dereksbicycles

As you know, I'm deaf and have a hearing girlfriend. It just seems like she is expecting a ring from me for Christmas. She has been begging me for one. I just don't feel ready now. I just want to enjoy Christmas for the great Holidays it is. I just have to prepare for the worse. Maybe she'll decide to find someone else if she sees that I'm not getting her a ring. Maybe not.....

If you've no one to spend Christmas with, consider yourself lucky. For the first 31 years, I had a girlfriend for only ONE Christmas!! Yes, only one Christmas!! I hated myself for being single and lonely when everyone else had someone to spend the Holidays with. Now, the table is reversed.

Enough of my rant. Enjoy the Holidays!!

Deafness

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Grummer

just give something like a nice bottle of wine and a dinning out later in the week...

why do you think shes expecting rings did she actually say it? or its in your head?

hmmm..try to relax...hell buy her 'santas stockungs and garters' LOL cheaper and a lot more fun LOL

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Buffalo

If she is your age, her biological clock is ticking away. If you don't want kids ever, it is not fair for her as long as you hold onto her.

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“The problem is not that the (deaf) students do not hear. The problem is that the hearing world does not listen. “- Rev Jesse L. Jackson ( American Civil Rights Activist, Minister)

dereksbicycles

She asks me for one. Showing her finger to me. Where is my ring??

dereksbicycles

Good point!!!

Banjo

Sounds like she's desperate to get married. If you are not comfortable with the idea of getting married anytime soon, then you two should have a talk.

rockin'robin

Agreed!...Perhaps you are not ready for such a big step (being engaged)...and getting "cold feet"....But now you do know "her wishes"...so it's up to you to have a long talk with yourself...and with her.

I remember at one time I was dating someone for about a year, and at Xmas he bought me a ring...and I was flabbergasted! Shocked, really...he was moving "too fast"...and I had to let him down on Xmas day. But I don't regret it, as we broke up not long afterwards.

Banjo

I think it's unhealthy to be in a relationship where one is putting a lot of pressure onto the other by making all sorts of high expectations. It's clear that he is not ready for such a big step in the relationship. The woman is moving at a much faster rate than he is, and that will lead to bigger problems in the future.

rockin'robin

True that!

mbrek

I hope she's not expecting a "surprise" ring for Christmas. You should make it clear to her that she will not be getting anything like that. Some women can really get their hopes up - and if her fantasy says she'll have a ring and Christmas and doesn't get one... things could get very uncomfortable for you both.

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MyNameIsNO

i am honest. doesnt sounding good!!!!! you slow pace, she fast pace. you both wanting not same thing. you needing talking to her and honests to her about you is want slow not rushing for marry or engage. not leading her on ok? you stay with her and not telling her truths what you is feeling, she get her dream is crush. she already imagination and excite hope you want put ring on finger. bandage better off fast than slow.

merry christmas dereksbicycles. i gift you turbocharge !!!!!

Grummer

yes please, me too i want a turbocharger too, say a Garrett T4...
make it 2 lol

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"Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them."
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Grummer

actually just get a cheap ring with something like a ameysthies (purple), its nice and fairly funky, then you can sorta have a talk if she responded in a disspoved way.....i dunno, maybe look up pressure engagement ring buy or not buy forums??

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"Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them."
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Beach girl

This is so, so true. The advertising campaigns for jewelry over the holidays get really obnoxious, in my opinion, and might be part of the problem. If you know that she is building up this big fantasy in her mind about you proposing and giving her a ring, and you know for an absolute fact that is NOT going to happen - please, I beg of you, have a talk with her and gently say that it's not going to happen.

This is often a difficult thing to talk about when one person is waiting and hoping, and the other one is just waiting.

Banjo makes a good point about her biological clock ticking away - if she's roughly your age, she's got maybe 5 or 6 more years in "prime time," and maybe a few more after that where a pregnancy might be possible, but not quite so easily. So if you're leaning more towards "no, not ever" rather than "maybe this will work out," in fairness, she does need to know that.

Jazzberry

I agree with everything that people said upthread. Its all very logical, there is nothing to disagree with.

But Derek, I have to say I'm surprised. IIRC your other posts correctly, you are really in love with this girl and have been looking forward to marrying her. Didn't you start a thread the other month asking for advice on engagement rings?

So, I'm thinking maybe something else is up.

Change can be hard, even good change. For some people change is harder than for others, it can even be scary. As you mentioned you've been on your own for most of your adulthood. To formally make a gesture that symbolizes that you have agreed or will agree to be part of a couple can trigger a lot of emotion in some people.

If that is all it is, don't let the idea of a new change stop you from something you actually want. But you do have to think about what you really want.

You don't only owe it to your girlfriend, you also owe it to yourself.

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Banjo

That was Buffalo who said that, not me.

Beach girl

Oh sorry, my apologies. Guess I remembered "B" and mind went blank after that. I blame it on late-night typing and being insufficiently caffeinated.

dereksbicycles

I don't want to bore you with details. I'm looking forward to have Christmas with my girlfriend's family on 26th and 27th.

dereksbicycles

Thank for all your inputs.

I had a great time at Christmas Party on the 26th and 27th. Her family loves me and so does her extended family.

I'm grateful for this, but there is something missing......yes, I've a girlfriend who loves me. I'm fortunate that we were able to enjoy Christmas. My girlfriend did apologize to me. She apologized that she was pressuring me. She said she does not want me to feel pressured.

Bottesini

Hopefully everything will work out well for you.

TWA

Man Up!

VacationGuy234

Dude, there are many reasons for and against marriage, but, I have to say, the most paramount reason should be because you want to.

And, if this is the first Christmas you're spending with this person they should not be expecting a ring(baring another edition expectation). Furthermore, if they can't wait more than a year for a ring then they certainly can't spend an entire lifetime with someone. I'm no expert on relationships, but patience is a pretty important characteristic, I believe.

Don't compare being single with being with someone, they are two totally different things, sometimes better and sometimes worse. It's more important that you are happy.

kellycat

She is at an age where friends are starting to get married. She sees shower gifts, pretty dresses, and flowers. She may not even really seriously want to be married, she just wants to not be left behind. She might just want to wave her hand at her friends, jump around and scream, and cut dress pictures out of a magazine while practicing signing her new name.

She has kind of been doing that since about 7th grade. You are probably the closest she has come to living that out. It's a girl thing. You two should actually sit together and say what your expectations/readiness levels are. If she loves you she will probably throttle down. If she loves the idea of being a bride more than you, better to find out now, because being a bride is WAY more glamorous than being a wife.

Steel X

still not going to help anything with that sentence.

Grummer

how about the good old fashioned version - GROW UP

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ladysolitary85

Things will get easier

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Kalima01

being single at the holidays sucks... It's lonely.

I wouldn't wish it on anyway... Be grateful for anyone you do have.

I've yet to spend a christmas with a significant other in my 28 yrs on this planet...

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lucas

get her a plastic friendship ring! ahaha let the good times roll

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drphil

There is always the next Christmas this year-a few months away!

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