MintyOreo

I'll try to keep this post short and sweet

My parents keep talking about ridiculous things. My mother keeps saying that I cannot:

~ learn how to drive (The doctors would "never" sign the papers for me.)
~ finish high school (How can I go to school if I can't hear? Yet, Deaf school isn't an option to her...)
~ go to college (Again, how can I go if I can't hear? And no college would accept a deaf student.)
~ get married (No good man is going to want a deaf wife.)
~ start a family (If I can't hear my kids, I can't be a parent. And heaven forbid that I pass on my deafness to my children!)

And more!

I think all of that is really stupid. I can do all of that, and more! There's no reason why I cannot.

What should I say to my parents to help them to understand that being deaf does not mean that the world will end and that I CAN have a very good future? I've tried to talk to her MANY times about it, but she just won't listen to reason. She is convinced that my life (and hers) is ruined.

My deafness is NOT new by any means, by the way. I have had hearing loss since I was a very young child. But I have become increasingly deaf, and now I am really deaf. I'll be completely deaf by the time I am an adult. My parents just don't understand what being deaf means, and they won't listen to reason.

__________________
A FEW of my favorite quotes:

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” ~ Dr. Seuss

“The past does not have to be your prison. You have a voice in your destiny. You have a say in your life. You have a choice in the path you take.” ~ Max Lucado

“Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people.” ~ Fred Rogers

“Even though you may not understand how God works, you know he does.” ~ Max Lucado

Deafness

__________________
This advertising will not be shown in this way to registered members.
Register your free account today and become a member on AllDeaf.com

Jiro

tell your mom to seek counseling and support group. and tell your school counselor about this. your parents especially your mom is sounding like they're becoming unfit to raise you properly.

__________________
- Don't forget to buy Jiro's Special Edition Sunglasses for $19.95

C.C.Sinned

false, deaf can drive. in PA the only restriction is "vechile must be equipted withoutside mirrors". that restriction will be on DL. Millions of deaf people drive, that statement is absurd.

RIT, Gallaudet

absurd. hearing/hearing, deaf/deaf or deaf/hearing relationships are the same. relationships take work and commitment. I've been married to a hearing woman for what feels like 1500 hundred years or 15 years in reality.

deafness is not contagious, though it can be hereditary. is does not matter if a child is hearing or deaf.


have your parents ever interacted with a deaf person?
would they be open minded and go see a counselor to mediate the issues?

green427

Being a parent myself, it sounds as if 1) your mother is overreacting and worried that bad things are going to happen to you because you are deaf or 2) she is acting on what other people are telling her.

Personal question: Is your family the kind that isolates themselves from the general public?

It is not going to be easy....if a child tells her own mother to seek counseling, is the mother going to actually listen to her child?

If your parents have not had any contact with other deaf people, parents of deaf children, etc, they need to do that. If they will not, then you just need to hang on a couple more years, then you have every right to do what you want.....which is kind of hard if you don't have your own place, money, and transportation....


I have the opposite problem with my daughter....I am trying to kick her butt out and do something out there....explore, play sports, etc, but she is afraid of everything outside of the house......

__________________
Warning: Anything I post may not make any sense. All advice is for entertainment value only. Sarcasm might be present. Interpret at your own risk.

LoveBlue

She's doing her school work online now (cyber school).

I wonder if she can contact a state agency for help. Or maybe contact the deaf school, RIT and/or Gallaudet and ask for help in educating her mother.

__________________
Severe-to-profound hearing loss in both ears.
SD @ 100db L-88% / R-96% - unaided
Phonak Naida IX UPs

CSign

Your parents told you no one would marry you because your deaf? very strange...

radioman

[quote=MintyOreo;2046913]I'll try to keep this post short and sweet

My parents keep talking about ridiculous things. My mother keeps saying that I cannot:

really? you dont need doctors approval. nearly all of us who are deaf/hoh drive.
you can go to ANY high school. hearing or deaf high school. Just maintain good grades. whats the big deal here? All of us deaf and HOH go to high school and college!!
again.. REEALLY?! MANY of us go to colleges. I been to RIT/NTID. Went to couple local community colleges. All I did was request interpreters, notetakers, etc. there are MANY services out there to help you. You just need to go to a local VESID for your town and say. I want to go to college. boom! you got all kinds of support.
excuse me?! what kind of a family is berating you to make you think this?! I have a deaf wife. you can be a wife too to any boy that loves you and wants to move mountains for you. trust me - there are plenty of fish out there for you.
again - you need to get the word deafness out of your vocabulary and start thinking - yup I can DO! I am deaf/hoh. I have 3 wonder kids. they just happens to be hearing. I have MANY deaf/hoh freinds who happens to have deaf kids and hearing and they wouldnt trade them for the world. Trust me - once you have a husband - you get pregant, your world will change. You will always be able to take care of your kids. doesnt matter if you can hear them or not. There are MANY devices out there that helps you to alert sounds lik baby crier, smoke alarms, alarm clock that either flashes light at you or vibrates a device under your pillow, etc . I could go on and on and on with this.

And more!

Of course you can.

Its time for a heart to heart talk. simply having a conversation with them is not working. THEY needs to see OTHER deaf/hard of hearing having a life.
Do you have a printer? can you work google? good!
google this:
deaf colleges
deaf families
deaf vacations
deaf culture
deaf bands
deaf acting
deaf (insert your ambition here or interests)
vesid (insert your county you live in or town)

print everything you see.
tell your folks you want to sit down and talk with them about something serious. and start with this - mom, dad I want to do this. I need your support. show them your dreams of everything you printed of PROOF that deaf people have done and had a wonderful fulfilling life..

rolling7

MintyOreo,

Your last statement about your deafness troubles me. I take it you were not born deaf and at a young age you started to lose your hearing. Have your parents done anything at all to save your residual hearing? You state you fear that by the time your are an adult you would be totally deaf and that does not have to be the case. You 1000% need professional help to save your residual hearing and to not be given that help is, IMO, child abuse. Please speak with someone outside your family whom you trust and your regular doctor about this matter, they will certainly listen to you and help you keep your hearing.

MintyOreo

You're correct; I was thought to have been born hearing and started losing my hearing at a young age. There are several different causes of my hearing loss. Some is genetic, some is acquired, and I am thought to have been born with some hearing loss, but we don't know for sure. I failed my newborn hearing screenings, but I appeared to be able to hear as an infant (I startled to loud, sudden sounds, I was able to learn how to talk, though delayed in speech, etc.), and the issue wasn't brought up again until I started kindergarden, when I failed the school hearing screening.

My parents have done what they can to save my residual hearing, but they can only do so much. The doctors have told us that I will eventually become profoundly deaf, even with treatment. My parents do care, but they have their own problems and stresses and whatnot, and they do not know much about being deaf. So it's hard for them.

Honestly, I'm perfectly fine with being deaf. There's nothing wrong with being deaf, at least in my eyes. But, it is a problem because I'm having problems in school and at home because of my deafness. My parents don't understand what I need, and therefore, they cannot advocate for me at school and whatnot. So, I'm my own advocate. But I can't do much because people don't want to listen to a 16 year old.

I am just now FINALLY getting the care that I need - in all aspects. (I have a multitude of other health problems and whatnot.) So that's good.

__________________
A FEW of my favorite quotes:

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” ~ Dr. Seuss

“The past does not have to be your prison. You have a voice in your destiny. You have a say in your life. You have a choice in the path you take.” ~ Max Lucado

“Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people.” ~ Fred Rogers

“Even though you may not understand how God works, you know he does.” ~ Max Lucado

CSign

You said your 16, right? You do realize the newborn hearing screening wasn't mandated and common until about 8 years ago, right?

eirlys

They need to find a good support group or something. I understand that deafness is just how you are and shouldn't need one, but it's a change that they've probably been trying to both prevent and deny will happen for a long time now and some people need that kind of help to accept.

Funny how parents can be. Mine accepts and acknowledges my hearing loss. She does insist on being the tragic (victim? Not the word I'm looking for) person who caused such a horrible and devastating change (drama queen eh? ;D) to her daughter by not getting her ear infections fixed. She doesn't seem to understand or want to understand the concept of progressive hearing loss/otosclerosis/hereditary and that the only thing she MAY have done is give birth to me.. IF I got it from her.

Just keep proving them wrong in everything that they naysay about and they will learn.

__________________
Severe/Profound HoH in right ear, Moderate HoH in left.
Has Otosclerosis and is actively avoiding the BAHA
Very happy with Rexton Insite Power BTE
Would rather be playing Soul Calibur V or WoW!

LoveBlue

Because there is some hearing loss in my family, I had my kids tested 22/18 years ago ... even before I found out that I had indeed inherited my mother's late-deafness (which apparently is triggered by pregnancy/childbirth).

Perhaps her parents had a reason to ask for it. Or perhaps her other health issues were detected at childbirth, so they also ran the test.

__________________
Severe-to-profound hearing loss in both ears.
SD @ 100db L-88% / R-96% - unaided
Phonak Naida IX UPs

Bottesini

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it could be a duck!

I'm with CSign on this one.

__________________

C.C.Sinned

oh great here come the faker accusations

MintyOreo

You're right, LoveBlue; because I was born premature and I had (bad) problems at birth, they had my hearing tested. I "failed" the testing then, but my parents thought that it was a fluke. Turns out that it wasn't, when I was diagnosed with hearing loss upon entering school.

__________________
A FEW of my favorite quotes:

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” ~ Dr. Seuss

“The past does not have to be your prison. You have a voice in your destiny. You have a say in your life. You have a choice in the path you take.” ~ Max Lucado

“Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people.” ~ Fred Rogers

“Even though you may not understand how God works, you know he does.” ~ Max Lucado

MintyOreo

I'm not a faker, I promise! Where did that come from? What, you want me to post my audiogram or something?

__________________
A FEW of my favorite quotes:

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” ~ Dr. Seuss

“The past does not have to be your prison. You have a voice in your destiny. You have a say in your life. You have a choice in the path you take.” ~ Max Lucado

“Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people.” ~ Fred Rogers

“Even though you may not understand how God works, you know he does.” ~ Max Lucado

C.C.Sinned

post 10 and 13. I don't think you're a faker. I'm like when I read those posts. AD did have a few fakers not long ago. I think those fakers did a lot of damage to members here.

MintyOreo

Oh, okay. I see now. I promise that I'm not a faker, guys

__________________
A FEW of my favorite quotes:

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” ~ Dr. Seuss

“The past does not have to be your prison. You have a voice in your destiny. You have a say in your life. You have a choice in the path you take.” ~ Max Lucado

“Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people.” ~ Fred Rogers

“Even though you may not understand how God works, you know he does.” ~ Max Lucado

CSign

I haven't come out and accused anyone of anything. I was just addressing the fact that the Newborn hearing screening wasn't common when this poster was born.

C.C.Sinned

Ok

Glenn

Do you know many deaf people? The reason I ask is because deaf people have done all of the above things and more. These deaf can serve as mentors and examples of how they can achieve goals for themselves. They would be great examples for your parents to see that deaf can do many things just as good as hearing people (and sometimes better).

Anij

Wirelessly posted (Blackberry Bold )

My parents lived in a selective reality world were deaf meant "sounds fuzzy" (huh?) So I understand all too well the fight for acceptance, understanding and having to become your own advocate.

From a very early age, when people told me I "couldn't" do x,y or z because I was deaf - I made it a mission to prove them wrong

There is NO reason why a hearing school cannot have remote CART services for you in class ... It's your right and they have to provide it.

If you want to go to a Deaf School, I think you're actually legally old enough to register on your own (since legally at 16 you can drop out of school altogether without parental consent, by that same logic you should be able to attend the school you want especially if they provide services unavailable elsewhere.

There is NO reason you can't graduate High School, attend ANY university or college you want, become ANYTHING you want, get married, have a family etc.

Your parents telling you otherwise is an example of ignorance regarding Deafness, not a statement of fact and the sooner you start advocating for yourself (regardless of your parents) the better.

If you want to attend a school for the deaf, make an appointment to sit in on classes for a day or 3 and see if you like the environment. If you want to attend a hearing school with CART do it!! (remote CART is available anywhere and. Fraction the cost of in-person CART services).

There's a point in our lives when we have to decide for ourselves what we want - it's OUR life, and it's our job to make the things we want happen.

You don't have to be (and shouldn't be) disrespectful, but you should be confident. If you don't already have the support of a Disability Services or services for Deaf & hoh co-ordinater or program look online and find out what's in your area and make an appointment to see them. They will help you advocate for yourself regarding services etc.

Don't allow your parents ignorance to hold you back from your dreams - and dream big!!

__________________
Hoh/Deaf ~ +120db deaf right , mild/mod flux left & APD
English & ASL ...PAH!!


Ignorance is NOT Bliss

MintyOreo

I know many deaf people. My parents, however, do not. Last night, my father was trying to convince me that the correct term was "deaf and dumb"

I know that I CAN do all of the above things and more. And I'm going to! I'm going to finish high school, one way or another. (I'll probably have to really fight to get remote CART at the hearing school. They aren't too good at accomodating students. I REALLY want to go to a Deaf school.) My parents want me to forget about college, because they think that I can't handle it. And they really think that I cannot get my Master's degree - which I'm going to do, too! (For Occupational Therapy) As far as getting married and having kids, I'm sure that I can do that, given the right timing.

As far as learning how to drive... my parents don't know this (so don't tell them! ), but sometimes I borrow my friend's car and drive it around the church parking lot. I've never crashed into anything, and I'm a pretty good driver, if I say so myself. So I know that I CAN drive a car. It's just a matter of getting my parents to let me get my license...

__________________
A FEW of my favorite quotes:

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” ~ Dr. Seuss

“The past does not have to be your prison. You have a voice in your destiny. You have a say in your life. You have a choice in the path you take.” ~ Max Lucado

“Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people.” ~ Fred Rogers

“Even though you may not understand how God works, you know he does.” ~ Max Lucado

Anij

All you have to do is study the book to get your learners permit - then take some classes - many places even have Driver's training with instructors who use ASL to teach in

Then you go for your drivers road test.

You don't need your parents permission to take the written exam OR the road test ... in fact my parents didn't go with me for either.

__________________
Hoh/Deaf ~ +120db deaf right , mild/mod flux left & APD
English & ASL ...PAH!!


Ignorance is NOT Bliss

MintyOreo

This info is from the Pennsylvania DOT website. I just looked it up.

Getting Your Driver’s License

Step 2: Have a physician, physician assistant, certified registered nurse practitioner or chiropractor conduct a physical examination and complete Form DL-180 "Medical Qualification Certificate."

This is what I think my mother was referring to when she said that the doctor would "never" sign the papers for me to get my license. However, I just looked on the health form, and it says NOTHING about being deaf/hoh. So I assume that in the state of Pennsylvania, I CAN drive.

__________________
A FEW of my favorite quotes:

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” ~ Dr. Seuss

“The past does not have to be your prison. You have a voice in your destiny. You have a say in your life. You have a choice in the path you take.” ~ Max Lucado

“Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people.” ~ Fred Rogers

“Even though you may not understand how God works, you know he does.” ~ Max Lucado

MintyOreo

I've already studied the book, and I'm ready to get my learner's permit. (My friend made me wait until she turns 16 in May, and we're going to go get our permits together. My parents don't like this plan, but...) And I've already taken Driver's Ed, though I might take another course, I don't know.

__________________
A FEW of my favorite quotes:

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” ~ Dr. Seuss

“The past does not have to be your prison. You have a voice in your destiny. You have a say in your life. You have a choice in the path you take.” ~ Max Lucado

“Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people.” ~ Fred Rogers

“Even though you may not understand how God works, you know he does.” ~ Max Lucado

radioman

ok - you got me there. I didnt know you were from PA. however here in NYS, you just need parent to sign driver's permit application. No doctors needed.

MintyOreo

Yeah, to me, it looks like in PA, you need a vision screening & at least 20/40 vision with or without correction (I'm good there, with correction) and a physical from your doctor. But, I looked at the form, and it doesn't say anything about deaf/hoh. Now, I don't know whether you have to mention being deaf in the "Other" box where it asks for conditions that would affect your physical driving ability, but I wouldn't think so. I don't know for sure, though. I'll have to look into that.

But, either way, my mother is WRONG! I CAN drive!

__________________
A FEW of my favorite quotes:

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” ~ Dr. Seuss

“The past does not have to be your prison. You have a voice in your destiny. You have a say in your life. You have a choice in the path you take.” ~ Max Lucado

“Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people.” ~ Fred Rogers

“Even though you may not understand how God works, you know he does.” ~ Max Lucado

deafdyke

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...........Is your father 100 years old? THAT has NOT been standard terminlogy since the 1910s

MintyOreo

Nah, not 100, but he's in his 50's. He also calls a body aid a "hearing speaker box", and a BTE hearing aid a "banana aid". Apparently, these were the terms that he used when he went to school with a deaf girl in high school and worked with a deaf guy in the 70's.

I just couldn't stop

__________________
A FEW of my favorite quotes:

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” ~ Dr. Seuss

“The past does not have to be your prison. You have a voice in your destiny. You have a say in your life. You have a choice in the path you take.” ~ Max Lucado

“Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people.” ~ Fred Rogers

“Even though you may not understand how God works, you know he does.” ~ Max Lucado