dereksbicycles

Last year, I wasn't invited to my girlfriend's sister's Graduation at MSU(michigan State University). They made the excuse that I'm deaf and would flat out be left out of ceremony.

My girlfriend has been asking me to join in her Church and become a member. I am full of ego and want attention. I'm not a happy camper being left out of MSU graduation. I don't think I want to be member of her church. I don't want to be subjected to 1.5 to 2 hours of being left out every Sundays.

See, you did not want me to come to MSU graduation because you worried about me being left out so what comes around goes around. I just don't want to be left out. I don't want to join in her Church.

Tell me, I'm a good boy. I just don't want to go to church, please!!!! Can I stay home???

Deafness

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Reba

Does the church provide an interpreter for the services?

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Bottesini

Aren't you Jewish?

That's a little unreasonable of her to expect you to join her church.

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deafbirk

Just say no

dereksbicycles

No interpreters for service.

Yes, I'm Jewish.

Anij

Will she come to synagogue with you?

If so, consider setting up a rotating schedule - and ask both places to provide interpreters.

Otherwise explain that not only do you have different religious beliefs, but without an interpreter there, you're unable to actually participate (which means it makes no sense to attend).

BTW - it's worth mentioning that unless you decide that you want to convert to Christianity , you can't actually "become a member" of her church anyway, because in order to do so you must be baptized into the Christian Church.

While I understand that spending time together is important, theologically speaking, you likely are better off to choice secular situations in which to do so. It's unfair to ask you to disregard your beliefs and Jewish cultural identity to convert to Christianity, just as it's unfair to ask her to disregard her believes and convert to Judaism.

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dereksbicycles

She has came with me to temple once and has asked me few questions about Jewish religion.

drphil

Presumably one should actualize in one's life what one's learns/hears at "church".
A different matter than "listening" or "ASL communication" for a "short period of time" at an actual "church service".

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green427

Turbochargers are made from the same material, steel. Humans came from the same source, God. Bring your turbocharger with you each Sunday to wherever you go in order to get a good boost.

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LoveBlue

If she asked you to join her church (as opposed to joining her at church), I'd be concerned because that sounds like she's trying to convert you. If she just wants you to go to church with her once, than maybe you should go, just once, since she went to your synagogue once. If she can arrange an interpreter, that would be great.

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GrayEagle

Couples can survive quite well respecting each others' different spiritual beliefs. You said she wants you to become a *member.* That's different than just attending, like she did when she went with you to your synagogue. Tough decision, especially knowing she's out to get you to convert and be a member at her church. You should be able to follow your own beliefs and be respected for that, in a balanced relationship. Hope you can be open with her about your thoughts, and work it out between the two of you, since you care for each other. My DH (husband) and I are not the same religion and don't participate or go to church together. It's worked out fine to be different. Hopefully it can work out for you, too.

Just my

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dereksbicycles

I've went to Church quite often and am always happy to go. It's important to her so I'm happy to go on Sunday, but it becomes less fun when she asks if I would join. She keeps mentioning that people aren't supposed to take part in communions if they're not members yet.

Grayma

That's true in every church I've gone to- communion is for members - or at least believers in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus. Can you just not take communion? At our church we prefer that nonmembers not take communion, and we very clearly explain that nonmembers are not expected to give anything during the offering.

Reba

I don't know what the "rules" are for your girlfriend's church but most Christian churches require that you agree with their beliefs before you can become a member.

For example, in my church, you have to publicly state that you're a born again believer, and that you've been baptized by total immersion after you were saved. You also have to agree with the church's statement of faith, and read and agree to obey the church's constitution.

Our church doesn't require that a person must be our church's member in order to partake of the Lord's Supper but the person does have to be born again and must have had a believer's total immersion baptism (in that order).

Honestly, I can't imagine anyone would want to join a church that he or she doesn't agree with. I also can't imagine anyone wanting to take communion without believing in what it represents.

Does your girlfriend clearly understand that you don't share her beliefs?

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dereksbicycles

I don't feel "hooked" up to Church as there is no ASL interpreter and in general I just don't care about life much any more.

Reba

Is it something you care to discuss?

Grayma

Oh, Derek. I feel badly that you don't care about life any more. That sounds like more going on than just a church issue with your girlfriend.

I'm sorry. Is there something I could do that would be more helpful than uttering stupid platitidues?

whatdidyousay!

Yes you can stay home! I when to my ex-husband cousin for a weekend ,we where married at the time and on Sunday everyone want to go to church , I wanted to stay at the house as I Jewish and would had felt very out of place at church. Everyone end not going to church because I would not go and I thought that nuts! I wanted some time alone too and everyone else sat around the house mobbing !

JanatheShort

I think maybe you and your girlfriend should have a good talk about religion and what it means to you, and what you will do in the future if you have different religious beliefs. It's not fair for her to pressure you to join her church. It's okay for her to want you to have the same religion (that's natural - we all want people we love to share our beliefs) but it's not okay for her to put pressure on you, especially pressure for you to join her particular church (which is not in ANY way a requirement of the Christian religion).

Maybe sit down and talk about the religion and interpreter issues... explain that if she wants you to attend church with her, she needs to either get an interpreter for her church or find a church with an interpreter... and that is only if you feel like going.

It's better to work all of these things out now before you get any more serious.

Reba

Yes.

drphil

Each of the parties will have "different views of most matters" including whether one is DEAF or not.

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drphil

One can study "theological understanding" of any church without ASL. Just read textbooks/ studies explaining what they understand as the "purpose of life".
No comment on the "small subset" of persons: "Blind/deaf" from birth.
The couple should "discuss" what they "understand" of the various differences in life before they decide on whether they can "deal with" the differences. That can be wide reaching-to say the least!

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