ladysolitary85

When your going out on a date for dinner, where do you guys stand when that bill comes your way?

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Deafness

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SimonJ

Whoever asks, pays. Unless you agree differently but if nothing is said then that is how it should be. A couple can work it however suits but if a woman asked my on a date and expected me to pay I would not see her again.

VacationGuy234

The truth is, you are not going to get to the marriage phase if you are not paying the bill, it's that simple.

What really has to be learned by guys(and it took me a while to learn this) is that you don't overplay it by paying too much into something that has no future. There are a lot of women out there who just go for the free meal.

NY Woman Uses Dating Site to Get Over $1200 In Free Meals | YouBentMyWookie

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DeafCaroline

If a guy invited me out for dinner, I expect he pays.

Vacationguy - Women do not go out on dates just to get a free meal...is that what you really think?

dereksbicycles

If woman asks me to pay, I'll tell her I've a car with turbocharged engine. I'll be out in a minute!! Think about that!!

Banjo

So you don't pay for any meals for your girlfriend?

dereksbicycles

I saw this on news about $1200 worth of free meals. If a guy doesn't want this to happen, why not do something else? Maybe a stroll in park or go to a museum?? Does a guy have to take a woman out on a $$$$ meal the first night out?? Trust me, if a woman is concerned, she'll tell we don't have to go out to a $$$$ restaurant. If a woman is expecting you to pay Red Lobster prices every nights, then she is not for you. She'll be happy with an IHOP dinner if she enjoys being around you.

dereksbicycles

You know I was joking about that one, right??

Reba

The one who invites, pays. If a woman can't pay for an expensive restaurant dinner, she can invite the guy over for a home-cooked meal, or a picnic in the park, or pizza.

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Banjo

Somewhat, but it sounded more like of a half-joke. Although you know jokes are often based on the truth.

Reba

I hope you don't think Red Lobster is elegant dining.

MyNameIsNO

i pay myself. we split check. i hate man pay for me, i am not traditional woman.

dereksbicycles

Some places cost more than Red Lobster. Some costs less than Red Lobster. Life goes on.

DeafCaroline

Exactly! I broke up with one guy when he invited me out for dinner on my birthday then asked me to pay my share.

WTF?

I think that should be the standard rule, one who invites pay. If I invited a guy to come over to my house for a nice home cooked meal and bought all the groceries and did all the cooking, do I ask them to pay for half the cost of the meal? Of course not.

I am rather resenting the male comments here about women expecting to be taken out for expensive dinners every night as if that's the norm. It's really not.

paperclip

Hmm, I think I prefer the guy to pay for the first date regardless of who asked. But to be fair, I've never asked a guy out and I probably wouldn't ask a guy out if I didn't feel confident that he enjoyed being around me. So those who say that a girl should pay if she asked him out, I can understand that perspective.

If the guy doesn't offer and/or insist on paying on the first date, I'll will pay, no problem. I'm never going to ask a guy to pay, but I'm flattered if he takes initiative to do so. It shows that he is invested in you even if it was just for that one evening. After the first date, I'd rather just split the bill most occasions. In the initial stages of dating, I don't like it when the guy pays for every date, it feels like I don't have anything to contribute and the playing field feels a little uneven. After the relationship is serious, I appreciate it when a guy pays every once in a while (instead of splitting) because it shows that he is interested in taking care of you (the girl) and you are worth it. However, it is not a necessity and he can take care of his girl in other ways than financially.

But it works different for every couple I've met.

How does this work in same-sex relationships?

naisho

This is just one male's perspective, but I've noticed something in regards to this aspect, and I don't mean it as an offense to any women in this thread. Observing social experiments taking place in public are one of my favorite past times to watch, anyway.

In my experiences, women who expect almost every meal to be paid by the guy regardless if it's a friend, date or whatever occasion... They always have seemed to share the same personality traits. Wanting, taking things for granted. It's sort of like noticing they expect things to be given to them.

However, on the flip side I'm sure it does not apply to all women, nor do some men care. Some people are okay with it, or it may be their incentive to feel they must pay for a woman. Different strokes for different folks, just my $. 2c.

DeafCaroline

oh give me a break.

Jiro

derek - you must be a cheap date

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naisho

That statement is just given in my personal experiences so far mostly in my life and generation/age group though. I don't mean it as an offense to anyone, it's just a personal sentiment.

For every consecutive meal after the first, if the girl keeps believing she's entitled be paid for, it subconsciously warns me that she's not going to be my type. I do not mean I will not treat someone out and pay for them. If they continually expect that I'm to be paying every time we go out, by the fifth time or so I've had enough of her (if there hasn't been other personality traits I wasn't fond of by then).

If I have a friend who's a girl that goes on our weekly friday/saturday dinners and she's willing to foot her own bill some of the times, she's good material in my book. Part of that is probably when I was in college, we'd always go out as a group every weekend and most of the times we go dutch if the relationship has not been fully established yet.

Someone has to do the initiating for any event, is it always going to end up being the guy and he will have to pay every time they go out?

paperclip

I disagree slightly. Women can "expect" a date to be paid by the guy if that is the culture she grew up in. If the guy doesn't have the same culture (of the guy paying for every date), then some discussion about paying the bill will obviously have to occur unless one or both individuals want to remain confused, poor or whatnot. All I'm saying is that a girl shouldn't be assumed as selfish or considered taking the guy for advantage if she has never seen things done another way, especially in her family.

I will give you an example. In my family, my dad pays for everything in terms of meal outings. Furthermore, it is considered standard for guys to pay for all dates in my rural town. A lot of guys get manual labor farm jobs when they are young and the cost of a meal out isn't more than $15 for two in my area. Furthermore, cost of living is cheap and land is fairly cheap. People aren’t rich, but the expenses are different. The money is more likely to go to land, food and family, not so much traveling or clubbing. The women in my town get jobs, but they are more of the hairdresser and teacher type not engineering or law. It is just the way it is and it works for most people. Go to college and move out if you want to do something else.

It wasn't until college that I learned that things were done differently in other areas. To be honest, I didn't like it at first. Not because I wanted a guy to pay, but because I thought it was harder to figure out where the guy stands. If he pays for every date and he hasn't called it off, he must like you because he is investing his time and work into you - as in he used an hour of his wages to care for you. If he is paying only for his share, he hasn't invested his expenses into you yet.

Don't misunderstand though - I'm not saying that a guy has to financially rich to win a girl, but in a small town such as mine where women are generally encouraged to focus primarily on starting a family, not achieving high levels of education, a man is quickly judged on his ability to care for the family financially and it starts with dating. When you go out into the cities and as women become more educated, that practice seemed to change.

DeafCaroline

I dont know...i think the fairest way is to pay according to your income - like for example you and your boyfriend live together, he brings in 70% of the income, he pays 70% of the electrical bill so that you're both paying in proportion to your income and one is not suffering more economically than the other.

i avoid dutch daters like the plague because the impression i get from that is that they are not very generous people and care only about themselves. I grew up being taught to be a very generous person and that's just how i am so if some guy invites me out on a romantic date than looks the other way as he slides the bill across the table, he will never hear from me again.

paperclip

I never realized dutch dating could come across as not being generous. Good point.

Would you say that one person paying the bill and switching would be better than splitting the bill consistently? (with the assumption that both individuals make the same income)

VacationGuy234

I agree, if the guy is asking for the date he should pay. And, the great majority of men do.

As a deaf guy who cannot go to bars, yes, online dating has a lot of women who just go out for the free meal. You could argue they go out for the company too, but there is no intention of starting a relationship, it's just something to do.

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DeafCaroline

I can tell you as a woman, who has three sisters and many many female friends that one a single one of them ever said she went on a date just to get a free meal.

it's really too bad you think of women that way.

VacationGuy234

This is a true statement and I agree with it, you don't have to offer an expensive dinner. I do think this is the right way to go and the way you should go.

However, your logic is flawed if you think two equally attractive guys(or worst one that is not as attractive), were one is asking to go to McDonald's and the other offers an expensive restaurant are going to get equal treatment. Now, this doesn't mean she's gold digging, but honestly, which one would you choose?

In general, you don't pay you don't play. That's not to say good looks or being a musician can't trump this, but the only thing the woman has to go on is what's being offered.

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VacationGuy234

Caroline, you are a nice, honest and very attractive woman, but the rest of the world does not work like you do. I'm sorry, but it happens a lot more than you think.

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Jiro

I don't get it. You said it is generally expected that gentlemen pay for food on first date.... and yet you think most of women are doing it just for free meals.

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rockin'robin

If a friend, or what I consider is a "friend" and nothing more....says "Let's go out for Dinner."....I will say, sure...we'll do Dutch!...If he protests, I still stand by it, because, IMO...some guys think if they take you out for dinner and drinks...then you're "obligated"....I don't like that feeling!

Plus, with the economy the way it is....There is no way I would "use" a man to take me out for a nice dinner/drinks and blowing him off when he thought we might hit it off....Many men do this!...Saying..."I took you out to dinner and drinks and I spent a lot of $$ on you!"...when you resist his advances....

Older men do have more money (it seems), and some are actually honest and generous....not expecting anything in return...just ur company....

dereksbicycles

Obviously, I'll prefer a fancy restaurant. 98 or 99 % of people will prefer fancy restaurant too.

Yes, I do pay sometimes for my girlfriend and me. It does not always have to be a fancy restaurant. We've done Steak 'N' Shake few times.

Banjo

Quite a few interesting viewpoints I'm seeing here.