oyster... so get out there fishing!! swim out with the sharks (oh shit i dont mean literally that, but if you're gaem go for it, only go with the pros...(i wouldnt i dread my bloody smells too ing delicious to them...) i wanna live not be eaten alive LOL.... another way of looking, bordom and isolation is ALOT like being eaten alive, ** THAT!!! try find and get that safe zone for talking without a high risk of 'WHAT are they talking about" get into a safe predictable sitaution but a situation where it is BOUND to broad out...that's the key that's what you got to look for... also a sports, or group activity thats not too hard to get good at, and be involved without embarrassing yourself, is another - im SURE you'd figure that out... that's Your homework, so get onto it.. __________________ "Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them." Albert Einstein

06-03-2012, 10:34 PM	#52 (permalink)
Mimsy Registered User Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 655	When I'm with my Italian-speaking friends and there are other friends who don't speak Italian, we stop the Italian and speak in English to make them not feel left out. This must happen with deaf and hearing situations.

06-04-2012, 06:00 AM	#55 (permalink)
Grummer Registered User Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: In the Batcave Posts: 9,512	im the guy who the police wew not now theu figured i was set up i was the one who beat up a mob boss (never knew who he was) and kicked his right out of my house....and for about 5 year police were like ....shit be careful with him....LMAO.... i sneaked thru police stations avoiding cameras, stole beer of airport pubs in wee hours... all the crazy shit LMAO no i dont do that now and would never show how, AND tech and changed people are way more paranoid than ever...sad, just real sad , what fun i had !!! its so ****ing fun..LOL __________________ "Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them." Albert Einstein

06-04-2012, 06:02 AM	#56 (permalink)
Grummer Registered User Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: In the Batcave Posts: 9,512	its funny as hell glad i lived abit and communicating IS important just start slowly, and DONT steal !! __________________ "Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them." Albert Einstein

08-04-2012, 04:19 PM	#58 (permalink)
Irish Registered User Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Pennsylvania, USA Posts: 132	I agree with what a lot of people have been saying here. I think you need to come to terms with your hearing loss and just accept it. If you keep trying to fight it or try to be "normal" then you will only end up being miserable. I learned that the hard way. I was born deaf, but I was raised in the hearing world. For instance, I've always had more hearing friends than deaf ones. I always wished that I was "normal" so that I could communicate with these friends better and get along in the hearing world more easily, because I am kinda stuck there right now. But at the same time I got fed up with being hurt by those people close to me (like eiryls mentioned), or constantly feeling miserable, left out, like the third wheel, and so on. I have too many sad stories to tell. So I no longer put myself in these social situations - I actually try to avoid them. I am now in the process of immersing myself in deaf culture and meeting more deaf people who I can talk to instead. I will still interact with hearing people in my career, however, I figured out that I need to find other ways to have a healthy social life instead and be happy instead of trying to be "normal." Horizon, have you considered the possibility of meeting more deaf/HOH people and having group conversations with them instead of hearing people? You can still satisfy your desire for a group conversation there. But you would be able to communicate with these people a lot more easily than hearing people - you might be much happier there. If you still want to have group conversations with hearing people, though, then again, you need to accept that it is not the best idea. For work, you need to explain your communication issues to your boss. Talk to him to see if you can come up with solutions to work around these issues - so you can ensure that you will do your best or be really efficient at your work. Tell them that if they can help you, you will help them as well. I don't know what you do for a living or which issues you face exactly other than a couple of staff not bothering to explain themselves to you. But yeah, if you are having problems at work you need to communicate with your boss and hopefully you guys can work together to make it easier for you to communicate with them. zeebo likes this.

08-06-2012, 02:37 AM	#60 (permalink)
Safire Registered User Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Groves, TX Posts: 12 Blog Entries: 22	Sucks sometimes. I've had potential boyfriends or boyfriends (that I said yes to) dump me over it. I've had really REALLY awkward moments like you wouldn't believe...and I feel really humiliated and out of place and just completely wrong when I try to communicate. Once, I was at school with no hearing aids because I had a double ear infection and I tried to say something and the whole class busted out laughing because my speech was so bad. The teacher tried to make them shut up but I just looked at her, she nodded, I walked outside, grabbed my stuff and went to the bathroom. When I returned, no one dared look at me, no one was laughing and the teacher was fuming mad. So, I guess you could say I have my issues with the hearing world. I love both but sometimes....gah. __________________ The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart. ~Helen Keller

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