What to do about my parents?

Status
Not open for further replies.
MintyOreo

MintyOreo

New Member
Joined
Apr 2, 2012
Messages
264
Reaction score
0
I'll try to keep this post short and sweet :giggle:

My parents keep talking about ridiculous things. My mother keeps saying that I cannot:

~ learn how to drive (The doctors would "never" sign the papers for me.)
~ finish high school (How can I go to school if I can't hear? Yet, Deaf school isn't an option to her...)
~ go to college (Again, how can I go if I can't hear? And no college would accept a deaf student.)
~ get married (No good man is going to want a deaf wife.)
~ start a family (If I can't hear my kids, I can't be a parent. And heaven forbid that I pass on my deafness to my children!)

And more!

I think all of that is really stupid. :mad: I can do all of that, and more! There's no reason why I cannot.

What should I say to my parents to help them to understand that being deaf does not mean that the world will end and that I CAN have a very good future? I've tried to talk to her MANY times about it, but she just won't listen to reason. She is convinced that my life (and hers) is ruined.

My deafness is NOT new by any means, by the way. I have had hearing loss since I was a very young child. But I have become increasingly deaf, and now I am really deaf. I'll be completely deaf by the time I am an adult. My parents just don't understand what being deaf means, and they won't listen to reason.
 
tell your mom to seek counseling and support group. and tell your school counselor about this. your parents especially your mom is sounding like they're becoming unfit to raise you properly.
 
MintyOreo said:
~ learn how to drive (The doctors would "never" sign the papers for me.)
Click to expand...
false, deaf can drive. in PA the only restriction is "vechile must be equipted withoutside mirrors". that restriction will be on DL. Millions of deaf people drive, that statement is absurd.
MintyOreo said:
~ ~ finish high school (How can I go to school if I can't hear? Yet, Deaf school isn't an option to her...)
Click to expand...
:lol:
MintyOreo said:
~ ~ go to college (Again, how can I go if I can't hear? And no college would accept a deaf student.)
Click to expand...
RIT, Gallaudet

MintyOreo said:
~ ~ get married (No good man is going to want a deaf wife.)
Click to expand...
absurd. hearing/hearing, deaf/deaf or deaf/hearing relationships are the same. relationships take work and commitment. I've been married to a hearing woman for what feels like 1500 hundred years or 15 years in reality. :P

MintyOreo said:
~ ~ start a family (If I can't hear my kids, I can't be a parent. And heaven forbid that I pass on my deafness to my children!)
Click to expand...
:lol: deafness is not contagious, though it can be hereditary. is does not matter if a child is hearing or deaf.


have your parents ever interacted with a deaf person?
would they be open minded and go see a counselor to mediate the issues?
 
Being a parent myself, it sounds as if 1) your mother is overreacting and worried that bad things are going to happen to you because you are deaf or 2) she is acting on what other people are telling her.

Personal question: Is your family the kind that isolates themselves from the general public?

It is not going to be easy....if a child tells her own mother to seek counseling, is the mother going to actually listen to her child?

If your parents have not had any contact with other deaf people, parents of deaf children, etc, they need to do that. If they will not, then you just need to hang on a couple more years, then you have every right to do what you want.....which is kind of hard if you don't have your own place, money, and transportation....


I have the opposite problem with my daughter....I am trying to kick her butt out and do something out there....explore, play sports, etc, but she is afraid of everything outside of the house......
 
Jiro said:
tell your mom to seek counseling and support group. and tell your school counselor about this. your parents especially your mom is sounding like they're becoming unfit to raise you properly.
Click to expand...

She's doing her school work online now (cyber school).

I wonder if she can contact a state agency for help. Or maybe contact the deaf school, RIT and/or Gallaudet and ask for help in educating her mother.
 
Your parents told you no one would marry you because your deaf? :hmm: very strange...
 
MintyOreo said:
I'll try to keep this post short and sweet :giggle:

My parents keep talking about ridiculous things. My mother keeps saying that I cannot:

~ learn how to drive (The doctors would "never" sign the papers for me.)
Click to expand...
really? you dont need doctors approval. nearly all of us who are deaf/hoh drive.
~ finish high school (How can I go to school if I can't hear? Yet, Deaf school isn't an option to her...)
Click to expand...
you can go to ANY high school. hearing or deaf high school. Just maintain good grades. whats the big deal here? All of us deaf and HOH go to high school and college!!
~ go to college (Again, how can I go if I can't hear? And no college would accept a deaf student.)
Click to expand...
again.. REEALLY?! MANY of us go to colleges. I been to RIT/NTID. Went to couple local community colleges. All I did was request interpreters, notetakers, etc. there are MANY services out there to help you. You just need to go to a local VESID for your town and say. I want to go to college. boom! you got all kinds of support.
~ get married (No good man is going to want a deaf wife.)
Click to expand...
excuse me?! what kind of a family is berating you to make you think this?! I have a deaf wife. you can be a wife too to any boy that loves you and wants to move mountains for you. trust me - there are plenty of fish out there for you.
~ start a family (If I can't hear my kids, I can't be a parent. And heaven forbid that I pass on my deafness to my children!)
Click to expand...
again - you need to get the word deafness out of your vocabulary and start thinking - yup I can DO! I am deaf/hoh. I have 3 wonder kids. they just happens to be hearing. I have MANY deaf/hoh freinds who happens to have deaf kids and hearing and they wouldnt trade them for the world. Trust me - once you have a husband - you get pregant, your world will change. You will always be able to take care of your kids. doesnt matter if you can hear them or not. There are MANY devices out there that helps you to alert sounds lik baby crier, smoke alarms, alarm clock that either flashes light at you or vibrates a device under your pillow, etc . I could go on and on and on with this.

And more!

I think all of that is really stupid. :mad: I can do all of that, and more! There's no reason why I cannot.
Click to expand...
Of course you can.

What should I say to my parents to help them to understand that being deaf does not mean that the world will end and that I CAN have a very good future? I've tried to talk to her MANY times about it, but she just won't listen to reason. She is convinced that my life (and hers) is ruined.
Click to expand...

Its time for a heart to heart talk. simply having a conversation with them is not working. THEY needs to see OTHER deaf/hard of hearing having a life.
Do you have a printer? can you work google? good!
google this:
deaf colleges
deaf families
deaf vacations
deaf culture
deaf bands
deaf acting
deaf (insert your ambition here or interests)
vesid (insert your county you live in or town)

print everything you see.
tell your folks you want to sit down and talk with them about something serious. and start with this - mom, dad I want to do this. I need your support. show them your dreams of everything you printed of PROOF that deaf people have done and had a wonderful fulfilling life..
Click to expand...
 
MintyOreo,

Your last statement about your deafness troubles me. I take it you were not born deaf and at a young age you started to lose your hearing. Have your parents done anything at all to save your residual hearing? You state you fear that by the time your are an adult you would be totally deaf and that does not have to be the case. You 1000% need professional help to save your residual hearing and to not be given that help is, IMO, child abuse. Please speak with someone outside your family whom you trust and your regular doctor about this matter, they will certainly listen to you and help you keep your hearing.
 
rolling7 said:
MintyOreo,

Your last statement about your deafness troubles me. I take it you were not born deaf and at a young age you started to lose your hearing. Have your parents done anything at all to save your residual hearing? You state you fear that by the time your are an adult you would be totally deaf and that does not have to be the case. You 1000% need professional help to save your residual hearing and to not be given that help is, IMO, child abuse. Please speak with someone outside your family whom you trust and your regular doctor about this matter, they will certainly listen to you and help you keep your hearing.
Click to expand...

You're correct; I was thought to have been born hearing and started losing my hearing at a young age. There are several different causes of my hearing loss. Some is genetic, some is acquired, and I am thought to have been born with some hearing loss, but we don't know for sure. I failed my newborn hearing screenings, but I appeared to be able to hear as an infant (I startled to loud, sudden sounds, I was able to learn how to talk, though delayed in speech, etc.), and the issue wasn't brought up again until I started kindergarden, when I failed the school hearing screening.

My parents have done what they can to save my residual hearing, but they can only do so much. The doctors have told us that I will eventually become profoundly deaf, even with treatment. My parents do care, but they have their own problems and stresses and whatnot, and they do not know much about being deaf. So it's hard for them.

Honestly, I'm perfectly fine with being deaf. There's nothing wrong with being deaf, at least in my eyes. But, it is a problem because I'm having problems in school and at home because of my deafness. My parents don't understand what I need, and therefore, they cannot advocate for me at school and whatnot. So, I'm my own advocate. But I can't do much because people don't want to listen to a 16 year old. :roll:

I am just now FINALLY getting the care that I need - in all aspects. (I have a multitude of other health problems and whatnot.) So that's good.
 
MintyOreo said:
You're correct; I was thought to have been born hearing and started losing my hearing at a young age. There are several different causes of my hearing loss. Some is genetic, some is acquired, and I am thought to have been born with some hearing loss, but we don't know for sure. I failed my newborn hearing screenings, but I appeared to be able to hear as an infant (I startled to loud, sudden sounds, I was able to learn how to talk, though delayed in speech, etc.), and the issue wasn't brought up again until I started kindergarden, when I failed the school hearing screening.

My parents have done what they can to save my residual hearing, but they can only do so much. The doctors have told us that I will eventually become profoundly deaf, even with treatment. My parents do care, but they have their own problems and stresses and whatnot, and they do not know much about being deaf. So it's hard for them.

Honestly, I'm perfectly fine with being deaf. There's nothing wrong with being deaf, at least in my eyes. But, it is a problem because I'm having problems in school and at home because of my deafness. My parents don't understand what I need, and therefore, they cannot advocate for me at school and whatnot. So, I'm my own advocate. But I can't do much because people don't want to listen to a 16 year old. :roll:

I am just now FINALLY getting the care that I need - in all aspects. (I have a multitude of other health problems and whatnot.) So that's good.
Click to expand...

You said your 16, right? You do realize the newborn hearing screening wasn't mandated and common until about 8 years ago, right?
 
They need to find a good support group or something. I understand that deafness is just how you are and shouldn't need one, but it's a change that they've probably been trying to both prevent and deny will happen for a long time now and some people need that kind of help to accept.

Funny how parents can be. Mine accepts and acknowledges my hearing loss. She does insist on being the tragic (victim? Not the word I'm looking for) person who caused such a horrible and devastating change (drama queen eh? ;D) to her daughter by not getting her ear infections fixed. She doesn't seem to understand or want to understand the concept of progressive hearing loss/otosclerosis/hereditary and that the only thing she MAY have done is give birth to me.. IF I got it from her.

Just keep proving them wrong in everything that they naysay about and they will learn. :grouphug:
 
CSign said:
You said your 16, right? You do realize the newborn hearing screening wasn't mandated and common until about 8 years ago, right?
Click to expand...

Because there is some hearing loss in my family, I had my kids tested 22/18 years ago ... even before I found out that I had indeed inherited my mother's late-deafness (which apparently is triggered by pregnancy/childbirth).

Perhaps her parents had a reason to ask for it. Or perhaps her other health issues were detected at childbirth, so they also ran the test.
 
LoveBlue said:
Because there is some hearing loss in my family, I had my kids tested 22/18 years ago ... even before I found out that I had indeed inherited my mother's late-deafness (which apparently is triggered by pregnancy/childbirth).

Perhaps her parents had a reason to ask for it. Or perhaps her other health issues were detected at childbirth, so they also ran the test.
Click to expand...

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it could be a duck!

I'm with CSign on this one. :wave:
 
LoveBlue said:
Because there is some hearing loss in my family, I had my kids tested 22/18 years ago ... even before I found out that I had indeed inherited my mother's late-deafness (which apparently is triggered by pregnancy/childbirth).

Perhaps her parents had a reason to ask for it. Or perhaps her other health issues were detected at childbirth, so they also ran the test.
Click to expand...

You're right, LoveBlue; because I was born premature and I had (bad) problems at birth, they had my hearing tested. I "failed" the testing then, but my parents thought that it was a fluke. Turns out that it wasn't, when I was diagnosed with hearing loss upon entering school.
 
MintyOreo said:
I'm not a faker, I promise! Where did that come from? What, you want me to post my audiogram or something? :roll:
Click to expand...
post 10 and 13. I don't think you're a faker. I'm like :roll: when I read those posts. AD did have a few fakers not long ago. I think those fakers did a lot of damage to members here.
 
C.C.Sinned said:
post 10 and 13. I don't think you're a faker. I'm like :roll: when I read those posts. AD did have a few fakers not long ago. I think those fakers did a lot of damage to members here.
Click to expand...

Oh, okay. I see now. I promise that I'm not a faker, guys :)
 
Bottesini said:
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it could be a duck!

I'm with CSign on this one. :wave:
Click to expand...

C.C.Sinned said:
oh great here come the faker accusations :roll:
Click to expand...

I haven't come out and accused anyone of anything. I was just addressing the fact that the Newborn hearing screening wasn't common when this poster was born.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top